Life on the Ramona Coaster (9 page)

S
O WE DID
the show. That first season was only supposed to be six episodes but it ended up being nine with the Reunion and Lost Footage episodes. From the beginning, I had a gut feeling that we would average a million viewers. They all thought I was nuts, but I turned out to be right. I knew the show would be a huge success.

Years later, Avery told me that when people would talk to her about the show, especially when they were criticizing something I did that they didn’t agree with, her response was always, “My mom does the show for business. It was a business move for her and my father to develop True Faith Jewelry. And now she has other businesses that she’s developed because of it.”

That’s really why I did the show, to help my husband. And then I quickly realized that it was an amazing opportunity for me, too. I was getting burned out doing the closeouts and it was time for me to try something new. The first opportunity that came my way was a chance to promote the skincare line I had been developing for some time. I partnered with a top chemist and it really works. It’s made my skin look fifteen years younger. I didn’t put it out in stores, or do that much marketing for it. I mostly did it to show Avery how to take a business from beginning to end. Then I did an HSN Jewelry line, which was a dream come true for me. Ultimately, I was even able to develop my own wines, Ramona Pinot Grigio and Ramona Merlot.

One of the biggest benefits of doing
Housewives
has been that it has allowed me to show my daughter that you can find business opportunities anywhere and at any age. Here I was in my fifties and all these doors were opening up for me.

•
4
•

Previously, on
The Real Housewives of New York City
. . .

I
FIRST MEET ALEX
Mccord at Townhouse, David Burke’s innovative restaurant on the Upper East Side. My first impression: this woman is a boring Stepford wife. Judgmental? Yes. At this point in my life I have a tendency make to snap judgments based on first impressions, but this is something about myself that I am about to learn that I need to change.

It’s the fall of 2007 and we have just begun filming the first season of
The Real Housewives of New York City.
I already know or have met all of my castmates, with the exception of Alex. The executives at Bravo have planned for us to meet a bit later in the season. But, as often happens in reality television, it doesn’t quite work out that way.

Mario and I have just finished a romantic dinner together and are about to leave the restaurant, when I hear Jill Zarin’s raspy voice coming from over by the bar. She is waiting to be seated with her reserved, soft-spoken husband, Bobby. Beside them at the bar is a lanky, fair-skinned blonde and a flamboyantly dressed, animated man with closely cropped ginger hair. For a moment, I wonder if Jill has replaced her “gay husband” Brad, but then I see the man affectionately caressing the blonde’s slender back.

Oh my God
, I think to myself as I scrunch my face in distaste,
are they a couple?

Mario and I walk over to the bar and say hello. Jill, who prides herself on connecting people, introduces us to the couple.

“Ramona,” she says, “I’d like you to meet Alex McCord—who will be filming the show with us—and her lovely husband, Simon.”

I am taken aback.
This
is Alex and Simon. The same Alex and Simon with whom I will be spending the next few months filming. Now that I’m seeing them in person, I suspect the reason Bravo wanted us to meet
after
we started filming was so that they could capture my initial reaction to them on camera. Too late.

“Nice to meet you,” I say cordially to Alex as I kiss her on the cheek.

Alex opens her mouth to speak and I hear a grating, Australian accent. Although I may have had one too many cocktails, I know that voice doesn’t belong to Alex. Suddenly, Simon is standing up and talking to me. He drones on, and on, and on. I’m not even listening to the words coming out of his mouth. I cannot believe that he won’t let his wife get a single word in.

I interject enthusiastically, “So, Alex, are you excited about filming the show?”

She opens her mouth to respond, but Simon speaks over her and answers the question himself. Alex doesn’t seem bothered by his interruption. Quite the opposite. To me, she seems like a puppet sitting on her ventriloquist’s lap, content to simply sit in the background, smile, and nod her head in agreement. She says nothing.

