Liberty (21 page)

“Would you be open to moving to a bigger place?”

“And leave this palace? No freaking way.” She laughed. “I would love to start over with you, but for a little while I want to keep things the way they are. I just want you to be my husband.”

Her husband. They came so far since he woke up in the hospital. He had come so far. His life had changed forever.

“Can I take you on a little vacation?”

“A little vacation? How about a big one? How about many big ones? I’ve never been on a vacation before.”

“Where do you want to go?”

She had lived an eventful life but it was sheltered. He could show her the world.

“Austin.”

“Austin? You don’t want to go to Acapulco or the Caribbean? You want to drive two hours to Austin?”

She looked up at him and frowned. “I’ve never been.”

“Okay.” He rolled her over, peppering kisses on her neck. “I’ll take you to Austin but not for vacation. We are going away. How about South Pedro Island?”

“Wherever you want. Mmm, that feels good,” she moaned.

“You feel good.” He placed himself between her bare thighs. “Why don’t you marry me?”

“I’m already married to you.” She stiffened and looked up at him. “Aren’t I?”

He didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did. He didn’t want to deny that he was her husband, but he wasn’t a wife beater or a drunk. He knew he wasn’t her husband. His memories were coming back in little jagged pieces, but they were there. And all the things he remembered didn’t line up with the life he was in now. But he loved Lexy. He knew there was a reason he was put here. And it was to be with her. He almost wished he never remembered his whole life, because he knew once he did, once he remembered, things would change for them. Their life would cease to be simple. She would no longer be his wife.

“I just said that to get in your pants,” he lied.

“Oh.” She grinned up at him and relaxed, wrapping her legs around his waist. “Well, since I’m already naked that was unnecessary.”

Chapter Twenty

“I
’m getting fat as a cow,” Di complained to Lexy on a trip into town with Di’s daughter, Alana, in tow.

“Well, that’s why we are here, Di. To get your big ass into some maternity clothes.”

“I hate maternity clothes. Why can’t I be pregnant and not look pregnant?”

“Well, you should have pondered that question before you got yourself knocked up.”

“I blame my husband,” she sighed. “Alana, I love you, child, but if you don’t stop picking in your underwear I’m gonna swat you.”

“Sorry, Mama,” the obedient girl said.

“You love being a mama, don’t you?” Lexy asked.

“Some days,” she sighed again. “I just hate being pregnant. I vomit in the mornings. I’m exhausted in the afternoons. I don’t fit any of my clothes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fat lot of good your sorry does me. I wish this on you, Alexa Beecher.”

“When pigs fly.” She hadn’t been able to get pregnant since her miscarriage. Ten years she had been married and that was her only pregnancy. It would never happen for her.

They stopped in front of Laurel’s Consignments, which had a pretty porcelain doll in a pink lace dress in the window.

“Oh, Mama,” Alana cried. “She’s so pretty.”

“Darling, it’s beautiful, but you aren’t getting it.”

“I don’t want it, Mama. I rather have a cell phone.”

“Ha!” Di laughed loudly at her daughter’s extravagant taste. “You aren’t getting that either, but mama loves you anyhow.”

Lexy’s heart pulled again and she looked away from Di gazing at her little girl with her heart in her eyes. A man in a dark green shirt caught her eye. She only saw him from behind but his powerful build and muscular back attracted her to him.

“That looks like Ryan,” she muttered to herself.

“It does,” Di replied. She must have heard her. “He looks like he just walked out of the lawyer’s office.”

“I wonder why.”

He couldn’t be planning to divorce her. She wasn’t even sure if they were married. But she was sure of her happiness the past two weeks. What she had now was what she thought a marriage should be. Partnership, companionship and love—and it had taken her ten long hard years to get it.

Her cell phone rang.

“You have a cell phone!” Alana clapped. “See, Mama, Aunt Lexy has a cell phone.”

“Your uncle gave it to me.” She looked at the caller ID. “Hello, Ryan.”

“Hey, honey. I’m in town. I just came out of Jay Tanner’s office. I was setting up a will.”

“You were?” That surprised her.

“I just wanted to make sure that you would be taken care of if anything happens to me.”

