Learning to Love Again (23 page)

Later that afternoon, Nicole showed Jason the journals Jack had given her and gave him a brief rundown of what Jack had told her the day before.

“You never knew your mom kept a journal?” he asked, flipping through the pages.

“To be honest, I didn’t pay any attention.  There was so much tension between us, I avoided her as much as possible,” Nicole shrugged her shoulders.  “Jack says there are others.”

“Did you read these yet?” Jason looked at the four journals spread out between them.

“I skimmed through one of them,” she ran a finger along the edge of one of the bindings.  “If I decide to try and find him…” she had to stop and swallow hard.

“Your birth dad?” he asked when she didn’t continue.

“Yeah,
that
him,” she looked up at him.  “I’m at a loss as to what to call him, either of them now.  All my life, there’s been just one man I’ve thought of as my dad.  Now I find out there’s someone else out there I should have been calling that.”

“That one man will always be your dad.  No matter what he did, or why, or how angry you are at him, he was the one there for you for those first fifteen years,” he pointed out.  “This other guy, right now, he’s just an unknown sperm donor.  Granted, we have no idea what he did after that night with your mom.  But he wasn’t around when you needed him.”

“Do you think I should find him?” her fingers played with a fold on the bedspread.

“I can’t tell you what to do here, babe.  But I will support you, whatever you decide.”

“I know.  It’d be a hell of a lot easier if you could just tell me, though,” she admitted on a sigh.  His picked up the journals and set them on the nightstand before stretching out.  Reaching out, he took her hand and pulled her across the small space separating them until she was lying across his chest.

“Okay, so let’s talk this out.  Just say whatever first comes into your mind.  No wrong or right, no judging.  Just say it.  Ready?” Jason wrapped his arms around her, holding her against him.

Nicole shifted until her head was on his shoulder and took a slow, deep breath before nodding.  “Ready.”

“Do you want to know his name?”

“Yes,” Nicole answered without hesitation.

“So we read the journals.  That one was easy,” his arm tightened around her in a gentle squeeze.  “Next up, do you want to find him?”

“I want to know where he is but not have to talk to him yet.”  That answer was a little slower to come, but she still said it with conviction.

“Do you want him to be at our wedding, if we find him before then?”

“No.”  Nicole looked up at him with a frown.  “Why would you ask that?”

“Because it establishes a timeline for you.  We’re getting married in six weeks and if you want him there, then we need to hire this guy Jack knows and find him fast.”  Jason cupped her cheek with his palm.  “If you want to sit on it, think about it more, we can do that, too.”

Nicole nodded her understanding.  “I need to read the journals before I decide anything.”

“Then you have your answer.  At least part of it.  Read her journals and see how you feel after that,” he nudged her chin up with his knuckles so he could look in her eyes.  “And know that you are not going through any of this alone.”

“Sounds like I have a plan,” Nicole yawned.  “I think I need a nap.”

“Then go to sleep, baby,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “We’ll paint the town after you wake up.”

Nicole nodded, her eyes already drifting closed.  She was back in his arms and they had their plans.  With any luck, nothing else would happen to derail them.

“HOME, SWEET HOME.”  JASON TOLD HER AS HE unlocked the door to their condo.  Nicole smiled at him and stepped inside.  They’d had to drive home in separate cars, since they’d both driven to San Antonio.

“Thanks for staying in San Antonio with me.”

“We needed the time together.”  He carried the bags in and set them down next to her, leaning in to kiss her.  “And you needed me.”

“I do need you.  But I still feel bad you missed most of your conference,” her arms went around his waist and she pulled him closer.

“I saw what I wanted to see that first day.  And you are much more important than any conference,” he pushed her up against the wall.

“Want to go take a nap?” he wiggled his eyebrows, just as her phone rang from her pocket.

“Don’t answer it,” he implored, as she retrieved it.

“It’s Aunt Helen.  If I don’t answer, she’ll just come over,” she warned him as she accepted the call.

“Hi Aunt Helen,” she said into the phone, smothering her own laugh at Jason’s disgruntled look.  She pushed against his shoulder to make him step back and let her go.  He brushed one last kiss against her cheek before he turned to go her bags out of her car.

“No, we just walked in the door.  Jason’s getting all the bags in now.” she answered her aunt as she watched him walk away.  With a sigh, she turned her attention back to her phone call.

“I promise, everything is fine, Aunt Helen.  We took some time to be with each other and talk about some other stuff going on,” Nicole rolled her eyes as Jason came back through the front door.  He tossed a smirk her way and carried her bags into the bedroom. She headed over to the couch and settled back for what was bound to be a long conversation, prepared to update her aunt on what she’d decided to do with the wedding and her search for her birth father.

After taking their bags to the bedroom, Jason decided to hang out in there for a while, guessing that Nicole would want to talk to her aunt about the journals and some of the information in them.  Realizing he couldn’t hear the muffled sound of her voice any longer, Jason went in search of his fiancé, finding her out on the deck, staring down at the lake.  He stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.  Nicole leaned back against him and sighed.

“You okay?” he questioned, his mouth next to her ear.

“I’m fine,” she assured him, turning her head just enough to give him a kiss.  “Just enjoying the view out here.  I’ll miss this deck when we move in a few months.”

“What did Helen need?”

“She wanted to sure we made it back home without any problems,” she glanced at him.  “And that we’re okay.”

His arms tightened around her as he pulled her in even closer.  “What did you tell her?”

“I told her that we were still getting married in a few weeks, seeing as how she and Carly already have everything planned out for us…Jason!” she squealed as he bent and picked her up, tossing her over his shoulder as he turned back to the condo to head inside.

“I warned you about teasing me,” he laughed as she squirmed, trying to get him to put her down.

