Lust (19 page)

He pushed my head with both hands off of him and swept
me to my feet. “You think you’ve got the upper hand here. I’m
going to make you pay for that. Now, downstairs to the party,
and then I will fuck you until you beg for mercy.” He held
the back of my neck, pressing me to his wet lips, which were
swollen from biting down on them, trying to stop himself from
screaming.

“OK then, let’s go to the party. But, let me give you a little
insight. I have rarely played the one being punished!” And off I
went. Rounding the corner, I found myself above a grand foyer.

I stood at the very top of a long, winding staircase that led
down to the bottom floor, to what was obviously a packed and
busy party.

And sure enough, I was coming from the “back entrance”

followed by Mr. GQ himself. Heads turned as I stepped lightly,
confidently, down the staircase and into the mix. Alexander on
the other hand, wore rosy red cheeks as he joined me, smiling
and nodding at the guests.

The room was magnificent; I could see the entire party,
and directly across from where I descended were floor-toceiling
windows. They opened across the immense wall leading
out onto a magnificent veranda overlooking Central Park.

People were spread throughout the enormous room. Though
the room was full, with the open space and vaulted ceilings,
it felt comfortable. Alexander and I took separate directions,
and it allowed me to go over what I had just started. I wasn’t
sure what I could handle with Alexander, but I had to figure
it out fast.

The party was filled with many familiar and new faces from
the “business.” Some colleagues gave warm smiles as I walked
through, and some raised their drinks in respectful hellos. I
knew how to work a room, especially while in the “business
mode.” And, tonight, looking the way I did, my business persona
was only that much more powerful.

Striding slowly through the room, I gracefully but anxiously
looked for Samantha. I needed the comfort of having her
close, a friendly face, someone I trusted. There were way too
many people. And if I kept walking around, I feared I would
bump into Alexander, and I just wasn’t ready to face him or to
let him down.

I felt like I was about to break up with him. But we were
never in a relationship to begin with, I thought.

I could attempt offering him the minimum—which would
be heavenly. Sex. Hot, unattached, uncomplicated sex. But the
problem was, most men couldn’t handle that—not after sex
with me! And, I was so not being cocky. It’s just how things
had happened in the past. After all, I have been known to please
a man in ways they only imagined. Who in their right minds
would give that up? I would have to wait and see how it all
played out, but dealing with the chaos that sex would cause was
not something that was in my cards.

“Patron, Rose’s lime juice, and a slice of lime, please,” I said,
smiling at the bartender. I am always sweet, never bossy, but always
ask for the exact thing I want, with detailed specifications.

To the point and direct. Just like how I like sex. I ask for and act
how I want, never embarrassed, never afraid. That’s why I have
never been affected by porn or interested. The sex I have, the
scenes I set, and things I try are far more exciting. And, that too
intimidated men!

“Thank you,” I added as the bartender handed me the glass.

He nodded and winked as I took it from him.

Taking small sips, I made sure I drank slowly. There were
too many important people here, and I couldn’t get trashed at
an event like this. Truth is, I didn’t care about 99.9 percent of
the people who were there, but I did care about the 0.01 percent:
Alexander. There was no doubt that if I drank even a bit
too much, I would end up riding him tonight, and that would
not resolve the issue at hand.

I first needed Alexander to be aware that what I wanted,
all I could offer right now, was unemotional and unattached
relations. I had no time for the feelings, complications, and
decisions that come along with a relationship. Once he understood
that, he could fuck me anywhere, anytime, and for however
long!

Walking through the glass opening, I breathed deep and
took in the breeze and scent of the flowers from the park. This
is amazing, and, ugh, I could spend a lifetime just like this, breathing,
staring into the night. This view is so peaceful.

I couldn’t help but smile warmly, feeling calm in my own
skin. Pressing my hands onto the stone wall, I peered over onto
the Manhattan streets. From up there it was all serene.

“Careful.”

I turned my head and body slightly, and there stood
Alexander.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you jump or interrupt
you. I didn’t want you to ruin that beautiful dress on the stone,
and it’s sharp.” Alexander stood perfectly, gorgeous from head
to toe in his black tuxedo; he looked too amazing to take in at
once.

He looks as nervous as I feel. Aw, how cute, I cooed to myself.

Feeling the blush on my cheeks, I cut the thoughts off and
tried to speak nonchalantly. “Very considerate. Thank you. And
you didn’t interrupt anything. I was just admiring the view. It’s
so serene and beautiful out here. I got lost in it for a minute.”

I turned to look back onto the night. Alexander never moved
his gaze.

The soft curls in my long hair swayed softly with every
breeze that came and went, and his eyes outlined every line of
my body showing through the silken fabric. The color of the
dress only accentuated the glow of my skin. It was angelic in its
glow and yet devilishly seductive and sexy.

“I know exactly how you feel.” Alexander took a few quiet
steps toward me as I continued to gaze out. “You know…about
getting lost in a moment, staring and taking in something
so beautiful that it’s almost hard to believe it exists, just
breathtaking.”

