Moments in Time (13 page)

Fuck.
At the angle the car was at, I couldn’t move him. Sirens blared in the distance.

“Tanner.” I leaned as close as I could. I passed my hand over his face and felt warm air.
Thank God. He’s breathing
.

Then I felt wetness—warm, thick. I pulled back and saw the dark smear on my fingers.
Oh fuck, he’s bleeding.

Fumbling in the glove compartment, I managed to find the flashlight. I pulled it open, illuminating the car with the soft yellow glow. Blood trailed from the curtain of hair that hung in front of Tanner’s face. Lifting the hair as gently as I could, I saw the gash. Hairline to eyebrow.
Jesus.

I tugged my sweatshirt off, balled it up, and pressed it against his head, desperate to remember my Boy Scout first aid training.
Don’t move the victim.
Victim
. Oh, God, I did this. Apply pressure. Okay.
I shifted closer, aware again that my pants were still gaping.
Son of a bitch.
I yanked them up, shoving myself inside with one hand as I kept the shirt over Tanner’s wound.

The voices sounded again, this time through a bullhorn. “Is anyone hurt down there?”

“Yes.” I tried to yell, but my voice stuck in my throat. I reached for the driver’s door enough to pull the handle and kick it open with my foot. “Yes. Please help me.”

Light flooded the car as a spotlight shone through the darkness. It grew brighter as several people climbed down the embankment toward us.
Tanner, please wake up.

“How many are in the car?”

“Just me and my friend. He’s bleeding.” Saying the words out loud turned my stomach.

One of the paramedics approached my side of the car while the other went around to Tanner’s door.

I scrambled out of the car. “I’m fine. Please help him.”

“We’ll help both of you, son. Let’s take a look at your friend. Has he been conscious since the crash?”

“No, sir, I don’t think so.”

“Was he wearing a seat belt?”

A shiver ran through me. “No, sir.”

He whispered something to the other paramedic that I didn’t hear. One of them climbed into the driver’s seat while another pried open the passenger door.

Please, God.

They eased Tanner onto a backboard and strapped him to it. He had a thick foam cuff around his neck and was still out cold.

Please, God. Please let Tanner wake up. Please let him be all right.

I
REMEMBER being ushered into the ambulance and having my hand wrapped in an Ace bandage. Someone kept shining lights into my eyes and asking me if I’d hit my head. I hadn’t, though my nose felt bruised. Had I hit it on the steering wheel? I didn’t remember. Everything was a blur. Paramedics buzzed around Tanner. I heard the word “concussion,” but they wouldn’t tell me anything else.

When we got to the hospital, they rushed him off in one direction and made me get on a gurney to wait for my wrist to be X-rayed. It seemed as if every nurse in the ER made her way over to me at one point or another. Fill out these forms. Answer these questions. None of them could tell me where Tanner was or what was happening with him. When I got back from X-ray, a nurse practitioner finally came in and sat down to talk to me.

“It’s not broken,” she said, “but you will need to keep it wrapped. And I can give you some painkillers if you think you’ll need them. They may help you get some rest tonight.”

I didn’t give a shit about sleep or my wrist. I just wanted to know about Tanner. “Can you tell me how Tanner D’Amico is doing? We were brought in together.”

Her gaze searched mine. “You were in the same car?”

“Yes, ma’am. I was driving. I need to know how he is.”

Sympathy passed over her face. “Are you a relative of Mr. D’Amico’s?”

Shit. No.
Did that mean she wouldn’t tell me? There was no way she’d buy I was his brother. Different last names, opposite coloring.
Family.
My mind raced. Boyfriend didn’t count. Fiancé? Would that do? Worth a shot.

“I’m his fiancé.”

A smile warmed her face. “Congratulations. I’ll go check on his condition for you. Give me a minute.”

That minute felt more like a decade. I said every prayer I could call to mind and made up some of my own. I didn’t even care that I’d lied about the fiancé part, never mind that I’d just basically come out to a total stranger. I just wanted Tanner to be all right.
Please let him be all right. Please, God.

She tugged the curtain aside, then yanked it closed again. “He’s had some stitches for the gash on his head, and he has a concussion, but it doesn’t sound too serious.”

