Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (28 page)

Of course, she was
here now, and that had to mean something, right?   “Honor, what are you doing
here?  Did something happen to you?  Where the hell is Diego?” he asked
sharply, looking around for the man that was supposed to be keeping her safe
while he couldn’t. 

“H-he left,” Honor
stuttered, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.  “Ice thought it would
be okay, but I can see it isn’t.  I’ll just ca-,” she began, her hand fumbling
in the pocket of her slim fitting slacks, looking for her cell phone.

“Wait,” he ordered
tersely, reaching out to gently capture her wrist in his hand.  “You’re here of
your own free will? Because you want to be?” Zeke asked, afraid to hope,
watching as she nodded wordlessly.

“Yes,” Honor replied,
her voice a bare wisp of sound.

Zeke’s stomach
flipped as she lifted her tearful gaze up to meet his eyes.  “I came to say I’m
sorry, and to tell you that you win.”

“I win?” he repeated
dumbly, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against the inside of her wrist.

Honor nodded.  “You
win.  I’ll do the therapy with Bree if that’s what you want.  At least, I’ll
try to do it for you.  I’ll make a good, honest effort,” she promised again,
her voice breaking this time.  “Just come home with me, Zeke.  Please?  I can’t
sleep without you there.  The nightmares…Diego tries to help, but he’s not…he’s
not you,” she begged, clutching the pocket of his jeans tightly with her free
hand.  “I don’t think I can keep going without you.   I know that I told you
that I thought I hated you, but I was just mad….”

“Honor,” Zeke
murmured gently, releasing her wrist to slide his hand up her arm until he
reached the curve of her neck.  Her pain was killing him, and it was obvious
that she was sorry.  And as much as he appreciated the apology, the important
thing was that she’d finally accepted that she needed help.  He wasn’t thrilled
that she was doing it to get him to forgive her, but the end justified the
means and he’d take what he could get.  Right now, he just wanted to rejoice in
the fact that not only was she willing to forgive him, but she wanted him back
in her home and under her roof.

“… I wanted to make
somebody else hurt the way I was hurting, and you were the easiest target….”

“Baby, listen to me,”
Zeke tried to interrupt her, his heart breaking as he watched a tear slide town
her cheek.

“…It was wrong and
stupid and mean, and if you never want to speak to me again, it’s probably
exactly what I deserve, but….”

“Kitten, that’s
enough,” Zeke finally cut her off, raising his voice just enough to get her
attention. 

Sniffling, Honor’s
blinked up at him.  “No, please… let me finish.  Zeke, I don’t know where all
this will finally lead us.  I can’t tell you that I can be what you want.  I
don’t know if I can.  But I wanna try to be normal for you.”

Lifting a hand to
cradle her delicate jaw, Zeke tenderly pressed his thumb against her parted
lips.  “Stop right there, Kitten.  There’s something I need you to understand
and that’s that normal is just a cycle on the dishwasher that doesn’t even get
the plates clean half the time.”

Cocking her head,
Honor sighed.  “Zeke…”

“No, it’s my turn to
talk now, darlin’,” he interrupted sternly wrapping his arms around her waist
and drawing her toward him.  “Honor, I don’t want to turn you into something
you’re not.  You’re already what I want, and you’re right, you’re anything
but
normal,” he shared, feeling her stiffen in his arms.  “What you are is
extraordinary.  Real.  Genuine. Special.  If you ask me, you’re a bona fide
miracle.  Or more specifically, you’re
my
miracle.  I don’t want you to
see Bree because I want you to be any different than what you are.  I want you
to talk to her so that you can start to heal the wounds you carry on your
heart.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m thrilled that you’re willing to go talk to
her.  I just don’t want you to ever think that I wanted you in therapy because
I wanted you to change.  I don’t, Kitten.  I want you to be a stronger version
of exactly who you are.”

“So, you’ll forgive
me then?” Honor asked shakily, squeezing her eyes closed as she waited for him
to answer her.

Seeing his girl’s
beloved face pinched with anxiety as she closed her eyes, her wet eyelashes
resting against the faint blue bruises under her eyes, Zeke sighed.  Seeing her
like this gutted him.  She needed his reassurance, and he needed her to
understand that there was nothing she could ever do that would make him give up
on her.  Drawing her down on his lap with one arm as he sat down in one of the
white wooden Adirondack chairs positioned where they could look out over the
mountains, he held her firmly against him while he took off his brown Stetson
and dropped it on the deck beside him.  “Only if you can forgive
me
for
putting you on the spot the way I did.  Swear to God, baby, I was trying to
make you see how many people love and depend on you.  I would never
intentionally try to humiliate you like that.”

