Love Me Always (I Hate You...I Think) (12 page)

My bedroom door bust open and in came
the guys with any weapon they could find. Given a
different situation I would have bust out laughing
at the fact Jake had a silver high heel shoe in his
hand. Ever wouldn't wake up and her pleas for help
were more desperate.

Taking her small body in my arms, I held
her to my chest not letting her move. She
struggling decreased, she began to give up. A few
moments later her eyes fluttered open they were
glistening with unshed tears.

The guys looked at each other not knowing
whether to leave or not. Their thoughts were
answered when Kimmy grabbed Alex by his ear
and led him out of the room. She shooed out the
others. Leon was the last to close the door. He gave
me a meaningful look. We had talked earlier this
morning about Ever not sleeping. He had guessed
she was having nightmares but I had no idea they
were this bad.

She refused to release me. Her arms
wrapped tightly around my back her face hidden
against my shirt. I'm not sure how long we sat like
that before she pulled back.

"I need to go home," she told me wiping
her face and looking away from me.
Grabbing her chin, I made her meet my
eyes. "Ever, I don't want you to leave."
"I need to Oliver," she told me her voice
cracking.
I knew she didn't want to leave. Perhaps she
was ashamed of the fact she had nightmares.

"Baby girl, you don't need to be ashamed of
your dreams," I told her softly, "You have been
through a lot. It's normal."

I couldn't stand the look of torture and pain
on her face. Looking away, I just held her. I didn't
want her to leave. I wasn't ready to be away from
her again.

"Oliver, please. I just want to go home. It's
not the dreams. Just please," she begged.

I dropped my arms releasing her. I couldn't
say anything. I just needed to let her go. That's
what she wanted wasn't it?

She got up and grabbing her clothes and
headed into the bathroom. I just sat on the bed not
moving. Buzzing sounded. I looked over to see my
cell phone was blank.

"Hello," Ever answered from the bathroom.
Her voice was cracking.
"Yeah, tomorrow is fine," she said.
"Ok...yeah. See you then."

Tomorrow? Who was she going with
tomorrow? Jealously boiled inside me. Maybe it
was one of the girls. Maybe they wanted to hang
out and have a day together tomorrow? That had to
be it. But, somewhere inside of me screamed lies.
She was seeing someone else.

Bile rose in my throat. My girl was seeing
someone else. Was that why she was struggling? A
part of her still loves me but she's found someone
else?

Ever came out a moment later. She didn't
look at me.
"Bye," she whispered.

"Who's taking you home?" I asked. Inside I
cringed. My voice sounded so empty. She cringed
too.

"I'm sure Jake will," she told me and
scurried out of the room.

I should have kissed her when I had a
chance. I know I should have. Why am I such a
fool?

~Ever~

I stood outside Oliver's room for a second.
His emotionless tone made me want to start crying
again. He must have heard me talking to Harper,
making a date with him for tomorrow. Am I
making the wrong decision? What if by going with
Harper I lose Oliver?

Jake opened his bedroom door.
"Hey?" he said looking at me.
"Can you take me home?" I asked. He
nodded.
"Give me a sec."
He turned around and headed back into the
room.
"Hey babe," he said softly.
"Hmm," I heard Taylor say.
"I'm going to take Ever home."
"I wanna come," she said and I saw her start
to sit up. He pushed her back down.

"Not right now, baby girl. Let me just take
her home. She's pretty upset." Jake kissed her head.
Taylor didn't argue she just looked passed him to
where I stood.

She gave a small wave. I returned it
weakly. I kind of wanted Taylor to come but the
less people I drag through my issues the better. I
didn't need Taylor worrying about me. She and
Jake were happy. She didn't need my problems.

~What Lies Beneath~
Jake was silent as he took me home. He
glanced at me every now and then but said nothing.
"Jake?" I asked softly.
"Hmm?"
"Do you think I'm an awful person?"
"What?" he questioned confused and upset,
"Of course you're not."
"I'm hurting him. I don't mean to, but I'm
ripping him apart. I can see it."
"He loves you. He loves you a lot, Ever. He
would do anything for you."

