Liberty (16 page)

All the hairs on the back of his neck rose. “What did you say?”

Her cheeks turned red. She looked away from him. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“No. Please, tell me what you said.”

“Will you put your mouth on my...”

“Say it.” His cock grew. It strained against his zipper in anticipation of her words.

“I—I can’t.”

He pushed his hands between her legs and flicked his finger across her engorged clit, then he slid it down into her too wet folds where he lightly explored. She pushed herself into his finger, trying to increase her pleasure, but he pulled his hand away.

“Does that feel good?” He dropped a kiss on her lips.

“Don’t stop,” she moaned.

“Then say it. Say what I want to hear.”

“Put your mouth on me,” she whimpered.

“Where?” He trailed his lips over her collarbone, then in between her breasts, careful not to touch her anywhere else. “Here?”

“Lower.”

He kissed his way down her torso, stopping at her belly button to run his tongue around the perfect circle. “Here?” He dipped his tongue inside and she shivered.

“Ryan...”

“Tell me where, Lexy. You’re in charge. Tell me what you want.”

“Kiss me between my legs. Kiss my clit. Please.”

“Okay.” He grinned up at her. “That’s all you had to say.”

He still continued his kisses downward, giving her hot openmouthed ones on her pelvis, on her inner thighs, anyplace above or below the one she asked him to. He was teasing her. He would give her what she wanted, but he needed a little revenge first. He remembered the day she tied him to the bed, torturing him with her kisses and touches. He would torture her, too.

“Ryan... Now!”

He chuckled then blew on her clit causing her to grip the back of his head. “Okay.”

He took one long lick up her center. She tasted sweet. He licked again, her wetness filling his tongue. She was so responsive. Every lick, every kiss, every stroke elicited a moan. She couldn’t keep still, bucking her hips against his mouth. He had to clamp his hands on her hips to keep her from rising off the bed.

“Stop it. It’s too much. I feel too much,” she begged.

That was the one request he couldn’t grant. He stayed where he was, pushing his tongue inside her tight hot opening. Mimicking the movements of sex, of fucking, each thrust a little harder than before.

“It’s happening again,” she warned him. Then she was bucking against him, coming so hard he had a tough time keeping her on the bed. He licked her through each aftershock until she was panting and exhausted and perspiring.

“I knew you would like that.” He gathered her into his arms and kissed her under her ear.

“Take your clothes off.” She opened her eyes and rolled into him. “All of them.”

“You sure?”

“Naked.”

He stood, wasting no time stripping off his shirt. She sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed his waist, so that she could pepper kisses all over his torso.

He tugged his pants down, they got caught over his massive erection for a moment before he was free. His cock stood straight out, brushing her cheek, causing her to blush prettily.

“It’s bigger than I remember,” she muttered as she ran her hand down his length. “Sit against the headboard, please.”

“You aren’t planning to tie me up again?”

“No, but I would like to try something, if that’s okay with you.”

“Whatever you want, baby.” He cupped her face in his hands to kiss her and before he realized it, he was on top of her, her legs wrapped around him, her beautiful wet sex rubbing against him.

“Wait,” she panted, rolling away from him. “You didn’t listen.”

“Sorry.” He grinned. “I got a little carried away. Lexy, you don’t know how bad I want you.”

“I do know, and you’ve been very patient. I want to make you feel good. Please sit up.”

He obeyed, forcing himself to the back of the bed when he really just wanted to slip inside her warmth and lose himself. His cock sat straight up, waiting for her attention. He couldn’t believe she was ready to take that final step with him, but he was too afraid to ask. The last thing he wanted to do was change her mind.

She knelt in front of him. “I’m new at this, but I have been thinking about trying this with you for a little while now.”

He nodded, so aroused he could no longer form words.

She straddled him, but did not slide down on his erection like he desperately wanted. But she was open to him. He could see how aroused she was. He could smell it. It made him even harder. “I wanted you to hold me.” She took his hands and placed them on her perfect ass. “Here.”

He squeezed it. “No problem.”

“And I want you to kiss me.” She tapped on her lips. “Here.”

He caught her lower lip between his teeth and licked inside her soft mouth. “Done.”

“Good.” She inched herself closer until her open sex was touching his cock and then she moved. With her hand she stroked the tip of him and with her hips she moved against him. Up and down she stroked him with her hand, with her body. She tilted her head back, her mouth opened slightly, her lips damp and swollen from his kisses. It was the most erotic thing he had ever seen. It was like his sweet little Lexy was made for sex.

