Love Me: Oakville Series:Book 5 (23 page)

Then I think of Chase. He needs more than just me. He needs a mother. But would he ever accept another woman basically taking his mother’s place? I can’t imagine he would be okay with me dating someone new. Could I ever have a woman in the house...the bed...I once shared with my wife? I still sleep on my side of the bed, unable to takeover hers. Hell, her side of the closet is still filled with all her clothes and shoes. Her dresser has also been untouched. I’ve tried several times over the years to clean them out, but I can never seem to do it. Holly and Amber have offered several times to do it for me, but having someone other than me going through and getting rid of her things just doesn’t feel right. As crazy as it sounds, having her things here helps me feel like she’s still here. Her clothes still have faint traces of her perfume and there are outfits I can remember her wearing and what we were doing at the time. Those memories make me smile.

My phone buzzes on the table next to me. I glance over and see it’s a text from Paul asking me if I want to have lunch at KC’s with him and the guys. I could use a break from all my wallowing, and it’s not like I’m getting anywhere with my lyrics today. I reply to the text and tell him I’m on the way.

Paul, Kyle, and Angel are all sitting in a booth in the back corner of the bar. As I walk over, I wave to Holly, who’s behind the bar. She returns the wave and smiles. Something about the look on her face worries me. I know that look. It’s the one she gets when she’s up to something—the same one she gets when she’s about to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. I know they all do it because they care, not because they’re just being nosy and pushy, and that’s the only reason I tolerate it. I make a note to watch out for whatever it is she has planned.

“Hey there, dickhead,” Angel jokes as I slide into the booth next to him. I look around the table and all three of them have the same look Holly does. My stomach knots, wondering what in the hell they all have going on.

“Okay, fuckers, spill. What do y’all know that I don’t?” I demand. They all laugh and look at each other.

“Holly ran into your girlfriend last night at Kelly’s,” Paul says, a shit-eating grin on his face. Anxiety swirls around me. Holly was a complete bitch to Lexi last night, and that was in front of me. I can’t imagine how she was without me around. I run my hand through my hair.

Reluctantly, I ask, “What happened?”

“Notice he didn’t deny she’s his girlfriend,” Kyle teases, and I flip him off.

“Are you twelve? She’s not my girlfriend. Now, what happened?”

“Weeeeell,” he draws out, and I stare at him, not amused by his antics. “Really, man, it was fine. Holly apologized for being abrasive,” he says.
Abrasive?
She was in full on demon bitch mode. “They talked for over an hour and Holly even invited her to join them for girls’ night this week.” He smiles.
Fucker.
It’s bad enough I’m tied to Lexi because of Chase, but now she’s going to buddy up to all the girls. She’ll be everywhere.

“Maybe you should just ask the girl out on a date,” Angel suggests, and my body tenses as my stomach flip-flops. If only it were that easy.

“I don’t know. What about Chase? I’m worried he might not like me dating his teacher. And will he be okay with me dating at all?” I leave out the part that I’ll feel like I’m cheating on my wife. In my head, I know that’s not the case, but my heart just hasn’t caught up to that way of thinking yet.

“Ask him what he thinks about it first. I think getting back out there will do you both some good. We’re not saying you have to marry the girl or anything, just get out and have a little fun,” Kyle says. Unease still fills my gut at the thought of dating, but maybe it’s finally time. I glance around the table and they are all smiling at me, as if they know the decision I’ve made. The three of them raise their beers. Shaking my head, I raise mine.

“To getting back to living,” Angel says. We all clink our bottles together. I have to admit, I feel a little lighter. Maybe they’ve been right all along in pushing me toward this. Still, I can’t help but worry what Taryn would think. I’d never before given much thought to what happens after a person dies, but for the past three years I’ve wondered. Can our loved ones look down and see what’s going on in our lives? Can they hear us when we talk to them? I know it sounds a little crazy, and it’s not something I’d say out loud, but there have been times when I’ve been thinking of or talking to Taryn where it’s felt like she’s right there next to me.

One night, right after she passed away, I was sitting on the back patio talking to her. When I said I needed her here with me and I felt so alone without her, something strange happened. I felt something on my shoulder, like a hand resting on it. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and a calm I hadn’t felt since she left washed over me. I’ve never been one of those people who believed in ghosts or spirits walking around with the living, and I didn’t expect some sort of Patrick Swayze situation like in the movie
Ghost
, but on this night, I had the strongest feeling she was right there with me, trying to comfort me. I never told anyone this story, afraid they all may think I need to be in a padded room. I still have no idea what it was or if it was anything more than my grief-stricken mind playing tricks on me, but I’d like to believe she was there and knew how much I missed her.

We all eat lunch without any more talk about my need for a love life. The closer it gets to the time I have to pick up Chase, the more my stomach begins to twist and knot. I haven’t been this nervous about asking a woman out since I was in high school. I’ve decided to talk with Chase about it tonight. I’m leaving it all up to him. If any part of him is not okay with the idea of me taking her out, then it won’t happen. I just wish I knew without a doubt I was ready for this.

“W
here does this piece go?” I ask Chase. I never realized how difficult some of these Lego buildings can be. Today we are putting together the fire station. We have been working on this one for two days. This one is a lot bigger than the police station was. I always wanted Legos as a kid, but never had any. I think Aunt Rose thought they were meant for little boys, but I’m enjoying putting these together as much as Chase is.

