Liberty (24 page)

“Goodbye, Cooper.” She ran out of the garage and away from the house, not stopping till she reached the car. Cooper had left the keys inside. Her bag from their weekend trip was still there. She knew he wouldn’t go, so she had to. She could no longer be in a place filled with so many memories.

Chapter Twenty-Three

C
ooper stayed in the garage for a long time after Lexy ran out. He felt heavy. So heavy that it was hard for him to leave his spot and walk back to the house to face his mother and Caroline.

He couldn’t blame Lexy for walking out, for leaving him. This was his fault. He should have told her sooner. He should have forgotten his plans and just come clean. But even if he had, he wasn’t so sure the outcome wouldn’t have been the same.

Lexy didn’t think he belonged in Liberty and maybe he didn’t, but he belonged to her. And as long as they were together they could make it work wherever they were. He wasn’t going to stop going after her until he made her see that.

“Cooper.” His mother rose from the sofa when he finally walked back in. “You’ve been crying. Oh, honey. What happened?”

“I’m not going back with you.”

* * *

Seven days had gone by since she sent Cooper away. It had been seven days since she had been home. Seven days since the bottom of her world dropped from beneath her. She couldn’t go back to Liberty while he was there. And she knew he was there, living with the ghost of her dead husband. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to go back ever. There were too many memories there, good mixed with bad, memories of a life she shared with two men.

Cooper called her cell phone a thousand times since she walked away from him. At first she listened to the messages.

I love you.

Come back.

We can make this work.

But listening to his voice, knowing that he had another complete life somewhere else with a family that loved him was torture for her. So she stopped listening and the messages piled up until her phone became too full to take anymore.

She looked back to her brother, Kyle, after the phone stopped ringing this time. He was lying in his bed, blankly staring up at the ceiling and she wondered where his mind was. What his thoughts were. She had come to him when she left Cooper. He needed to be with his family and so did she. Kyle was her family. Her only family.

She rented a little room near the hospital and came to see him every day, talking to him, brushing his hair, feeding him at mealtimes so the nurses wouldn’t have to.

She thought she would feel happier doing this, a sense of completion being here with him all the time. This was her original plan. To leave Ryan. To move closer. To spend time with her only family. She thought being with her brother would make her happy, and make her forget about Cooper. But it didn’t take her mind off him, it just heaped more sadness onto her chest.

She knew he was sick. She knew he was dying, but spending so many hours with him she was forced to see how ill he really was. He was going to need a feeding tube inserted, the nursing staff told her. It was becoming harder for him to swallow. His dystrophy was progressing. Every time she touched him, he felt softer. It was more difficult for him to move even his head. He was having more seizures. He was dying slowly in front of her and she felt lonelier than ever watching it happen. Before she had work and Di and Mary to take her mind off things. She had a goal she was working toward. She had leaving Ryan to look forward to. And then when Cooper came into her life she had him and Kyle. She had somebody to lean on.

Now she was truly on her own.

“Lexy.”

Kyle’s doctor walked in with a pitying look on his face. Only the pity wasn’t for Kyle, it was for her.

“You’re still here?”

She nodded, offering no excuse for her constant presence for the past few days.

“I don’t think you should be.”

“What?” She looked up at Dr. Herbert, shocked by his words.

“He’s not going to change, Lexy. He’s not going to get any better. And you keeping this vigil over him is not helping. You’re sad. You think he can’t feel your sadness? Of course he can feel it. This whole hospital can.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, knowing he was right.

“You’ve got to live your life, Lexy. I don’t know what happened to you, but you have to find a way to find happiness. If not for yourself then for Kyle. He deserves more than to spend his last few years of life with somebody who can’t even smile.”

“You want me to stop visiting him?”

“Of course not. I would never say that. I’m telling you to fill up your life. Make yourself happy. You deserve it and so does he. He’s the happiest when you are.” He went to Kyle’s bedside and touched his shoulder. “It’s beautiful outside today. Don’t you think your sister should go out and enjoy herself while she can?”

Kyle’s eyes focused for a moment and he looked at Dr. Herbert as if to say yes.