“Kiss me,” she ordered.

He did, long hard hungry kisses that caused her to lose control, and move her body against him at a frantic pace. He couldn’t help himself, either. He moved her sweet little bottom up and down, pushing his cock against her, trying to get as close as possible.

She came hard. Trembles flowed through her sex. He couldn’t hold back once he felt that. He came, too, spilling himself all over her belly.

He collapsed on the bed taking her with him, not wanting to be away from her for even a second. It took a few minutes for them to regain their senses and when she did her face turned a brilliant shade of red.

“Why do you get so embarrassed?” He kissed her hot cheeks. “That’s what men and women do behind closed doors.”

“I don’t know. I think I got carried away.”

“That’s how you know it was good.” He took his discarded shirt and cleaned them both up as much as he could. “I always want you to get carried away.”

“I’m so confused, Ryan. I don’t want to want to be with you. I don’t want to like it so much.”

“There is a reason you want to be with me and you know it.” He pulled her blankets up around them. “But let’s not argue about it. Go to sleep.”

Chapter Fifteen

“D
on’t you look especially hot today,” Lexy heard a slow voice say.

She shuddered, knowing the owner of that voice even before she looked up. Georgie was in front of her in a cream-colored cowboy hat and a black, fitted T-shirt that made him look like a sausage.

“Why are you here?” Of all the people who might visit her at work, he was definitely not one she expected. “Did hell freeze over? I thought that was the only way you’d end up in a library.” She folded her arms. “We don’t sell beer here, honey, but I can find you a book to teach you how to make it.”

Georgie smiled and ran his eyes over her body. He made her skin crawl. She didn’t think he was bold enough to try anything with her, but she still didn’t trust him.

“Your mouth.” He stared at her lips while licking his own. “Too smart for your own good. I thought you would have learned your lesson by now.”

“What lesson would that be?”

Ryan may have slapped her around but he never beat the spirit out of her. She would never be silent. He would have won if she stopped speaking.

“Never mind. If you don’t know by now you never will.”

She sighed and tried to swallow the twinge of unease that was growing in her chest. A visit from Georgie was not a good sign. “What do you want?”

He leaned over the circulation desk, his beady eyes traveling up her body. Suddenly she felt naked. “Georgie!”

His face grew serious in that moment, more serious than she was prepared for and for the first time she didn’t see any sign of that dumb good-old boy she knew.

“It’s about Ryan.”

“What about Ryan?” She grew nervous. “Is he all right? Was he hurt?”

When had he taken over all of her thoughts?

“No.” He frowned. “When the hell did you get so concerned about him?”

“He’s my husband,” she said, as if that explained everything. It didn’t, not even to her. She wasn’t sure how she felt but she knew her hard feelings were softening.

“Before you didn’t care if he lived or died.”

Georgie was right about that, but now she cared about him. Very much so. So much it scared her. He had seen her naked body, kissed her scars and told her she was beautiful. She found herself wanting to be with him, all of him. She wanted to feel that big heavy body on top of her, inside her, but fear stopped her. Which is why she prevented him from taking that final step he so desperately wanted. She tried to keep him satisfied with touch alone. Day after day he came after her and while they kissed and played and found sexual satisfaction with each other she could not let him inside her body. She was afraid if they slept together that he would turn into the monster she had been married to before. Or worse she would find herself in love with a stranger.

“What do you need to tell me about him?”

Georgie blinked. “He’s different.”

“Yes, very much so.”

“He don’t wanna hang out. He don’t fix cars no more. Damn it, Lexy, he drives around in a Mercedes. That ain’t even an American car. You’re not worried about him?”

“No.” A hysterical bubble of laughter burst out of her. He came home sober every night, smelling like things other than stale alcohol. He didn’t hit her or debase her. For the first time she wasn’t worried about him when Georgie was.

“How’s he treating you?”

“Very good.”

Georgie had witnessed one of Ryan’s drunken slaps. He didn’t move to stop him. He didn’t say a word. He let it happen.

“He’s not seeing Glory,” he said, as if fidelity was tragic.

“I know.” The affair was the sharpest blow to their marriage. It left her feeling completely inadequate as a woman.

“He got you a ring. He wears one, too.”

She looked at her hand. It was still there. She almost believed it belonged there. “We are married. That’s what married people do.”

Georgie shook his big head. “He ain’t the same. You’re not even the same. You look different. You’re pretty. Real pretty, Lexy.”

