Loving Lydia (Atlantic Divide) (8 page)

Kate wandered in and grumbled about there still being no sign of going into labor. She plunked herself down at the kitchen table to ask her nephew what his plans were today.

“Mummy says we need to go shopping to get some clothes and finger paints.” His voice was quiet, and his mouth turned down in a sulky pout.

Kate leaned forward and stroked down the length of his nose. “Well, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can stay with me today if mummy needs to do shopping.”

His hopeful look made his mother roll her eyes in surrender.

“Okay, but if you don’t like the clothes I choose for you, then it’s your own look-out, pal.” He smiled happily at her, slipped down from the table, and took his sister by the hand to go outside to play.

As Sam watched them go, he thought it was as good a time as any to make some arrangements of his own.

“Kate, I was going to ask if you would mind babysitting Friday night if I take Lydia out to Toe Tappers.” He smiled across the room at Lydia. “I get together with some of the boys on a Friday night, and we play a little country. I get to sing.”

Kate remained silent, and he watched Lydia’s frozen face turn slowly white.

“I don’t want to go.” It was quiet, adamant.

She surprised him. He had felt sure she would have jumped at the chance of a little time away from babysitting. “I’m sorry? I thought you might like to go out.”

“You didn’t ask me.” He noted the determined angle of her chin as it jutted out in challenge and felt confused at her defensiveness. What the hell had he done? He’d only tried to arrange to take her out, and here she was snapping away at him like he’d committed some kind of offense.

“I just assumed…”

“Yes, you did,” she cut in. He snapped his mouth closed and clamped his jaw down. “I don’t want or need you to assume on my behalf. I don’t want to go out with you, and I don’t want to discuss it any further.” She stared straight back at him, green eyes defiant, until he dropped his gaze and nodded. In the face of that reaction, retreat was advisable.

“I got it.” He nodded at Kate. “Excuse me.” He placed his coffee cup down on the table and slowly walked out. There were no tantrums, no loud voices, just an uncomfortable, heavy silence as he walked out.

*

Lydia glanced at her sister. Kate’s mouth was tight, cool eyes full of censor.

“There was no need for that, you know.” Kate rubbed her swollen stomach. “You hurt him.”

Lydia slumped into a chair, frowned with irritation, and bit her lip. Guilt wound its way through her chest. “I know … it’s just … I can’t let him tell me what to do. I can’t ever be told what to do again.”

“You never did like being told what to do by anyone, until Greg came along. That’s why you ran away, because he told you to. If he’d told you to jump off a cliff back then, you would have. But you’ve grown up now.” Kate leaned forward and looked Lydia straight in the eye.

“You know, Lydia, if you expect to have any kind of a life for yourself, you’re going to have to face your own demons. Sam isn’t Greg, and what you just did to him was cruel. You gave him a verbal slap that he didn’t deserve. He obviously cares for you. I think you should go and apologize to him.”

“He doesn’t like me to apologize…”

“Not when it’s a knee jerk reaction borne of being abused, he doesn’t.” Lydia sucked in her breath at Kate’s unexpected attack. “He has no idea what you’ve been through, but I bet you he instinctively understands. That’s the way Sam is. He’s instinctive. Haven’t you seen the way he is with animals? Haven’t you noticed that he’s the one who deals with the injured, the abused? Do you really think he doesn’t know on some level that you’ve been abused?”

She felt her eyes fill with tears, and she almost choked as she realized Kate was right. She stared back at her sister and her heart almost broke as she watched Kate’s eyes well up in sympathy. If anyone understood what she’d been through, it was Kate. After all, she’d been through most of it with her.

“You need to decide what it is you want, Lydia. If you want a life again, you’ve got to start living it. But you can’t treat him like that.” As Kate sighed heavily and turned away, she surreptitiously wiped a tear from her cheek. Lydia wiped her own tears.

“You need to apologize.”

“I’m sorry.” Lydia’s voice hitched.

“Not to me, to him.” Kate turned back, opened her arms, and with relief, Lydia walked straight into them.

“I will. I promise,” she snuffled into Kate’s neck.

“Good, because I hate getting naggy. Being pregnant sucks.”

