Married for Christmas (Willow Park) (6 page)

Except it was slightly scratchy from his beard.

Slightly scratchy—and not at all unpleasant.

Forgetting about the possibility of
wrinkling her wedding dress, Jessica collapsed into a chair in the Sunday
School room and tried to suck down enough air to breathe.

“You okay?” Daniel asked, closing the door behind them and
shutting out the rest of the wedding party.

They’d been left alone for a few minutes before the
remainder of the pictures and reception.

“Yeah. It’s just all so surreal.” The world had finally
unblurred, but now she was exhausted and strangely shaky. She was having
trouble getting her mind to process what had just happened.

She’d gotten married. To Daniel. It had actually happened.

He walked over until he stood beside her, and his expression
reflected concern. “Are you sure you wanted to—”

He broke off mid-sentence, evidently remembering he wasn’t
supposed to keep asking her that.

She found the energy to almost smile. “Thanks for stopping
yourself. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”

“Honestly, I feel pretty hot and overwhelmed myself.”

“Really?” He looked as composed and attractive as ever,
although not as slick as he had earlier. “How did you feel after your first
wedding?”

When his face closed off immediately, she knew she shouldn’t
have asked. His marriage to Lila was still a sensitive subject—was still
inviolate—and she knew better than to ask him to spill. Especially at a time
like this.

She sighed and hunched her shoulders slightly, feeling more
exhausted than ever.

“Not like this,” he said at last.

She glanced up and saw his expression had returned to
normal. At least he’d answered.

“I was completely overwhelmed that day. I think everyone is
on their wedding day. But I was…”

“You were thrilled,” she completed for him. She smiled at
him, trying to show that she was perfectly fine with his being honest about it.
She
was
perfectly fine. Trying to compete with Lila—in Daniel’s heart or
as a pastor’s wife—would be a losing battle for Jessica, and she simply wasn’t
going to do it. “She was thrilled too. Everyone could see that.”

“Yeah.”

Ridiculously, Jessica felt almost near tears at the thought
of how happy both of them had been that day eight years ago. How young they’d
been. How they’d expected a lifetime together.

Why shouldn’t they have expected it?

“It was a long time ago,” Daniel said at last. “We both know
it’s not the same, but I’m happy about this too.” He gestured between them to
indicate their own marriage. “It’s not the way it’s normally done, but that
doesn’t mean it can’t work. I think it will be good.”

“Me too.” Her relief must have been evident in her tone, in
her smile. She stood up and put a hand on Daniel’s arm, wanting to be close to
him in any way she could.

He reached out and drew her into his arms.

She returned the hug immediately, instinctively, and they
hugged for a long time.

She shook against him with emotion, although she wasn’t sure
why. Maybe it was just the aftermath of the wedding anxiety.

His arms, his body, his breath was strength to her. Warmth.
Comfort. She needed it.

There was one silly tear on her cheek when she pulled away,
and she had no way to hide it.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I might scream if you keep asking me that.”

He wiped the trail of the tear away with his thumb, his eyes
the kindest things she’d ever seen. He didn’t love her like Lila, but he
did
love her—in all the ways that were important, in all the ways she needed. She’d
be a fool not to see that and appreciate it.

 “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you scream,” he said, his
irrepressible humor emerging at last. “It might be worth giving it a try.”

***

Their reception was being held in
the church fellowship hall. It wasn’t as fancy as another venue might be, but
it was a lot more convenient for their guests. The hall wasn’t a gym—the kind
found in a lot of contemporary churches—and it dressed up pretty nice. Since it
was so close to Christmas, the florist had used clusters of poinsettias,
garlands of pine and holly, and a few arrangements of red roses in the shape of
Christmas trees.

Jessica was deeply relieved they’d decided against a
sit-down meal, since she wasn’t sure she would have made it through such a long
production. She wondered how women lasted through receptions that stretched
late into the evening after the stress of a wedding.