“I know, Zeke.  And
truly, there’s nothing to forgive you for,” Honor remarked huskily as she sat
perched on his lap, not resisting his touch, but not quite relishing it
either.  “I was just so ashamed.  Having my family and friends see me like
that.  Knowing they all knew all the dirty details about everything that’s
happened to me.  It was more than I was ready to face.  I can see now, though,
that you were trying to do what was best for me.  These last few days without
you or my sisters around…I’ve had time to think.  More time than I was
comfortable taking.  It was overdue, I know, but I never took it before because
I was afraid to mull over things that were painful to reflect on.  Avoiding it
though…it doesn’t make it disappear.  When you weren’t there to help me battle
my nightmares, though, I finally understood why you wanted to get me to accept
help so badly.  It’s because those bad dreams are never going to go away until
I face my demons, isn’t it?” he heard her ask in a subdued voice as she reached
out to toy with the cross he wore around his neck.  It was a gift she’d given
him several Christmases ago.  He never took it off, considering it his most
prized possession.

“You’re finally
getting it, Kitten,” Zeke praised softly, dropping a kiss against her temple as
he silently celebrated the progress she was making. 

Offering him a
sheepish smile, Honor stared at the necklace she’d given him.  “I can’t believe
you’re still wearing this,” she noted meekly.

“I always have it on
me.  You gave it to me.  That alone means I wear it constantly,” Zeke stated
simply.

Honor’s fingers
faltered on the cross pendant.  “I mean that much to you?”

“You mean more,” he
replied earnestly, sweeping his hand up and down her back. 

She met his direct
gaze with honest eyes of her own.  “You know, no matter what, it’s going to
take me some time before I can tell you if we could…maybe… be together the way
other couples are,” she explained shyly, her cheeks turning a rosy hue that
this time had nothing to do with anger.  “Are you sure you want to keep waiting
on me, Zeke?  Everybody, including me, would understand if you decided I wasn’t
worth the trouble.”

“Kitten, I don’t know
why you can’t understand this, but I’ll say it again.  I’d rather travel
through Hell with you a thousand times than go to Heaven once with anybody
else.  I’d wait for you forever; that’s how sure I am that we were always meant
to be each other’s evermore.  You just hold onto me and I’ll hold fast to you,
and we’ll get to the other side of this journey.  The ride might be hard, but
the destination will be worth the pain.”  Gazing at her hopeful face, he’d
never been more convinced of the truth in his words.

Honor was his light
at the end of his very long tunnel, and he’d do anything to reach her.

Anything at all.

May 2016

9:15 am

Honor

Sitting beside Zeke
on the ugly, but functional, brown loveseat inside the small office of Dr.
Aubrey Daniels early one May morning nearly a week later, Honor fidgeted
nervously, mindlessly worrying a patch of dry skin on the back of her hand as
she stared at the frosted glass of the closed reception window.  She’d checked
in with the office girl as soon as she arrived, slightly shocked to find that
it was a girl that had been in her graduating class with her. 

Cheyenne
something-or-other. Mills?  Mayson?  It had been something that began with an
M.  She recalled the girl being friendly enough back then, popular, but not
obnoxiously so.  Many years ago, Cheyenne and a group of other girls from
school had visited Honor in the hospital, but beyond that, Honor couldn’t
remember much else about her.  Currently, she couldn’t help wondering what the
woman was thinking of her now.  Was she curious as to what had finally brought
Honor in here seeking the doctor?  Was she judging her for needing help? Would
she go gossip to all her friends about seeing her here?  This was a rather
small town where they lived.  If she couldn’t count on the office staff to be
discreet, her personal business would be all over Paradise by mid-afternoon,
and that thought scared the stuffing out of her.

“Kitten,” Zeke
rumbled, his voice vibrating against her ear, “You keep scratching at your
hands, you’re gonna rub them raw,” he chastised, covering her hands with his
and stilling her fingers.  “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, baby? 
You were fine on the drive over here.”

“I know,” Honor said
with a deep sigh as she stared down at where his big hand gripped hers,
grateful that he’d been willing to rearrange his day to accompany her to her
first appointment with Bree.  “It’s just that I knew the girl at the desk.”

“So?” Zeke grunted,
glancing at the sliding window separating them from the office area.  “Was she
rude?” he growled, already leaning forward in his seat, poised to read the riot
act to somebody.

“No.  No, it’s
nothing like that.  I went to school with her and I could tell she recognized
me.  I’m just…you know, a little worried that the fact that I’m seeing a shrink
will be all over town by nightfall.”

“Babe, there’s no
shame in seeing a therapist, but if it makes you feel better, I’m pretty sure
that even the clerical staff has to adhere to patient confidentiality. 
Legally, I think her ass would be toast if she went running it all over
Paradise for shits and giggles.  Not to mention, she won’t win any fans in
local law enforcement, including your very protective friend, the sheriff.  I
have it on good authority that guy can be a real asshole when he wants to be.”

