Love Comes Home (5 page)

Only, as a doctor she didn't fit into his cookie-cutter world and she couldn't do what needed to be done from this hospital. The place where her mother had died.

Rachel noticed the ticking muscle along Josh's strong jaw. “I'm sorry. If you'd rather not talk about Andrea, I understand.”

“Do you?”

The intensity in his voice made her wince. He was still grieving for his wife but she didn't know what to say or do to help him. The usual words of condolence she'd deliver to a family member of a patient didn't seem appropriate here. This was Josh.

“Dr. Maguire, Josh.” Dr. Kessler approached the table.

“Doctor,” Josh said.

Rachel rose, gripping the edge of the table, panic pounding in her veins. “Mom G.?”

Dr. Kessler held up a reassuring hand. “I'm on my way to see her. Just stopped in to grab a coffee.”

She released her white-knuckled grip and sat down again. Josh reached across and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Comforted by his gesture, she gave him a grateful smile before slipping her hand away. His touch was too warm, too welcome. She couldn't allow herself the luxury of wanting his touch because wanting something she couldn't have was not her style.

“Dr. Maguire, our E.R. attending was very excited to learn you were here. I hope you'll take a moment and stop by the E.R. to introduce yourself.”

Fat chance.
She wasn't going anywhere near that E.R. Too many of her nightmares involved that place. Careful to keep her thoughts from showing, she smiled. “If I have time.”

Behind his wire-rimmed glasses, Dr. Kessler's eyes showed disappointment. “I'll check on Olivia now.”

Rachel watched the doctor leave. “What do you think of him?”

“He's a good doctor.”

Josh's tone rang with certainty and she accepted his pronouncement.

She finished the last of her salad, then picked up her tray and stood. “I'm going back upstairs now.”

Josh rose, taking her tray from her. “I've got it.” He took their trays and deposited them in the dirty dish bin before coming back to stand beside her. “We
could go down to the emergency room. We haven't been gone very long.”

Slipping her jacket back over her silk, short-sleeve top, Rachel shook her head. “I'm not here to work.”

He arched a brow. “Too small-town for you?”

“No. I wouldn't be able to stay focused.”

“Right. Focused.”

The beeper attached to Rachel's waistband sent a shrill alarm ringing through the cafeteria. Her heart slammed against her chest. Mom G. Rachel couldn't make her feet move; panic gripped her, clogging her throat. Josh moved to her side, his big, warm hand cradling her elbow. “Josh, Mom G….”

“Let's go.” The urgency in his tone clutched at her throat. She gratefully leaned on him as he propelled her out of the cafeteria and through the hospital.

Rachel and Josh stepped off the elevator and onto the fifth floor and sprinted down the corridor to Mom G.'s room. They skidded to a halt as a nurse emerged out the door.

“Is she…?” Rachel couldn't say the words.

The nurse smiled at her kindly. “She's waiting for you.”

“Oh, thank you, God,” Rachel breathed out. She swept past the nurse and into the room, aware that Josh followed closely behind.

Dr. Kessler stood at the foot of the bed, writing on the chart. He turned as Rachel approached. There was relief in his sympathetic eyes. “Her vitals are erratic. She's slipping away fast. It'll be only a matter of hours.”

A heaviness settled on Rachel as she moved to the side of the bed and took Mom G.'s hand.

Mom G. stirred and opened her eyes. Her gaze focused on Rachel. “I love you.”

Rachel swallowed the huge, burning lump in her throat and tried to smile, but could only manage a slight lifting of the corners of her mouth. Agony and grief gnarled in her heart. “I love
you.
”

“You're my daughter. And I thank God every day that He brought you into my life.” Her voice was weak, strained with the effort to talk.

Rachel let the tears slipping down her cheeks fall into her lap. She couldn't fight the pain of losing the only person who really cared about her.

“Rachel, happiness lies beyond what you think's possible. It's there waiting for you. You only have to have faith.”

“I don't want you to leave me,” Rachel whispered, shuddering with the intensity of her grief.

