Knowing Me Knowing You (53 page)

‘
Thank you Joel, are you after my job by any chance? OK now Kate? Know what you’ve got to do?
’
Larry asked her.

‘
I think so,
’
Kate replied.

‘
OK, well so you get a chance to see how it’s done we’ll let Joel go first. So, here’s your headphones and Gareth....a stool for Kate please? There you go, you can watch all the action but you won’t be able to hear Joel’s answers,
’
Larry spoke.

Kate sat down on the stool and put the headphones over her ears.

‘
OK, I’ll just get into position and....OK, cue the music!
’
Larry exclaimed, heading down to the end of the catwalk.

It was a sexy, pulsating number and Joel began to work to the rhythm.

Kate watched as he confidently moved down the catwalk, she couldn’t see his face but what she could see was him removing his jacket. He threw it to one side and then began to unbutton his waistcoat. She could see
Lynn
, her mouth wide open, obviously screaming in appreciation and Miranda was clapping enthusiastically.
Marina
was smiling, watching his every move and Kate chewed her lip, wrinkling up her nose.

By the time Joel had got to the end of the catwalk his shirt was unbuttoned and the crowd were roaring their approval.

‘
Nice moves Joel, have you done this before by any chance?
’
Larry questioned.

‘
A long time ago, I’m a bit bruised and a bit rusty,
’
Joel responded, indicating his battered torso.

The crowd shouted their disapproval at the statement and Joel smiled out at them.

‘
Right, well, your first question about Kate is....Kate has £50 to splash out on something, does she buy a handbag, a pair of shoes or something else?
’
Larry asked.

‘
Something else,
’
Joel replied confidently.

‘
Something else, good, and do you have any idea what that something else might be?
’

‘
I think she would spend it on her daughter,
’
Joel replied.

‘
OK, good, right, cue the music, off you go, although keep it clean, no full Monty’s please,
’
Larry told him.

This time as Joel performed his catwalk routine Kate had the benefit of seeing a frontal view. He strutted down the runway towards her, removing his shirt as he went.
Kate bit hard again on her lip as his eyes met hers.
He smiled at her then turned and made his way back towards the host.

The audience were shouting ‘off, off, off’ and it was a few seconds before Larry and the floor manager were able to get them to quieten down.

‘
OK, Joel, Kate’s been told she has to give up something for a month, which of the following things would she be unable to give up?
Chocolate, sex or alcohol?
’

‘
Alcohol, without a doubt, probably
Asda’s
latest low price South African wine,
’
Joel answered.

‘
Or any other of the supermarkets own brand wines, can’t favour a particular brand on this show Joel I’m afraid. OK, that’s good, we have all your answers, time to remove Kate’s headphones and see how your answers compare. Gareth, could you remove Kate’s headphones please?
’
Larry ordered.

Kate was hurriedly relieved of her ear coverings and was ushered down the catwalk to stand next to Joel and Larry.

‘
OK, let’s have some hush please ladies and gentlemen. Kate, I said to Joel, Kate has £50 to splash out on something, does she buy a handbag, a pair of shoes or something else?
’
Larry questioned.

‘
Oh,
er
, something else, I’d probably spend it on
Bethan
,
’
Kate answered truthfully.

‘
Who’s
Bethan
?
’
Larry
enquired
.

‘
My little girl,
’
Kate
answered,
a rush of love sweeping over her as she thought about her.

‘
CORRECT! That’s exactly what Joel said, one Kissing Gate on the board! Well done!
’
Larry announced excitedly.

Joel smiled at Kate and took hold of her hand.

‘
OK, the second question we asked was, Kate’s been told she has to give up something for a month, which of the following things would she be unable to give up?
Chocolate, sex or alcohol?
’

‘
Oh, that’s hard, I don’t know,
’
Kate responded, her mind whirring with thoughts of Dairy Milk, South African wine and mind-blowing sex with Joel.

‘
It isn’t hard, think about it,
’
Joel murmured quietly.

‘
No conferring please, Kate I’m going to have to push you for an answer,
’
Larry said sternly.

‘
Um, sex?
’
Kate asked, not entirely sure it was right.

‘
Oh no, I’m sorry Kate, Joel said own brand supermarket South African wine,
’
Larry announced.

‘
Oh bugger! I mean, oh gosh, sorry,
’
Kate said, swallowing and looking at Joel apologetically.

‘
Never mind, you can make amends now, Joel please take yourself over to the stool and put on the headphones it’s time for Kate to take to the catwalk,
’
Larry announced.

Strains of ‘Lady Marmalade’ blasted out over the PA system and Kate attempted to remember some of the dodgy fashion shows she had watched on some even dodgier Sky channel late at night when she couldn’t sleep, after Matthew had left her, when she had spent nights alone crying into a glass of own brand supermarket wine and a cannelloni for one.