She rushed the photographer through the pictures, since
she’d been to far too many weddings where she’d had to wait bored at the
reception for ages before the bride and groom finally made an appearance and
she could go home. Then she put on her favorite part of her wedding ensemble—an
adorable fake-fur shrug—and she and Daniel went to the fellowship hall to greet
their guests.

She still felt the same jittery excitement she’d been feeling
since they’d gotten engaged, intensified now that the wedding had actually
happened, but she was also overwhelmed with the idea of so many people waiting
to hug and congratulate her. She didn’t like being the center of attention, and
constantly smiling was starting to hurt her face.

To give herself motivation, she kept telling herself that she
and Daniel just needed to make the round of greetings. Then they could cut the
cake.

Then she could get out of here.

“You look so beautiful,” Miss Ross, her second-grade teacher,
said, giving her a hug.

“Thank you.” Each conversation was almost exactly the same.
She wasn’t sure she looked beautiful anymore, since the waves in her hair had
flattened and her makeup had mostly worn off, but people kept telling her so
anyway.

“We weren’t sure you were
ever
going to get married.”

She’d heard the same sentiment so many times—this week, this
month, and the last several years of her life—that she didn’t let it bother her
anymore.

Willow Park was a small town in an area with traditional
values. It didn’t matter that she had a good career and her independence. She
would be incomplete in their eyes until she got married. As wrong as she
believed that to be, she tried not to hold it against them.

Daniel put a hand on her back in a possessive gesture she really
liked.  So what if they weren’t blissfully in love? They were partners in this.
They understood each other. And they could be happy.

“She was just waiting for the right man,” he said, amusement
in his voice.

Jessica smiled up at him, probably looking rather fatuous.
“That’s right. Who would have guessed it was the boy next door?”

“Isn’t there a song about that?” Miss Ross asked.

Jessica knew her musicals, and without thinking, she sang a
few bars from the song Miss Ross was referring to from
Meet Me in St. Louis
.

She was no Judy Garland, but she was at least on key.

Then she realized everyone around her had stopped to listen,
and Daniel was smiling in appreciative surprise.

She broke off. “Sorry. Is that the song you meant?”

There was a smattering of applause and laughter, and Daniel
slid his arm around her waist and pulled her to his side.

“You should sing more often,” he said.

She felt vaguely pleased by the reaction, but she wondered
why she’d burst into song that way.

All her life, she’d made sure she stayed out of the
spotlight. That wasn’t going to change now.

***

That evening, she took a long
shower, shaving carefully and spending more time in the bathroom than she ever
had in her life.

She and Daniel were spending the night in the house.

They’d gotten all her stuff moved in last week, and he’d
been living here for the last three weeks. They’d agreed there was no reason to
go to a hotel for their first night as man and wife.

They weren’t doing a honeymoon. Daniel had just started his
job, and he couldn’t take time off during the Christmas season anyway—one of
the high points of the church calendar. Plus, Jessica couldn’t help but think a
honeymoon would be a waste of money.

Maybe later, they could take a vacation together, once they
were comfortable with being married to each other. But right now it would
awkward. It would place pressure on their marriage they didn’t need.

So their first night would be in their own bed, in their new
house.

She brushed her hair, which she’d kept out of the water in
the shower, and put on her new nightgown.

She wasn’t about to wear anything overtly sexy or romantic,
since she didn’t want Daniel to think she was trying to turn the evening into
something it wasn’t. So the gown she’d bought for tonight was simple and blue with
lace straps and a ribbon that tied off under her breasts.

It wasn’t likely to take Daniel’s breath away, but it was
pretty, and it matched her eyes.

She tried not to stare at him as she emerged from the
bathroom. He’d taken a shower before her, and now he was half under the covers,
propped up on pillows, bare-chested, and reading a book.

She wasn’t looking in his direction, but she felt his eyes
on her as she went to the corner, where Bear was begging at the base of the
dresser.

Jessica picked up the bone, which she’d placed on top of the
dresser earlier, and motioned to Bear’s bed.