“I do not want to think about that now, thank you.”

“I was just letting you know,” he laughed. “By the way I’m standing in front of the bakery and was wondering if you wanted me to pick up one of those cinnamon rolls you like so much.”

“I would love one. You won’t have to bring it very far because I’m standing fifty feet behind you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Turn around.”

He did...and smiled when he saw her. Her damn heart raced. He walked toward her, all sexy confidence, and she couldn’t help but return his smile.

“My three favorite ladies,” Ryan greeted them. He grabbed Alana and threw her in the air and kissed Di’s cheek. And when it came to Lexy, he cupped her face in his hand and kissed the tip of her nose, then her forehead and then her mouth.

I love you,
she thought. He finally broke her. She loved him and he was worthy of her love.

“What are you up to?”

“Shopping. Di’s fat. She can’t fit her clothes anymore.”

“I’m pregnant, not fat!”

Lexy grinned up at Ryan while Di fumed.

“My wife thinks she’s funny. Congratulations, by the way. I haven’t gotten the chance to tell you that. You’re a great mother.”

“Thank you.” She blushed. Di wasn’t used to Ryan being this way. The Ryan she knew was an asshole.

“I’ll bring the rolls home. Do you want me to pick up dinner?”

“You don’t want me to cook?”

“You cooked three nights in a row and you made me pancakes this morning. You do enough.”

Di made a barely audible noise in her throat. The sound conveyed what Lexy was feeling.

“Shrimp?”

“Crab legs, scallops and hush puppies, too?”

“Perfect.”

He leaned forward and pecked her mouth. “I’ll be home around six.”

“I’ll see you later.”

He said his goodbyes to Di and Alana, and walked off.

“So,” Di said conversationally, “how are things at home?”

“He loves me, Di. He tells me ten times a day and shows me a hundred times more.”

“I can see that,” she said softly.

“I love him, too.”

“Ah,” she said, knowing all of Lexy’s doubts. “What are you going to do now?”

That was the million-dollar question. She was living on borrowed time. She knew he would remember soon and when that day came he would walk right out of her life. She prayed that day would never come. She didn’t want to lose out on the only piece of happiness she ever had.

* * *

Ryan sat in the living room reading
East of Eden
when Lexy walked through the front door. He smiled upon seeing the pretty woman he lived with. The past month had been one of the best in his life.

“Hey, babe.”

She hung her keys on the hook near the door and sat beside him on the couch. She smelled familiar, good, like soap and skin and air. She looked good, too, wearing a simple sundress that he’d insisted on buying her. Her hair was swept into a cute ponytail and for the first time she looked truly relaxed and happy. She let him take care of her. She made him feel like her husband.

“Hey.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

“Yes.” She kissed his neck. “I missed you today.”

“Did you?” He tossed the book he was reading onto the coffee table and wrapped his arms around her.

“I know it’s only three o’clock but do you think you could make love to me now?”

He just looked down at her. She was sexually adventurous, always ready for him, always willing to give her whole self to him.

Silly woman.

“Of course.” He smiled at her. “You never have to ask me.” He pressed a kiss to her face, wondering why she looked distressed. “What’s wrong?”

“You don’t have to.”

“Have to what?” He frowned.

“Make love to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can say no.” She shook her head. “I think there is something wrong with me. I think about being with you all day. Even when I’m reading to the kids, dirty thoughts pop into my head...and you are always doing very dirty things in those dirty thoughts. I want to have sex all the time. Twice a day should be enough, but it isn’t.”

She looked so distressed, so cute that he just burst out laughing. Laughing so hard that his body shook and his chest ached.

“Don’t laugh at me, you ass.”

“You’re crazy.” He squeezed her against him. “We love each other and people in love want to make love all the time. There is nothing wrong with you.”

“I’ve never felt like this before.” Her husband wasn’t worthy of love, so for her these feelings were brand-new.

“You’ve never been in love before,” he said quietly. He kissed her throat. “And I think about you, too.”

She melted into him. Her body was familiar and welcoming.

“All day. I’ll always want to make love to you.” He pulled her dress over her head, revealing her very pretty, very pink bra and panties.

“Take me to bed.” She was kissing him, touching him, rubbing her body against him in a hurried hungry way.