Honor couldn’t help
her giggle at his blunt assessment of his character. It was bull.  Everyone
liked Zeke.  Well, every law abiding citizen, anyway.   But his easy manner
went a long way toward relaxing her and not for the first time, she was
thankful that Zeke had forgiven her for being such a witch to him.  Since she’d
swallowed her pride and sought him out to apologize, they’d been nearly
inseparable.  If he wasn’t working, he was within shouting distance of her, and
couldn’t deny that it pleased her to have him so close.  In the last couple of
weeks, she’d slept much better and her appetite had returned.  She’d gained
back three of the ten pounds she’d lost, and the shadows under her eyes had
faded.  Even she could admit (even if it was only to herself) that Zeke had
been good for her, their relationship improving a little more each day that
they spent together.  “Thank you for coming with me, Zeke,” she whispered
quietly as she leaned against his side, his arm tightening around her
shoulders.

“Wouldn’t wanna be
anywhere else, Kitten.”

“I still have the
jitters,” she admitted in a low voice as she looked at the closed door to
Bree’s office again fretfully.  “What if I freeze up in there and can’t answer
her questions.  You know I sometimes do that.”

“She’ll wait until
you
can
answer her then,” Zeke reassured her evenly.  “Babe, this is
gonna go at your pace.  Nobody is gonna rush you.  I swear.  I wish you’d
reconsider letting me come in there with you.  At least the first couple of
times.”

“No,” Honor denied
softly.  “This is something I need to do on my own.”  Shooting him a sweet
smile, she added, “I know where you are if I need you, Zeke, and I promise that
if I need you, you’ll be the first to know it.  For now, let me try this on my
own.  It’s enough to know you’re out here supporting me.”  Honestly, she wasn’t
sure what kind of feelings these sessions were going to stir up and the last
thing she wanted was to strike out at those she loved again.  It’s the reason
she hadn’t allowed any of her sisters to come with her.  She didn’t want to
unintentionally hurt anyone.  Especially when things were just now getting back
to normal within her family.

For days after she’d
gone back to the café to apologize to her siblings, they’d handled her
carefully, considering every word they uttered before they allowed it past
their lips.  Sure, they’d accepted her ‘I’m sorry’ at face value and forgiven
her, but they all knew something had changed in the family dynamic.  Mostly
because Harmony, Faith and Patience all knew there was a grain of truth to
Honor’s hurtful remarks and those poison barbs had struck a nerve in each woman. 
It was going to take time for all of them to feel comfortable sharing with each
other again.  Honor had told each sister that she’d agreed to seek counseling
from a professional, and they’d fully backed her decision, but none of them
were pushing the issue with their youngest sibling, choosing to remain silently
supportive without vocally encouraging her.

Except for her Aunt
Orla.  That elderly woman, as usual, had plenty to say.

In fact, Honor’s
treasured aunt had been perfectly frank with her when she’d shown up at the
restaurant the day after she’d reconciled with Zeke.  Orla had been thrilled to
find them together (even if Honor wasn’t yet completely classifying themselves
as a couple) and had boisterously proclaimed that it was long past time for her
baby girl to take the stick out of her butt and get busy with the business of
living.  And while Honor might have been slightly mortified by her kin’s
behavior, she’d loved her aunt’s unapologetically outspoken, albeit a bit
intimidating, personality.

Shifting in the curve
of the arm Zeke had draped around her shoulders, she hummed happily when his
warm palm cupped the back of her neck, stroking the tense muscles gently, but
firmly.  Over the last two weeks, she’d gone from simply being able to tolerate
Zeke’s warm touch to outright enjoying being in his arms.  Especially in the
evenings when they’d curled together on the couch in front of the television
and his strong arms held her while they watched whatever program caught their
attention that night.  In his embrace, Honor finally felt safe and secure, for
once untroubled by thoughts of the faceless threat currently stalking her. 
Zeke’s presence had allowed her to let her constant guard down for a bit and
simply be content with his company.

