Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) (8 page)

I smiled. “Okay.”

“Just okay? I think I can make that okay into something better.” He rolled over on top of me.

“Just how are you going to do that?” I bit my lower lip. My body was already reacting to his. He kneeled between my legs and pulled my sweatpants down my legs and tossed them on the floor. Then he removed my shirt and tossed it to the side. I was now lying completely naked in front of him. He gave me a sexy grin and licked his lips before pushing me back down on the bed and spreading my thighs before his tongue found my clit, making me jump as he started to lick slowly in circles. I gripped the sheets in my fists as he licked at me. My hips started moving as I needed more but he wrapped one arm around my thighs holding them in place so I couldn’t move. I was so close to cumming and it was driving me crazy, I just needed a little bit more from him and he was drawing it out, teasing me. When I felt his finger slowly circling my entrance I almost lost it but he paused before he pushed his fingers into me. That was all it took. My pussy clamped onto his fingers. I moaned his name as the orgasm took over my body.

I lay there completely still as I recovered for the most intense orgasm I had ever remembered.

“Now let me ask you again Trix. How ya feeling?”

“Fucking wonderful Payne, fucking wonderful and I think there is only one thing I want right now.”

“What’s that?”

“Your cock. Fuck me Payne. Make me yours.” Shit I don’t know why I said that last part. He cocked a grin at me and wasted no time pushing his dick into my wet pussy.

I stared into his eyes as he pushed himself in and out of me. What was this between us? I felt connected to him but had no idea what I was going to do about it. And right now I didn’t care all, I wanted was to feel his cock inside of me as he fucked me. But he really wasn’t fucking me. He was moving slowly, sliding in and out of me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his face to mine as I kissed him, tasting myself on his lips and tongue. I wrapped my legs around his waist wanting him as deep as he could go inside of me. He sat up with me wrapped around him, moving to the edge of the bed so he was sitting with his feet on the floor and me riding him. I continued to kiss him as I moved my hips in slow circles. I pulled away from his kiss as we both stared into each other’s eyes cumming together. We sat there not moving with our foreheads pressed together.

“Wow,” I laughed. “Shit I need to go check on Zaiden.” I pulled myself off of him and picked my clothes off the floor. I turned around as Payne was walking to the bathroom. I had to stop and admire his body. He was built like a fucking machine. Muscles and tanned tattooed skin covered his body and his ass. Shit, I think I may be drooling. I followed him into the bathroom without even realizing what I was doing. He was standing next to the shower adjusting the water.

“Shower with me?”

“I can’t, I really need to check on my son.” I took a step closer to him and he reached out and grabbed me pulling me to him and pressing his lips against mine.

“Leave before I drag you in here and push you against the wall. I can’t seem to get enough of you Trix.” He kissed me again and backed away stepping into the shower. I stood there for a second before using the bathroom and pulling my clothes on. I looked back at him, staring at me through the shower door and gave him a slight wave as I walked out.

I found Cheyenne in the kitchen feeding Zaiden a jar of peaches.

“Hey there little guy.” I pressed a kiss to his head. “I’m going to take a quick shower and then I will come back and get him from you. And Cheyenne. Thanks for being so good with him.”

“You’re welcome Trix. Me and this little guy are buddies. Your dad was looking for you though.”

“Great.”

I walked to my room and threw my hair into a messy bun before hopping in the shower.

I looked at the little girl lying in the tiny box with wires and tubes surrounding her. She was mine. My daughter. And looking at her struggling to survive I would give everything I had to make sure she didn’t suffer ever in her life. I know that’s not the case though. She had a hard life ahead of her and for once I can forgive Trix for running while she was pregnant. I see now why she did it. Our son would never have a normal life but she tried to give it to him. She tried and now that she’s back, I want her to run again. I want Zoelle to run with our little girl. I want them to have a life that doesn’t involve my lifestyle. I picked this life but they didn’t, they were innocent and being in my life they would lose that innocence.

Once I was sure she was okay I went back to check on Zoelle. She was lying in bed, the lights off. She looked up at me when I walked in.

“Our baby?”

“She’s okay Zoe.”

“We need to name her.”

I nodded.

“I want to see her.” She pushed herself up into a sitting position and pushed the call button for a nurse.

“Okay.” I helped her sit up. I knew she was worn out. But if I was her I wouldn’t be able to relax until I had seen our baby first. Me saying she was okay wasn’t good enough.

The nurse rushed in. “What can I do for you?”

“I need to see my baby.”

“Okay but just a second, let me go get a wheelchair for you and then you can go see her.” She rushed back out the door and came back quickly pushing a wheelchair. I helped Zoelle stand up and then sit down in the chair as we waited for the nurse to move the IV bags to the wheelchair.

“Okay let’s take you to your baby.” She pushed Zoelle down the hall to the NICU. I knew this was going to be hard for her. When we arrived next to our baby a nurse was there checking on her.