Chase takes the piece from my hand and places it in the empty spot on top of the building. He smiles at me, then looks back over his masterpiece. “Now, we just have to build the fire trucks and it’s all done. This one was hard, but it turned out really nice. I can’t wait to show my dad,” he states, his face beaming with pride. He’s in his element when he’s building with Legos.

We’ve talked quite a bit over the last few days of building. I’ve learned that he’s worried about his dad. Chase is afraid his dad will never be happy again—at least not like he was before. He’s also upset that Marcus doesn’t spend time with him like he used to. He told me before his mom died, they’d all spend hours together building Legos.

After placing the final truck out in front of the firehouse, I decide it’s a good time to ask him about his mom. We haven’t really gone into an in depth conversation about her yet. Chase always tends to change the subject. “Are you angry at your mom for dying? For a long time after my parents died, I was pretty mad.” He stops what he’s doing and stares out the window.

“A little,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know I probably shouldn’t be. It wasn’t her fault, but sometimes, I just can’t stop it.” My heart aches for him. I understand what he’s feeling all too well. To be angry at someone you love, someone who didn’t leave intentionally, makes you feel guilty.

“She knows you’re not really mad at her. It’s the situation you’re mad at. It’s okay to feel that way. You just have to learn to talk about how you feel to someone instead of letting it build up inside you,” I tell him, hoping he grasps what I’m saying.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks, and a lump forms in my throat. For a moment, I’m unable to speak, scared that the words won’t come out. I’m so touched that he feels comfortable enough to talk to me. “I like talking to you,” he adds.

“I like talking to you, too,” I say, finally finding my voice. “You can talk to me anytime you want to.” His eyes light up and his smile grows even wider. He turns around and begins to work on his Legos again. Just when I think our heart to heart is over, he begins to speak. “Thank you for picking me to help with this project. I love building Legos. It makes me think of my mom ‘cause she always helped me build. We had so much fun together. Did my dad tell you how much I like them or something?”

“No, he didn’t. Remember the story you wrote at the beginning of the school year?” I ask, and he nods his head yes. The first week of school, I asked the class to write a story about their favorite things to do. Chase wrote a three-page story about building with Legos. It was a great story. He told me about all the different things he’s created with Legos, but never mentioned it was something he and his mom did together. It makes me wonder why Marcus doesn’t play with him.

“After reading that, I thought you’d be the perfect person to help me with this project. After all, you’re an expert,” I tell him, and he giggles, a bright red blush covering his cheeks.

“I’m not an expert. Not yet, anyway.”

“You’re getting pretty close. I couldn’t put these buildings together on my own.” I ruffle his spiky hair. A throat clears behind us, causing us both to quickly turn around. Marcus is standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his broad chest, a crooked smile on his face. Heat rushes through my body at the sight of him. I can’t deny he’s a handsome man—tall with big, thick muscles in all the right places. Who wouldn’t find him attractive? Then there’s his sweet and kind personality and the fact that he’s an amazing father. He’s the total package. The only problem is he’s still hung up on his dead wife. On one hand, it’s the sweetest thing in the world. On the other, it makes him off limits.

He pushes off the doorjamb and walks toward us. My heart begins to beat faster. His smile widens and his eyebrow raises, as if he can sense my reaction to his presence and he likes it. This is new. Usually, this man is avoiding me, and if avoidance isn’t possible, then he’s quiet and nervous around me. Today, something is different with him. He seems confident and maybe even a little cocky. There’s a swagger in his walk I never noticed before. I have to say, confident and cocky Marcus is just as hot as shy and nervous Marcus.

When he reaches us, he gives Chase a hug. The excitement is radiating off Chase in waves. He’s so proud of his work so far and he’s really been wanting his dad to see it. He immediately starts explaining every detail about the buildings he’s finished. It’s fun to watch Chase explain everything so animatedly and to see Marcus listen so intently.

“Ms. Bissen,” a voice calls, pulling me from the precious moment. I turn to see Mrs. Rogers in the doorway. “Can I borrow you for a moment? I need an extra set of hands for a banner I’m hanging.”

“Of course,” I reply. Turning to Chase and Marcus, I say, “I’ll be back in a few moments. Take your time looking at everything.” Chase doesn’t skip a beat before he’s back to describing every little step that went into his buildings. I smile as I follow Mrs. Rogers from the room.

It only takes about five minutes to help hang the banner. As I get outside my classroom door, I hear Marcus talking to Chase. I know I shouldn’t, but when I hear my name, I can’t help but listen. “Have you been having fun with Ms. Bissen?” Marcus asks.

“A lot of fun, Dad. She’s the best,” Chase replies. Tears fill my eyes. He’s such a sweet boy. A wave of guilt passes through me for eavesdropping. It’s like watching a car wreck, though. No matter how badly I want to look away, I can’t seem to do it.

“I really like her, too,” Marcus says, and my knees get weak from his admission.
He likes me?
Nah. He must just mean he likes me as Chase’s teacher or a friend. “What would you think about me asking her out on a date?” The air leaves my lungs and I cover my mouth with my hand to stifle the gasp.
He wants to ask me on a date?
And how sweet is it that he’s asking Chase what he thinks first? I wish I could be a fly on the wall and see the expression on Chase’s face. He hasn’t answered Marcus, but when he does speak, my heart melts.

“I’d like her to be your girlfriend, Daddy. She’s really nice and pretty,” Chase tells him. Marcus chuckles.

“Let’s see if she even says yes to a date first, buddy.”

Chase goes back to explaining how we built the firehouse and I take that as my cue to enter the room. I try to keep my composure and not let on that I heard their entire conversation. Marcus stands.