“Thank you,” she said, not knowing what else to say.

People had been telling her that lately. Her whole life she felt like an oddity, an ethnic enigma with slanted eyes and kinky hair. Today she wore it down, long and thick and curly; and instead of her worn muted clothes she wore a sundress with blush-colored flowers running over her body. Ryan had picked it out. When she first looked at it she thought it would be ridiculous on her, but it suited her, her body type, her skin tone. It was a halter-style that left her shoulders bare. It wasn’t risqué but it was more than she was used to.

“He isn’t hitting you?” Georgie said, almost sounding disappointed.

“No, he hasn’t touched me.”

Only lovingly.

“I should have never let him hit you.”

His statement took her by surprise. He knew about it from the beginning but did nothing to stop it. She didn’t want to talk to him about her abuse. She felt embarrassed by it.

“If he hits you again you can come to me, Lexy. I’ll be there for you this time. I’ll protect you. I can even make you happy if you let me.”

She was stunned by his offer, but couldn’t say anything to let him know it was unwanted. He must have taken that as a positive sign because he smiled, tipped his hat to her and left the library, whistling. What the hell was going on with the men in her life? Ryan was wonderful and Georgie didn’t seem like such an idiot. They were both offering something she knew she couldn’t accept. It troubled her.

She found herself needing to leave the library. She hadn’t been to the place Ryan worked in years, but somehow when she turned on her car it took her there.

“Hey, there, Sexy Lexy.” Lance whistled as she walked in.

“Ryan told you not to call me that, but it’s not him you’ll have to worry about if you utter that name again.”

“That’s my girl,” she heard from behind her. She turned around to see her husband, all six feet of him, with a sexy grin on his face. But then he really looked at her for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

Everything was wrong. She had begun to feel off balance since he walked back into her life.

“I wanted to talk to you. Can you spare a few minutes?”

“Yes. The books aren’t going anywhere.” He turned toward the back. “Pep,” he yelled. “I’m going out with my wife. I’ll be back in a little while.”

Pep came out of the shop, a red rag in his hand, grease smeared on his cheek. In fact all the men in the shop were covered in grease except Ryan, who looked clean and sexy in a dark-colored shirt.

“My God, Alexa, I haven’t seen you in here for six years. You’re looking well, honey.”

“Thank you. My husband is trying to keep me happy.”

“Is is working?” Ryan asked.

She smiled at him. “I’ll bring him back, Pep.”

“Don’t bother. Take the rest of the day, Ryan. Lexy is too pretty to leave.”

Ryan agreed with him and they walked out.

“Good God, it’s hot out today,” Lexy commented as they walked up the street.

“I don’t know how you Texans stand it.”

“You’re a Texan, too,” she pointed out. “Plus you were in Iraq. It has to be hotter there.”

“You’re probably right but I don’t remember.”

“Oh, I keep forgetting that.”

He smiled at her and grabbed her hand, interlocking his big fingers with hers while they walked.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Nothing.” She was enjoying the feel of his fingers locked with hers. They had never held hands like this, not even when they were dating. This seemed more intimate than sex.

“Then why did you want to see me?”

“Promise me you won’t laugh.”

“No, I won’t promise. It might be funny, but please tell me anyway.”

She frowned deeply at him, hating herself for what she was about to say. “I just wanted to see you.”

They made it to a little park not far from Pep’s shop. There was a bench there nestled in between two shady trees.

“You missed me?”

She nodded.

“You’re starting to fall in love with me?”

Her heartbeat quickened. She couldn’t answer him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She rested her head on his chest, seeking comfort even in the heat. He cradled the back of her head in his hand, encouraging their closeness.

“You look really pretty today.”

Georgie had told her the same thing but coming from Ryan it made her feel renewed.

“You never used to say that. You used to call me a—”

“Mutt.”

“You remember,” she gasped.

“No.” He shook his head as a flash overtook him. “Not all of it. I dreamed I was sitting around a card table with three guys from my unit. Their faces are fuzzy but I can see them clearer than before. ‘My wife Lexy is a mutt but she was so damn hot when I met her I didn’t care who her people were.’ I know I didn’t say those words, Lexy. Your husband did.” He turned his gaze on her. “I won’t ever call you that.” He got quiet for a long moment.

She saw him drift away, saw a blanket of sadness fall over him. Every time their turbulent past was brought up he seemed to drift a little further away.

“Come back to me, honey,” she whispered into his ear.

“I’m so damned confused.”