Lexy almost laughed. Her misery was affecting everybody. Even Kyle wanted his space from her.

Dr. Herbert was right. She couldn’t hide here forever. She couldn’t really ever leave Liberty. It was her home. She had been happy there for bits and pieces. She was just going to have to learn how to make a new start there.

“Okay, I’m going home.” She stood up and kissed Kyle’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon, though. You can’t get rid of me.”

“I’m glad. It’s for the best.” Dr. Herbert walked her to the front door. “A man called for you here a few minutes ago,” Dr. Herbert started in a low voice. “I informed the staff to say they hadn’t seen you.”

She didn’t have to ask who it was. She already knew. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“Is that the man I met a few weeks ago?”

“Yes.”

“That man is not your husband, is it?”

She looked up at Dr. Herbert, shocked by his insight.

“I remember your husband from the first time you came to see Kyle five years ago. He said if it was up to him he would pull the plug. That man was not him. The man I met recently cares too much for you to say that.”

She nodded, knowing it was true, feeling an acute pain sneak up in her chest. “He has another life that I don’t fit into.”

“I’m not one to give love advice, but if somebody loves you that much, is it really the right thing to let them go?”

She said nothing to that question, but she knew in her case it was.

* * *

Cooper dropped his keys on the kitchen table of his hotel suite when he walked in the door. He had been to Di’s house again, and then Mary Beecher’s. He had been all over this town, looking for Lexy. He had even gone to see her brother yesterday only to find she wasn’t there. She had been. Even though the staff told him she wasn’t, he knew. There were signs of her everywhere, the clothes Kyle wore. The way his hair was combed. She had been there hiding from him. And he couldn’t stand it.

He stood there staring at the keys while he thought of her, the Mercedes emblem reflective in the light. He shook his head as his thoughts broke. He shouldn’t think of them as his keys anymore. They weren’t. They were Ryan Beecher’s keys and Liberty was Ryan Beecher’s town. And this was Ryan Beecher’s borrowed life.

He wasn’t sure how word had gotten out so quickly that he wasn’t the man he thought he was, but everybody knew. And the whole town looked at him like he was some kind of imposter, an alien that had come down and taken one of their own. He had always known that Liberty wasn’t his hometown, but the place had become like a home to him. But every time he walked down the street, every time he heard a whisper about him behind his back it felt less like one.

Liberty was Ryan’s home. He was their son, who had died in combat. The town was mourning him. His friends were mourning him and every time they looked at him they felt confused or scared, like they were seeing a ghost. He knew his presence was hurting the town, but he couldn’t go yet. Not without Lexy.

“Cooper—” his mother patted the sofa “—come sit next to me.”

She hadn’t gone home. He hadn’t expected her to—in fact he had asked her to stay with him until he saw Lexy again, but Caroline left. She left because she was fed up with him and he didn’t blame her. But even if Lexy never came back into his life, he knew he and Caroline were over for good. He was a different man now than he was then.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Helena said as she ran her fingers through his dark hair.

“No. I don’t sleep much.”

She, on the other hand, was looking slightly better than when he first saw her. Her skin no longer contained that deathly pallor and he was glad for that.

“Is it because of Lexy that you don’t sleep? Or is it because of the blast? I talked to your uncle before I came. He hasn’t been in Vietnam for forty years but he says sometimes when he dreams it’s like he’s never left it. Is it like that for you?”

“Sometimes.” He nodded. “Lexy helped me through it. It’s better now.”

“She must be special, son.”

“She is.” He fell quiet, not sure what else he should say to her. He was glad to see her, but there was some awkwardness there. He felt more comfortable around Ryan Beecher’s mother, even today when he went to go visit her just to pay his respects. She hugged him and kissed his cheek and treated him how she always had. Why couldn’t things be so easy with his own mother?

“We’re like strangers, aren’t we, son?”

He blinked at her. She had read his mind.