“No. Here.”

“On the couch?”

“Yes.” He unfastened her bra, taking one of her breasts in his mouth. She moaned.

“I want you on top of me. I love the way your heavy body feels. I love the way you look at me.”

“You’ll like this, too.” He stood, quickly stripping them of their clothing. He sat again, his erection standing straight up. “Sit on top of me, Lexy.” He grabbed her hips. “Trust me.” She looked unsure for a moment, but then her eyes locked with his and she slowly lowered herself. Every time they made love it was an experience. It was fine with Caroline but it had never been all-encompassing like it was with Lexy. He needed Lexy liked he needed air.

“Promise me...” She lowered herself slowly, ridiculously slowly. “Promise me you’ll love me forever.”

“You know I will.” He grasped her hips and pulled her down.

“No matter what happens.” She moaned slightly, trying to fit him in her tight wet space. Something was causing her to doubt him. She was holding on to something. She was worried about something. He wondered if it was the same thing that terrified him.

“No matter what.”

She leaned in and kissed his face—not a sexual kiss, despite their position, but a love kiss.

“You’re very good to me.” She sank all the way down, filling herself with him.

“Move on me, honey. Anyway you like.”

Her hips rocked back and forth giving him pleasure so acute it was painful. She draped her arms around his shoulders, letting her head fall back, while her hips rocked in a deliciously seductive motion. He let her take control, take her pleasure from him, and all he did, all he could do, was sit back and enjoy the exquisite torture. Soon she shuddered, whimpered and climaxed in such a sexy way that it made him more aroused.

“That was good.” She looked into his face and smiled.

“It was.” He was still rock hard inside her and was nowhere near done. He lifted her slightly, and lowered her slowly. “But we’re not done yet.” He fluttered kisses along her throat. “I’m going to make you scream.” He set a slow rhythm, allowing her to feel every hard inch of him as he slid in and out of her.

“I don’t scream,” she panted.

“Not yet, you don’t.” He captured hers lips and sucked deeply. Her tongue was sweet, her mouth was warm and wet and he couldn’t seem to get enough of her.

“Ryan, I’m going to...” She gasped. “Again.”

“Say it,” he said through gritted teeth. “You’re going to come again.” He pumped harder, sliding her furiously over his cock.

“I’m going to come,” she cried. And then she did. Violently.

“Good.” He finished, too, spilling his seed inside her.

“My God.” She kissed his damp hairline. “My God.” Sweet exhaustion overtook her and she rested her head on his shoulder. “My God. My God. My God,” she breathed, causing him to laugh.

“It must have been good if you’re taking the lord’s name in vain.”

“My God,” she laughed.

“Don’t you wish you would have given in two months ago?”

“I do. I wish I would have met you ten years ago.”

Chapter Twenty-One

“W
hat’s wrong, Ryan?” Lexy Beecher asked the man she called her husband. She found him lying in bed, eyes closed, hands folded neatly over his hard belly. “Ryan?” She touched his face, finding him slightly clammy. Her alarm went off. Ever since he came out of the hospital she had worried that he healed too fast. And now that they were close that little niggle of worry ballooned into full-blown anxiety.

“Ryan, please answer me!”

“My stomach is upset. It must have been the Mexican food.”

They had gone for an early dinner at Pena’s, a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that made authentic Mexican food.

“I told you.” She smacked his chest. “Why on earth did you order a three-pound burrito?” Just then his stomach let out a monstrous gurgle. This was going to be a rough night.

“It was damn good,” he said, his face twisted in discomfort. “You ate some, too. Why doesn’t your stomach hurt?”

“My poor baby.” She kissed his handsome but moist face. “What can I do for you?”

“Can you bring me some Pepto and maybe sleep in the other room tonight?”

“You mean you’re not going to make love to me?” she teased.

“Lexy...” he whined.

“Okay, champ. I’ll bring you the medicine, and a glass of water.” She opened all the windows. “Call me if you need me.” She took off his shoes, loosened his pants and covered his face with kisses before she left him.