Mom G.'s grip tightened ever so slightly. “It's time for me to go be with my Savior. I've had a good life.” She shifted her gaze away from Rachel. “Josh, you'll keep your promise?”

Josh's deep voice filled the room. “Yes, I promise.”

Mom G. nodded and then seemed to shrink within herself.

Rachel pressed Mom G.'s hand to her cheek. Wanting to hang on, to somehow, with the force of her love, keep her from slipping away.

“I'll wait for you in heaven.” Mom G. breathed the words with a smile and then her eyes closed.

Rachel refused to budge from Mom G.'s side. The hospital staff went about their business and Josh pulled up a chair beside her. Even though he didn't touch her, she felt his presence like a soft covering.
Two hours ticked by in agonizing slowness as Mom. G's breathing slowed to small hiccups of air.

Mom G.'s heartbeat fell, then stopped. Machines sounded a strident warning. Rachel instinctively reacted by rising, ready to begin resuscitation. She looked wildly at the others filing into the room. Everyone stood quietly by as Mom G.'s life ebbed away. “Why aren't you doing something?” she sobbed. “Let's bring her back!”

Dr. Kessler stepped forward and lay a gentle but firm hand on her arm. “She has a standing DNR. She was in great pain. She wanted to go.”

Rachel looked down at her mother.
Peaceful
was the only word she could use to describe her. She was at peace with God.

Slowly Rachel sat back in the chair. A cold numbness seeped into her heart, spreading throughout her body. The two most important people in the world—her mother and Mom G.—had left her behind.

The weight of Josh's hand on her shoulder brought a fraction of solace to her restless thoughts. But that was an illusion, she reminded herself. A momentary respite from the grief welling up inside.

As soon as possible, she would return to her life and Josh would stay here.

Now she was truly alone on this earth.

 

Rachel sat near the window and surveyed the crowded church reception room. Among the various flower arrangements and tables filled with food, there were so many people. So many lives touched by Mom G. Some of the faces she recognized, others were new to her. Everyone had expressed his or her grief over
Mom G.'s passing and then wandered off to talk among themselves.

Her gaze dropped to the taupe carpet and the polite smile she'd worn all day faltered. She was out of place among these people. Without Mom G. she didn't belong.

A slight film of dust covered her black pumps. Though she'd numbly stood by the grave with eyes blurry from tears, the graveside service had been beautiful. Pastor Larkin had delivered a lovely eulogy and Josh had spoken, giving a sentimental testament to Mom G.'s memory.

He'd grown so close to Mom G. while Rachel had been so far away. She was glad the funeral was over. After the reception, she would meet with the lawyer, Mr. Finley, to discuss Mom G.'s estate and then she wouldn't have any reason to stay. She'd be free to return to the life she'd carved out for herself, the life God wanted for her. Strangely there was no peace in that thought.

Constrained laughter caught her attention and she looked up. Across the room Josh held a captivated audience as he talked.

She sighed. He looked handsome in his dark navy suit and tie, looking more like he belonged in a boardroom than out fighting fires. He stood tall and carried himself with a confidence that she envied. He was a part of these people. He belonged here. She didn't.

A young boy moved to stand beside Josh. Shock momentarily wiped away the numb ambivalence that had taken ahold of her the moment Mom G. died. Rachel's heart pounded as she looked from the boy to Josh and back to the boy.

Even as Josh put his arm around the child and
hugged him, Rachel realized that this boy with his light-colored hair and expressive eyes could only be Josh's son. The “they” Mom G. had been talking about.

The child could have been
her
son.

She blinked and turned to stare out the window at the little town of Sonora. The quaint, turn-of-the-century homes, the cute little café that hadn't been there when she'd lived in the town and the gas station where Josh had worked during high school turned blurry through fresh tears.

Josh had a son. Why hadn't Josh mentioned him?

Why did she care?

She realized she didn't know that much about Josh and his life. She didn't want to know, she told herself. She couldn't change the past, could only accept it.

There was so much to accept.

The quicker she left Sonora and the memories behind, the easier the past would be to accept—and forget.

