Love Starved (27 page)

Micah stretched, wincing when pins and needles settled in his hand. “Nope, very real. Complete with a very real need to pee and brush my teeth.”

Aiden laughed. “Ah, there’s my hopeless romantic of a boyfriend.” He paused, as if testing the word on his tongue, and something in Micah melted. It sounded perfect.

Still, first things first.

“Well, boyfriend, I’m gonna kiss the hell out of you—in a moment. And then I’m going to take you out for a real date tonight because we’ve done this thing totally backwards.” He got up and walked toward the bathroom, but paused in the doorway. “And for the record, I don’t put out on the first date. Just so you know.”

Judging by the way Aiden’s eyes lit up, one might think he’d just been promised the moon.

The ice rink at the
Depot offered a spectacular view of the city, and on that cold, snowy night in January, it was all sharp contrasts of darkness and city lights, clean-cut outlines and soft snowflakes. Inside, the music was flowing from the speakers and the ice was gleaming, and Micah was holding Aiden’s gloved hand as they skated smoothly, effortlessly among a colorful scattering of other people who’d decided to come here tonight.

Micah had savored every minute of this first day together—from the goodbye kiss in the morning as they parted to go to work and classes, through the too-slow hours at the office spent daydreaming and planning and grinning at his thoughts, all the way to the moment when he’d knocked on Aiden’s door at six, a bouquet of white lilies and red roses in hand and his heart filled with happy anticipation.

They’d taken the bus, holding hands the whole time and stealing kisses like love-struck teenagers, and then laughed at their first unsteady steps on the ice until their legs remembered how to skate. It was easy once they found the rhythm, and Micah no longer had to watch all the other couples with envy heavy in the pit of his stomach, as he had for years. He didn’t know if any other couples were there now—he was too busy to care, filled with the bubbly, all-encompassing happiness that felt like sparks in his blood, with the joy of skating and talking and laughing out loud, of mere breathing. He didn’t remember when he’d last felt so alive.

An ice-skating date had been one of Micah’s romantic dreams ever since he’d had romantic dreams—and it was proving better than he’d ever imagined. Maybe because he’d never thought the man by his side would also be his best friend.

When he shared that with Aiden, a slow smile of surprise spread on Aiden’s face and he stopped them by the waist-high railing surrounding the rink.

“Remember how I told you that all of my dreams and memories have been tainted by my job?” he asked with his eyes wide, and Micah nodded. How could he forget? “I just realized… we’re creating new ones already.” Aiden looked almost dazed. “Everything from now on, all the new experiences, they will never be touched by that. I never thought I would get to have anything pure again, but… God, you have no idea how precious it is to belong to only one person.”

He kissed Micah with such force that they lost their balance and tumbled down onto the ice, and they just sat there, laughing, for a moment before helping each other to their feet.

Afterwards, they took a cab to the very restaurant where their first “date” had been—a deliberate decision Micah had made because they weren’t discarding everything that had been between them before, but building on it, on their unique personal history. They sat inside, and if Micah had thought back then that he’d been taken on a perfect date—well, it only proved how little he’d known. The same man sat across the table from him tonight, and yet so much—from his name to the love shining brightly in his eyes—was different about him now. Tonight it seemed this time and place were created just for them, as if the whole world conspired to make it unforgettable: every nuance of the wine they drank, every flicker of the candle reflected in Aiden’s golden eyes, every bite of dessert they shared.

When they arrived at Aiden’s apartment door around eleven, Micah leaned in for a goodnight kiss. They broke apart minutes later, both breathing heavily.

“You could… stay over tonight,” Aiden whispered, glancing at Micah’s lips. “I bought a spare toothbrush, just in case.”

Micah stole another kiss. “Haven’t you had enough of me yet?” he teased.

“I don’t think I will ever have enough of you.”

Micah grinned. “Okay then.”

“So why was it so
important that you never stayed the night?” Micah asked half an hour later, after they’ve both showered—separately—and settled on the bed in pajamas. It wasn’t a very glamorous ending to their date, but somehow, it felt perfect, comfortable and familiar.

Aiden shrugged. “Sleep makes you vulnerable.”

“So does sex.”

“Not if you never let go.” Aiden smiled sadly.

“But… never? How about those times we were together?” Micah asked, incredulous.

“Sometimes—sometimes I managed to forget and get lost in the moment. But sooner or later I would snap back to the routine and the mechanics of it.” He took Micah’s hand. “Please don’t take it personally. It’s just, I’m so used to being focused on observing and planning how to satisfy the cli… um, partner that it’s automatic now. I think it may take a while until I relearn to do it for me, too.” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry.”

