Lust (20 page)

As the last few guests left, Marcus asked us to hang out so
he could go properly say good-bye to Alexander and see if he
could help with anything. Samantha and I sat in the large room,
discussing how badly our feet hurt and how good the food was,
anything but the real story we kept fighting about.

“Hey, I’m going to head out,” I started, pulling Samantha’s
attention away from where Marcus was standing. “I’m exhausted
and you and Marcus want some alone time. I’ve been keeping
you from him all night.” I stood while I spoke so I wouldn’t get
talked into staying. “Give me a call if you want to do anything
this weekend. I’ll be home recouping.” My determination gave
Samantha the “don’t try and keep me” understanding, and so
she didn’t.

Samantha was letting me go as I wanted. “OK,” she said,
“text me when you get home safe, OK? Love you.” Reaching
forward to hug me, Samantha couldn’t help displaying the sadness
she felt for me. She tried hard to show me that if I could
only see what love felt like, I wouldn’t be so scared; but fear
kept me from change every time.

I blew Samantha a kiss and walked toward the staircase,
where I had entered. I had to somehow remember how I had
gotten to the private area to get my things. Brant was nowhere
to be found, and I had no intention of asking Alexander for
them. Coming up toward the mirror, I remembered. Calming
myself down, I found the way.

Ah, the mirror. OK, make a right and go down the hall, then to,
ugh, Alexander’s closet. Where is his closet? Hopefully not in his room.

I tiptoed to avoid bringing any attention to myself. It was
completely silent down this hallway. I kept moving forward,
and though I felt badly for opening the doors to all his rooms,
I had to find my things.

“Are you trying to rob the place? Or is there something
I can help you with?” Leaning against the wall, Alexander
smirked. The angry face from earlier was gone.

“Yeah, I’m casing the joint.” Shaking my head, I couldn’t
help but smile. Both of our behaviors had been childish, and
we knew it. “Brant was kind enough to put my things in—I
think—your closet, and now I need to get going and can’t find
them. So, I guess if you could go to whatever closet my things
are in then, yes, you can help me.” I kept smiling.

You attract more bees with honey, I thought, trying so hard not
to say something mean or stupid again.

“Sure. You could have just asked me. You didn’t have to go
‘snooping,’ as you would say. It’s right this way.”

I looked down at my hands clasped in front of me, feeling
ridiculous for having said such hideous things to him over the
past few days.

I turned and followed Alexander down the corridor to the
last room in the center of the hall. Alexander opened the large,
white wooden double doors and walked to his right toward
another smaller set of double doors. I stood at the doorway,
though I so desperately wanted to go in and see his bedroom.

The thought of that played out in my head, and the ending
would be me naked, gasping for air!

“Here you are, Ms. Chase.”

I looked at him, almost hurting and confused. He had gone
from being so overly personal in calling me Evangeline, and
now he was back to the formal business only, Ms. Chase. The
realization came to me, heavily; I got what I had asked for, no
relationship.

Reaching forward, he handed me my things, never touching.

He turned his back to me and closed the doors to the bedroom,
and that was my cue to leave. “You had no intentions of
talking to me before you left? I would not have thought that as
a part of your personality: fearful or cowardly.”

I stopped dead in my tracks; he was calling me out, calling
me a coward. But I didn’t turn to face him. He was right. I was
being a coward, but it was either this or hurt him with what
very little of a relationship I could offer. And after all he did
tonight with the charity, I just didn’t have it in me to hurt him.

I knew I had to say something, but what? I had to think
this through. Looking forward toward the end of the hallway
where I had just come from the party, I could hear faint voices
calling for Alexander and then felt something warm behind
me. He was standing ever so close, but he didn’t touch any
part of me. He just stood there, breathing, releasing his warm
breath toward my bare shoulders and back.

“Please say you’ll give me a minute to finish up. I won’t
take up too much more of your time. I just need to speak with
you. I ask nothing more of you than a few minutes. And if that
is too much, then you can leave. But please, just wait here.”

Alexander left me with his request as he went around and
down the hall. It wasn’t a command; it was a plea.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I heard him taking slow, careful steps, trying to not seem too
eager to get back to me. But the truth was: I wanted him to
run. Making it to the top of the stairs and a right down the
hallway, the footsteps stopped; the hallway was empty.

“She left! Fuck!” I heard him mutter.

I stood there in amazement. He sounded heartbroken, beaten,
and left with nothing. Not a chance, not a single moment
or glimmer of hope to get me to consider what I was feeling.

He continued forward. “She’s so damn stubborn!”

I heard him pass the empty guestrooms and pause. He must
have noticed the door down the hall was open halfway and that
there was a breeze coming from inside.

And there I stood, being swept by the breeze from the open
sliders as the flowers in the park mixed with my perfume and
filled the air. Excitement flooded my veins as I stood on the
veranda waiting for him to come through the open doorway.

“Evangeline,” he gasped.

