Man From the USSR & Other Plays (14 page)

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

Hello, my dears. For some reason this ended up in my room. Thank you, Alyosha, for the lovely flowers.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN
(He does not look up from his work throughout this whole scene.)
Happy birthday, happy birthday. Here, in the comer, please.

 

LYUBOV'

You got up early, didn't you? I don't think it's even nine o'clock yet.

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

I was born early, I guess. Had your coffee yet?

 

LYUBOV'

Yes. Perhaps, in honor of your fiftieth birthday, you'll have some too?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Incidentally, Antonina Pavlovna, do you know who else has three-fifths of a carrot in the morning like you?

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

Who?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Don't know. I was asking you.

 

LYUBOV'

Alyosha is in a nice, jocular mood today. Well, Mummy, what would you like to do before lunch? Would you like to take a walk with me? To the lake, or to have a look at the animals?

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

What animals?

 

LYUBOV'

There's a traveling circus on the vacant lot.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

I'll join you. I love circuses. I might pick up a horse's croup or an old clown in street clothes.

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

No, I had better do some work in the morning. Verochka will probably drop in.... It's strange I haven't heard from Misha.... You know, children, last night I scribbled another one of those fantasies for the
Illumined Lakes
cycle.

 

LYUBOV'

Marvelous. Look what a miserable day it is out. Can't tell whether it's raining or just misty. Hard to believe it's still summer. By the way, did you notice that in the mornings Marfa quite brazenly takes your umbrella?

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

She just got back and is in a tetchy mood. Unpleasant to talk to. Want to hear my little fairy tale? Or am I disturbing your work, Alyosha?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Oh, you know, even an earthquake won't distract me once I get started. But now I'm just fiddling around. Shoot.

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

Maybe you people aren't interested?

 

LYUBOV'

Oh, no, Mummy. Of course we are—do read it.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Tell me something, Antonina Pavlovna, why did you invite our Venerable Master? I keep racking my brain over it. What do you need him for ? What's a chessboard with one queen and a lot of pawns?

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

They're not pawns at all. There's Meshaev, for instance—

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Meshaev? Well, I must say....

 

LYUBOV'

Mummy, don't answer him. What's the use?

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

I only wanted to say that Meshaev, for instance, promised he would bring his brother, who is an occultist.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

He has no brother. That is a mystification.

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

Yes, he has. Only the brother always lives in the country. They are even twins.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Yeah, I'll bet they are.

 

LYUBOV'

Well, when are we going to hear your story?

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

Oh, never mind. Some other time.

 

LYUBOV'

Don't be hurt, Mummy. Alyosha!

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

I'm standing in for him.
(The doorbell rings.)

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

No, no—it's all right: I'll type it up first, otherwise it's not very legible.

 

LYUBOV'

Type it up and then come read it. Please!

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Second the motion.

 

ANTONINA PAVLOVNA

You're sure? All right, then I'll be back in a moment.
(On her way out, just beyond the door, she bumps into Ryovshin, who is first heard, then seen: he is a foppish, wriggly fellow with a short black beard and whiskery eyebrows. His coworkers have dubbed him The Hairy Helminth.)

 

RYOVSHIN

(on the other side of the door)
And is Alexey Maximovich up? Alive and well? Everything fine? Actually, it's him I'd like to see for a moment,
(to Troshcheykin)
May I come in?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

By all means, good sir.

 

RYOVSHIN

Hello, luv.... Hello, Alexey Maximovich. Everything shipshape with you?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

How solicitous he is, eh? Yes, finances apart, everything is first-rate.

 

RYOVSHIN

Excuse me for barging in at such an ungodly hour. I was passing by and thought I'd say hello.

 

LYUBOV'

Will you have some coffee?

 

RYOVSHIN

No, I thank you. I just dropped in for a minute. Oh, I think I forgot to wish your mama a happy birthday. How embarrassing....

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

How come you are so nervous and cocky at the same time today?

 

RYOVSHIN

No, no—what are you saying—?
(pause)
So that's the way it is.
(pause)
Did you stay home last night?

 

LYUBOV'

Yes, why?

 

RYOVSHIN

Just asking. So that's how things are, then.... Are you sketching?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

No, I'm playing the harp. Come on, sit down someplace.
(pause)

 

RYOVSHIN

It's drizzling out.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

How very interesting. Any other news?

 

RYOVSHIN

Oh, no, none at all. I just dropped in. You know, today, I was walking and thinking: how long have we known each other, Alexey Maximovich? Seven years, isn't it?

 

LYUBOV'

I'd very much like to know what has happened.

 

RYOVSHIN

Oh, just trifles. You know, business complications.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

You're right, pet. He is kind of twitchy today. Maybe you have fleas? How about a bath?