Micah arched an eyebrow, an idea already bouncing through his head, setting neurons alight.

“No, don’t be sorry. Actually, I think it’s perfect.”

Aiden frowned. “How can it be perfect?”

“I never had a chance to discover all things sexual at my own pace. You want to relearn to take pleasure from intimacy.” Micah grinned, excited. “Can you see where I’m going with this?”

“Oh.” Aiden looked impressed; then his eyes grew darker and he stared at Micah’s lips. “I love you, you know?” he said before tackling Micah to the bed and kissing him senseless.

They only got as far as dropping their shirts that night. Never before—not even that one special night they’d had—had Micah understood how much pleasure was to be taken merely from skin-on-skin contact; how powerful he’d feel reducing a man—a gorgeous, experienced man—to whispering his name like a benediction with just slow kisses all over his exposed chest and back, kisses which would lead nowhere except falling asleep together, still holding hands.

They had time; not only the whole long night, but however long they wanted. There was no hurry now, and a lot to rediscover, replace, relearn together. They couldn’t be each other’s firsts, but they could still have firsts together, as many as possible, at their own pace. And Micah intended to stretch it out and enjoy it until Aiden forgot all about those other people—until he wanted him and only him, wanted him so badly he felt again and fell again, nothing planned or mechanical about it. He didn’t care if it took months. He looked forward to it.

The world stood open and inviting before them, and Micah had no doubt there would be challenges and problems and bad days, right along with the good times and the joys. He wasn’t afraid. What they had was real, and wasn’t that what they both wanted?

The cabin was empty and
silent when they arrived, steeped in late May sunshine streaming in through the large windows. Tomorrow morning, that peace and quiet would be a thing of the past as Daphne came with her team to set everything up for Claudia’s and Brad’s wedding, but for now, they had the place to themselves. It was the first day of their first vacation together, and Micah had been barely able to sleep last night, he was so excited. Two weeks of unlimited free time with Aiden, without work, school, writing, studying or any of the dozens of things that usually demanded their attention. It sounded like heaven. And they could definitely use some rest. Micah had sent in the manuscript of his second book just last week. Aiden had passed his final exam of the semester yesterday. Now they could collapse onto the bed—or better yet, a blanket spread on the soft grass outside—and not do anything.

Aiden stayed downstairs to open the windows and unpack the groceries they’d brought, while Micah went to deposit their bags in his room. He stood in the doorway for a moment when he was finished, looking at the sheer volume of their luggage. The last time they’d been here, Angel had been a stranger to him—a stranger who proceeded to kiss him silly and give him the best blowjob he’d ever had.

Today, there was no Angel, just Aiden, and it was safe to assume that he and Micah would be doing a lot more in his bed tonight.

When Micah came back downstairs, Aiden was in the kitchen staring at the unopened fridge door with a carton of eggs in his hand. Intrigued, Micah came closer, and grinned when he saw the new addition to the usual collage of family photos.

It was their first selfie together—a rather cute one, if Micah said so himself—taken in January, when they’d decided it was time to reveal their relationship to the world. In the picture, they were on the couch in Micah’s apartment and Aiden was kissing his cheek, kneeling behind Micah with his arms encircling Micah’s shoulders.

“Mom must have brought it when they were here last month,” Micah said, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. There was something special about seeing their picture next to Claudia’s and Brad’s engagement photo.

“I can’t believe she had it printed.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s what my mom does. She believes in preserving the important moments on paper. You should see her scrapbooks.”

Aiden reached to touch the heart-shaped magnet holding up the picture. It didn’t mean anything—all the magnets on the fridge were heart-shaped—but it looked appropriate hovering over their heads. Micah thought fondly of the day this picture had been taken.

It had been fifteen days since they’d become boyfriends, and Micah had been in no hurry to officially share this fact with the world, perfectly content with their private little bubble of budding intimacy that still seemed too good to be true. But then one night, as they were clearing up after dinner, Aiden casually asked, “Are you ashamed to tell them you’re with me?” as if it was a completely understandable possibility, and Micah’s heart dropped. The next afternoon, he changed his relationship status on Facebook to
In a relationship with Aiden Reeves
and took the picture to send it, with no explanation, to his parents, Claudia and Daphne.

A text message from his mom had come a few minutes later—just a simple
Is it real this time?

Yes,
Micah had replied, blushing.
Meet Aiden, my boyfriend of two weeks.

Congratulations, honey! :) I hope we do get to meet him properly when we visit next month.

You will <3,
Micah wrote.

