Moments in Time (10 page)

“Just been busy.” Tanner threw me a look that made my face heat again.

“Well, you’ve been too busy. You need to come hang with me.”

As much as I didn’t want to leave her there alone with Tanner, my break was over. I stood and picked up my drink. “You want anything to eat, Angela?”

“I’ll take a Diet Coke.”

Of course
. “Sure thing.”

I got her soda, hating the way she practically nuzzled Tanner’s neck as she whispered to him about God knows what and giggled like he was the wittiest guy in the world. What’s wrong with me? I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but seeing her there, hanging all over him, had me completely inside out.
Does he like her? Does he want her?
If the tables had been turned, he’d have had nothing to worry about. No woman had ever turned me on the way he had. But he liked girls.
Not past tense. Likes
. My stomach hurt.

I placed the drink and a straw in front of Angela.

“Thanks.” She smiled, but the look in her eyes said, “You can go now.”

Tanner had polished off nearly the whole platter of food. “You really have to go back to work? There’s no one here.”

Was that his way of saying he wanted me to hang around with them? My heart stuttered.
Maybe he doesn’t want to be alone with her
.

I tried to keep from grinning like a doofus at the thought. “I have to go do the prep work for the dinner rush.”

Before Tanner could answer, the doorbells jingled again, and this time Wendy swept inside.

“So this is the place to be,” she said, slinging her backpack into the side of the booth where I’d been sitting. “Hey, boys. Ange. Mmm, that looks good.” She plucked a cheese-covered mushroom off what was left on Tanner’s plate and popped it into her mouth.

“Hey, get your own.” Tanner threw a crumpled napkin at her, and she laughed.

“Good idea, what was that?”

I didn’t know if it made me feel better or worse to have Wendy there. Now Tanner had two women with him, one of whom he’d slept with and who happened to be the only person on campus who knew about us. My stomach couldn’t take much more of this kind of stress.

“I’ll have Gino make you one. It’s not on the menu.”

“Yet,” Tanner said. “It better be soon. It’s fucking awesome.”

“Thanks, Collin.” Wendy gave me a smile that didn’t comfort me. Would she say anything? Make an inappropriate comment? Worry filled me as I went and placed her order. Torn between wanting to know and not wanting to know, I busied myself in the kitchen until her food was up.

By the time I came back out with her order, Angela was gone. Somewhat relieved, I neared the table. I slid the metal pizza pan in front of her. “Careful, the tray’s hot.”

“Thanks.” She grabbed the fork off Collin’s empty plate and stabbed some of the greens. The level of closeness and familiarity she had with him tugged at my stomach again. “Anyway, as I was saying, if you want, there’s room in the car.”

“Room for what?” I asked.

Wendy chewed and swallowed. “I’m grabbing a ride to New York this weekend with my roommate and her boyfriend. They’ve got room for one more, so if Tanner wants to go home for a visit, we can squeeze him in.”

She winked at Tanner, then shoved another forkful of salad into her mouth.

“You going?” I didn’t particularly feel like spending a weekend without Tanner, but I knew he hadn’t been home in two months.

“Probably not.” He smiled at me, then dumped some of the ice from his soda into his mouth and crunched.

Wendy rolled her eyes. “That’s right. You two are still in the honeymoon phase.”

My stomach nearly fell out. I whipped my head around so fast my neck spasmed. Gino was still back in the kitchen, and the other server hadn’t come in yet. No one had heard her. I willed my heart to slow down. Wendy must have seen the look of panic on my face.

“Sorry,” she said, lowering her voice. “There’s no one here but us.”

I reached for the empty platter in front of Tanner, desperate to make it seem like I was busy working, needing to do something that seemed normal. Tanner’s hand knocked against mine, and he briefly passed his fingers over mine.

My gaze met his, and the look in his eyes wrapped around me like a blanket. Dark. Soothing. “It’s okay.”

When he said it, I could almost believe it. Almost.

“Yeah,” Wendy piped in, throwing me a wink. “Don’t worry.”

She dug into her food again, shoving a giant forkful into her mouth.

Sure. Don’t worry. Easy for her to say
.