“It’s my fault. I didn’t know how to handle your brother and your father going. So I shut down. I closed myself off to stop the hurt. You don’t know how it feels to lose your child. It’s like the pain is a gushing wound and it keeps bleeding and bleeding until you’re all dried out. And then your father... I married him at twenty. I grew up with him. I spent my life with him...and he was just gone. No warning—” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that. I thought I was going to die. I tried to bury myself in things and shut out feelings and love and anything that could possibly hurt me and in the process I forgot about you. I hate myself for forgetting about you.”

“You don’t have to.” He shook his head. “I was just as guilty. I could have tried harder.”

“No. You couldn’t have. It wasn’t until you were actually overseas that it hit me that I could lose you, too, and then it was too late. I should have said something. I should have tried to stop you.”

“I wanted to be a marine. I liked being one. I liked the men in my unit, the feeling that I was serving my country. I wish they hadn’t died, but I wouldn’t take my service back.”

“No. I know that. You’re a good man, Cooper. I don’t tell you that enough but it’s true. You make me so proud.”

A knock at the door stopped him from responding. They looked at each other for a moment.

“Did you order room service?” he asked her.

“No. I was waiting for you to get back so we could go to dinner.”

The knock sounded again and Cooper left his mother to open the door.

Lexy was there, looking weary and sad, but she was there. His first impulse was to pull her into his arms, but he didn’t. He was so surprised to see her he couldn’t move, because he knew she wasn’t here to come back. She was here to say goodbye again.

“How are you?” he asked after a moment.

“I’ve been better,” she said with a sad smile.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“I know. I want you to stop, Coop.”

He shook his head unable to agree, unable to face the thought of life without her. “Not until you come home with me.”

“Where’s home?” She shook her head this time. “Is it here? Where my husband and his family are from? Where they’re mourning him? Where he was loved? It would be a slap in the face to stay here. To love here.”

He knew that. He had never been more aware of anything. “Then come with me to New York.”

“I don’t belong there. I couldn’t be happy there. Texas is in my blood. And I need time, Cooper. I need time. He may have been a bastard, but Ryan was my husband and he’s dead. And his mama is hurting really bad. I need to be here for her. I love her. She’s my family. Just like your mama is your family. You owe her some time. She thought you were dead. She mourned you. You owe her some time. Away from me. You need to get your life back on track. You need to know yourself away from war, and this place and me. Cooper, you really need to figure out what you want out of life.”

He wanted her in his life.

He shut his eyes, knowing she was right but not wanting to admit it. He was being selfish. Hoping for the impossible.

Right now. They were impossible.

He leaned toward her, setting his mouth against hers one last time. Sucking her in. Tasting her sweetness, needing to capture this moment for his memory. “Okay,” he said after a long kiss. “Okay.”

She nodded and turned away, but looked back at him for a moment. “I do love you. You should know that.”

“I do. And I love you, too. Don’t forget that. Or me. Please don’t forget me.”

“I won’t.”

She stepped forward and hugged him tightly one last time before she stepped away for good. There was no turning back. He just stood there watching her until she was out of his sight.

“Come here, son.” His mother was there, behind him, and when he saw her and the sadness in her eyes for him he broke.

She took him into her arms and he cried. The best part of his life had just walked away from him.

* * *

“Honey,” Mary said softly as she stroked Lexy’s hair. “I’m worried about you.” She looked up at her mother-in-law and blinked. “You haven’t slept in your house in weeks.”

“I can’t go back there. My husband is dead and the man I love is gone. The house is filled with both of them. I feel like I’m suffocating when I’m there. I wanted to leave Ryan, but I never really wanted him to die. I never expected to fall in love with a stranger, but I’m miserable without Cooper.”

“He’s a good man, Lexy. You’d be crazy not to miss him.”

“I’m pregnant,” she admitted for the first time. “Three months now.”

“Oh, Lexy!” Mary cried. Lexy pulled up her shirt to reveal her small round baby bump.

“There are two babies in there. I found out yesterday. Two heartbeats.”

“What are you going to do?”

When she found out, a thousand feelings ran through her head, but overall she was happy.

“Raise my babies. Would you help me? I know they won’t really be your grandchildren but I want you to be their grandmother. I need a mama now more than ever.”