J
osh hugged his son close. He was grateful his father had had the foresight to take Griff to the hospital before school the day before Mrs. G. died. He hated to think of the pain Griff would have suffered had he not had the chance to say goodbye to the woman who had helped raise him.

Thankfully Rachel had been able to say goodbye, too. He scanned the crowd. He'd seen her earlier talking with Mr. and Mrs. Poe, then he'd lost sight of her.

She was putting on a good show of strength. Though her complexion was ghostly pale and her eyes were a little glazed, she'd smiled and moved gracefully through the funeral service and the reception.

She looked very mature and womanly in her black tailored suit with her hair pulled up into a fancy twist. When they'd talked briefly at the cemetery, she'd been distant and polite, but he could see by the tiny lines bracketing her mouth and the way she had to
blink constantly to fight tears, that she was struggling to keep her composure.

Where was she? He frowned. She shouldn't have to deal with her grief alone. He started to usher his son toward the door in search of Rachel when he saw her sitting by the window. She looked composed and serene, but he knew inside she had to be crumbling. He steered Griff toward the window.

As they approached, she turned and he saw a flicker of an emotion he couldn't identify in her eyes. But then it was gone and she smiled with distant, polite interest.

“Rachel, I'd like you to meet my son, Griff. Griff, this is Rachel Maguire.”

Rachel held out her hand. “It's nice to meet you, Griff.”

Griff took her hand. “You're in the picture with my dad at Mrs. G.'s house.”

Her eyes widened with surprise. “Yes, I am. How did you know?”

“Mrs. G. takes care of me when Dad and Grandpa work.”

Rachel fought the burning behind her eyes at the boy's use of the present tense. She could only imagine the grief the child would suffer when he realized that Mom G. wasn't coming back.

Josh cleared his throat. She saw the same concern in his eyes.

“When you're ready to leave, let me know and we'll give you a ride to your hotel,” he said.

“That won't be necessary.” She didn't want to rely on anyone, especially Josh, for anything.

He gave her a pointed look. “Yes, it is.”

Annoyance arced though her. Their promise to Mom G. didn't include his services as chauffeur.

He set his jaw and grated out a warning, “Rachel.”

From across the room, Rod called out Josh's name.

Rachel turned her attention to Griff. “So who's your favorite baseball team?”

“The Mariners.”

“Seattle fan, huh?” She nodded sagely. “I'm a Cubs fan myself.”

“They're in Chicago.”

Rachel laughed softly. “That's right, they are.”

Josh placed a hand on Griff's shoulder. “Come on, Griff. Let's give Rachel some space. Let's go find Grandpa.”

Griff gestured with his thumb. “He's over there.”

“I know he's over there, son. I need you to come with me. We'll come back and take Rachel home when she's ready.”

Rachel ground her teeth, but didn't say anything. She wouldn't argue with Josh in front of his son.

“Aw, Dad. I wanna stay here and talk to her.”

“He can hang with me.” Rachel blinked up at Josh, half expecting him to say no way.

“Okay. Then we'll take you home,” he said firmly.

Their promise didn't give him a license to try to control her, but she didn't have the energy to point that out to him. “Fine.”

Josh nodded and moved away, sapping the air of its heat and leaving her chilled.

“I have a baseball card collection.”

Rachel turned her attention back to Griff. “You do?” An unfamiliar yearning crowded her senses. She supposed she was drawn to him because this boy was so like his father.

“It used to be Dad's, but he gave it to me. Now I collect them.”

“How old are you, Griff?”

“I'm eight.”

Rachel absorbed that information with a bit of shock. Josh and Andrea had waited before having a child. She'd expected them to start a family right away because that was what he'd wanted. “You look like your dad.”

Griff grinned. “Everybody says that.”

“I see your mother in you, too.” His hair was more the color of Andrea's and the shape of his nose favored her, as well.

“You knew my mom?”

Rachel smiled compassionately. “We all went to high school together.”

“What was she like?”

She blinked. “Don't you remember her?”

He shook his head. “She died in a car accident when I was a baby.”