She had nothing on Kate Moss. She swaggered and staggered in her high heels down towards Larry, hearing Lynn and Darren yelling loudly and clapping their hands together.

‘
Some nice moves there Kate.
OK, first question. Joel’s in a hot air balloon with you, the Queen and a small child. Balloon’s going down Kate; someone has to be thrown out to save the rest. Who does Joel throw out?
’
Larry wanted to know.

Kate looked over at Joel who was sat on the stool, the spangled earphones covering his ears. He was everything she wanted. She knew that now, without a doubt.

‘
Joel wouldn’t throw anyone out, he’d jump,
’
Kate said positively.

‘
Wooo
Ladies and Gentlemen, did you hear that, he doesn’t just look good it seems like Joel is also a real hero. OK, second catwalk, perhaps loosening the top a little might earn you some favour with the audience,
’
Larry suggested licking his top lip.

Kate walked down the runway, looking at Joel, not interested in swaying her hips in time or flaunting half
a calf to the audience, there was something much more important than winning the contest on her mind and it wasn’t even the job with Frank Peterson.

She smiled at Joel, turned around, posed briefly and made her way back to Larry.

‘
OK, final question, if Joel could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Would it be the
Caribbean
? Would it be
Australia
?
Or somewhere else completely?
’
Larry asked Kate.

‘
France
,
’
Kate said quickly.

‘
France
? Is that your answer?
’
Larry
enquired
.

‘
Yes,
’
Kate spoke.

‘
Right, OK, Gareth, if Joel could remove his headphones please and come back down here to join us,
’
Larry said.

Joel walked back down the catwalk and stood next to Kate.

‘
OK, Joel, time is running away with us so I’ll get straight to it. We said to Kate, Joel’s in a hot air balloon with you, the Queen and a small child. The balloon is going down and weight needs to be lost so someone has to be thrown out to save the rest. Who would you throw out?
’
Larry questioned.

‘
That’s a tough question,
’
Joel said, letting out a breath of air.

‘
Kate was very certain about her answer,
’
Larry told him.

‘
Was she?
’
Joel asked, looking at Kate.

‘
Yes she was, have to hurry you.
’

‘
OK, well, I couldn’t throw anyone out, so I’d jump,
’
Joel replied.

‘
CORRECT!
A match and another Kissing Gate on the board!
’

Kate smiled at Joel and took hold of his hand.

‘
OK, OK, finally, we said to Kate if Joel could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Would it be the
Caribbean
? Would it be
Australia
?
Or somewhere else completely?
’
Larry asked.

‘
France
,
’
Joel told the host.

‘
France
?
’
Larry queried.

‘
Yeah,
’
Joel told him.

‘
CORRECT! A match! Another Kissing Gate on the board! So that’s a total of three Kissing Gates to add to your score, well done!
’
Larry enthused.

Kate smiled excitedly at Joel until she saw
Marina
, preened and puckering up her lips, smiling widely at him from the crowd.

‘
HANG ON! Who is this?! Oh Ladies and Gentlemen, here comes the Love Dove! Let’s hear it for the Love Dove!
’
Larry exclaimed loudly, holding an arm out as the bird bounded onto the stage.

‘
Oh God, not the song, please!
’
Kate remarked.

The Love Dove’s theme music began and he badly juggled with three golden eggs before bringing one over to Larry and putting a wing around Kate’s shoulders.

‘
Kate and Joel, you’ve won a spot prize, let’s open up
Lovey’s
golden egg and see what you’ve won....it is....first class
Eurostar
tickets to
Paris
. You said
France
and it looks like you’re destined to go there. Well done! Let’s hear it for Kate and Joel!
’
Larry boomed into the microphone as the Love Dove pushed a voucher into Kate’s hand.

‘
France
,
’
Kate spoke, running a finger over the word ‘
Paris
’.

‘
France
,
’
Joel repeated, looking at Kate.

‘
We’re still second on the leader board, Darren just texted me,
’
Joel announced, sitting down opposite Kate at a table in the greenroom.

‘
Has everyone done their catwalk?
’
Kate
enquired
.

‘
I think so; he said Mark and Gloria won the theatre break,
’
Joel added, taking a sip of his lager.

‘
Great, she’ll want a part in the production; find some way to fit aerobics into ‘Oliver’,
’
Kate remarked.

‘
Now that could be worth seeing,
’
Joel said with a chuckle.

‘
Just the mock
wedding then, making our vows sound
sentimental and gooey,
’
Kate said, sipping at her drink.

‘
Yeah,
’
Joel answered.