Letting Go (Vista Falls #3) (13 page)

“You can and will yell at them, Colt. That’s part of being a parent and being human. And they’ll probably yell right back at you, especially when they’re teenagers. They’ll throw things, have temper tantrums, slam doors, tell you they hate you.”

Colt feared that the most, hearing someone he loved more than anything tell him that they hated them. “I don’t know if I could deal with that.”

“Sure, you can. Because in the end, you work it out. That’s what families do.”

“Did you work it out with your parents?” Colt asked, recalling his visit with his mother.

“We visited a few times before they passed away,” Bob said. “They were grateful they got to meet their grandchildren.”

Colt imagined his mother would be a much better grandmother than a mother. She seemed wiser and more content now. He couldn’t imagine being able to or wanting to make amends with his father though. “You think some relationships are irreparable?”

“Sure. Some people are poison. It’s better not to even have them in your life.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“By the way,” Bob said, slapping Colt on the back, “if I were you, I’d hightail it over to my girl. I’ve been watching her and Bradley, and it looks like he’s getting ready to make his move.”

“Over my dead body,” Colt muttered, reaching for another drink.

***

Gabby gasped when Colt slipped his arm around her waist from behind and nuzzled her neck. She couldn’t see him yet, but there was no question who it was, and she hadn’t expected Colt to be so brazen in front of his employees.

“Oh, uh, hey, boss.” Bradley’s gaze darted nervously between Colt and Gabby. “I didn’t know you two were…” He gestured between them with the hand gripping his drink. “Um, together.”

“Now you do.” Colt’s lips brushed against Gabby’s temple. “Sorry I kept you waiting so long, baby. Me and Bob got to talking… about marriage and kids.”

Gabby’s eyes locked with his. She felt he was giving her some message that she desperately wanted to decipher. “That’s okay. Bradley and I had a nice chat.”

“Thanks for keeping my girl company, man. I guess I owe you one.”

Bradley cleared his throat, looking around the room as though he was looking for an excuse to escape. “No problem, Colt. No problem at all. Oh look, Jess just got here. I should check in with her, see if that order came in. Gabby, it was nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Gabby waited until he’d dashed away before she turned toward Colt, trying very hard to look stern. “What was that all about?”

“What?”

“Don’t give me that. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I felt like you were marking your territory.”

“No,
this
is marking my territory.” He cupped the back of her head and drew her in for a slow, sensuous kiss that had her curling her hands into his shirt. “See the difference?”

“Yeah.” Her eyes remained closed as she tried to collect herself. She knew there were probably dozens of eyes on them, but she couldn’t summon the energy to care. “Aren’t you worried what your employees will think of your little PDA?”

“They’ll probably think I’m the luckiest bastard in the room for having such a gorgeous girlfriend.”

Her eyes flew open at his casual use of the G-word. He hadn’t called her that since high school. “Wait.” She shook her head. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me.”

“Colt, I’m not… I can’t… we shouldn’t… should we?” She was so confused, but looking into his eyes gave her the impression he was experiencing complete clarity.

“We definitely should.” He kissed her again, his arms closing around her this time.

“But…” She couldn’t think of a single reason she should argue with him when she wanted nothing more than to be a couple again. “You said you wanted to date casually. That’s not the same thing as being my boyfriend.”

“Let me put it to you this way,” he said, sounding amused. “If we were dating, would you want me to date other women?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Sleep with other women?”

“Hell no!”

“Right. And I get jealous when I see another guy talking to you, so I don’t think casual dating would work for us, do you?”

“Probably not, but…” She didn’t want to pressure him. She wanted their relationship to evolve naturally, but she wasn’t sure what to expect and thought she had the right to ask. “So we just, uh, date indefinitely then go our separate ways when—”

“I don’t want to think about letting you go again.” His grip on her waist tightened, his voice raspy as though he was battling his feelings.

“Then you want—”

“You, Gabby. I want you.”

Forever?
She knew there was no way to ask that and expect him to answer, so she smiled and said, “Good, because I want you too.”