“Please, I’m sorry.  No more teasing…” she managed to choke out through her laughter as he carried her through the condo to their bedroom.  He stopped at the foot of the bed and leaned over, letting her drop onto the mattress.  With his hands on either side of her, he trapped her on the bed.

“Now, what was that about getting married?”

Pressing her lips together to make herself stop laughing, Nicole swallowed.  “I told her we are fine, we’re getting married in six weeks, and that I’d talk to her tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, huh?  I figured she’d be busting down the door by now, needing you to look at more bridal stuff,” he shuddered.

“It hasn’t been that bad!” she giggled again.  “And I told her that I was tired, after going to the conference and then having to drive back up here.”

“Oh, well, if you’re tired, I should let you sleep…” he moved to push away from her, chuckling as she grabbed him by his belt loops and pulled him down on top of her.

“Oh, no, you don’t.  We had make-up sex at the hotel, now it’s time for ‘welcome home sex’!” she told him as her hands went to work on his belt.  With a delighted laugh, he went to work on getting her clothes off of her as well.

“I really like the way you think, baby!”  He told her, rolling them over so that she was straddling him.  “You do realize welcome home sex may take hours, right?”

“I’m counting on it,” she whispered, leaning over him to kiss him, gasping in pleasure as his hands moved over her.  She adjusted her position, feeling him pressing against her, seeking entrance.

“God, I love the way you feel!” he groaned as he slid inside of her.

“Feeling’s mutual!” she managed to gasp as his hips began to thrust up into her.  “Now shut up and make love to me!” she demanded, leaning over to kiss him.

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Well, look what the cat dragged in!” Mitch greeted them as Nicole and Jason entered the dining room at the ranch the next day.

“Where’s Aunt Helen?” Nicole asked, ignoring her cousin and accepting the cup of coffee Carly poured and held out to her.

“In the kitchen, with Steve,” Carly told her, pouring another cup for Jason.  “Do you have time to go over some of the details for your wedding while you’re both here?”

“After I talk to Aunt Helen,” Nicole promised.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked her, leaning over to kiss her cheek

“No, you stay here and catch up with Carly and Mitch.  I’m sure Carly has all kinds of questions for us that you can answer for her,” Nicole bit her lip to keep from laughing at Jason’s pained look.

“Minx,” he muttered as he turned back to the table.  “Any food left?”

Nicole shook her head, a smile on her face, as she walked down the hall to the kitchen to find her aunt and uncle.

“Good morning, sweetheart!  What brings you over so early?”  Helen greeted her as she stepped into the kitchen.

“I wanted to talk to you guys.”  Nicole moved over to the table and slid into one of the kitchen chairs.  She’d brought the journals with her and she set them down on the table.

“Did you know my mother kept journals?” she asked her aunt.

Helen glanced at the notebooks and nodded.  “I figured they were in those boxes somewhere,” she looked at her niece.  “Your mom and I were so different, and she didn’t confide in me.  I thought if she wanted me to know her secrets, she would have just told me.  I never thought about you wanting to know more.”

“If Jason and I hadn’t gotten back together, I’m not sure I would want to know more,” Nicole admitted.  Her grip tightened on her coffee cup.  “Did you know Dad wasn’t my real dad?”

A look passed between Helen and Steve.

“You knew?” Nicole looked between them.

“We
guessed
,” Steve corrected with a sigh.  “Your mother wanted out of this town and away from this kind of life.  I offered to loan her the money to go to college, but that woman was proud.  She wasn’t going unless she could make it on her own,” he paused to take a sip of his own coffee.

“She and a couple of her friends would go over to Austin and spend the weekend, partying.  And then all of a sudden, that stopped.  And then she announced she and your dad were getting married.  It wasn’t long after that, she told me she was pregnant,” Helen picked up the story.  “She was excited, but there was sadness there, too.  But she wouldn’t talk to me about it.”

“And your dad, he said they’d been dating for a while, but had kept it secret because he was older and didn’t want people to think bad of her,” Steve added.

“He loved her, and in her way, she loved him.  Her love just wasn’t as deep as his was,” Helen assured her as she glanced down at the journals again.  “What do the journals say?”

“She met a young soldier from Ft. Hood in Austin on one of her weekend trips.  She names him in this one,” Nicole reached over and tapped on the top journal with a fingernail.  “But I don’t think she ever tried to find him.  I think…I think I want to try.”

Helen and Steve both nodded.  “We’ll help in any way we can.”

“I know.  Jack knows someone who we can hire.  I’m not going to worry about it until after the wedding, though.  We also might see if he can find out any information on who she was leaving with that day, why dad snapped like he did.”

Steve reached over and patted her hand.  “He loved her, Nicole.  And he loved you.  Whatever else you find out, never doubt that.”

“I know.  And I know mom was the way she was because of everything that had ever happened to her.  But he robbed me of the chance to ever fix things between us.  She wasn’t an angel, but he wasn’t a saint either, I guess.”

Helen gave her niece a sympathetic look.  “But now you have Jason, and a chance for everything your dad ever wanted for you.  Hold onto that, Nicole,” she, too, reached over to lay her hand on top of Nicole’s.  “I’d like to read the journals, when you’re done.  I should have read those years ago.”

Nicole smiled at her aunt and uncle.  “Thank you, both of you, for everything you have done for me.  I hope you know how much you mean to me.”

“We do, honey.  And you mean just as much to us,” Steve told her, his voice gruff.

“Now, about that wedding…” Nicole smiled, ready to change the subject.  Helen launched into plans for the reception and Steve pushed back his chair, making comments about needing to find Mitch and getting to work.  Jason was not the only one with an aversion to these details, it would seem.