Learning to Forgive (The Learning Series) (13 page)

“I don’t need to be off. I’m fine,” she whispers quietly. “I also don’t know if I should thank you for helping me, or kick your ass for interfering and taking my pants off. But I’m too damn tired to do the last, so I’ll just say thank you.” She gives me a small smile. “Thank you.”

That little gesture is a lot for her, I’m sure. Her hair is a mess, and her eye makeup is smeared, but to me, she’s still a vision. Shaking my head clear, I try to gain some insight before I join her in that bed. “I’ll make you something to eat.” I walk out the door, fighting my basic instinct to take what I want.

The drive to Chris’s house is tense and quiet. My mind was absorbed with thoughts of her and Polesky while she was resting. However, now my thoughts swarm with images of her and Chris. This jealousy shit is new to me, and I loathe it. But then again, anger is something I’ve lived with all my life and has kept me alive when I should be dead like everyone I’ve ever loved. I can’t help but picture ripping Chris’s hands off if he touches her, smells her clothes after she showers, or him just having her in his house while she’s sleeping. Without meaning to, I squeeze the leather steering wheel so hard, I’m sure finger indentions will be left. When she starts anxiously tapping her feet, I can’t take it anymore. “Are you nervous about something?” I ask harshly.

She ceases her foot tapping. “No.” She doesn’t say anything else for a few minutes while her whole presence engulfs my car. Then she turns on the radio. “Do you mind?”

“Nope.”

She sits back after she turns it to a hard rock station. Korn’s
Twisted Transistor
is blasting through my speakers, and it only fuels my anger. I reach to turn it down, and she gives me an inquisitive look. “I have a headache.”

“O-kay.”

I decide to take advantage of the time I have her to myself. Since she’s moved to day shifts at Jay’s, I don’t know when I’ll see her again. “Did you have fun with that guy last night?”

Her guard goes up, and her back straightens. “Why is it your business?”

“It's not.”

“Exactly. So don’t ask.”

Taking a breath, I try a different tactic. She’s stubborn, but I have patience. “He just looked like he was up to no good. That’s all.” Her face is illuminated by the streetlights, and I see her arch her brow. “What?”

“He looks like he’s up to no good? Ha! He was dressed like a gentleman and smiled. Unlike you, who looks like a complete asshole.”

If she’s trying to offend me, it’s not working. “I am an asshole. It’s no secret. And you’re a bitch. But he looked like a creep dressed like a gentleman. You know. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, or however that saying goes.”

“Geez. You know how to sweet talk a girl.” She rolls her eyes and turns to look out the window to dismiss me, but I continue to push.

“Have you ever seen him before?”

“Oh God! What is up with the twenty questions? You know, for someone who doesn’t talk much, you sure don’t shut up when you start.”

“You still didn’t answer my question.” I park the car in Chris’s driveway. The porch light is on, but his car is gone, so I know he’s gone to work.

She reaches for the door handle. “And I’m not going to.” She gets out and slams the door, but I turn off the ignition and follow her up the steps. I’m not ready for this thing to end. I need answers. After she opens the front door and walks in, she tries to slam it in my face, but I catch it with my hand. “Do you need something?”

“Yes.” I walk in, but leave the door open. My eyes stay on her as I approach. I see fear at first, but she pushes it away and replaces it with that stubborn trait I’m learning she has. She crosses her arms and looks up when I’m close, refusing to move. “Last night, you asked me for something. Remember?”

“To go to hell?”

I smirk because this game we play is a fucking thrill for me. “Oh, honey. I’ve already been to hell.” I stand in front of her an inch away expecting her to cower, but she doesn’t. Should I make this soft and gentle like before or should I make it punishing for possibly being a part of Polesky’s team? I roll my neck and let it pop in several places before I swiftly grab her by the waist and pull her tight body to me. Her breath hitches and she freezes, but not in fear. In anticipation. It’s written all over her face.

My other hand grabs her by the nape of her neck, and I feel the softness of her bright, red hair between my fingers. “You asked for this.” Then I lower my lips to hers. I want it to be punishing, to show her how much of an asshole I am, but I can’t. I have a deep feeling she needs the exact opposite.

Nipping her bottom lip, I taste her cherry lip-gloss while I massage the tension in her neck. She exhales softly and tentatively opens her mouth. My tongue dives into the moist warmth between her lips, and I savor every fucking millisecond I’m there. I don’t know when or if I’ll be able to kiss her again. Timidly her tongue starts to move against mine before her hands reach up to grab my shoulders. I feel her nails bite into my skin through the fabric of my t-shirt, but it feels fucking amazing. After this, I stop moving and let her take control. Let her feel me like I said she would last night. Let her savor every touch, every feeling I arouse in her. But in all honesty, I’m feeling her. I know without a doubt that this kiss is one I’ll never forget.

The hand on her waist slowly traces up her ribs, over her exposed collarbone, and across her erratic pulse. When both hands are cupping her cheeks, I once again take over the kiss that is on its way to becoming feverish. She moans, and a growl forms in my chest. She swallows it just as her hands grab at the nape of my neck to hold me close.