“Next month?” Aiden’s eyes had widened when he read the text over Micah’s shoulder.

“Yes, they’re coming to visit for the weekend after Valentine’s Day. I haven’t told you?”

“No.”

“Is that a problem? You look a little green.”

“Oh, you know, just a bit of anxiety over meeting my boyfriend’s parents. After they’ve learned I slept with people for a living
and
lied to them. Repeatedly.”

Micah chuckled at the memory now. He wound his arms around Aiden’s middle from behind and kissed the side of his neck.

“You’re not nervous about seeing my parents again, are you?” he asked. The February weekend had been stilted and awkward at times, but they’d survived it, and he knew that his parents liked Aiden despite the rough beginnings, as evidenced by the photo.

Aiden hummed. “Not as much as last time. They’ll be too busy for another third-degree this weekend. Plus, Daphne will be here, I can always hide behind her if needed. She’s fearless.”

Micah snorted. “She’s also half your size. And you know that her love for you isn’t unconditional.”

“Well, I’m never going against her one and only condition, so I think I’ll be fine.”

Daphne had taken the news of their getting together in stride, but not entirely as Micah expected. She’d called him half an hour after he’d sent the photo, when Aiden and he were still cuddling on the couch.

“Hi Daph, you’re on speaker,” Micah said when he picked up his phone.

“Micah Eugene Geller,” Daphne exclaimed, half an octave higher than usual, “care to explain what the hell picture I just received?”

Micah grinned. “Well, unless I accidentally sent you a photo of the dessert we just had, it should be Aiden and me.”

“And Aiden is… ?” she prompted.

“Sweetie, do you want to say it?” Micah smiled at Aiden who lit up like a child seeing the presents under the Christmas tree.

“Aiden is Micah’s boyfriend,” he said, beaming. “Hi, Daphne.”

Micah expected a squeal. He’d moved the phone farther away from them in anticipation, but when Daphne responded, it was with indignation. “Where have you been these past months, Mr. Disappearing Act?”

Aiden stumbled, his smile faltering. “Um… I was kind of busy reevaluating my life and changing career paths?” he offered.

“Oh.” Daphne sounded as if the air left her rather rapidly. “So does that mean you’re no longer working as sex personified?”

Micah winced at her bluntness, but Aiden didn’t seem to mind. “Not for anyone but Micah, no.”

“Okay, good,” Daphne said in her most no-nonsense tone. “So I think this is my cue to tell you: If you hurt him, I’m gonna find you, and I’m gonna kick your cute perky butt so hard you’ll regret ever messing with my boy, understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Aiden looked appropriately earnest. “I can assure you that I have no intention to hurt him. I promise.”

“Well, you’d better not.” Daphne said huffily, and in a heartbeat her tone changed to barely contained excitement. “Okay guys, drinks at my place tonight. I’m going to freak out properly over you two getting together and if I do that in public, Micah will just gag me again. Eight-ish? Take a cab. See you then!” With a parting squeal of delight, she disconnected, and Aiden stared at Micah, a stunned look on his face.

“Gag?” he mouthed, and Micah rolled his eyes.

“Congratulations, you’ve just been hit by the first huff of Hurricane Daphne. Brace for more tonight. You can just as well start getting used to it.”

They’d met with Daphne half a dozen times since then, even went to a club with her twice, and Micah loved how well she and Aiden got along. Still, there was always that one condition hanging in the air: “If you ever hurt him…” Aiden took that very seriously.

Aiden finally opened the fridge to put in the momentarily forgotten groceries.

“So what’s the plan for today?” he asked once everything was put away.

“Absolutely nothing. I will make omelets for lunch, and then we can lounge by the water wearing as few clothes as possible until it gets too chilly to stay out.”

“And then?”

“And then we will come back inside and build a fire.”

“And have sex in front of the fireplace?” Aiden’s eyes widened and Micah arched his eyebrows.

“Would you like that?”

“
Yes.
Please.”

The eagerness in Aiden’s voice sent a thrill through Micah’s belly. This was still so new to them, this permission to do everything they wanted and go however far they chose without holding back. They had taken their time to get here, spent months learning each other, teasing, experimenting—with their hands, and lips, with full nudity—countless nights just sleeping tangled together, naked, days and weeks relearning what sex was for each of them, and what it could be for them together. It was only three weeks ago that they’d finally let go entirely, unable and unwilling to wait any longer. There’d been no use waiting. It was time.