"I know he would that's why this is hurting
him so bad. He will do anything for me and I can't
remember him. How can I not remember him after
everything we have been through?"

"It just happens that way sweetie. There's
no sense and crying over what has been, or what
could be. Now, this moment, is what you need to
be living for. Not yesterday or tomorrow. You need
to think about right this second. And, right this
second you are hurting just as much as he is. Don't
beat yourself up over something that has already
happened. You make now better and worry about
everything else later. You need to heal you before
you can heal him."

I stared out the window letting Jake's words
sink in. He's right. How can I help Oliver when I
can't help myself?

"Hey."

I turned and looked at Jake. He glanced
from the road to me, "I care about you Ever. You're
my baby sister. No if, ands, or buts, about it. I love
you until the ends of the Earth too. I know Oliver
will be just fine; it's you I'm worried about. We all
know you haven't been sleeping and earlier you
just about clawed Oliver's arm off. What's going on
with you? What are you having nightmares about?"

Avoiding his eyes, I sighed. It's not a secret
so why hide it from him? I thought mentally.

"I've been dreaming about a boy hurting
me...a lot. But, I don't know who he is," I muttered
thinking back to my dream earlier.

He had been beating me and holding me
down. He just wouldn't stop and I didn't know what
to do. I couldn't do anything no matter how hard I
fought. He scared me so bad and I don't even know
why.

"What does he look like? Is it Jason you're
seeing?" Jake replied in a worried tone.

I shook my head, "He has black hair with a
red streak through it...and his eyes...they're
so...empty. It's like he's not," I shook my head
again to get his image out of my mind but it
wouldn't go away. His eyes were empty,
completely void of compassion or any emotion at
all.

"That's Eien," Jake muttered his eyes
darkened, "You're dreaming of Eien."
"The boy who shot me," I stated.
Jake nodded pulling into a parking spot at
my apartments. He cut off the car and faced me.

"What have you been dreaming about? I
mean what has he been doing?" Jake had a serious
look on his face.

"The first time I dreamed about
him...he...he shot me. Tonight I tried to run away
but it was as if everything was in slow motion and I
couldn't. When he caught me he beat me until I
couldn't move, I couldn't think."

Jake was silent for a long moment.
"Ever, I want you to know that I knew Eien
for a long time," he paused.

"He was an asshole. He was a coward. He
was many things but Oliver took him in. He trusted
him he did everything he could for the kid. Eien
came from a broken home. All of us did, and
Oliver took us in. He was our best friend and
sometimes like a father figure. Sure, he's the same
age as some of us but everyone in the gang will tell
you that Oliver did something for everyone of
them. He'd give you the shirt off his back if it was
the last thing he had and you needed one."

"Now I don't know what you heard about
Eien from Kimmy or any of the other guys but I'll
tell you I never liked him. I mean sure I got along
with him but he was useless. He never fought, he
always ran off when you needed him. But, none of
that matters. See Oliver saved his life. Eien was
being abused...sexually by his own father. His
mother turned a blind eye to anything that was
going on. Oliver, Jason and I had just started up a
gang of our own. Oliver moved out here to get
away from the big city. His father had just gone to
prison and a lot of things were going on."

"Anyways, the three of us were just starting
off and getting into things here. We were going to
fight clubs in abandoned houses or racing in the
streets just to earn money and respect. Oliver had
already been in it and knew what he was doing.
Eien's dad was a bookie. He dragged Eien along
with him to the races. That's how we met him. Eien
idolized Oliver because Oliver didn't give a fuck
about what anyone thought. He didn't put up with
nothing and he'd fight someone at the drop of a hat,
but that was also the drugs talking."

"Eien started hanging around more and
more and then suddenly stopped. Oliver felt sorry
for him and wanted to know why cause Eien's dad
kept showing up. Anyways, long story short Oliver
found out what Eien's dad had been doing to him
and put an end to it real quick. Then he offered
Eien a place to stay."