Even better was the
fact that she’d grown to enjoy the very end of the night the most.  Those times
when he’d walk her to her bedroom door with an arm around her waist and pause
just outside the entrance to her room.  She still got goosebumps when she
thought about that first night he’d stayed with her after they’d forgiven each
other. 

~~~**~~~

Yawning as the end
credits rolled slowly across the screen on the movie they’d just spent the last
two hours watching, Honor felt Zeke squeeze her gently to his side.  “You still
awake, Kitten?” she heard him rumble quietly, her cheek vibrating against his
chest at the sound.  For the last hour, she’d finally been able to rest,
cuddled tightly against him with her head pillowed against his chest, and it
was the best she’d felt in a long time. 

“I’m still up,”
she mumbled, tilting her head back to smile sleepily at him.  “I must be
getting pretty heavy though,” she lamented as she began to withdraw from his
body.

“Like hell you
are,” Zeke grunted, his arm contracting around her shoulders to pull her back
down on him.  “If I wasn’t touching you, I wouldn’t even know you were laying
in my arms.  A strong wind could blow you away, woman.”

Inexplicably
pleased by his ready denial, her smile widened.  “You’re sweet,” she whispered,
her body warming as she watched his mouth smile at her. 

“I’m truthful,” he
countered, as his palm stroked her back.  “We need to put some meat back on
those lovely bones of yours,” Zeke continued as his hand slid down her side to
find the dip in her waist – a dip that had gotten much deeper during the days
they’d been apart.  “I don’t want you getting sick again, baby.  Your body’s
been through an awful lot this year and you’ve spent enough time in the
hospital.”

Leaning her
forehead against his chest, Honor sighed as she hid her grin against his
shirt.  “While I agree wholeheartedly, I’ve got to ask.  Do you ever quit
worrying about me, Sheriff?”

“Not lately,” he
answered bluntly, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head as his fingers
tightened on the curve of her waist, “So, do me a favor and try to help me
out.”

“Starting
tomorrow, I promise that I’ll make an effort to eat more,” she offered
dutifully as she slowly pulled away from his warm body to stand.  “Right now,
though, I think it’s time for me to say goodnight.  I’m actually tired for a
change.  Are you sure I can’t make up the bedroom upstairs for you, Zeke? 
After sleeping in your own bed the last five nights, are you sure that my couch
isn’t gonna wreck your back?  I don’t wanna make you regret agreeing to stay
with me again.”

“That could never
happen, Kitten,” Zeke responded with a shake of his head as he stood up in
front of her, wrapping an arm around her as he guided her toward her bedroom at
the back of the house.  “Besides that, I might have been in my own bed, but I
barely slept at all.  I just tossed and turned and worried about you.  If I’d
known you were struggling with the nights just as badly here by yourself, I can
guarantee you that we’d have been apologizing to each other a whole lot sooner,”
he replied as they came to stop just outside her bedroom door.  Gently slipping
her hand in his, he laced their fingers together as he gazed down at her.

“Diego was here; I
wasn’t completely alone,” Honor muttered as his right hand encompassed hers and
wove their fingers together while the other hand slid into the hair at the back
of her neck, urging her head back to look at him.

“Diego – as much
as I trust him - wasn’t me, darlin’,” Zeke countered, staring down into her
eyes as his lips grazed hers.  “When it comes to keepin’ you safe at night, I’m
the only man I want anywhere near you.”

Catching her
breath at his close proximity, Honor’s lips parted as Zeke’s nose softly bumped
hers and his hot breath ghosted over her lips.  “I wanna kiss you now, Kitten,”
Zeke’s hypnotic, deep voice coaxed her, his sexy southern drawl nearly reducing
her to a melted puddle at his booted feet.

 “You gonna let me
have those pretty pink lips of yours, Honor?” Zeke throatily asked against the
shell of her ear while his lips skated over the apple of her cheek and his hand
cupped the back of her head, cushioning her skull as he backed her against her
doorframe.

“Zeke,” Honor
breathed shakily as his words set off a tingle inside her, a craving for
something unknown that she couldn’t identify, but needed desperately.

“Just a taste,
Honor.  I just want a little taste to ease my hunger, baby,” his gravelly voice
entreated her as his warm lips covered her mouth gently, his teeth nibbling her
lower lip playfully before his tongue carefully teased the seam of her lips in
a tender caress.  She leaned heavily against him, her body settling against his
much harder one like a long lost missing puzzle piece.

Moaning softly,
Honor’s lips parted as Zeke’s tongue quickly answered her unspoken invitation
to enter her mouth and tangle with hers with long sensual glides of his
tongue.  Like a favorite candy that he hadn’t had in ages, Zeke’s mouth
devoured hers, eating away and relishing each bite the way he would a long
denied treat.  His lips, teeth and tongue worked in perfect harmony to create a
kind of spellbinding stupor that held her hostage.  And good Lord, but his kiss
tasted like pure sin, rich and addictive in a way that both exhilarated and
terrified her at the same time. 

Then, there was
the feel of his hands roving over her body. Her face.  Her neck.  Her torso…
Somehow, his knowledgeable hands seemed to be everywhere at once.  They stroked
over her and stoked a flame that she hadn’t even been aware even burned inside
her.

Zeke’s hand
traveled slowly, exploring and learning the contours of her body.  Caressing. 
Petting.  Building a hunger within her that she’d never known could exist until
this moment.  Need coiled low in her belly, biting into her with sharp,
relentlessly unforgiving teeth while his tongue continued feasting on hers and
his teeth nipped at her lips.