My head is spinning . . . and it’s not from too many cocktails. I’m annoyed by their seemingly codependent dynamic and I don’t even understand why. I try to tell myself to stop judging people I don’t even know.
How can you jump to conclusions about Alex based on this one encounter?
I ask myself. But I can’t help it. It bothers me when I perceive a woman is married to a man who doesn’t let her talk and directs her every move. Suddenly, I see the connection. Their relationship reminds me of my parents’ awful marriage, a one-sided partnership where the woman is completely dependent on the man. The way Alex and Simon interact with one another has hit a huge nerve. Right or wrong, it’s personal for me and I’m completely turned off. I do not like them.

“Mario,” I say hastily, “we have to go.”

On the way home, Mario and I discuss the encounter.

“That was awkward,” I say, working myself up into a frenzy. “I can’t believe that Bravo would cast that woman. She has no personality. She’s completely nondescript. She’s boring.”

Mario tries to calm me down. “Maybe it was just awkward because you ladies weren’t supposed to meet yet.”

“I don’t care if we weren’t supposed to meet yet,” I snap. “It doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t appear to be a strong, independent housewife like the rest of us.” I pause, roll my eyes, and inhale deeply, “This is going to be a long season.”

L
OOKING BACK
, I
now understand that comparing Alex and Simon’s marriage with my mother and father’s wasn’t fair or even rational. Who was I to judge this couple based on one brief encounter at a restaurant bar? For all I knew, Alex was just nervous or shy, or maybe Jill had told her stories that prevented her from warming up to me. It doesn’t really matter
why
she was so reserved; my reaction says more about me at that time than it does about Alex and Simon. At that point in my life, and sometimes even to this day, my unresolved issues often clouded my judgment and blurred my vision when it came to friendships, especially with my fellow Housewives. For the next seven seasons, my relationships with the women on the show, my reactions and behavior—good and bad—would play out on television before millions of viewers. Although it has been a long bumpy road, being on the show has been a tremendous learning experience and I have forged friendships that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

While I was very excited to do the show, that first season was difficult for me because I had a lot of stress at home that no one knew about. Mario was very ill during the first months of filming. He was having issues with his business and it had worn him down to the point where it was seriously impacting his health. Meanwhile, I wanted the show to be successful, but I was worried that the other women Bravo had cast weren’t going to be entertaining enough. I didn’t know Bethenny or Alex very well, but what little I had seen of Alex seemed boring. I had known Jill for years, and at the time I saw her as a whiny, materialistic Long Islander. LuAnn was always very proper and neutral, like Switzerland. I felt like I needed to amp things up, so between what was going on in my personal life at home and my desire to have a successful show, I took things too far that season and wasn’t entirely myself.

The way filming for the show works is that the producers will call me and ask, “What’s going on this week, Ramona?” I’ll tell them I’m having a dinner party, attending a fashion show, or having lunch with a friend and they’ll send a camera crew out to film. Everything we film is real; nothing is ever scripted. No one tells us what to say or what to do. I wanted my first appearance on the show to be something that would showcase me on my own, so I decided to have a cooking party with my friend Pamela Morgan of Flirting with Flavors. I remember Bravo encouraged me to have LuAnn stop by so that I would have another Housewife there, but it never occurred to me that Jill would get upset that she wasn’t invited. It was just supposed to be an intimate gathering for a few of my close friends. I had no clue it would turn into a fiasco and become a big story line. I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong, but when that episode aired I came off like a bitch for not inviting Jill. That was my first experience of how being on a reality show can bite you in the ass and get you into trouble. My actions were genuine and in no way did I intend to exclude Jill. I had no idea how it would end up coming across or that she would be offended. Maybe I should have, though, because this wasn’t the first time we had this issue. Jill and I have always had a volatile friendship; being on the show has only magnified that dynamic.

I knew Jill socially before we started filming. We both had houses in Southampton, so we played tennis and socialized during the summer. We were friendly, but she wasn’t a close friend. For years, every Memorial Day weekend I would throw a party for thirty or forty people, but I never invited Jill. Then one year, I remember her saying she couldn’t believe I didn’t invite her to my party. The truth is, I much prefer to have an intimate get together than a huge party where I can’t talk to all of my guests. Inviting Jill meant I had to expand my guest list to the point that it wasn’t going to be an intimate gathering any more, so I ended up having two parties just so I wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

Since we are both strong-willed and outspoken, I have learned to take a back seat and to avoid going head-to-head with Jill. It’s better to let her be strong first, contain my opinion (which is hard for me to do), and wait until she is more receptive, to offer her my point of view. I find that when I use this approach, we have been able to resolve our issues peacefully and have even ended up learning from one another. Naturally, over the years, there have been many, many times when I could not contain myself and we would go at it. But, at the end of the day, we have tremendous respect for one another.

