Lily’s War (33 page)

The workman spoke again, rousing her from her thoughts. ‘I don’t know what we’d do without you, luv. You and our boys in blue still managing against the odds to get through with our tea.’ His teeth showed nicotine yellow in his mucky face as she filled his thick white cup with the amber-coloured tea.

‘We’ve all got to do our bit,’ she said brightly, thinking of all those men still at sea, risking their lives to keep the supply lines open.

The fear of invasion had receded since Germany had invaded Russia, and air raids over Liverpool had been few and far between since those terrible nights in May. Although in its aftermath with so many ships sunk in the river and at their berths, with the dock road blocked in places, the port’s vital role as front door to the nation’s larder and entry for vital equipment from across the Atlantic had seemed in danger of grinding to a halt. It had been Ronnie who had told her how hundreds of men had worked feverishly to clear debris and wrecks to enable the ships to dock and be unloaded.

She considered how glad she was of her brother’s presence in the house. Only when Ronnie and the new lodger were there did she and Matt share any semblance of normal life. They both seemed different beings to the ones who had fallen in love in what appeared another world now. At least Ronnie did not seem to suspect there was anything wrong between them. Fortunately Lily had always been first up and last to bed so it was not out of the ordinary for her brother to find her downstairs in the early morning. An ache made itself felt in her gut and she realised how she missed the comfort and delight of sex with Matt. Hurriedly she thrust the visions the thought aroused aside and made herself a cup of tea, deciding that thinking such things would not make matters easier for her. But for the first time she wondered why she had not set a time limit on his sentence.

She switched off the tap on the urn and eased her back, gazing across the cleared bomb site where grass and weeds were already finding a tentative hold. Suddenly her name was called and a voluptuous figure, dark against the sun, came running towards her.

‘Wotcha, Lil!’ said May, her eyes abrim with merriment. ‘How’s the good works going?’

‘What are you doing here?’ Her mood lightened as she gazed at her sister’s bright young face.

‘Aunt Dora gave me her clothing coupons and with what I’ve got I might just about have enough to buy a new winter frock – so I thought I’d have a look round town. Not that everywhere isn’t a mess these days.’ She glanced towards where the men were working and one of the young lads wolf-whistled. She tossed her head but there was a smile on her lips as she met Lily’s gaze.

‘You’d better watch yourself, my girl,’ said Lily, amused.

May winked. ‘That’s what Aunt Dora says, but I’m not stupid, Lil.’

‘What set Aunt Dora off?’

‘We had men-type visitors.’

She was instantly alert. ‘Who? Tell me more.’

‘You’ll say I’m far too young to be thinking about men and I’d say I can’t stop thinking about them.’ Her eyes twinkled. ‘It was the two Aussies. One asked after you, wanted to know if you were all right. I told him you’d lost the baby.’

The muscles of Lily’s face froze. ‘Which Aussie?’

‘The Rob Aussie. He kissed me on the cheek and told me I was fair dinkum.’

Lily was more than annoyed. ‘Bloody cheek!’

May moved her tongue inside her mouth. ‘I told him he was too old for me and he said I’d get older but he’d still be young. Anyway he only kissed me because I helped him.’

‘How did you help him?’

May frowned. ‘I don’t know. It could be because I gave him and his mate a drink of elderberry wine and a slice of cake but somehow I don’t think it was that.’ She shrugged. ‘I’d better get along. I’ve left Vera with the kids in TJs. We’ll probably drop in later and see you at the dairy so make sure you’re home.’ She rushed away.

Lily stared after her, feeling like a hedgehog who’d had its spines pushed the wrong way. What the hell was Rob playing at, kissing her sister? She would get Vera’s opinion on what had gone on when she saw her.

Lily thought she had problems until she saw Vera. The younger woman looked strained but that was not surprising with Ben in North Africa and letters being infrequent. Every two weeks, with the help of Lily and Dora, Vera got together a parcel to send to him. Aunt Dora generally made him some kind of cake. This week Mrs Draper had offered hand-knitted socks and several hankerchiefs made from part of an old sheet. Lily had rummaged for and found a couple of Jules Verne on the second-hand bookstall, and there were sweets and chocolate, fortunately not rationed yet.

‘He’ll enjoy these,’ said Vera, placing the books in a bag. The twins were outside being initiated into the basic rules of hopscotch, drawn on the pavement with a chunk of plaster and using a piece of slate for a counter from a cleared bombed site. May had gone to visit her old friend Jean McGuire who was now working for the British American Tobacco Company in Kirkdale, where according to her, they were rearing pigs on the site of the bombed fitting shop, fed on leftovers from the canteen.