“I have a room here tonight,” Colt said.

“You do?” They were one of the last couples remaining since Colt didn’t think it was polite to leave before his guests. “That’s too bad. I was hoping I could hitch a ride with you. I guess I could ask Bradley to drive me home. He hasn’t left yet.”

“Ha ha.” He backed her against the bar, his eyes glazed as his lower half pinned her. “Stay with me tonight.”

It wasn’t as though they hadn’t slept together countless times, but this felt different somehow. After their earlier conversation, she was confident she’d be seeing him tomorrow and the day after that. It wasn’t a future, but at least it was a promise of more than a one-night stand.

“I’m not sure I should,” she teased, wrapping her arms around his neck. “How do I know you won’t bail on me in the morning?”

“Gab…” His gray eyes darkened as he stared at her. “I’m so sorry.”

She hadn’t expected his apology, not tonight. “It’s okay. I was just—”

“It’s not okay.” He touched her cheek. “What I did to you is definitely not okay.”

She looked over his shoulder and noted a few people pretending not to watch them as they stood in a circle by the door. “This may not be the best time to have this conversation.”

He took a deep breath. “I need to say this before I lose my nerve.”

Colt wasn’t the type to get anxious, so she couldn’t imagine what he might have to say that would cause him so much angst.

“That night, when we were together again, I realized something.”

“What’s that?” she asked, smiling as she stroked the ever-present stubble on his cheek.

“I was still in love with you.”

Her eyes widened as her hand fell to her side. “You what?”

“You heard me. I was still in love with you.”

“Then why did you leave?” Now she was even angrier that he’d left… because she’d felt the same way.

“I was scared, I guess,” he said, looking at something over her shoulder.

“Scared of what?”

He swallowed before looking at her. “Being your rebound guy, I think.” Before she could respond, he said, “Put yourself in my position. You hadn’t been divorced all that long. You wanted a night of great sex with a familiar stranger. Someone who could make you feel good about yourself.”

“But the next morning, I asked you to my cousin’s wedding—”

“I figured you just didn’t want to go alone.” He brought her hand to his lips. “I got a little crazy that night. After you fell asleep, I sat on the deck watching the sun rise and torturing myself about what had just happened between us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wondered if you were thinking of him when you were making love to me. I wondered if it was his name on the tip of your tongue when you came for me.” He dropped his face into the crook of her neck, drawing her closer. “I know it may sound crazy, but he was your husband. Your husband,” he whispered. “God, you don’t know what that does to me.”

She had no idea that the fact that she’d been married before would even faze Colt, let alone affect him so strongly. She gripped his face, forcing him to look at her. “Hey, I’m almost ashamed to admit this because I know it makes me a terrible person, but the last little while, after I started chatting with Wes on social media and thinking about you more…”

“Say it. I need to hear you say it.”

“It’s you I was thinking about when my husband and I—”

He crushed his mouth to hers, holding the back of her head as he punished her with a kiss. “Don’t say another word about him. I can’t think about him tonight.”

“But you were the one who brought it up! I still can’t believe you thought you were my rebound guy. Is that really why you left?”

“It’s one of many reasons.”

She hated how tortured Colt seemed. If there had been anything she could say or do to ease his stress, she would have. But only time, faith, and trust would help them heal all those old wounds. “We have to start this thing between us with a clean slate. I’m not allowed to bring anyone else into the relationship, and neither are you.”

Colt smirked. “Who the hell would I bring into this relationship? No one else has ever mattered to me. Only you.”

Her heart did that crazy little flutter it did every time he said something sweet or sexy or romantic. “Your father, maybe?” She hated to bring him up, especially since it had been such an incredible night.

“No, I—”

She touched her fingertips to his lips. “I deserve all of you, and you can’t give me that if part of you is stuck in the past.”

“I want you to have all of me, baby.” He laid her hand over his heart. “All. Of. Me.”