* * *

“Stupid, damn burrito,” Lexy thought miserably as she rested her head on the cool rim of the toilet. For two days now she had been pitching her guts into it. It was worse in the morning. As soon as the sun rose a wave of nausea smacked into her and she rushed to the bathroom; but the sickness lasted all day. She finally gave up sleeping in her bed and moved into the bathroom just off the garage. She hadn’t eaten anything in days. Even the thought of toast made her throat fill with bile.

“Lexy.” Ryan peered around the door.

“Get out!” She had banned him from seeing her. She was unshowered, pale and all-around gross. Plus she was furious with him. He inhaled a three-pound burrito and only suffered with a night of indigestion. She had four bites and the porcelain pot was her best friend.

“Honey.” He stepped closer and she hurled the toilet brush at him.

“Go away.”

“You haven’t eaten in days. You haven’t gotten off the floor in hours.”

“Leave me alone.” Suddenly her stomach rolled and she held her breath hoping to quell it.

“You’ve seen me at my worst. I was near death and you took care of me. Let me do the same for you.”

“Go,” she ordered, and promptly heaved into her new friend. He finally obeyed and she was glad he was gone. She wished he hadn’t seen her at all, but she was sure he would let her be now. It was exhausting to be sick.

“If you are going to stay in here all day then you might as well be comfortable.” Ryan appeared again, surprising her. He spread a large down comforter on the cold floor, picked her up and deposited her on it. He had brought pillows from his own bed and a blanket to cover her. Perched on the sink was a tray with ice water, beef broth and a bell.

“I’m not going to work today,” he told her. “You had better get some of that down by the time I come back. Ring if you need me. And if you aren’t better tomorrow we are going to the hospital.”

“But—” She didn’t get to finish because he walked out.

* * *

“Lexy?” A sweet voice drifted above her as she lay on the bathroom floor.

“Mary?” Was she dreaming?

“Yes, honey.”

“Did you come here because I’m dying?”

“You aren’t dying. I’m here because you are being mean to your husband. Why won’t you let him take care of you?”

“Because—” Lexy’s head swam from weakness “—I get food poisoning while he gets gas. Where is the justice in that?”

“Honey, if a bomb didn’t get him, a little Tex Mex won’t. Why are you keeping him away?”

She looked up at her mother-in-law as her stomach rolled. “I look like hell. I smell like hell and I don’t want him or anybody seeing me tossing my cookies every five minutes.”

“But he loves you,” Mary said simply.

“I want to keep it that way.”

“Lexy, pay attention to me. Nobody has ever loved you as much as this man. He’s worried and hurt that you are pushing him away. A little vomit isn’t going to turn him off, and if it does you are better off without him.”

“He’s not really my husband,” she said softly, almost fearing what would happen if she said it aloud.

“God sent him to you for a reason, and as far as I’m concerned that man who kisses my cheek and treats me nice is my son.” Mary reached down and tugged her hand. “Now you’re going to get off the floor, get in the shower and eat something before you waste away.”

* * *

Ryan came home from the supermarket and the first place he checked was the bathroom floor. It was blessedly empty. Mary came through for him. He went to their bedroom and found Lexy in bed asleep on top of the covers. She wore a bathrobe instead of that blue nightgown she had been wearing for the past few days. Her hair was wet and curling around her face. He picked up the quilt that hung over the chair and gently placed it on her. He was glad she had gotten up. If she hadn’t, he would have dragged her to the hospital and she would have fought him. She was feisty, but that’s what he liked about her. He kissed her nose.

“I love you,” she murmured in her sleep. He froze. She had never said it before. He had known she did. She showed him in every way, in everything she did. He felt her love and even though she was clearly asleep he knew she meant it. He climbed into bed beside her, kissing her face softly.

“Ryan.” She burrowed her body into his.

“Yes?”

“I thought I was dreaming.” Her breath smelled minty, her body like soap. Was it wrong to be turned on? She was naked beneath her robe and her skin was so soft and her body his.

“How are you feeling?”

“Guilty.” She looked at his chin. “I’m sorry I threw the toilet brush at you.”

“Don’t apologize. I just missed you. I thought I was going to have to drag you to the hospital by your hair. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes.” She smiled softly. “I’m just exhausted. Thank you for sending your mama and making me comfortable. You’re a good man.”

