Lovely (39 page)

When I enter the kitchen, Mom’s clinking pots and pans and getting ready to start dinner. She’s got her favorite Mother’s Day apron on and she’s about to do what she loves most … cook for her family.

“Hey, honey,” she says, reaching up to grab some spices from the cabinet.

I take a seat on one of the stools in the center island when a familiar scent lands under my nose. Turning around, I see a bowl of fresh strawberries on the counter. I let out a huge breath and frown. “Hey.”

She turns around immediately, her eyes softening with concern. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

Other than the fact that it smells like Cara in here … nothing. “I’m just thinking about Cara. I’m still trying to work things out with her.”

She fills a pot with water and places it on the stove, taking off her apron and coming to sit by me. “I thought by now you would’ve gotten past the whole Shelby thing.”

I rearrange the fruit in the bowl a couple of times. “No. Trust is big for her, Mom, and I made her doubt me. Now I have to find a way for her to trust me again.”

“You know,” Mom begins with a grin on her face, “I remember this one time when your dad and I had a pretty big argument and I was so mad at him I wouldn’t even speak to him. Well, your dad, being the thoughtful man that he was, started leaving me these little presents.” She smiles, tapping her finger against her mouth, recalling the memory. “One day he brought me tulips, one day he brought me jewelry, one day he brought me my favorite chocolates, until finally, I had no choice but to accept his apology. He was just too persistent.”

“That’s it, Mom!” I jump up and give her a huge kiss on the cheek. “You’re brilliant!”

She laughs. “Well, I’m glad I could help.” She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I have full faith in you. I know you’ll figure this out. I’m also confident that Cara will realize just how amazing you are and come to her senses.”

I put my hand on hers. “Thanks. I really hope so, Mom.”

It’s been fourteen days since Cara told me maybe someday we can ‘be friends.’
Screw that
. I can’t be friends with a girl I’m madly in love with, so today is the first day of Operation Win Cara Back. I have everything set to go and I’m actually pretty excited about my plan.

I barely slept all weekend and now it’s Monday morning and I’m up and ready to get to class by six o’clock. Anxiety riddles every tired bone in my body, but I press on. I need to get to school as soon as the library opens and before Cara gets there.

I’ve already showered, dressed, and I’m good to go. I run down to the kitchen, grab a knife from the drawer, and cut a huge fudge brownie from the batch I baked at 4:30 this morning. Yes, this lunatic was baking at the crack of dawn … anything for my girl. I’m surprised I didn’t wake everyone up with the smell of chocolate penetrating the walls. They can thank me later when they’re eating brownies for breakfast. I take the brownie, put it in the plastic container I bought, and pull open the drawer to find a white piece of paper and a pen. I tear off a square piece and write, “
Something sweet for the sweetest girl I know
.” It’s a bit corny, but it’s true.

On the way to school, I’m actually smiling. I feel pretty good about my plan, but still I’m praying it works as a precaution. It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen Cara and I fucking miss her. I miss the magical sparkle in her eyes, her hopeful smile, her melodic laugh, the way she touches me, the way she feels underneath me. I miss
her
. I feel a physical ache unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before and it sucks.

The library’s quiet when I arrive. Cara’s not here yet, so my timing is perfect. I place the container with the brownie on the desk and tape the note I wrote on top of it. I scoot out quickly so she doesn’t catch me in the act.

I’ve enlisted a couple of people to help me with my plan. Jason meets me around the corner of the building behind a couple of bushes. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and black pants, a black baseball hat covers his head. He’s really enjoying this and it cracks me up, reminding me of the spy games we played in fourth grade.

It’s pretty early, but I keep an eye out to make sure no one spots us. “Okay, you know what you need to do, right, Jason?”

He salutes me. “Yup. It’s crystal clear. I’ll report back to you. But just so you know … this feels a lot like when we used to play spies when we were kids, sans the night vision goggles.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, only now there’s more at stake with our mission.”

He fist bumps me and walks off while I make my way over to the football field and take a seat on the bleachers. I’ve been keeping an eye out for Cara and haven’t seen her car yet. Just as I turn back around, she pulls into the parking lot and I duck my head so she doesn’t see me. I let out a huge sigh. She looks so pretty. Her curls are whipping around with the breeze, her light green sundress flowing over her body as she strolls across the lot. I notice she’s not smiling. Hopefully, it’s for the same reason I’m not smiling.