Lydia’s head came up, and she caught Jack’s look of sympathy as he leaned against the doorway, having heard every word. He straightened and walked quietly away, leaving her alone with her older sister.

* * * *

He was brooding. She knew he was brooding, but it couldn’t be helped. It wasn’t like she could do anything about it. She had no idea where he was. According to Jack, it was in his nature to take himself off for a few days if he was upset. He’d done it since he was a boy, and he would brood until he felt better. Which she realized may not be any time soon. Jack had said their mother would kick his ass if she thought he’d taken himself off on the range for a few days because he didn’t want to face down a problem. That’s the way Sam handled things though, quiet and thoughtful. He believed it was better to back off for a while, let a situation calm down, and then approach it from a different angle. Thinking time, Jack had called it.

Problem was, she knew it was her fault that he’d disappeared, and it made her heart ache to think she’d hurt him when she’d lashed out at him.

It was fear that made her act that way. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go out with him so much as he’d assumed that he could just go right ahead and organize her life like she didn’t have a say in the matter. It had made her head buzz and her teeth grind, but when she’d said she didn’t want to go out with him, she hadn’t meant she didn’t want him, more that she wanted to make her own decisions, take her time. Most of all, she didn’t want to be bullied into anything.

It surprised her that he’d slunk off to lick his wounds. She didn’t think he was the type to give up that easily. The ranch was a big place, It might be a while until she saw him again, and the frustration of waiting for him to turn up was starting to take its toll.

She would have felt better if she could have apologized to him before he’d disappeared. Carl said he took off. Gone to visit the herd they’d recently moved to the far end of their land. In the meantime, Carl saw to the kids’ riding lessons. Even Aaron and Rose missed Sam and had started to whine about his absence.

So, she waited for three days, and in waiting became anxious. In her anxiety, she became more withdrawn and irritable.

On the fourth evening when Jack mentioned that Sam had arrived back, she was virtually hyperventilating. The children sensed her unease and took so much longer to settle down. She read them an extra story each to try and compensate for being distracted, so that when they eventually snuggled down and closed their eyes, it was later than usual. By the time she’d changed into something pretty and feminine, it was starting to get dark.

She headed out toward the stables with the thought that if he wasn’t there, she would probably have to walk over to his house. It was a considerable distance, but if she didn’t do it, she was going to be awake all night again. The thought crossed her mind that perhaps she should have just kept her jeans on for practical purposes, but she’d wanted to grab his attention long enough that perhaps she didn’t have to grovel.

So she’d changed into a floaty, black skirt with dark purple dahlias printed randomly through the material. Her plain, purple T-shirt made it look as though she hadn’t made too much of an effort. The shoes she wore had sweet little kitten heels, which were hardly practical for walking long distances.

She hadn’t been to his house yet. He’d never invited her. She supposed it was because he always worked on the stable side of the ranch. Not for the last few days though.

Her nerves jittered as she stepped into the quiet stables. The horses stamped and snorted when they heard her, but she wasn’t going to be fooled this time. She’d keep her mouth shut until she knew just who was in there. She knew Jack wasn’t there because he was still with Kate, but she didn’t need anyone to witness her humiliation. Her pulse hammered in the base of her throat as she walked silently through to the end of the stables. She peered into each darkened stall until she reached the end.

There was no one there at all. She turned around in frustration and started to make her way back through the dimly lit building. She kept a tight control as her breathing started to escalate. Nerves jittered as it dawned on her that she was alone. She never allowed herself to be alone. There were too many things that could happen to a person when they were on their own.

One of the horses gently whinnied and stamped its foot, and Lydia’s heart nearly leaped out of her chest. Her heart beat loud in her own ears as she strove for control. She tried to take long, even breaths to calm her erratic pulse as she forced herself to walk toward the doors, desperate to break into a run as her mind screamed out for her to get out, get out quick.

She saw the cowboy step into the doorway, hat on the back of his head, long legs, and broad chest.

“Oh, there you are.” She stepped forward as relief coursed through her veins, making her feel foolish.

The figure in the doorway stepped forward too, stumbled a little as he knocked his own hat off his head, and exposed short, spiky black hair.