Lily decided to get straight to the point, but before she could speak Vera said tentatively, fiddling with the scone on her plate so that it crumbled, ‘Andy the Aussie called, saying he wanted to speak to Matt on a spiritual matter. Matt being an Aussie, he said he’d understand his needs better than a Pom.’

‘You didn’t tell him where we lived?’ responded Lily swiftly.

‘I didn’t know what to do,’ said Vera, her brows knitting. ‘So I told him the name of Matt’s church. Did I do right?’

Lily shrugged. ‘Right enough if he was being truthful and it’s not some trick of Rob’s.’

Vera looked at her curiously. ‘I wish …’ she began.

‘Don’t ask me to explain any more than that we met in Australia and Matt was away so he asked me out,’ said Lily drily.

There was silence.

Vera said slowly, ‘Andy asked me out.’

Lily stared at her and knew exactly how she was feeling. ‘You were tempted.’

‘How did you know?’

‘Rob – Australia.’

‘I didn’t say yes!’

‘You wouldn’t be telling me if you had.’ Lily kissed her impulsively. ‘I know it’s not easy …’

‘Nowt’s easy at the moment,’ said Vera, flushing. ‘But you’ve all been good to me and the twins and I’d feel like I’d be betraying the whole family if I said yes. Besides it must be worse for Ben. As long as he comes home it’ll be worth the wait.’ Lily agreed but pitied her and damned the war, while wondering what might be the outcome of Andy’s knowing the name of Matt’s church.

A couple of weeks later Lily and Ronnie were doing the second milking when they heard the sound of some lads the other side of the wall in the entry. One of the cows bellowed and pulled its head back. There were several giggles. Lily put a finger to her lips and reached for the cane in the corner by the door. Then she crept up the yard, through the house and up the entry. She was behind the boys before they realised.

‘Gotcha!’ she said, whacking the nearest one across the seat of his pants, causing him to splutter as the peashooter dropped from his lips. The two others fled.

‘I wasn’t doin’ any harm, missus,’ cried the lad, hopping from one foot to the other in an attempt to dodge the cane.

‘Weren’t you?’ said Lily grimly, catching him a stinging blow on his leg. ‘Cows have feelings. How would you like bits of grain up your nose and in your ears, Jimmy Jones? Besides, don’t you know there’s food shortages? I’ll tell your mother.’

‘Mam’s at work in the munition factory. Don’t tell her! Ouch! I won’t do it again.’

‘You better hadn’t or I’ll have your guts for garters. Now scram!’

The lad legged it and Lily turned to go in the back gate but a figure in air force blue was leaning against it and although with part of her mind she had half expected something like this one day, the sight of him startled her. She remembered just in time Ronnie was the other side of the wall and walked swiftly past Rob and round the corner.

He followed her, just as large and handsome as ever. ‘May told me you’d lost the baby. It must have been meant, Lil, so you’ve got nothing to tie you to Matt.’

Pain mingled with sudden fury. Bringing the cane down, she slashed him across the back of the hand.

‘Hell, Lil, what are you playing at?’ he cried, nursing his hand. ‘You don’t still believe he’s innocent, do you?’

‘He doesn’t remember. He was knocked unconscious. Besides, that’s got nothing to do with it,’ she hissed. ‘The baby was mine as well. You have no idea how much it hurts to lose a child.’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think.’

‘That doesn’t surprise me. Did you really think before you came here?’

‘Only of you.’ He seized her hand.

‘Don’t give me that soft soap!’ She struggled to free her fingers, worried in case Ronnie should come out. ‘If you were thinking of me you wouldn’t be here.’

‘I’m not noble, Lil. I want you, and as I’ve said before I’ll do anything to get you. Pity Matt survived the blitz.’ His eyes gleamed as they gazed into hers.

She remembered Matt’s worried, weary face and also that it was Rob’s words that had caused her to fly in a fury to confront Matt that day she had begun to lose the baby. ‘It is my husband you’re talking about! He might have his faults but so have you,’ she muttered.

‘But mine are faults you can accept, his aren’t. Come on, Lily, you can’t believe that cock and bull story he’s told you? Come out with me and I’ll tell you again how it really happened.’

‘No thanks,’ she said stiffly.

He shook his head and said softly, ‘You’ll regret it.’