After a grueling twenty minutes, Jason finally comes out to find me. He’s got his hands in his pockets and his brow is furrowed.

I jump down from the bleachers and berate him with questions. “What took you so long? What the heck were you doing in there? She didn’t see you, did she?”

He shakes his head. “Dude, she totally has this ritual. She did like five things before she even went to the desk, and no, she didn’t see me. But …”

“What is it? Out with it?”

He bites his nail and looks away. “She … she picked up the note and read it … and …”

“And what? How did she look? Did she smile?”

He absently kicks a rock and shifts on his feet. “She threw the brownie in the garbage, Ash.”

My face falls and it feels like someone just stabbed me in the heart.

Jason pats me on the arm, his eyes filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry, man.”

That’s alright, there’s always tomorrow
.

The next morning, I rise early again to put phase two of my plan into action. I grab the huge bouquet of daisies that I bought yesterday from the fridge and head out to the library. I’m in and out of there like a stealth fighter after I drop the daisies and two buttercups on the desk with a note.
The light of the sun and the moon doesn’t hold a candle to the light that shines within you. I miss you, beauty.

Same as yesterday, I wait over by the bleachers for Jason. I dig my hands in my pockets, pacing back and forth, trying to calm my nerves. I attempt to read his face as I see him approach. “So, spill it. How did she react?”

He flaps his hands in the air, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Okay, she read the note and then she lifted the bouquet to her nose and smelled the flowers.”

“Okay, so she didn’t throw them out.” I let out a breath. “That’s good. Did she smile?”

Jason gives me a lopsided grin. “I wouldn’t say she smiled, but she didn’t frown either.”

I’ll take it
.

I’m especially excited about Cara’s surprise today. I’m leaving her my iPod set to play the Tall Moon song “Angels Don’t Always Have Wings.” The same song I sang to her at Rona’s the night we first danced together. As usual, I get to the library early and leave it on the desk with a note.
I wish I’d written these words, because they couldn’t be more true. You are my Angel. Love, Ash.
I make my clean getaway and escape back to my post.

It takes Jason a little longer to come out today, and while I wait, my knee jumps like crazy and I don’t know what the heck to do with my hands. Each day that goes by, it’s harder and harder to be without Cara.

Finally, after fifteen minutes, I see Jason running across the parking lot. I think he’s smiling. He reaches me completely out of breath.

“So?” I ask him impatiently.

He tries to talk amidst his heavy breaths. “So … she … listened to the song and it was a bit hard to tell because I wasn’t that close, but …”

“But what, man? You’re killing me here.”

He smirks. “I think she might have teared up.”

I clap my hands together. “Yes!” I take Jason by surprise and grab him, pulling him into a huge bear hug, nearly crushing him.

Today is my poetry surprise for Cara. I really hope she likes it. I wrote it on an 8½ x 11” piece of paper in very possibly the neatest handwriting my hands have ever produced. I wanted to make sure she could read every word. I leave it on the desk for her.

Cara,

I had to consult my Poetry for Dummies book before I wrote this.
I know it’s no Robert Frost poem, but it’s how I feel and it’s from my heart. I love you and I miss you. Ash.

You’re my Magic

When I first met you, you existed only outside of me. Now you exist inside of me. As sure as my heart beats, that’s how certain I am of my love for you. You’ve bewitched me with your eyes, with your smile, with your heart. You’ve shown me the path to love, and you’ve taken over my heart so completely that I not only love you, but I need you. Just like I need air to breathe. And I can’t breathe without you, Cara.

I love you.

—Ash

I tap my fingers nervously waiting for Jason. It takes even longer today. I suppose no news is good news, as Cara would say. I pace the bleachers for what seems like an eternity, anxiety causing my lip to bleed I’m biting it so hard.
What the hell is taking so long
?

Almost thirty minutes later, he comes running out of the building and I jump down off the bleachers and sprint over to him.

“What took so long?”

He’s laughing. “Dude, she almost caught me. I was hiding behind one of the shelves and I think she must have felt me staring at her, so I literally had to stay put until she got called by that other girl behind the desk.”

“Alright, alright,” I move my hands in a circular motion. “So? Reaction? Don’t leave any details out.”

“Okay,” he huffs. “So I watched her as she was reading. She seemed very focused and then at the end … although it was a bit hard to make out … I think I saw a tear roll down her cheek.”

I grin from ear to ear.
Perfect. Just what I was going for
.