Love Me: Oakville Series:Book 5 (20 page)

“S
o, what are you doing here this late? Shouldn’t you be picking Chase up about now?” Paul asks as he wipes down the bar in front of me, Kyle, and Angel. I’ve spent almost every afternoon here at KC’s for the last three years. I hate being in the house alone. It’s not as bad when Chase is there. Even though he’s off doing his own thing, at least he’s in the same house. When I’m there alone, I think of her and it hurts.

“No. Three days a week he stays after with his teacher, Ms. Bissen. She’s trying to help him talk stuff out. Lately, he’s getting quite the temper over the littlest things,” I tell them.

“I’ve noticed that, too. He bit my head off the other day when I beat him while we were playing UFC on the PS4. He used to just brush it off, then tell me he’ll kick my butt next time,” Angel says. I hope this time with Lexi does Chase some good. I need my son back.

“It’s my fault. I let this go on for way too long. I was too wrapped up in my own grief, I wasn’t there to help him through his.”

“It’s not all your fault. Not only is he still reeling about his mom, but he’s dealing with all the issues of growing up,” Kyle assures.

“Besides, he wasn’t left alone. He had all of us there when you needed your space,” Angel tells me as he claps me on the shoulder.

“So, tell us more about this new teacher. Is she hot?” Paul asks while glancing around the bar. We all chuckle. He’s probably making sure Holly isn’t around to hear his question.

“I guess she’s attractive,” I say with a shrug. The guys look at me like I have a fucking horn sticking out of my forehead. “What?” They exchange a look between the three of them before Angel speaks up.

“Don’t you think it’s about time you start getting out there again? I mean, you are young and somewhat attractive,” Angel laughs, and I cringe.

“Get out there as in date?” I ask, appalled by this suggestion. Are they really going to start pushing me to see other women? Angel gives me a
duh
look and nods his head. “That’s not going to happen. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still married and dating would be cheating on my wife.” Their jaws hit the floor and Angel shakes his head.

“Are you going to be alone forever?” Angel asks. “Do you really think that’s what Taryn would want?” My blood begins to boil. Who the fuck does he think he is?

“Don’t tell me what
my
wife would or wouldn’t want. The last thing on my mind is dating. It’s only been three years, and honestly, I don’t see me changing my mind anytime soon.” I finish my warm beer and throw a twenty down on the bar. “I’m going to pick up Chase.”

When I get into my car, I slam my fists against the steering wheel. Why did I lose my shit in there? I feel guilty for thinking Ms. Bissen is attractive and for the spark I got from touching her hand. I haven’t felt that since Taryn. That alone makes my stomach turn. It’s wrong. I meant what I told the guys. I am still married. It’s not like we got a divorce. She didn’t want to leave me, but she had no choice. And he said it’s been three years like that’s supposed to make a difference. I don’t care if it’s been twenty years, she will still be my wife and I will still be hurting.

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m driving down the dirt road that leads to the lake. I park the car, then get out and walk to the water’s edge. I can’t help but remember the last time I was here. Taryn was so sick, but she wanted one more happy family day. I remember it like it was yesterday. The sky was a bright beautiful blue and the breeze was cool. Most of all, I remember how happy she was watching Chase play like he didn’t have a care in the world. Even though the thought of food made her queasy, she ate the sandwich Chase so proudly made for her just to see him smile. That’s all she ever wanted. I glance back at the fire pit and swear I can see her sitting on a blanket smiling at me. My chest tightens and my eyes fill with tears. My legs weaken and I drop to my knees.

“I’m so lost, sweetness. I can’t do this without you. Why did you leave us?” I scream into the air. A warm breeze comes out of nowhere and caresses my face. I close my eyes and pretend it’s Taryn’s hand against my cheek. She used to love stroking my cheek, especially if there was a hint of stubble. I would give anything to feel her soft touch one more time. When the breeze stops, I drop my head in my hands and sob. Three years has done nothing to diminish the pain of losing her. It hasn’t made me miss her any less either. Will the pain ever go away?

After a while, I calm down and stand up. My chest still aches and the sadness still consumes me, but it’s time to be an adult. I brush off my pants and walk to my car. Before closing the door, I look back one more time at the spot where our last great day took place. A smile crosses my face at the beautiful memory. Now I understand why she wanted that day so badly. “Thank you, sweetness,” I whisper.