“Is he awake? Can I see him?”

“He’s been admitted. It’s after visiting hours, but I’ll bring you up as soon as we get your wrist taken care of, okay?”

“Thank you.”

Thank you, God.

S
ITTING
IN
the hospital room waiting for Tanner to regain consciousness was killing me. I couldn’t stop staring at him, looking for any sign he was ready to open his eyes. I didn’t care if he yelled at me for being careless or told me off, I just wanted to see his eyes open and know he was okay.

The nurses had been reassuring and supersweet. One had even brought me a sandwich and a soda. I hadn’t touched either. I didn’t want to eat or drink or do anything other than hold Tanner’s hand and wait.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered the words over and over, hoping maybe he could hear me.
Please wake up.
I rested my forehead on our joined hands.

“Collin Dane Fitzpatrick.”

My mother’s voice was the last thing I expected to hear, yet there she was, standing in the doorway, glaring at me with the heat of a thousand suns. I’d seen fire in her eyes before, but nothing like this.

“Put that boy’s hand down and come into the hallway this minute.”

“Mom? What are you doing here?”

“The hospital called. I rushed right over, and they told me… never mind what they told me. It’s absurd. Just come with me. Now.”

The tremor in her voice told me she was keeping herself under control by only the tiniest of measures. The last thing I wanted was her screaming and causing a scene in the middle of the hospital. I squeezed Tanner’s hand, waiting long enough to be certain I hadn’t felt any movement in reply, and then I stood. If I’d been filled with lead, I couldn’t have felt any heavier.

As soon as I reached the door, she grabbed my arm and tugged. “We’re leaving.”

She might have been determined, but I was a lot stronger. I planted my feet and shrugged away from her. “No. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Oh, yes, you are. And after we’ve had a talk with Father Thomas, you’re moving home. I’m not paying room and board to that school so my son can turn into a….”

A mix of fury and disgust crossed her face as she struggled for the right word. The word that would convey how perverted and blasphemous and overall wrong she undoubtedly thought it was for me to be holding Tanner’s hand.

“A what, Mom?”

The heat in her eyes cooled to ice. Two wide blue pools of disappointment. “Never mind. Just come with me. Now.”

“No.”

That wasn’t a word my mother was accustomed to hearing. Her eyes blazed brighter. Her voice lowered to a harsh whisper.

“You’re not thinking clearly. You’re upset. You need to speak with someone who can talk sense into you.”

“I’m not leaving Tanner.” I couldn’t have said a more loaded sentence if I’d tried. It hit me like a wrecking ball how much truth was crammed into those four words.

“Yes. You. Are.”

She reached for my arm again, but I jerked away and stepped toward the door, closer to Tanner. “I’m going back inside.”

“No!” My mother’s voice was shrill enough a nurse down the hall looked our way.

“Yes. Tanner needs me.”

“I’m sure his girlfriend would feel otherwise.”

She threw me a look so triumphant I felt sorry for her. For a second.

Taking as deep a breath as I could manage with my sore ribs, I looked into her eyes. “Tanner doesn’t have a girlfriend. He has me. I’m his boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend. We’re together.”

“You’re talking nonsense. I won’t have this.”

My fingers tingled. “Then don’t. That’s your choice.”

“Collin.” Desperation leaked into her voice. “We can fix this. Come with me, and we’ll get this all straightened out.”

Straightened out. Good one, Mom.
“There’s nothing to fix. I’m gay, not broken. And I’m in love with Tanner.”

The look on her face would have been comical had there been anything funny about that moment, but I’d never been more serious in my life. It knocked the air out of my lungs to have said it out loud like that. Not the gay part, either. The love part. Fuck. It was true. My heart skipped at least a few beats.
Holy shit. I’m in love.

“Don’t say things you can’t take back,” she said.

“I’m not.”

She pulled herself to her full five foot four inches. “I’m leaving. And if you don’t come with me, then I think it’s best you don’t ever come home.”

The words stung, but not as much as I’d expected. “Don’t say things you can’t take back.”

She swallowed hard, and for a second I saw a flicker in her eyes, a split second of doubt, instantly eclipsed by the cold, hard stare. “I’m not.”