 

RYOVSHIN

You never stop kidding, do you, Alexey Maximovich? No. I was just reminiscing about the days when I was your best man and so forth. There are days when one reminisces.

 

LYUBOV'

What's wrong—is your conscience bothering you?

 

RYOVSHIN

There are days like that.... Time flies.... You look back, and—

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Oh, how boring this is getting.... Why don't you stop by the library, good sir, and brush up on your reading? This afternoon our Venerable Master is coming. I'm willing to bet he'll arrive in a dinner jacket as at the Vishnévskis'.

 

RYOVSHIN

At the Vishnevskis'? Oh, yes, of course....You know, Lyubov' Ivanovna, I think I'll have a little cup of coffee after all.

 

LYUBOV'

Thank heavens! You finally made up your mind,
(goes out)

 

RYOVSHIN

Listen, Alexey Maximovich—something sensational has happened! A sensationally unpleasant event.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Are you serious?

 

RYOVSHIN

I don't even know how to tell you. Just don't get excited—and, above all, Lyubov' Ivanovna must know nothing for the time being.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

What is it, some vile gossip?

 

RYOVSHIN

Worse.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Namely?

 

RYOVSHIN

Something unforeseen and horrible, Alexey Maximovich.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Well, out with it then, damn you!

 

RYOVSHIN

Barbashin is back.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

What?

 

RYOVSHIN

Last night. They lopped a year and a half off his sentence.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

It can't be!

 

RYOVSHIN

just don't get excited. We must discuss it, and work out some kind of
modus vivendi

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Vivendi
my foot. To hell with
vivendi.
But ... but...
What will happen now?
Good Lord.... You must be kidding—you are, aren't you?

 

RYOVSHIN

Get a firm grip on yourself. You and I had better find some place to....

(Lyubov ' re-enters.)

 

LYUBOV'

You'll be served in a moment. By the way, Alyosha, she says the fruit—Alyosha, what happened?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

The inevitable.

 

RYOVSHIN

Alexey Maximovich, Alyosha, my friend—let's go out for a while now. The fresh morning air will make your headache go away, and you can walk me home....

 

LYUBOV'

I want to know this instant. Did someone die?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

It's monstrously funny, though. Poor idiot that I am, a moment ago I still had a year and a half in reserve. By that time we would have long since been in a different city, in a different country, on a different planet. I don't understand: what is this, a trap? Why didn't anybody warn us beforehand? What kind of rotten way of running things is this? Where did these tenderhearted judges come from? The
bastards\
Just think—they let him out early! No, it's ... it's ... I'll lodge a complaint! I'll—

 

RYOVSHIN

Take it easy, old man.

 

LYUBOV'
(to Ryovshin)

Is this true?

 

RYOVSHIN

Is what true?

 

LYUBOV'

No, no, don't raise your eyebrows. You know perfectly well what I mean.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

I'd very much like to know who stands to benefit from this indulgence,
(to Ryovshin)
Why don't you say something? Did you talk to him?...

 

RYOVSHIN

Yes.

 

LYUBOV'

And how is he—very much changed?

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Lyuba, enough of your idiotic questions. Don't you realize what'll happen now? We have to run, and there's no place to run to, and no money to do it with.
What
a surprise!

 

LYUBOV'

Come on, tell us.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Yes, indeed, why sit there like a stone statue. Come on, stop torturing us.

 

RYOVSHIN

To make a long story short.... Last night, towards midnight, at ten-forty-five or so, I'd say ... nonsense, what am I talking about? I mean eleven-forty-five ... I was walking home from the cinema across the square from you ... and, can you believe it, right there, just a few steps from your house, but on the other side of the street, you know, by the newsstand—I couldn't believe my eyes—there, in the light of a street lamp, smoking a cigarette, stood Barbashin.

 

TROSHCHEYKIN

Right on our corner! Delightful! And you and I, Lyuba, nearly went, too: great film, you said,
Camera Obscura,
you said, highlight of the season. Instead of the highlight, it would have been lights out for us. Go on!

 

RYOVSHIN

Now then. We never had seen much of each other, and he might have forgotten what I looked like, but no—he gave me a piercing glance—you know, one of those haughty, derisive glances of his, and I could not help stopping. We said hello. I was curious, of course. “How is it,” I asked, “that you're back in our bailiwick so prematurely?”

 

LYUBOV'

You mean you came right out like that and asked him?

 

RYOVSHIN

Anyway, words to that effect. I mumbled something, improvised a few phrases of greeting, and let him take it from there, of course. And indeed he did. “Yes,” he says, “because of my exemplary conduct, and on the occasion of an official celebration, I was asked to vacate my government-assigned quarters a year and a half early.” And he looks at me. Insolently.