“You literally kept me alive. Don’t canonize me for bringing you a glass of water.”

“You’ve been taking care of me since you walked out of the hospital. It’s in your nature to take care of things. You are a fixer.”

A fixer.

Somebody had said that to him, but in anger.
“You’re a fixer, Cooper, but it’s not your job to fix everything. You can’t bring your brother back. Your duty is not to your country, but to me. You need to fix our relationship.”

“I love you, Ryan.”

He jolted and looked down at the woman he was in bed with.

He remembered everything. Everything. His name was Cooper. Not Ryan. He was thirty years old. His birthday was the same day as Abraham Lincoln’s. His father had died two weeks after his brother was killed in Afghanistan. He was from New York. He had a mother, who was waiting for him to come home, and a former fiancée, who had given him an ultimatum when he decided to go off to war.

He remembered. Every broken memory was now whole. It all came rushing back to him, so many thoughts and faces and words flooded his mind that it made his head spin. It made him feel like he was falling off the earth.

Without his memories he felt like half a person. But now...

“Are you okay, honey?” Lexy stared up at him, her face twisted in concern.

Lexy was not his wife—she was Ryan Beecher’s wife, but he was dead. He remembered Ryan clearly now. He could see his face burned into his mind. They weren’t friends. Yes, they were bonded in brotherhood by service but they weren’t friends. There was always something about Ryan he didn’t like.

My wife’s a mutt.

She thinks she’s smarter than everybody else.

I had to remind her who the man of the house is.

If Cooper had known... If he had known that Beecher had nearly killed his wife in a drunken rage he wouldn’t have died in an explosion. Cooper would have killed him first.

But maybe things happened for a reason. He was here now. He met her and loved her. And they made each other happy. Cooper had thought he had been in love before. He had even thought he was ready to spend his life with that woman, but what he felt for Caroline was nowhere near what he felt for Lexy.

He shut his eyes. He didn’t want to go back to his old life.

Not yet.

He didn’t want this to end when it felt so good.

“Ryan.” Lexy gripped his shoulders. “You’re scaring me.”

She called him another man’s name, causing his stomach to churn. He always knew he couldn’t be the man who did those things to her, but he didn’t want to seriously think about what not being him would entail. It meant that Lexy wasn’t his wife. They had lived as man and wife but they really weren’t. He needed all of her, not just in name, but physically, legally, entirely.

He had to tell her. He opened his mouth to, but the words wouldn’t come out.

Not yet.

His brain kept warning him to keep it to himself. To think about everything. To process. To plan. He knew if he told her now it would all be over. It wasn’t going to be simple. He needed a little more time with her before the outside world infiltrated, before things got too hard.

“Ryan!”

“Say it again. Tell me you love me.” This was what he wanted. His entire life he wanted to be with somebody who loved him without conditions. Lexy was the only one. His parents, his fiancé, the world expected so much from him. Maybe that’s why he joined the marines. Not just to honor his fallen little brother, but to get away from the world. To find out what kind of man he really was.

He knew deep in his gut, he was a better man with Lexy.

“I love you.” She pressed her lips to his. “I’m in love with you. I feel safe with you. I want to make you happy.”

“Lex.” His eyes burned, tears threatening.

“I love you.”

“I need to stay with you.” He pressed soft kisses to her jawline, trying to block out the nonstop flood of memories. “I need to.”

He wanted her forever. She untied her robe, inviting him to touch her soft body. He did, feeling her soft tummy and hips.

“You’re skinny.”

“Am I?”

“I don’t like it.”

She grinned at his comment.

“Tomorrow I’m going to feed you mashed potatoes and gravy.”

“That sounds good.” She reached out to touch his stomach, feeling the brutal scars. “Make love to me.” She kissed his chin, his neck, the top of his chest. He was hard and throbbing, wanting her despite the turmoil that was going on inside him.

“Are you feeling up to it? We can wait until you’re one hundred percent.”

“It’s been three days. No waiting. I need to make love to you.” With that final comment she wrapped her leg around him and freed him from his pants.

“Damn it, I love you.” His mind was made up. He couldn’t go back to his old life yet. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to.