She held my gaze, then turned on her heel and walked away. Down the corridor. Into an elevator. And out of my life.

A tremor shook through me that was equal parts adrenaline and relief. I’d never stood up for myself like that. Not to her. I don’t think anyone had. It felt… good. Weird, but good. I shoved my hands into my pockets, cringing as my wrist ached, and walked back into the hospital room.

Tanner’s eyes were open.
Thank you, God.
“Are you all right? You want me to get a nurse?”

“No nurse.”

“I’m getting a nurse.” I bounded into the hallway, straight to the nurses’ station. “My friend is awake. Can you check on him, please?”

The warm smile she gave me filled me with hope. “Sure, hon.”

I watched as she took Tanner’s blood pressure and pulse and scribbled into his chart. “Looking good, Mr. D’Amico. I’ll have the doctor come in and check on you, see if we can arrange to send you home.”

“Thanks.” Tanner gave her his signature smile, and she flushed a warm pink. Even with a bandage on his head, he could charm the pants off anyone, male or female.

As soon as she left the room, his gaze focused on mine. “Happy now?”

“Very.”

“Good.” He gestured to the spot next to him on the bed.

I sat down, so thankful to be near him, to have him speaking again, I could barely breathe. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t run me over. You hit a deer.”

“I should have… I don’t know, been paying more attention or reacted faster. Something.”

“Dude, it’s not your fault. If anything, it was my fault for distracting you. Not to mention I’m the one who thought it was a good idea not to have my seat belt on.”

He was letting me off the hook too easily. “Will you just let me feel bad about this? You got hurt. I feel responsible.”

That crooked smile flickered across his face. “Is this because I’m your boyfriend?”

My face flooded with heat. “You heard that?”

“Little bit.” He reached for my hand and slid his palm over mine. I couldn’t take my eyes off the sight of our fingers twined together. I couldn’t tell which were his and which were mine, and I didn’t care. I just didn’t want him to let go. “So you’re in love with me, huh?”

My gaze darted to Tanner’s. I expected to see playfulness or teasing. All I saw were dark eyes staring straight into mine. Waiting. Tears prickled behind my nose.
Is that okay? Does he love me too?
It didn’t matter. Even if the answer to both those questions was “no,” it didn’t change the facts.

“Yes.”

His face stayed motionless. My chest tightened as I braced for his response—any response. His thumb stroked my wrist as his fingers squeezed mine. “Good. Because I love you.”

The emotion in his voice hit me harder than the actual words. Their meaning sunk into my pores, wrapping around me like a blanket. He sat up, moving slowly, or maybe it just seemed slow in my mind because this all felt like part of some crazy dream. If it was one, I didn’t want to wake up. I leaned in, meeting him halfway. His lips slanted over mine, and he let go of my hand to grab my neck and pull me closer. I could taste my tears on the back of my tongue, and I wondered if he could taste them too.

He broke the kiss but left his hand on my neck. I kept my eyes closed, concentrating on the warmth of his fingers.

“I hated being away from you this weekend,” he said.

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry about what happened with your mom.”

My eyes flew open. “Don’t be. I needed to tell her. She needed to know. I’m through with lying.”

Tanner’s pupils were wide and dark. Cartoonish. I knew that look, and it wasn’t from the concussion. He wanted something.
What? Me?
He kneaded a knot in my neck and opened his mouth, then closed it, like he wasn’t sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. He was so rarely at a loss for words. My stomach clenched in anticipation.

“How about if this summer you come to New York with me? We could stay at my mom’s place in the city for a few weeks, and I’m sure I can get you a job with me at the restaurant on Fire Island.”

I didn’t know what to say.
He wants us to spend the summer together?
My heart soared.

Tanner must have taken my silence for hesitation. “I mean, you can make good money. And you wouldn’t have to worry about a place to stay. I mean, you can’t go home, and we could be, you know, us. Together. But if you don’t—”

“Yes.”

His fingers stilled. “Yes?”

“Yeah. Sounds… perfect.”

The grin returned, tugging the side of his mouth into that irresistible curl. “You ready? To go public?”