"Like I said though, Eien was useless.

Couldn't race for shit. Couldn't fight. Well he could
but when the time called for real fighting, he'd
always bail. So no one ever depended on him."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked.
Jake gave a soft smile. "Well, you know
about why Eien went crazy on you right?"

"Yeah, he was in Jason's gang. Jason got in
a fight with Oliver a long time ago and started his
own gang and Eien was one of his guys."

Jake shook his head. "Eien was in love with
Oliver."
I gaped at Jake, "What?"

He nodded, "After he shot you he turned
himself in. Oliver had some connections in jail and
got to meet with Eien face to face. Although there
was a glass wall between them and that is when
Eien told him, he loved him. That he tried to kill
you because he wanted Oliver to himself."

I was too shocked to speak. I hadn't heard
that part of the story.
"What did Oliver say to him?"

"He told him he was fucking crazy like he
should have. However, Eien pulled out a knife and
took his own life."

"Wow...really? Just because Oliver rejected
him?"

"Well he was detoxing off of a shit load of
drugs and liquor. That's why he shot you. He was
blown out of his mind."

"That blood stain in the living room at
Oliver’s. The one you guys tried to cover with that
ugly rug. That was where he shot me, wasn't it?"

Jake nodded, "Sweetie, I think you can't
remember because you don't want to remember
what happened that day. And, these dreams you are
having are stemmed from that. When you are able
to remember what happened I think you will get
your memories back."

"Tyler kind of said the same thing too," I
sighed.

"You can't comfort him in reality so I think
you need to in your subconscious. Right now he's
the dark cloud that's hanging over you and until
you push through him...there is no you and Oliver.
You two will continue this pattern you have of
walking around each other on tip toes not wanting
to hurt the other's feelings."

I nodded, "I love you Jake," I told him
reaching across the console wrapping my arms
around his neck.

"I love you too sweetie."

"You probably want me to let you go so
you can go be with Tater tots, huh?" I teased
releasing him.

He gave me a wry grin.
"Why do you call her Tater tot?"
"Let's just say we started out eating tater
tots and-"
"NO!" I plugged my ears. "I don't want to
know. Never mind."
"You asked," he winked.
"You're awful, Jake," I wacked him in the
arm and threw the door open.
"Good night, Rabbit," Jake called.
"Rabbit?"
"Yeah, Oliver nicknamed you Bunny. So
we call you Rabbit," Jake smiled.
"That explains why he called me Bun. Do I
have a nickname for him?" I asked awkwardly.
"Raccoon," Jake laughed.
I laughed to, that totally fit Oliver.
"Night Jake," I told him still laughing and
closed the door.