M
Y
FAVORITE
thing in the world had become lounging in bed, watching TV. With Tanner as my backrest. I’d never been much of a hugger or a cuddler, but something about lying there, pressed up against him, made me want to stay there forever. I loved the feel of his body, warm and firm. I loved how our breathing would sync after a while, how his laughter would shake through me. And I really loved how I could reach up and stroke his hair anytime I felt like it.

I ran my fingers through the dark, silky strands, and he tugged on my hair until I tipped my head back. Gazing up at him like that made my heart swell like a balloon. He kissed me, and our tongues rolled around together for just a second, then he shifted, settling his head back on the pillow and pulling me closer. I leaned back against him again and closed my eyes, thinking that I could be happy even if we never left our twelve-by-twelve room again.

Tanner chuckled at Jon Stewart’s closing remarks, then turned off the TV. “You studying more or going to sleep?”

We’d already showered, postsex, and I was limp, content, and half drifting off. “Sleep.”

He reached up and flipped off the light, then eased himself down behind me. It wasn’t even a question anymore about whether or not I wanted to stay in his bed. I did. Nightly. Thinking about it made me warm from head to toe, but woke me up a little. I turned enough to be able to look at him. I loved looking at him, especially from this close where I could study the curve of his strong cheekbones and those crazy thick eyelashes. He probably didn’t know it, but sometimes I watched him while he slept, memorizing his face. I’d read about people doing shit like that, but honestly it had never occurred to me before. With Tanner I could have done it all day and night.

His eyes fluttered open, and he looked right at me. “What?”

“Nothing.” There wasn’t really a thought in my head. At least not one I could put into words.

“You okay?”

“Yep. Happy.”

Tanner’s perfect lips curved, and he put his hand on my arm, which was enough to send tremors up and down my spine. “Good. Hey, I forgot to ask. Did you get your laptop working?”

“Yeah. Whatever was up seemed to stop after I reinstalled a few things. I don’t need to borrow yours.”

“Okay. Cool. You can if you ever need to, though. I use my tablet for most shit now anyway.” He paused, his hand still idly stroking my arm. “I thought maybe you wanted to borrow mine to check out my porn stash.”

My face heated. Even with all we’d done together, he could still make me blush without even trying. “Why do I need porn when I’ve got you?”

He laughed and nipped at my ear. “Because it’s still fun, that’s why. You don’t care, right? I mean, that I look at it.”

I shook my head. I didn’t.

“Good. It’s just porn. And I still say you should check it out. You could, you know, tell me stuff you like or want to try.”

I rolled onto my side to be able to look at him easier. “Is there stuff you want to try?”

“Hell, yeah. I told you, I learned half my repertoire from watching that shit.”

That did make it sound more tempting. I wanted to know more, especially if it was stuff he wanted to do. I didn’t mind him teaching me things, but it would be nice to be the one to surprise him once in a while.

“Maybe I’ll take a look someday.”

“Okay. If you want.” He paused again, and I could tell he wanted to say something else.

“What?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You mean besides that one?”

“Asshole.” He knocked me onto my back. As much as I wanted to hear the question, another part of me just wanted him to climb on top of me and stop talking.

“You still jerk off?”

The heat returned, spreading up to my ears and along my collarbone. “Not lately.”

“Do you just not want to?”

I didn’t know how to explain. It’s not like I wasn’t aroused enough. All I had to do was think about Tanner, and it didn’t matter where I was—insta-boner. Worse than middle school, because now I had the memories to go along with the fantasies and it made it that much harder to fight what I was feeling.

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I’d just rather be with you.”

“You can do both, you know?”

I nodded. I knew what he was saying. He didn’t care. No, not the right word. He didn’t
mind
. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been clear on the fact that he’d be more than happy to watch too. I just couldn’t do it. Not yet, at least. I’d spent a lifetime feeling guilty about jerking off, and now I felt guilty about
not
jerking off. Beyond weird.

“How about this,” he said, settling himself alongside me again. I could feel him half-hard against my hip, and that didn’t make it any easier to think about his words. “You do what you want, but if you ever do check out the sites or find something you want us to do, tell me. Okay?”

I nodded again, easing my thigh up so it rubbed against his balls.