“Oh you are just in time. I was just unhooking some of these tubes. She is doing really well. You have a little fighter here.” She finished what she was doing and then picked her up and placed her in Zoelle’s arms. Zoelle’s face lit up as she stared down at our daughter. My heart melted at the sight of them. I knew right in this moment that I loved them both. They were my girls and I would do everything I could to protect them. Even if it meant removing myself from their lives.

“She’s beautiful.”  Zoelle smiled and pressed a kiss to our daughter’s head. “Calissta.” She looked up at me.

“It’s beautiful just like our daughter.” I grinned as she handed her up to me. I didn’t know what I was doing. I missed all of this with Zaiden. I didn’t know how to be a father. I took her from Zoelle’s arms and held her close to me.

“I don’t want to put her down but I need to go check on things.” I pressed a soft kiss on Calissta’s head and handed her back to Zoelle. The nurse had handed her a bottle so that she could feed her.

“Stay with us just a little bit longer.” She looked up at me, her eyes begging me to choose her this once. I nodded yes. How could I say no? This was my family. I stayed with them as Zoelle held her. The nurse said that as soon as the doctor said it was okay she would bring the baby to Zoelle’s room so that they could be together.

Chapter Eleven

I sat on the floor between Payne’s legs as I played with Zaiden on the floor. Zaiden was giggling as he pushed his cars across the floor to me and I would push them back. He was crawling towards me when the door opened and everyone turned and yelled out congratulations. I helped Zaiden to his feet and held on to his hands as he got his bearings. I slowly let go of his hands as he stood there in one place clapping his hands. I got up and moved to the couch as Zaiden tried to take a step towards me. Stumbling he fell back on his butt. I picked him up and sat down on the couch next to Payne with Zaiden in my arms.

Zaiden didn’t want to sit still and he wiggled out of my arms and crawled into Payne’s lap. I leaned over and picked up a toy truck and handed it to Zaiden. Then I heard my name being called.

“Trix.” I turned around to see Nix standing behind the couch. “I need to talk to you. My office.” I nodded and took Zaiden out of Payne’s arms and followed Nix.

He shut the door behind us. I sat down on the couch as Nix paced the office.

“What’s going on Nix?”

“I get why you left now. I get why you wanted to have our son away from here. I get it Trix and I don’t blame you anymore.”

“Nix, it didn’t matter. Even though I left it wasn’t any safer. I lived in fear everyday. I knew sooner or later something would happen. I should have never left. As much as I want to say this isn’t true, it is. I would have been safer here. Safer knowing someone had my back. Out there I was alone.” I paused. “Paranoid, and alone.”

He looked at me and just nodded. "You sure coming back was a good idea?"

I looked down at Zaiden and then back to Nix. "I just didn't know what to do. I lost one baby because of this club and I wasn't going to lose another. So I ran. When all along I would have been safer here. If I just would have told you everything, things would be different now. But I can't change that Nix. All I can do now is give you time with your son. Time you shouldn't have had to miss."

"We have a lot of shit to work out Trix. Me and you. We need to sort this shit out."

"Yeah Nix. But this time it's not just us."

"I know."

"We're a mess Nix. Me and you. I don't know what we were or what we are. I just know that we are a mess and we need to figure this out before we hurt each other or anyone else for that matter. I want you to get to know your son. I won't take him away from you again."

Nix looked at both Zaiden and myself before he sat down next to me. He drug me into a one-armed hug pulling me closer to him.

"I never told you this Trix but I want you to know—I love you. I have always loved you, I think even before you were ever mine. I was in love with you before you made me promise I wouldn't love you."

I felt the tears start to build up and tried to blink them away. "I always knew Nix. I just didn't let myself accept it. I didn't know how you could love someone like me. I tried to make you hate me. I did. I tried. But I couldn’t say no to you. I still can't say no to you. And as much as I wouldn't let myself admit it, I fell in love with you too." I looked over at him. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I parted my lips and let him kiss me. Let him kiss me like we both wanted. And then I pulled back. I wanted more than just a kiss from him but not while our son was in the room.

"You promise you won't run away again Trix? Can you promise to stay and figure shit out with me. I can't lose you and our son. Not again."

"I promise Nix."

"I have to get back to the hospital. Tonight though, I think it's time I get to know my son."

I closed my eyes and nodded. Hospital. Zoelle. His wife. His baby. I held back the tears that threatened to fall and stood up balancing Zaiden on my hip. Nix stood up with me and placed a kiss on Zaiden’s head before pulling me into a hug and pressing a deep kiss to my lips. When he pulled away I looked down and walked out the door. Fucking Nix. Why did things between us have to be so difficult. It was never easy between us. And I had a feeling it never would be. I walked straight to the bar and grabbed a beer and joined Nitro at the end of the bar.

“How ya holding up Trix?” he asked between drinks of his beer.

“Better, I think.”

“That’s good. The old ladies still pretending that you’re not here?”

“Of course.” I took a sip of my beer. “I can’t wait to get out of here. Even though I have no idea where I am going to stay.”

“I told you my house is your house. I don’t stay there and it’s all redone now so you’re welcome to stay there.”