I was sweating. I could feel my hair matted
to my forehead. Twisting in the blankets, I slid
back into the darkness.

~~~

I was in a house. It was Oliver's house but
there were so many rooms and doors that lead to
endless halls. I was searching for someone,
anyone, but no one was home. The house was
eerily quiet, and dark. I made my way down stairs
into the living room and started for a light when it
suddenly clicked on and light flooded the room. I
stopped instantly frozen in shock and terror staring
at the couch where Eien sat, staring back with a
gun pointed right at me. Rooted to spot, I couldn't
move, couldn’t scream. It's a dream I told myself.
It's just a dream. It's not real. He can't hurt you.

A pop resounded around the room. A bright
flash of light and searing pain, fire ripped through
my chest. My breath caught in my throat, slamming
me to the floor. I struggled to breathe, to think.
Warm liquid filled my throat, I was choking on it,
coughing, I tried forcing it out of my mouth so I
could breath.

Everything was fuzzy, white lights danced
in my vision. A black shadow loomed over me;
vaguely I could make out Eien's face. The gun. If
this is a dream why does it hurt so much! It's a
memory, my thoughts echoed in my head. More
flashes of light. More ripping pain. I coughed and
spurted up blood. I couldn't breathe. Eien kicked
me over on my side. The blood ran out of my mouth
then and I could get air but my breathing was
shallow.

I felt him kneel beside me his face close to
my ear.

"You are nothing. You are going to die and
you will never see him again. He is mine you
fucking whore. Do you hear me! He was mine
before you ever got here
!"

This isn't real, I told myself. I'm not hurt.
I'm lying in my bedroom. This isn't real.

"He is not yours," I told Eien taking a
breath. My breathing was getting less painful. "He
will never be yours. Even if I die, he will still love
me. He promised me forever. Not you. You are
dead, and this is just a memory.”

I was less than thrilled to be getting ready
for my date with Harper. I knew I should be with
Oliver. I felt it in every fiber of my being that I
needed to be with him.

Glancing at myself in the mirror I fixed my
bangs then smoothed out my tank top. My black
skinny jeans were tucked into my knee-high boots.
Harper had said to wear something that wouldn't be
loose and catch on anything. I wasn't sure why, nor
bothered to ask. I probably should have.

Leaning my hands on the bathroom
counter I looked at myself in the mirror. I needed
more sleep, but I had had the best sleep I’ve had in
a long time. He was gone. I had done it. I had faced
him. Eien was gone.

There was a knock on my apartment door.
I headed to the door and pulled it open plastering a
smile on my face. Harper was standing there in a
pair of tight black pants, his lime green and black
leather jacket and a helmet under his left arm. In
his, other hand he had another helmet this one had
pink flames down the side. I wasn't a fan of pink.
"You look very nice," he told me looking

down my body.

If it had been Oliver I would have blushed
and maybe if I weren't in such a pissy ass mood I
would have muttered a thank you. However,
something inside of me was on fire tonight.

It was as if ever since I woke up this
morning my whole body was one fire. I had a deep
determination. I was going to get my memories
back. I don't care if I hurt Harper's feelings. I don't
care at all who I walk on. I will get my memories
back. I was dying spitting up blood and I still
defied Eien.

Nevertheless, the shock from everything
must have thrown my body into some kind of melt
down mode. After I woke up this morning, I have
been disgusted in myself. How could I have been
so weak these last weeks?

"Err...are you ready to go?" Harper asked
pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yep," I told him grabbing my own black
leather jacket and stepping out of my apartment
and locking it. I grabbed the helmet and sauntered
off to the elevator.

He followed behind me seemly confused.
The elevator ride was short but awkwardly silent.
Harper kept side glancing at me. He seemed lost
for words. I know I would be. One day I was all
shy and beside myself and now here I am cocky.
Things were going to change very quickly.

A lime green and black ninja motorcycle,
which I knew for a fact it was the 2014 edition sat
in the parking lot. It's all Jet and Jake had blabbed
about over breakfast yesterday. They weren't on the
market yet. Oliver had promised to buy one as soon
as they came out. So I knew that it was Harpers.

Harper hoped on the bike. I putted my
helmet over my ponytail trying not to mess it up.
The back seat was a bit higher than Harper so it so
a few jumps to get on. As soon as I slid into place,
he started it up. The engine roared to life sounding
like an angry hornet.

Placing my hands on Harper's sides I held
on as he suddenly jetted us forward. I was startled
at first by how fast he was going. I mean he drove
recklessly in his car but on a motorcycle, it was
much more terrifying.

I tightened my grip on him as we took a
corner much too fast for my liking. I liked
adrenaline but this made me want to vomit. The
trip into the city was quick. I thought Harper would
be heading into the richer part of the city again but
instead he turned and headed off toward the harbor
and warehouse district.

The warehouses in the part looked rougher
than the ones near Oliver's gang hang out. With the
helmet on, I couldn't ask him where we were going
either. That's when I heard the reviving of engines
and tires spinning out.

Harper came up on a turn and we were
engulfed in people. A guy who must have been
look out moved his car and waved us through. The
road between the warehouses had been shut down
and each side of the asphalt strip was lined with
cars and people.