He slid his hand across my stomach and over the bulge in my shorts. “Again?”

I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as he stroked and squeezed through the fabric. “Is that a problem?”

His hair tickled against my cheek as he shook his head back and forth, his lips brushing mine. “No problem at all.”

M
OVIE NIGHT hadn’t sounded like an awful idea. The student center was showing a double feature. Tanner loved both movies, and we hadn’t been out to do much of anything in weeks. I knew he was restless, so when Tim and Eric suggested we go, I said okay. It was packed, and we wound up with seats in the back.

“Perfect,” Tim said.

“The screen looks smaller than my laptop from here.”

“Yeah.” He grinned and put his backpack between his legs as he sat. “But no one will see that I’ve got these.”

Tim opened his bag and pulled out a six-pack of beer.

Shit.
None of us were twenty-one yet, and alcohol wasn’t allowed at school-sponsored events anyway. They looked the other way at house parties and in the dorms but not at big gatherings. That wasn’t what scared me most either.

“Here,” Tim said, keeping his voice low as he passed me one. “Just hold it below the seat level until after the movie starts. No one’s going to see it.”

He reached past me and handed a bottle to Tanner.

“Thanks, man,” Tanner said, smiling at me. He leaned in and whispered, “You don’t have to if you don’t want, but it might help you relax.”

Relaxing sounded great. I just wasn’t sure that was possible under these circumstances. If I didn’t, it made me look even more like I had a stick up my butt, so I waited until the lights were off, eased open the bottle cap as quietly as possible, and took a drink.

I’d had beer lots of times, among other things. You didn’t grow up in an Irish household without plenty of opportunity to sneak drinks. Honestly, we barely had to sneak them. It was the one thing no one seemed to bother keeping tabs on.

The beer was colder than I’d expected. Tim must have had them in his freezer. The cool bubbles felt good working their way down my throat. By the time I’d finished the bottle, I did feel a little more relaxed. Tanner’s shoulder bumped mine, and I turned toward him. I recognized the look on his face—crooked grin, eyes heavy lidded and lusty. It was my absolute favorite expression to see on his face, apart from his O face. But not here—not in a room with four hundred other students and Tim and Eric not six inches away on my other side. My heart hammered. I knew drinking made Tanner more amorous. I’d seen him all over girls at more parties than I cared to recall. I didn’t know what to do.

Tanner leaned back in his seat, and I silently thanked God. Then I felt his shoe rub against mine. Any contact with Tanner—even his fucking Chuck brushing mine—was enough to get me going. My dick plumped, pressing against my fly. But that was the last thing I wanted. Not now. Not here. His foot continued to move. Up and down. Tiny movements, probably not even noticeable to anyone but me, but it felt like he was stroking my entire body.

I shifted, moving my foot forward, but that just gave Tanner room to slide his leg under mine. Now his shoe rubbed my instep and his calf brushed mine. Fire rushed through me—arousal and fear. Someone could see us. My cock clearly didn’t care, but my mind did. At least, the functioning part of it.

Not wanting to do anything too obvious, I turned to face him. I’d planned to tell him to cut it out, but the second I looked at him, I saw that expression—that “holy shit I want to fuck him when he looks at me like that” expression—and I froze. Tanner didn’t. He was downright fluid as he slipped closer and put his lips on mine. His lips. On mine. In a room full of people.

I lost it.

I jumped up so fast, my bottle clattered to the ground and a bunch of people started shushing and barking “Quiet!” Panic overtook me.

“I gotta go.” I squeezed past Tim and Eric, headed straight for the door to the auditorium, and didn’t look back.

A light rain was coming down, and I didn’t have a jacket. I didn’t care. I was already chilled from head to toe with a mix of fear and dread. Only my face was hot. My cheeks still blazed from the thought that Tim could have seen what happened. What would he say? What would he do? Would he tell everyone? Then I thought about Tanner.
Oh shit. What have I done?
He kissed me, and I ran away like some scared little kid. I didn’t want people to know, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want him. I always wanted him. Shame stung my face for a different reason. I’d probably hurt him. The one person who’s ever accepted everything about me. The person I’m most myself with and happiest when I’m around. And I just ran out on him, leaving him to explain to our friends.