I turned my full body toward him, noticing he was much
closer. The moment our eyes met, I could feel him pulsing
through every nerve and vein in my body.

I began, “We really need to—”

“Eva, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you,”

Samantha said as she and Marcus walked toward us.

I stepped back hoping neither of them had noticed how
close Alexander and I had been.

“Hey, I got here only a little while ago. Samantha, Marcus,
you both look great!” I smiled at Marcus but felt embarrassed.

Marcus was Alexander’s dearest friend, and he looked at me in a
way that made me think he knew all that was going on.

Marcus smiled at my compliment, then turned to Samantha.

“As do you, gorgeous. And I can still say that, considering
you’re not technically my employee yet. So we are safe though.

I am going to have to find a loophole come Monday, ’cause I am
definitely not letting you out of my hands or sight. Boss or not,
you’re mine!” Grabbing Samantha by the waist, he pulled her
in front of him and kissed her on her cheek.

Alexander stared at the couple and smiled. Noticing his
grin, I tried to look elsewhere. I refused to get tangled into the
“you’re mine” scenario.

“Wow, a few days and already tying the knot? Careful,
business and pleasure should never mix.” I tried to make a joke
at Samantha and Marcus as they stood smiling, but Alexander’s
expression changed. He knew that comment was meant for
him, and he wasn’t digesting it well.

I realized perhaps I had gone too far. It was hitting below
the belt, but when I tried to make a reprieve, Alexander was
moving away. “Would you excuse me? There are some guests
I have to see to, catch you later Marcus.” Alexander winked
at Samantha but never turned back to me. He just left like I
wasn’t even there, and boy did that sting.

I can’t even get mad. I so deserved that. Fuck!

“Yeah so, I’m going to get a refill and check on him,” said
Marcus. “Can I get either of you anything?”

Marcus waited for Samantha and I to respond, but I couldn’t
even make eye contact. I just shook my head no and turned to
lean on the stone wall again. I backed off swiftly as I remembered
Alexander telling me I would ruin my dress.

I felt horrible. Sometimes I couldn’t control myself, like
diarrhea of the mouth or something. So deep and saddened over
how I had just made Alexander feel, I didn’t hear the conversation
between Samantha and Marcus continue.

“Hey, you OK? Were you two arguing about something?

Did we walk in at a bad time? Alexander looked really hurt.

What’s up?” Samantha stroked my arm consolingly.

I didn’t know how to begin. Lowering my head, holding
back tears, I said, “I am such a bitch! I don’t mean to be. I
swear I don’t. I have to go apologize. I need to put an end to
this.” Pushing myself off the wall, I turned to observe the room
inside. I scanned for Alexander so I could apologize, tell him
what I had to say, and leave the party. It wasn’t going well, and
I had only been there for fifteen minutes. Forget the sexual relationship;
he was probably repulsed by me at this point.

“I really wish I could get into your head sometimes and
straighten you out. Why does everything have to have a game
plan: a reason to start, a middle, and an end? And if it doesn’t
fit just like that, well then, it just can’t be! Eva, come on. Go
apologize and just let it be. It doesn’t have to end. Just see
where it goes.”

Samantha spoke very motherly, soft and warm, but I, like
almost any daughter, never listened. “Look, I don’t want to argue
with you—again. It’s my life and my life has worked out so
well so far because of the way I manage it. It’s how I accomplish
things, and only I can say what’s right or wrong for me. And,
whether he is right or wrong for me, he doesn’t fit into my
plans right now. And when he or someone else does—”

“When you realize it, it will be too late!” Samantha cut me
off with another jab at the heart.

Those last five little words pierced through me like a knife,
I couldn’t say whether it was true or not, but it felt so real, like
I was about to lose something that I would never get back.

As the evening went on, I mingled with many executives
from the different firms I had worked with through the years;
I was introduced to many key board members of different
banks and their wives/dates. When it came to shop talk and
business pitches, I could hold my own, even if the people
whose attention I held barely spoke English. That was my
comfort zone, and it helped me forget the rest that, at this
moment, just saddened me.

Guests came and went. Many had donated personal items
of value to be auctioned off for the charity. Alexander made
a speech to the room before the auction took place. Like me,
Alexander did well holding everyone’s attention. His speech
though was not that of a businessman but of a man who had
hopes of truly helping children in need.

As I listened to him, I wondered why he had chosen this
charity and tried to discern the reason for his emotional ties to
children in need. Not that there was anything wrong with that.

It was truly admirable, but the connection just seemed personal.

When Alexander ended his speech, he thanked everyone for
coming and wished everyone a good evening. The auctioneer
began his work, and the guests had a great time fighting each
other for the items being auctioned. Had I been in better spirits,
I would have loved the bargaining.

A few more hours passed, the party was dwindling down,
and between Samantha, Marcus, and all of the people I spoke
with, I was partially enjoying myself. The other part of me kept
looking for Alexander, who was neither to be seen nor heard
from since his speech earlier.