“Well, hello there, baby. You looking for me? You’ve found me.” His words were slurred. “What you gonna do with me?” Lydia felt a strong impulse to step backward, but doing that would take her further into the stables, and she wasn’t easy with that idea.

As he came closer she could see the leer on his face, and her heart rate kicked in treble time. Her eyes darted around and gave a quick assessment of the inebriated state of the cowboy and her ability to avoid him. She figured the best way to get past him was to walk straight toward him and then feint to the right. That way she’d probably be beyond him before he got his drunken bearings.

She figured wrong. As she came alongside him, his hand shot out quicker than she could have imagined and grabbed her arm. He stepped her backward against a stable door.

“I think you’ve made a mistake.” Her voice wobbled slightly, but it was clear enough.

“No mistake, baby. You’re looking for a man, you’ve found one.” He let go of her arm and leaned in, placed his hands on the door either side of her head, and breathed alcohol fumes into her face. She turned her head to one side, and he put his lips against her temple.

“Oh, baby, you could be so good to me. Your boyfriend wouldn’t even have to know. We’ll be quick, I promise.”

Bile rose at the back of her throat, and she thought she was going to be sick on him. She put her hands up and braced them against his chest, trying to keep her face turned away.

“Let me go right now, or you’ll be in a lot of trouble.” Her voice sounded pathetic even to her own ears as she tried to push him back. He was immovable, strong and wiry, typical of the ranch hands she’d seen around. One hand came down to the front of his trousers and he rubbed himself, giving a lascivious grin as he squinted down at her.

“No, baby, you’re gonna like what I’m gonna give you, and you won’t say nothing to no one.” His fingers unfastened the top button of his jeans. Her knees turned to water, and she whimpered. Her eyes darted to the left to try to find an escape route.

“Who’s in here?”

“Sam.” Her voice was high-pitched and pitiful as she recognized his familiar voice.

“Lydia?” Sam stepped inside the doorway, turned toward them, eyebrows dipped low as his eyes squinted in the dim light at her and the cowboy.

The cowboy moved away from her and gave Sam an insolent smile.

“I got me a woman. Go get your own.”

Sam stood motionless as though he was gauging the situation, his expression unreadable. His voice sounded amicable enough when he spoke.

“Buddy, I didn’t know you’d got back.”

“Sure did, there was nothing going on in town, so I came back and found me a real little sex kitten right here. Who would have known I’d find someone so hot and willing right in my own backyard.”

“My backyard,” Sam replied, his voice mild and low as he shifted his stance. Lydia took the opportunity to try and sidle around toward him. “My little sex kitten!” She noticed the mild tone changed on the last few words and became soft and deadly.

“No way man, she never said nothing about you when she offered to be good to me.”

Horrified, she stared at Buddy, praying to God that Sam didn’t believe the man. If he left her alone with him, she was going to be in real trouble. Sam hadn’t moved a muscle, but with a rising sense of panic, she got the distinct impression he was about to turn and walk out the door.

“I did not…” Terror laced her voice as her heart pounded in her ears.

“Quiet, Lydia.”

“That’s the way. They need keeping in order, these womenfolk.” Buddy swayed slightly, and then made a lunge for Lydia. As he grabbed her by the elbow, she had no idea whether to wrench away or hold still.

Sam never moved an inch.

“I’ll tell you what,” Buddy slurred. “I’ll share her with you. I’ll have her for the next hour or so, and when I’ve finished with her, I’ll send her over to you. Provided she has the energy, if you know what I mean.”

Sam stepped forward, his smile lazy and amused, while Buddy laughed at his own joke. Cutting him off mid-laugh, Sam smacked him in the nose with the back of his hand. Blood spurted down the front of Buddy’s scruffy shirt. Short, sharp, and lightning quick, Sam brought his other fist up under Buddy’s chin, followed by a fast elbow jab to the stomach.

Buddy hit the floor like a sack of horse feed and lay there motionless.

“Never could take his drink,” Sam murmured.

As he turned toward her, she stood frozen to the spot. Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes, and she’d slapped her hand across her mouth to stop herself from screaming blue murder.