This news carried the weight of a punch to the solar plexus. Andrea had died nearly eight years ago. Rachel had assumed because Josh was still grieving that she'd died fairly recently.

Griff had grown up without a mother. Josh had raised his son from infancy all by himself. She had no doubts that Rod helped, but that Josh took on the responsibility made her admire him in a way she hadn't before. And made her ache for both Josh and his son. Ached for what they'd lost.

“Why are you crying?”

Rachel wiped at the tear coursing down her cheek and gave a shaky laugh. “I…don't know.”

“Are you sad because Mrs. G. died?”

She nodded, surprised and relieved he understood that Mom G. was gone. She'd underestimated the child.

“She's in a better place now, where there's no pain.”

“Did your daddy tell you that?”

“Yes. Mrs. G.'s in heaven with my mom.”

Rachel hurt for this little boy, for what he'd miss. She hurt for herself, for the hole Mom G. left in her life. She hurt for Josh.

In an unfamiliar moment of need, Rachel hugged the boy. He smelled clean, like sunshine and fresh air. And when his little arms wrapped around her neck, she couldn't stop the sob that broke free.

“Shh, its okay,” Griff said, his voice so grown up, so like Josh's.

Rachel forced herself to let go. “I'm sorry. That was inappropriate.”

Griff cocked his head to one side. “Why?”

“You don't know me.”

“Sure I do. You're Mrs. G.'s daughter. She talked about you all the time.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Did she?”

“Yep. Hey, will you come to church tomorrow?”

That the next day would be Sunday hit her like a blast of cold air. Her normally ordered and scheduled life was in disarray. With all the emotional stress of the past few days, she'd lost track of time. Attending a church service would be soothing. Josh would be there, but she could handle that. “Yes, I will.”

“Will you sit with us?”

Taken aback by the invitation, she struggled for an answer. “I don't know. We'll see.”

“Aw, that usually means no. Please? You can sit next to me.”

“Well…” She bit her lip. She didn't want to disappoint Griff, but…

“Griff, don't badger her.” Josh's voice interrupted her thoughts and warmed her senses.

“He's not badgering me,” she said.

“But he will until you say yes,” he countered with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

“Aw, Dad.”

Josh raised a brow and Griff rolled his eyes. Rachel smiled at the father-son exchange. Josh was a good father. His love for his son was evident in the way he looked at the boy, the way he displayed affection to Griff so freely. She'd always known Josh would be a good dad.

She sighed, feeling suddenly more alone and lonely than she'd felt in years. Josh had his son; she had no one. But she'd made her choice. A family wasn't part of her world, couldn't be a part of her world. Her job came first, would always come first. She doubted any man would accept that.

“You look tired,” Josh said abruptly. “We should take you to the hotel.”

Rachel stood. “You really don't have to do that. I'm sure Mr. Finley can take me there.” She glanced around for the balding lawyer.

“No, we will,” he stated. “Mr. Finley can stop by later after you've had a chance to rest.”

She didn't like being told how she felt. “I'm not tired.”

His expression became speculative and his tone softened. “Humor me, okay? Let us take you.”

Griff slipped his hand into hers. “You can sit with me.”

“Now how can you refuse an offer like that?” Josh asked.

She was sunk. How could she refuse Griff anything?

But Josh was another story. She couldn't decipher what she felt for him. The confusion left her wary and upset.

She wanted to go back to Chicago, far away from Josh and the jumbled mess of emotions he so easily stirred.

“Fine,” she relented, only to have her nerves strung taut by the pleased look on Josh's face. Pleasing him shouldn't feel so good.

 

The tall, white-tipped, pointed steeple of the historic Red Church, its red paint gleaming in bright contrast to the clear blue sky, rose high above the maple and oak trees in the parklike setting of the church grounds. White-painted woodwork outlined beautifully etched stained-glass windows. The melodic strain of the church organ drifted out with the people as they exited through the open, wide double doors.

Rachel made her way toward the street, intent on walking back to her hotel without being waylaid by Josh.