He seemed to hate the real Ryan Beecher as much as she did. He hated that when people looked at him they saw a man who was a monster.

“I know.”

“This is not my—”

“Hush, I don’t want to talk about it. Tell me how pretty I am.”

He kissed her forehead absently. “You’re gorgeous.”

She tipped her face up to him, looking into his blue-gray eyes. “Will you—” She paused, biting her lip.

“What?”

She wanted him to be happy, as odd as it sounded. She had come to value his friendship.

“Will you kiss my neck?” She hesitated. “And maybe my shoulders.” She hesitantly raised her hand and traced the fading scar on his face. “Maybe I could kiss you a little.”

He grabbed her arm and began to pull her toward his car.

“Wait! What are you doing?”

“I’m taking you home.” He didn’t even bother to look back at her.

“Why?”

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to gawk at her.

“Why?” He shook his head. “I thought you wanted to—”

“Kiss you!” Her pretty eyes widened. “You thought I wanted to— What kind of girl do you think I am?”

“The kind of girl who has sex on her second date!”

“Well, neither of us are the people we were when I was seventeen, and if I remember correctly that sex wasn’t so great. I’m tired of fighting it.” She gently pressed her lips to his. “I want to start over. I want to take things slow.”

“It’s too late for slow. We’ve been intimate every day for the past week.”

“I know.”

“I want you, Lexy.”

“Soon.” She knew by admitting that, she was promising him some kind of future. She was telling him that she wasn’t ready to leave. She should have been gone already. He should just be a part of her memory. Her eyes filled with tears as she wrapped her arms around him.

“Lex,” he whispered into her hair as he pulled her close. “What happened? Why did you really come?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Tell me, honey,” he urged.

“Georgie came to see me at work.”

“What? Did he touch you?”

“No,” she breathed.

“Lexy, tell me the truth. If he hurt you I’ll fix him. Just tell me what happened.”

“Nothing, Ryan. He didn’t touch me. He told me I was pretty. He said that if you were mistreating me I could come to him. He said he would take care of me.”

“Please tell me you didn’t consider that for even a nanosecond.”

“Of course not. How dumb do you think I am?”

“You’re smart, baby. The smartest woman I know.” He gave her a light kiss on the nose as a way of apologizing. “What else did he say?”

“That he was worried about you.”

“Worried! He can’t be too worried. He is trying to steal you away from me.”

“He can’t steal something that doesn’t belong to you in the first place.”

“Touché,” he said, even though he was thinking that she was his from the moment he laid eyes on her.

“He kept saying how different you are. I think he really just misses his best friend.”

“I’m not his best friend, Lex. I’m not the same man.” He wasn’t meant for this life.

“I know you’re not the same man because if you were, I would have been gone already.”

“I’m not Ryan Beecher. I’m not your husband.”

He was starting to recall his memories. They were few and fragmented like broken pieces of glass. And in that glass he saw tiny glimpses of his life and none of those glimpses included Lexy. He wouldn’t forget her. It wasn’t possible.

“Then who are you?” Her voice was sharp. Immediately her shoulders went stiff and her eyes burned with anger and regret and some other emotion he couldn’t identify. They could never discuss this without getting into an argument.

“I don’t know who I am.”

“Well, I know who you are, and you can’t claim to be an entirely different person just because you don’t like being a wife beater. Your memory lapse doesn’t erase the past. Why can’t you accept it and change?”

“I can’t accept it. I won’t.” He gripped her arms. “You have to see it. You have to feel it. You have to consider that I might be a different man. Shit, even if I was him, I couldn’t have changed so much that you don’t see any traces of the man I used to be. Think about it.”

Lexy looked down at her feet instead of in his eyes. She was considering the facts. She was on the verge of admitting the truth.

“Look at me, Lexy. Feel me. You can see the differences. You can tell just by the way I love you.”

“Stop!” She backed away from him. “Don’t you dare say you love me in the same breath you say you’re not my husband. I see the differences. You feel different to me, but if you aren’t Ryan Beecher then who are you and why are you still here?” She shook her head and he could feel her growing distress. “If you aren’t my husband then you have no rights to me. I shouldn’t be wearing your ring and holding your hand and thinking about being with you. I hated my husband and I never want him in my life again. If you aren’t him—”

She shook her head and slipped the ring off her finger. “I shouldn’t have started this. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. If you aren’t my husband then you shouldn’t be here. You probably belong to somebody else and I have no right to be with you.” She placed the ring into his closed hand and walked away.