The dog eagerly scrambled to the bed and greeted the bone
with enthusiastic mouth noises.

“Now, you stay,” Jessica told Bear, as she turned back
toward her own bed. Bear was usually well-behaved and probably wouldn’t try to
leap onto the bed to join them tonight.

Hopefully not, anyway.

Daniel was still watching her as she approached. “Are you
tired?” he asked. She couldn’t read the expression in his eyes.

She shrugged. “A little. Not too bad.” She’d been exhausted
earlier, during the reception, but now she felt too wired and jittery to be
tired. “What about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“What are you reading?”

“Bonheoffer.”

She gave a breathy laugh. “A little light reading before
bed?”

“He’s pretty compelling.”

“I’m sure. You can keep reading if you want. The light won’t
bother me.”

She felt rather adrift all of a sudden, though. She’d
assumed they’d have sex tonight, but maybe Daniel would rather read.

She wasn’t anyone’s dream wife, after all. She thought she
was attractive enough, but she doubted any man had ever had sexual fantasies
about her. They usually didn’t think about her at all.

When he just looked at her some more, she gulped.
“Seriously. You can read, if you’d rather…”

“If I’d rather read than what?”

Her cheeks warmed, but she was determined to be adult and
mature about this topic. “Well, I was thinking we might…we might have sex. But
we really don’t have to.”

“I didn’t know if you’d want to right away.” He placed the
book on the nightstand, which was an immense relief. At least he didn’t prefer
Bonheoffer to having sex with her. “We can take some time to get used to things
before we have sex, if you’d be more comfortable with that.”

She gave him a faint smile. “We’ve known each other all our
lives. I know you. I trust you. Sex is one of the…one of the perks of marriage,
so I figure there’s no reason to wait. Unless you don’t want to.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“I don’t know.”

“I could ask you the same thing. We’ve always just been
friends, and I’m not any sort of dream man. I didn’t even know if you’d be
attracted to me.”

She realized he was serious—that he had no idea how
incredibly handsome and irresistible and sexy he was. And not just to her.
Women
always
noticed Daniel.

“You look pretty good to me,” she said without thinking. He
looked more than good without a shirt on, his shoulders broad, his abs tight,
and a scattering of dark hair on his chest that she felt the sudden desire to
touch.

His mouth tightened with suppressed amusement, and she
blushed even deeper. But she pressed on, “But you’ve never been attracted to
me
,
so if you’re not…if you’re not into it, that’s totally fine. It won’t hurt my
feelings.”

It might hurt her feelings
a little
, but she
absolutely wasn’t going to take it personally. If this was going to work, then
they couldn’t put pressure on each other.

“I can be into it. That’s not a problem.”

“Oh. I just didn’t want to assume that cliché about men
always wanting sex, no matter who or what—”

“Don’t assume that cliché. It’s not true. But I can
definitely be into this.”

She raised her eyes in surprise and saw he looked almost
sheepish.

“You look pretty good to me too,” he said, something thicker
in his tone that made her breath hitch.

They smiled at each other—completely understanding each
other—and Jessica’s excitement returned with full force.

“Okay,” she said, feeling pleased and gratified that he was
attracted to her like she was to him. “So we got all this worked out then?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“So sex tonight?”

He nodded, a warm look in his eyes that made her shiver.
“Sex tonight.” Then his expression changed. “Are you a virgin?”

She blinked. “Yeah. You know I believe in waiting until
marriage.”

She knew he believed the same thing. She was pretty sure
Lila was the only woman he’d slept with before tonight.

“I know. But people can believe it and still not be able to
hold themselves to it. I would understand. You know that, right? I mean, I would
never judge—”

“I know. I know that. I know you’d never judge. But it’s
true.” She ducked her head. “I waited.”

His face had softened when she darted her eyes up to him
again. “Okay. I don’t want you to be nervous. I’ll try to be gentle.”

She crawled under the covers as he reached over to turn off
the light on his nightstand. The room wasn’t pitch black, and she could see him
move beside her.