It had been a lazy Sunday morning in early May—or nearly noon, but they hadn’t cared, it was morning as long as they wanted it to be. They had no obligations, no work to catch up on or people to meet—just one of those rare, precious stretches of time when they could be alone and undisturbed, cocooned in their little bubble of warmth and languorous intimacy. They had both already come once, rutting against each other still half-asleep, and now they were reading in bed, eating grapes and kissing juice off each other’s lips every now and then, falling into each other and retreating, only to come back a few pages later.

They had so much time.

During one of those breaks, with Aiden quivering exquisitely under Micah’s caresses, so close to the edge and exactly where Micah wanted him, he arched and whimpered, and begged in that beautifully broken voice, “Please… please fuck me. I need you inside—need you so bad, will you—” He rose on his elbows to look at Micah who had frozen with his lips on Aiden’s balls. “Would you make love to me?” he asked softly.

Micah scrambled up the bed to kiss him. “Yes. Of course. Oh God, yes.”

Five months together and they hadn’t gone that far, but then it was right, then it was just the perfect moment, suspended in time on that lazy Sunday. They went at it with love and astonishment, with want making their fingers tremble with impatience, but there was also fumbling and laughter, and that was the best of all—being able to laugh, to let go so completely, to be open like the sky because they were best friends before boyfriends, they’d seen the good and the bad, and they were still here, together.

Micah had never felt as close to anyone as in the moment when he finally slid into Aiden’s tight heat, bodies pressed together in the most intimate way possible. Lips to lips, heartbeat to heartbeat. Soul to soul.

Even just thinking about it now made want cruise in his blood, and judging by the way Aiden’s eyes darkened, he wasn’t the only one.

“Yes,” Micah said, a little breathless. “Sex in front of the fireplace tonight. But… what would you say about reacquainting yourself with my bedroom now, while there’s still no one within earshot? We’re going to miss that soon.” Aiden, once he gave up all of his professional control and gave in to pleasure, was the most beautifully vocal lover Micah could ever imagine. He loved that.

Aiden took his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. “Definitely. Yes. Please. Let’s go.”

Micah had never seen Daphne
at work, and when he watched her effortlessly conduct the complex process of transforming their backyard into a magical fairytale garden the next morning, he understood why her services were so sought after. She’d rolled in at nine a.m., followed by a truck filled with everything that they needed, and leaped out of her car to hug them tightly with a happy, “My boys!” But as soon as the work started, the bubbly girl was gone, turned into an efficient professional.

After the initial briefing, her four-person team didn’t even need much directing. They busied themselves with their own tasks while Daphne paced the deck in her cargo pants and a black top—the simplest outfit Micah had ever seen her in—with her phone by her ear and a clipboard under her arm as she double-checked and confirmed every little detail for tomorrow’s ceremony. By the time Micah’s parents and Claudia arrived at noon, the trees and shrubs were already decorated, the fairy lights spread overhead, and Daphne’s team was just finishing setting up the dance floor and starting on the tables.

There was nothing Micah and Aiden could help with—Daphne waved them away when they tried, claiming they messed with her routines, and Micah’s mom was too focused on Claudia to give them any particular task—so eventually they went for a long walk just to avoid being underfoot.

There was a thought in Micah’s head, an idea born out of the perfect domesticity of yesterday, when they’d had the whole cabin to themselves for a full day and night. It had been fluttering in his mind since he woke up, like a trapped bird yearning to be set free. They walked through the forest, exactly as they had last summer—holding hands, and this time it wasn’t pretend, or some momentary illusion; this time it was real, and
them,
and Micah couldn’t imagine being happier with anyone.

Life wasn’t always perfect, of course. There were days when Aiden was silent, haunted by his demons, and his every word, every gesture felt stilted, acted, too perfect to be real. He tried to anticipate every Micah’s thought and wish on those days, tried too hard, did too much. Sometimes it took Micah reminding him that he loved him as he was, but sometimes nothing could shake him out of that mood until it passed.

There were days when Micah’s own insecurity hit, and he doubted everything—every word, every gesture, unfounded jealousy making him see competition in every attractive man and woman Aiden smiled at in passing. And he smiled at everyone.

But that was normal—that was life; not an idealized fairy tale, but a string of good days and bad days and ordinary days. Days when they didn’t have time to meet or energy to do anything but cuddle and watch TV, and days when they planned elaborate dates. Days of working quietly together in Micah’s office where Aiden finally accepted a part-time job of legal assistant, and days of wild sex and constant laughter. All of those days mattered, because all of them were
theirs
and Micah wouldn’t change that for the world.

But there was one thing he wanted to change, and the mere thought made him lightheaded. He had to talk to Daphne. Her brutal honesty was what he needed to figure out if the idea was fantastic or terrible.