Feeling my dick become stone hard against her stomach, I pull away. We stand there, breathing hard enough to fan one another’s face, while my hands remain cupping her flushed cheeks. Then I let go of her, turn around, and walk out the front door knowing, without a doubt, I’m in deep shit.

“All girls dream at one point in life. And we all hurt when they’re crushed.”

~Blaire

Blaire

When he’s gone, I just stand there, watching his headlights disappear from the driveway. My heart is beating so fast and I’m literally shaking from that kiss. He’s nothing like I initially thought he would be. Yeah! He’s an asshole but not a fucking asshole. He took care of me all day today. Brought me eggs and toast when I woke up, and washed my clothes for me. And even though he keeps giving me the most evil looks when I meet his eyes, he is always watching me.
And that kiss?
I touch my lips and feel a smile form. I feel butterflies swirling in my stomach, and all I can think of is one word.
Happy
. I’m happy, and it feels so damn good. And I want to see him again. To feel this way again.

I grab my phone and call Cory to see what she’s up to. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Oh my fucking Yoda-god! Where have you been? I forgot to save your number, and then nobody knew what happened to you. Well, Ryan did, but that shit wouldn’t say. Let me just tell you, I have been looking for a picture to put on a milk carton and pricing billboards.”

I laugh because I’m just so happy. And this girl was worried about me. I think I might have my first friend. “I’m good. Just got back home. Listen. Tomorrow is Halloween, and I know Jay’s has its annual costume party. Do you want to go shopping?”

“Um… sure. Aren’t you working tomorrow?”

“No. Janet gave me a week off.” However, I plan on going back to nights so I can see Lyric. I know everyone thinks I might crack because tomorrow is a year since Benji’s death, but after tonight, I think I’ll be okay.

“Okay. Can Jazz and Trudy come? We already had plans.”

I think about it for a second. I handle being around Trudy for work, so a shopping trip should be okay. I think. “Um… sure. You’ll be there, so I think I can manage.”

The next day, the girls pick me up, and we head to every Halloween shop in Mobile. I keep quiet most of the time because I’m still not sure about Trudy interacting with me in such a friendly manner. Thankfully, Cory has a way to involve me when I feel left out, which unfortunately, is a lot.

“So, why did you buy something so sexy to wear tonight?” Cory asks me.

I clutch my bag and wonder if I made the right choice in attire. This is not the job I used to dress up for. Tonight, I don’t want to ruin a life or con a cheater. I want to catch someone’s attention. This is my first crush, and I have no clue what I’m doing. So instead of dressing like the usual slutty cops and playboy bunnies on Halloween, I chose to dress sophisticated with some sexiness, like my favorite cartoon character growing up, Jessica Rabbit. I already have the hair, so I didn’t need to buy a wig. Besides, it kind of fits with the others’ costumes.

Cory, of course, is going as princess Leia. Jazz is going as the Queen of Hearts, so Baby Fin will be Alice, and Trudy is going as Audrey Hepburn. All are some sort of iconic female movie star.

She must see my blush as I think of last night’s kiss and why I’m taking such a risk. Her eyes widen, and she smiles. “You little skank. You like someone, don’t you?”

“Shhh!” I look at Jazz and Trudy as they walk ahead of us to Jazz’s SUV. “No… maybe.” I shrug my shoulders and smile. “I don’t know.”

“What-ev. You so do. It’s all over your face. This girl in front of me is smiling without her bitch card out. So…
who
is it?” She nudges me with her shoulder.

“I’m not telling. I don’t even know if he likes me.” Well, I think he likes me. He did kiss me and took care of me. My heartbeat picks up from just the thought, and another blush envelops my cheeks.

“Well, whoever he is would be crazy not to.”

I don’t argue with her. She might see someone who’s likable, but I don’t. I haven’t in a long time.

We load up and head back to our houses to get ready. Cory says her boyfriend and she will pick me up after she’s ready. Jazz and Mason are taking Fin trick-or-treating, and Trudy is working. I head inside Chris’s house to get ready for my first attempt at flirting. I re-dye my hair because my blonde roots are starting to peek through. After I’m done, I rinse and watch the red water disappear down the drain. Watching the color disappear has me thinking of Lyric’s name for me.
Red.
I’m not Blaire to him, and I’m not so fucked up that I’m keeping him at a distance. I’m just Red. Maybe even sexy to him. If not now, however, I plan on being sexy tonight. I want another kiss and that feeling it caused in me. The warmth, tingles, and butterflies. I want it all.

So tonight, I take care in getting ready. I actually lotion my legs, and do my old ritual of beauty that Mandy taught me. That woman might be a thieving bitch, but she was a beautiful thieving bitch who knew all the tricks in the book when it comes to makeup and hair. I’m shaved smooth in every place I want to be touched. Maybe not literally. But I did kiss someone without my usual terror resurfacing. So maybe more could possibly happen.