I was on the terrace just as when he had come to find me
earlier tonight, leaning on the stone wall, immersed in the
beauty before me, golden and glistening from head to toe.

I tensed immediately as he watched me. It was a lost cause,
a natural instinct, and I couldn’t contain myself around him.

But if I didn’t want to lose myself, I would have to control these
wants.

As he walked into the dark room, I sensed his presence immediately;
the air carried the Burberry scent straight to me.

My body straightened. I was ready for him, strengthened for
him; we were alone and it would take a strong woman to deny
him now. I hoped that strength was something I could possess
in his presence.

“I thought you’d left.” He stood still, hiding his previous
heartbreak in the shadows.

I remained staring into the city sky, my back still toward
him, willing myself not to give too much away. I held the deck
of cards, and the dealer always wins, so he had to play it smart!

“Were you hoping I had left? Or are you glad I didn’t?

Regardless of your answer, I do have to get going. Though
I love the nightlife, I don’t tend to make a habit of waiting
around for men, so excuse me if I seem a bit bored. I know
you wanted to talk. Are you going to face me or hide in the
dark all night?” I expressed my aggravations, as it seemingly
became more difficult for me to hold my position. I had to do
this fast or lose it.

“I apologize.” His silhouette moved from the dark into
the moonlight. His tie was undone and shirt open halfway. He
must have started undressing when he thought I had left. But
it was appreciated; a sight for sore eyes.

As he neared me, I felt torn with what I had decided. I exuded
sex, but would becoming intimate give me the ultimate
satisfaction I was searching for? Would I be OK with the aftermath
of feelings or would I have to run? I didn’t know what
would be.

He lowered his head, trying to see into my eyes. It was
obvious that I was planning my next step and my next words—
and planning was something he wanted to stop me from doing.

“You know, things usually go poorly when you overthink a
simple situation. This is really simple math here; it’s just me…

and you. That’s not difficult at all!”

He moved closer, but I put my hand up to stop him. Speaking
sternly, I tried to put him in his place. “Look, Alexander, I need
you to understand that—why are you…what’s with the smile?”

He was angering me again, toying with me. His smile annoyed me
because I didn’t know his reasons. I crossed my arms over my chest.

He moved in. “You do realize that for the last five days I
have replayed in my mind the moment when you would finally
say my name. And here we are, the sweet words released from
those pouty lips, and instead of it being a moan or a scream of
pleasure like I imagined, you’re about to lecture me. And it
doesn’t sound like it’s going to be about sex.”

He had caught me by surprise, though by which part I
wasn’t sure: that he had noticed or was paying attention to the
fact that I had called him by name for the first time, or, more
so, that he was expecting sex, or sex talk, or something sexually
related. Why the shock? I wondered. I couldn’t swallow the
fact that he truly read me so well? That there were feelings that had
connected us in some way? Sure it was just a week, but stranger
things have happened.

“Al—” I stopped and started again. “Look, please just let
me say—”

Interrupting and clearly annoying me, he put his finger to
my lips. “Shush. I’ll let you speak for an eternity if you’ll call
me by name here forward, but always with the same sweetness
of those lips that kissed me.”

I was taken, seduced, and clearly excited. My nipples hardened
and skin showed chills, as no man had been masculine
enough to ever speak to me in this tone.

“Fine. You’re making demands; I’ll play your game.”

I pulled my long black waves to one side, exposing my bare
shoulders and back. His eyes couldn’t help but follow my skin’s
glow from the depths of my back to the nape of my neck, then
gliding through my sculpted face and meeting my eyes.

I lowered my voice and spoke from somewhere deep, somewhere
I had been dying to go for far too long. I spoke from my
core, from my inner desire to orgasm and to wet every inch of
his mouth and cock with my essence.

“I like games, Alexander, but only on my terms. And word
to the wise: don’t shush me! I’m not like your little women; I’m
not searching for Prince Charming. I will never be just another
housewife or stay-at-home soccer mom or throw Tupperware
parties. I have worked too hard and too long for what I have,
and there’s more that I want. And unlike the other half of the
female world, though I want it all, I am unwilling to compromise.

I either want it all or none, and my career is my priority
right now. Since nothing else really fits the mold, I’m not
looking or accepting anything else. Now, the rules of the game
are simple. From what I’ve noticed, you have an erection every
time you’re near me, and well, I must say, I fail to be wet when
you’re around.”

With my eyes focused on him, I paused for a short second
but very quickly picked up, catching that his very hard erection
had just twitched. My eyes had a sparkle to them, and there was
a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had never felt before.

Giving half a smile, I continued, not wanting to lose his attention.

“I am not looking to hurt you, and at this point in my life,
that is all I would end up doing. I can’t help thinking about
fucking you, but sex is all I’ve got to offer you right now—or
may be at all.”

I was shaky as I spoke. I was losing my cool. In my heart, I
felt more than just sexual desire, but I was hoping that the sex
alone would clear up some of my angst. I knew that there was
more to it than that, and I couldn’t tell him.