The sound of pounding feet behind her drew her attention. She turned to see Griff skid to a halt before grabbing her hand. “Will you go get ice cream with us?”

Rachel laughed. “Don't you mean lunch?”

Griff shook his head. “Nope, ice cream.”

His little face beamed and she felt tightness in her
chest she'd never experienced before. He looked so adorable in his navy slacks with a checkered button-down shirt coming untucked at the waist.

She glanced up as Josh approached. His tawny hair was combed back and the green stripe in his tie brought out the green in his eyes. A warm flush flowed over her skin. “Ice cream after church?” she asked.

He shrugged sheepishly. “It's tradition.”

“Will you come? Will you, huh?” Griff tugged on her hand.

“I don't think so.” The numbness she'd allowed to seep into her soul after Mom G.'s passing seemed to retreat every time this child was present, only to be replaced with a tender yearning.

The new feeling worried her; confusion was not something she allowed herself. She always knew exactly what she wanted and how to get it. Except when it came to Josh and now his son. She didn't like the out-of-her-control feelings spinning around her heart and mind.

“Please,” he wheedled. “You can get any flavor you want. Right, Dad?”

“Sure she can.” She heard the challenge in his tone.

Rachel tried to discern what was going on inside Josh's head. His expression gave nothing away. He looked decidedly…neutral, but his voice told her otherwise.

“I have things to do….” She stopped as Josh cocked one brow and Griff tightened his grip on her hand.

“You have all day to do stuff,” Griff complained. “Please, please? I really want you to come with us.”

Her mouth twisted in a half smile. She understood now what Josh had meant about being badgered. Ice cream did sound good, if only because it was a decadence she rarely indulged in. “Well…”

Griff pounced on her momentary indecision. “Yay!”

To Josh's amused expression, she said, “What? I like ice cream. Besides, he can be convincing.”

“There's no doubt about that.” Josh's mouth quirked up at the corners. His gaze narrowed slightly. “I went to the hotel this morning to pick you up.”

“I told you not to,” she countered.

He smiled with wry humor. “I went anyway.”

She'd hoped he wouldn't. She didn't want him to think she'd deliberately stood him up. “I came early to spend a few moments of quiet before the service.”

He nodded, but she could tell he wasn't truly convinced.

“Rachel?” a female voice called.

She turned to a see Jennifer Martin hurrying toward her. They'd been best friends in high school. Very different, not only in looks—Jennifer, blond and olive-skinned contrasted to Rachel's own dark hair and fair skin—but also in temperament. Jennifer was outgoing and confident. Rachel had envied that about her friend.

They'd spoken briefly at the funeral, but Rachel hadn't been in the mood to play catch-up on the locals. Jennifer had understood.

“Hi, Jennifer.”

To Rachel's surprise, Jennifer hugged her again, as she had the day before at the graveside. Rachel wasn't accustomed to displays of affection from anyone other than Mom G. And Josh. Though she couldn't
say that he'd held her at the hospital with any amount of affection, more like obligation. She stiffly hugged Jennifer back.

“We're going to get ice cream,” Griff piped up.

Jennifer's speculative gaze traveled from Griff, to Josh and then settled on Rachel. “That's wonderful.”

Rachel smiled tightly.

“I'm so glad to see you here,” Jennifer said with a bright smile. “You'll have to come for dinner and spend time with my family. I can't wait for you to meet Paul and the kids.”

“That would be nice,” Rachel replied politely, feeling a pang of guilt. She wouldn't be in town long enough to make it to her friend's house, but now was not the time to say so.

“Good. Tonight then.”

Before Rachel could protest, Jennifer turned to Josh. “You two come along.”

“Sure, we'd love to,” Josh replied.

“Great. It's settled then.” Jennifer beamed. “Why don't you pick up Rachel and you can all come together?”

“We can do that.”

“Hey, wait,” Rachel interjected, hating the maddening way they were arranging her life. “I have things to do. I've got to organize Mom G.'s house, pack things up. I don't have time for dinner. I…” Her protest faded as disappointment clouded Jennifer's eyes.