Lily smiled tight-lipped. ‘I don’t think so.’ She walked away, half expecting him to follow, but he did not and she determined to put him out of her mind for ever.

‘Lily, I want to talk to you,’ said Matt.

She looked up at him and immediately was on her guard. They were alone for once. Ronnie had gone to the pictures with the new lodger, a middle-aged but spry Irishman who worked as a horse delivery man at Scott’s bakery and helped look after the horses. He had lost his sister and home in the blitz while at the stables freeing his team during the raid. He had told her and Matt how the horses always found their way back afterwards. Lily put aside the cardigan she was knitting Josie for Christmas and turned off the wireless. The Japanese had bombed American ships at Pearl Harbor and it appeared the Yanks would enter the war. ‘What is it?’

‘An Australian airman called at the vicarage today.’ Matt’s expression was inscrutable.

Lily stilled and her nerves jumped. She was unsure how to respond. ‘Who was it?’ she said at last.

‘It was Rob Fraser but I wasn’t there unfortunately.’ He tapped an envelope against the palm of his hand and his expression hardened. ‘I’d have liked to have him tell me to my face what he told you about Abby all those months ago.’

She was immediately very unsure of herself. Matt sounded so honest, as if he didn’t have anything to hide from Rob. ‘He came here,’ she said hesitantly. ‘I told him I’d rather he didn’t. I don’t want to be reminded of the past and his part in it. Maybe it’s time we put everything behind us, Matt.’

He did not respond immediately as she hoped. ‘What did he say?’ His expression was probing and she felt herself flushing as if she had something to hide.

A sharp laugh escaped her. ‘The same old thing!’

‘If he comes again, delay him. I want to talk to him.’

Suddenly she was apprehensive. ‘What’s the point? He’s talked of knocking your block off.’

Matt’s eyes glinted. ‘Should that change my mind? Do you think I’m frightened of him?’

‘I didn’t say that.’ She frowned. ‘But he’s a big man. It’s pointless the two of you meeting, only to fight.’

‘You’re forgetting my calling.’ He sounded slightly amused. ‘We won’t fight. I just want to ask him a few questions. You will tell him?’

‘He won’t be back!’ She was impatient at his insistence.

‘But you will if he does?’ He dropped the envelope he had been toying with and leaned towards her, taking one of her hands and lifting it to his lips. It was the first show of affection between them in months and she felt a lessening of the unhappiness inside her.

‘I hope he doesn’t come,’ she muttered, letting her fingers curl about his. ‘But yes, I’ll do as you ask.’

‘Good girl.’ His smile still possessed that charm which in the past always had the power to melt her heart.

It made her realise just how long it was since Matt had smiled in her company. ‘I’m not good, Matt,’ she said slowly. ‘We all make mistakes and perhaps with time we’ll get through this after all.’

‘I hope so, Lily.’ He touched her hair and traced the curve of her cheek with a finger. Then his hand dropped and he picked up the envelope from the table. ‘I’ve got good news. This is from Aunt Jane! I wanted to tell you about it yesterday but I wasn’t sure if you’d be interested.’

‘Not interested in a letter from your aunt when we thought she was dead? You must be joking!’ The pleasure the news gave her was there in her voice but she was hurt he had kept it from her until now. ‘What does she have to say? Where is she?’

‘Ormskirk. Do you know it?’ He handed the letter to Lily. ‘She would have got in touch sooner, only Amelia took bad and got worse and worse and apparently she’s just died. The interesting thing is that she knows we’re all right because she bumped into Nora in some market they hold there. Because they both had Liverpudlian accents they got talking about their old homes and the bombing, although apparently the bombers gave Ormskirk a slight scare last spring too.’

Lily perused the letter eagerly. ‘I see she’s living on the money you gave her.’

‘She had to because Amelia needed her full-time care.’

‘We should go and see her,’ said Lily, then almost hesitantly she smiled at him. ‘If you think that’s a good idea and you can spare the time?’

His set expression stilled. He smoothed back the tuft of tawny hair sticking up from his crown and nodded. ‘I’m due a day off. We’ll ask William if we can borrow the car.’

They did so and a few days later headed for Lancashire. They conversed little but Lily did not mind. She was not quite ready for a heart to heart but found it immensely comforting being in his company and away from the city. They travelled through lanes hemmed in by hedges and trees stripped of their leaves, leading between fields which stretched for miles towards the coast. The road rose before dropping steeply into Ormskirk and it was not long before they were making their way through narrow streets.