The other big confrontation that first season was at Bethenny’s dinner party. I left early and she was very upset and hurt by that. I remember that I had told the producers that I had a previous commitment and had to leave early, but it seems that information was never passed on. I should have said to Jill and Bethenny directly that I was only coming for part of the evening. I was already frazzled when I got there, so when I saw Simon I just snapped and was bitchy to him. Bethenny took me aside and calmed me down. After that, I came out with a martini to welcome him more graciously—unfortunately that didn’t make it into the episode. This is another example of how things backfired on me because I feel my actions were taken out of context. Ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter. We’re all in this to produce a great show. It isn’t scripted. What you see on television is what is really happening in our lives. They can’t show everything, so it makes sense for them to choose the most provocative and entertaining moments. That’s fine with me because I own my behavior. I’m not perfect. If I react poorly in the moment or if I hurt someone’s feelings, I am always willing to apologize and to learn from my mistakes. Life is learning.

The reason I have done
The
Real Housewives of New York City
for seven seasons is because I have fun working and interacting with the other women on the show. I don’t do it to be famous or popular. I have no interest in being a celebrity, but there’s no avoiding a certain amount of fame and notoriety when you appear on a hit television show. Almost immediately after the first episode aired, people began to recognize me in public. I would be shopping at Bloomingdale’s and people would come up to me and tell me how much they loved me and loved the show. I remember the first time I realized that I could no longer be anonymous in public. I was picking up a sink at a local plumbing store in Southampton and a man there recognized me. He walked right up to me, told me he loved the show, and peppered me with questions about what was going to happen in the rest of the season. I had no makeup on, my hair was a mess, and I was wearing an old pair of sweats. I was so mortified that I wanted to hide under my new sink. Eventually, I learned to take my unwanted celebrity in stride. But early on when people would stop me on the street, I just felt like shrinking into myself. I would try to hide behind Mario and Avery, but they would say, “Take a picture with them. Talk to your fans.” That season I was nominated for Bravo’s A-list Drama Queen, which was awarded to the most popular and entertaining female in a reality television series, and I remember one of the producers saying to me, “Ramona, you’re the star of this season.” I just thought,
what are you talking about? What does that even mean?

I had no comprehension of how much my life would change. None. When the show first aired I didn’t even know what a blog was. Jill was much savvier about following social media and blogs, but I had no idea about any of that. I still try not to read about myself. There are a lot of bloggers out there who are full of hate. For the most part I don’t let it affect me, but it was harder for Avery. She was only twelve when the show first aired and at the end of the first season, she said to me, “Mom, there’s two sides to you. There’s the really sweet and lovable side and then there’s your wild side. Why do you have to show that side? Why can’t you show more of your other side? Let someone else be out of control.” I acted out more that first season because I wanted a good show. I wanted to be entertaining, so I pushed the envelope by being a little over the top.

My being so “out there” bothered Avery, so for Season 2 I tried to rein it in a bit. I watched my Ps and Qs and I was more sedate. I avoided conflict, but I wasn’t having as much fun. All of a sudden I went from being highly visible in the foreground to fading into the background. I remember at one point my buyer for HSN said to me, “Where’s the Ramona I know and love? Who are you this season?” That’s when I realized that I was overcompensating and had swung too far in the other direction. I wasn’t being true to myself, which is something that I think a lot of the Housewives struggle with when they first come on the show. I think during those first two seasons LuAnn had the same issue. She was all about being The Countess and projecting this very dignified persona. On the show, she would never do anything racy or controversial, but the LuAnn I came to know off the show is really fun and crazy and wild. She drinks and swears and is a very sexy woman. I do think she eventually got more comfortable showing this side of herself, but in the beginning she was much more reserved on camera.