Life on the Ramona Coaster
Read Life on the Ramona Coaster Online
Authors: Ramona Singer
RAMONA SINGER
POST HILL PRESS
A POST HILL PRESS
BOOK
ISBN: 978-1-61868-876-7
ISBN (eBook): 978-1-61868-875-0
LIFE ON THE RAMONA
COASTER
© 2015 by Ramona Singer
All Rights Reserved
Cover Design by Ryan Truso
Cover Image by Bethany Michaela Photo
This is a work
of nonfiction. Events, locales, and conversations are reconstructed from the author’s memory. These stories have been retold as faithfully as possible, but all stories are those of the author and as such may be subject to discrepancies in details from actual events. However, in all cases, the author has attempted to assure that the essence of events and dialogue are as accurate as possible.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.
Post Hill Press
275 Madison Avenue, 14th Floor
New York, NY 10016
CONTENTS
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
Always Let Faith Be Your Guide
Previously, on
The Real Housewives of New York City
Look Good, Feel Better, Act Your Best
This book is dedicated to my daughter, Avery. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. My mother gave me the gift of faith, and you are my strength and my inspiration. You have been so supportive of me through this trying time. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine having a daughter as wonderful as you. The love I have for you is beyond comprehension.
Introduction
A Work in
Progress . . .
A
LONG WITH THE REST
of America, I first heard of
The Real Housewives
in 2006 when Bravo debuted its reality show about the glamorous lives of a group of affluent women in Southern California. Little did I know then that one year later, Bravo would create an equally successful spinoff show set in Manhattan and I would be cast as one of the five original
Real Housewives of New York City
. When we started filming the show I was happily married, I had a successful seven-figure business, and I was the mother of a beautiful twelve-year-old daughter. I never could have anticipated that I was about to enter the most exciting and dramatic chapter of my life. The first episode aired in March of 2008 and, over the course of that first season, Bethenny Frankel, Jill Zarin, LuAnn de Lesepps, Alex McCord and I would embark on a journey that would forever change all of our lives.
Starring in a reality television show is a truly humbling experience. We open our lives to the scrutiny of the cameras, the media, and millions of viewers who alternately judge, adore, revile, idolize, and ridicule us—sometimes all in the course of one episode. What I never expected when I signed on to do the show, however, was that it would give me the unique opportunity to examine my life from a completely new perspective. Through watching my behavior and my interactions with the other women on the show, I became acutely aware that my past was influencing my present in ways that I am still just beginning to understand. My “unfiltered” personality was shaped by a dysfunctional childhood during which my father verbally and sometimes even physically abused my mother. For most of my life, I kept the truth of my unhappy past a secret. Like many people who have been in abusive situations, I was embarrassed and ashamed. I thought that if I told my friends and colleagues what I had gone through as a child they would judge me, disassociate themselves from me, or think I was inferior to them. Most importantly, I did not want anyone to think of me as a victim . . . because I’m not.
The first time I spoke publicly about my childhood was during the taping of the Season 2 Reunion episode. In response to a viewer question, I revealed for the first time that I grew up in a family where my mother was verbally abused by my father on regular basis. It was liberating to let go of this secret and I decided to open up even more the following season. Over lunch at Fig and Olive, a chic Mediterranean restaurant on the Upper East Side, I told my close friend, Joni, and in turn the 1.75 million viewers who tuned in to watch that episode, what it was like to grow up in a fractured household. My childhood memories were marked by constant fighting, screaming, and crying. For most of my life I hated my father. I hated him for hurting my mother and for making her cry. I hated him for not making me feel loved. I hated him for not providing me with a
normal
childhood. Although I was never physically abused, the events I witnessed in my childhood scarred me emotionally and destroyed my relationship with my father. They also shaped the woman I was to become and tainted my perception of relationships.
After my mother died, my father and I grew even further apart than we already were. Then, three years later, the wildest thing happened. I invited him to spend Christmas with us at our home in Southampton and we actually got along. After a lifetime of resentment, I made peace with him. Then, just two weeks later, he died. Ironically, just when I had finally bonded with my father and he had showed me the love and affection I had been craving my entire life, I lost him for good.
Though the loss was heartbreaking, through his death I was released from the horrible feelings I had been suppressing—the anger, the insecurities, and the shame. Suddenly, a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I will never forget how I felt at that bittersweet moment. It was as if I had finally woken up from a horrible nightmare—the kind where you know you are dreaming but you can’t wake yourself up. I had been weighed down and imprisoned by my unresolved emotions towards my father. Now that he was gone I felt reborn, vibrant, and alive. I was
renewed
. It was a powerful awakening. I became introspective and began examining all of the different parts of my life: my relationship with my husband, my career, my sense of faith, my friendships, my self-image, even my lifestyle. I wanted to shout from the rooftop that I was free and open to new experiences and ways to improve myself.
After I shared my story on the show and wrote about it on my blog, I received hundreds of emails. Viewers could not believe that I had kept my secret hidden for so long. They finally understood why I sometimes had such an unedited and unfiltered personality. Many wrote to me wanting to know how they could renew their own lives and what they could do to make peace with their pasts, their parents, their spouses, their friends, their exes, or their body images. At that point in my life, I was on top of the world and I thought I had life all figured out. And then, in 2013, the unthinkable happened; my marriage of over twenty years publicly unraveled.
Having your husband betray you is the worst feeling in the world. I wish it on no one. It made me realize that in life there are no certainties. Every moment is precious and you can’t take anything, or anyone, for granted. We are all constantly changing and evolving. We are all works in progress. The important thing is to recognize when you have reached a turning point and to allow yourself to embrace change.
I have learned that renewal is an ongoing journey and, just when you think you have all the answers, life throws you a curveball. Anyone can reinvent themselves at any age. No matter who you are, how old you are, where you come from, or what you have been through, it’s never too late to experience true renewal. Very few things in life are ever so bad that you can’t wake up, dust yourself off and move toward where you want to be. All it takes is a positive attitude, an open mind to discover the obstacles that are weighing you down, and a willingness to dig deep within yourself and embrace change.
I am opening up about my life, my successes,
and
my failures in this book because I want to share the experiences from which I draw my confidence and determination. No one is perfect . . . especially not me. We all go through ups and downs in life. I’ve been through a lot. I have earned everything I have and I take nothing for granted. Nothing can hold you back if you don’t want it to. When you wake up in the morning, you have a choice; you can either control your fate and work towards renewing certain aspects of your life or you can hide under the covers and complain about your misfortunes. My personal renewal is a journey that is ongoing to this day. I am, and will always be, a work in progress.
My father, Bohdan Mazur