“Then let me in.” She thought of her talk with Taylor. “Don’t be afraid to talk to me. Tell me about your childhood. Get it all out there, then we can move on from it. Together. Please, Colt. Do this for me.” This was suddenly more important to her than making love to him tonight because she knew if this conversation went well, they could have the rest of their lives to make love.

“For you?” He nodded. “Yeah, I’d do anything for you.”

Tears filled her eyes as she kissed his hand. “Thank you. So can we go back to your room now? To talk?”

A sexy half smile made her bite her lip. He said, “My story won’t take all night. But what I want to do to you might.”

“Then what are we waiting for?”

“Not a damn thing.”

***

They were sitting on the back deck facing the water, two drinks between them, when Gabby reached for Colt’s hand, silently encouraging him to start talking. A few people, Gabby and Wes included, knew bits and pieces of his story, but he’d never told the whole ugly story to anyone. And he was scared. Scared that it would change how she felt about him. He didn’t want her pity, and he didn’t want her to fear that he’d someday morph into his old man if he got a ring on her finger.

“My earliest memories are of the beatings.”

Suddenly it was like listening to someone else’s voice tell a story he vaguely remembered hearing years ago. He was disconnected from it. It wasn’t his life but someone else’s. A stranger’s story.

Gabby’s grip tightened, but she said nothing.

“He used to beat her for anything and everything. If his dinner was cold or his favorite shirt was dirty. If the kids were crying or the phone rang when he was watching sports on TV. Anything could set him off.”

“That must have been horrible,” she said, her voice a whisper that slipped away on the breeze.

“I used to hide in my closet or under my bed. But eventually he came looking for me. I think I was about six the first time he laid a beating on me.”

Gabby cried out, covering her mouth with her free hand. “I’m sorry. You were so young, just a baby.”

“My brother and sister were even younger though, so I was glad he didn’t hurt them. I wasn’t very old, but I remember thinking I didn’t want him to hurt them. I could take it. They couldn’t.”

“Did your mother ever report him or try to leave?”

“No, and I hated her for that.” Colt used to hate his mother with such intensity that it had scared him. When he saw her again, he’d expected all that bitterness and resentment to come rushing back. But after hearing her story, he saw her as a victim, not an enabler. She’d just lacked the resources and support she needed to help herself and her children. “I thought it was her job to protect us… and herself. The older I got, the more I wondered how she could let him get away with that. What was wrong with her?”

“That’s why I was never allowed to come to your house?”

“Yeah.” He’d been ashamed of that house of secrets. Everyone knew his father was an evil bastard, and they all suspected he beat his wife and children, but no one dared to ask. They all looked the other way and pretended they didn’t see the ugly bruises.

“Those bruises,” she said, as though reading his mind. “The ones you said you got during football practice.”

“Football.” He sneered, reaching for his beer bottle. “I figured out, I guess around my freshman year, that football would be the perfect cover story. It also gave me an excuse to hurt other guys the way he hurt me.”

She shifted her body to face him, tucking her legs under her. “Did he go on hurting you right up until you left?”

Colt barked out a laugh as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Hell no. By my sophomore year, he knew I could take him. I didn’t want to come to blows with him. I always tried to avoid it, but sometimes he wouldn’t let me.”

“Those bruises I saw on your ribs and—”

He shrugged. “Sometimes he’d use weapons. I remember once he broke a chair over my back… a bottle over the back of my head…” Gabby gasped, and Colt kissed her hand. “Sorry, you really don’t need to hear all this shit. Suffice it to say he was a mean son of a bitch who made all of our lives miserable.”

“Then why are you still taking care of him?”

“Maybe I want to be a better man than he was and this is my way of proving that.” Colt justified paying for his father’s care a dozen ways, but he suspected that that was the real reason he did it. “I’m not even sure that makes sense.”

“It makes perfect sense. But you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Everyone knows you’re a thousand times the man he was.”

“Thanks.” He rolled his head to the side, looking at her. “You were the one bright spot in my shitty life. Sometimes I thought about ending it all, but I couldn’t. Because of you. You saved me.”