A
fter saying goodbye to my last student, I walk back into my classroom and close the door behind me. Chase is sitting at his desk, pouting with his head bowed. When I walk up beside him and his head snaps up, I can see the sadness in his eyes. My heart clenches because I know his pain all too well.

“Do I have to stay after school because I did something wrong?” he questions, his voice shaky. Poor little man is scared he’s done something wrong. I’d hoped his dad explained this to him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Chase. Your dad and I thought you’d like to help me out after school with a project. I need someone who is very good at building with Legos and I thought of you. I loved the Lego building you did for art class,” I tell him. His face lights up and he grins.

“Really? You liked my building?” he asks, sounding surprised.

“I did. Very much.”

“What are we going to build?”

“I thought we could make a little city over on that table,” I tell him, pointing toward the back of the room. His eyes widen when he sees the brand new boxes of Legos stacked on the table. He looks at them, then at me, then back at the Legos. “Want to go check them out?” He nods his head furiously, excitement rolling off him. I motion to the table and he takes off out of his seat like a bullet. He picks up a box and carefully examines it.

“Can I start on this one?” he asks, holding up the police station set.

“Of course. Can I help? I’ve never built Legos before. It looks like fun.” His smile grows even wider as he nods.

For the next forty minutes, we work together building the police station. He’s a very good teacher. This seems to relax him and keep his mind occupied. Seeing as this is the first session, I decide it’s best to allow him to get comfortable with me. Asking too many questions this early will most likely spook him and cause him to clam up. I want him to feel comfortable enough with me that he initiates the conversation. Chase places the last sticker on the building, then arranges the cars out front.

“It looks perfect. Great job, buddy,” I praise him. His reaction is the opposite of what I expected. His smile falls and tears fill his eyes. “Is everything okay? Did I say something to upset you?” He shakes his head no.

“It’s just that my mom always called me buddy.” He looks down at his hands and sighs. “Thinking about her still makes me sad. I really miss her.”

“I bet you do miss her. You know, when I was your age, I lost my mom and dad. I know how it makes you feel.”

“I’m sorry your parents died. Who took care of you?”

“My Aunt Rose let me live with her.”

“Was she nice? Like a mommy?”

“She was very nice,” I tell him. Before I can ask him any questions, there’s a light knock at the door. Seconds later, Marcus comes walking through it. A smile crosses his face when he spots Chase. It’s easy to see how much he loves his son. I notice they both have the same smile. Chase takes off running toward his father and jumps up into his arms. Marcus hugs him tight and spins him in a circle. After placing him back on his feet, Marcus adjusts the ball cap on his head then smiles at me. My knees go weak and I get a little lightheaded. I wobble on my feet and have to grab the back of a chair in order to keep from toppling over. What in the hell was that? Marcus runs to my side.

“Are you okay?” he asks, concern lacing his voice. My face heats from embarrassment. What is wrong with me? A man—granted, a hot man—but still, just a man, smiles at me and I almost pass out. That’s crazy. I’ve never had that reaction to anyone before. This is so inappropriate and unprofessional. I realize both of them are staring at me and I snap out of it.

“Uh, I’m fine. Just a little lightheaded. I forgot to eat lunch today,” I stammer. Luckily, it’s not a lie.

“Daddy’s taking me to Chuck E. Cheese’s. Want to come with us? They have great pizza and for adults they have beer. Daddy says no adult could go there without alcohol.” Marcus turns bright red and shakes his head. I giggle. There’s no filter on a child’s mouth. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I hear. One student once told me her daddy likes to wear her mommy’s underwear.

“I’m sure Ms. Bissen already has plans,” Marcus states, breaking me from my thoughts. The look on his face reminds me of a deer in headlights. I can’t tell whether he’s worried I’ll say yes or worried I’ll say no. I want to say yes. I’ve had more fun this afternoon with Chase than I’ve had in a long time. Besides, what am I going to do but go home alone and curl up on the couch with Foster and a bottle of wine? Not really a fun filled evening. I’m worried if I say yes, it will upset Marcus, though. He may want this time alone with Chase.

“I wouldn’t want to interrupt your guys’ night out,” I say. Marcus seems to snap out of his daze. He looks over at Chase, who’s making a puppy dog face, his eyes pleading and hopeful at the same time.