Moments in Time (12 page)

My phone buzzed, and I nearly dropped it as I grabbed it off my desk. A text. From Wendy.

I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but what the fuck is wrong with you?

I stared at the screen, stunned.

What are you talking about?

Her reply came in seconds.

You know what? I can’t even type this. I’m calling you and you’d better pick up.

I’d gotten a grand total of maybe a half-dozen texts from Wendy in the year I’d known her. I certainly wasn’t used to her bitching me out in them. My phone vibrated, and even though I knew it was her, my heart skipped for a second as I checked the number, thinking maybe, just maybe, it was Tanner. It wasn’t. It was her. I almost didn’t answer, but curiosity got the best of me.

“Hello?” I said.

“Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I… what?”

She sighed into the phone so loud it sounded like static. “I know what happened. At the movies. And before you go into a world-class panic, no, Tanner didn’t say anything until we were alone.”

My mind tried to play catch-up with her words. “What did he tell you?”

“First off, he didn’t have to tell me much of anything. He was totally miserable the whole drive down. I knew something was up, and the only person who gets to him that way is you.”

I am? Is that a good thing?
It sounded like maybe it was a good thing. I didn’t want him miserable, but I’d been a fucking basket case and a not-so-proud part of me was kind of happy to hear that he was in bad shape too. Maybe I hadn’t wrecked everything. Yet.

“Hello-o-o?” Wendy’s impatient voice rang through the phone.

“I’m here.”

“Well, good, because I’m not done yet. You know, I was actually superhappy when you guys finally got together. I love Tanner. I want him to be happy, and I really thought he would be with you. I fucking hate seeing him like this.”

“Like what?”

“Jesus, Collin. He’s not even sure you want to be with him.”

Oh. Shit.

“Well?” she demanded. “Do you? Or is this some kind of experiment for you? Because if it is, or was, you need to tell him, so he can move on.”

Experiment? Is she kidding? “No. It’s not. Of course it’s not.”

“There’s no ‘of course’ involved here. He seriously thinks you’re not into the relationship. And I don’t want to be reassuring him if you’re not. I mean, fuck, I backed off when you two got together because I knew how much he wanted this, but I’ll be damned if I step aside to let you hurt him.”

I hated the fact that she was yelling at me, but at the same time, I was kind of impressed. It’s not like I didn’t know she cared about Tanner. They’d been friends forever, and I’d heard firsthand how much she enjoyed his company when they’d been hooking up. But this was different. Her angry-mama-bear routine forced me to wake up. She was right.

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Well, then, you need to cut this shit out and be straight with him. Sorry. Poor choice of words.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m serious,” she said. “If you want to be with him, you need to show him. And tell him. Because he’s not sure of anything right now, and I hate it. Do you have any idea how hard it was for him to come out last summer?”

He’d told me some. And he’d certainly been patient and understanding about my situation. But I never really thought about what it had been like for him. “I guess not.”

“Well, it was. Believe me, it was. I was there.”

“You were?”

“I was one of his housemates on Fire Island.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know that.

“When he first got together with James, he didn’t tell anyone.”

James.
Even hearing the other guy’s name made my stomach tie itself in knots. “Did he tell you? When it happened?”

“Sort of. I picked up on the vibe between them, and I started asking him questions. Eventually he told me and then the rest of our friends. Everyone was really cool with it. But he still didn’t want to tell his parents.”

“But he did.” I knew he had. And they’d been okay with it too, which was not the response I’d get. That much I knew for sure.

“Yeah, he did. But it still wasn’t easy. I mean his parents are really open-minded, but it’s still not the kind of thing you really want to bring up with Mom and Dad, you know?”

I hadn’t thought about that. He was braver than I was. I’d known that since I first met him. Confident, sure of himself. I loved that about him. And envied it. And hated that I’d made him feel less of any of those things.

“Fuck.”

“What?” I could see Wendy scowling at her phone, eyebrows drawn together.

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’m really happy to hear that, but I’m not the person you need to say it to.”

“I know.” God, I knew. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with him for hours. He didn’t text me back, and he’s not picking up.”

“He’s at a play. He’s probably got his phone turned off.”

Relief prickled through me so fast it tingled.
He’s not avoiding me. Probably
. “Do you know what time it’s over?”

“Should be anytime now.”

“Do you think he’ll call me back? I could call him again….” My phone made a
clickety
sound and lit up. Tanner was calling through. “Shit. That’s him on the other line. I have to go.”

“Good. Go. Be honest with him, would you? Please.”

“I will. And Wendy… thanks.”

“Go.”

“Going.” I tapped the touch screen and pressed the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hey.” He sounded tense, but it was so good to hear his voice I felt like crying.

“Hey. I’m glad you called.”

“I got your messages.”

“Good. I’ve been going kind of nuts waiting to talk to you.”

“Yeah?” He sounded so far away.

My heart hammered so loud, I was pretty sure he could hear it. I gripped the phone hard, trying to hold it steady. “I’m sorry, Tanner.”

“For what?”

A list swirled through my head. Not knowing what to start with I blurted out. “Everything. For the movies. For letting you walk out last night. For not speaking up. For being a goddamned coward. For….”

“You’re not a coward.” His voice sounded softer.

I closed my eyes, wishing he were with me so I could touch him. “No, I am. And I’m sorry. You deserve better than that. I want you to have better than that. I want you to have everything.”

“I don’t want everything,” he said. My heart fluttered just from the sound of his voice, deep and rich and flowing around me like warm water. “I just want you.”

Heat pricked the backs of my eyes as I struggled to take a deep breath and absorb what he’d said.
He wants me. He still wants me.
“When are you coming home?”

“Why? You miss me?” I could hear him smirking his lopsided grin, and I’d have given anything to tackle him onto the bed.

“Yes.”

“Good.” That was the Tanner I knew. Cocky. Sexy. Mine. “I’ll text you tomorrow and let you know what train I can catch.”

He was coming back. To me.

T
HE TRAIN wasn’t due in until seven thirty, but I drove to the station right after dinner. Waiting in our room was making me crazy, so instead I sat in my car in the parking lot, staring down the tracks. By the time the train finally pulled into the station, I was ready to burst.

Just seeing him made my entire body react. My heart beat faster. My mouth went dry, then watered. My stomach tensed to the point the muscles in my thighs pulled. I ached to put my hands on him.

His hair blew in the night breeze as he walked over to the taxi stand, looking like some goddamned jeans commercial. I tapped the horn and he jumped, eyes squinting before he smiled and strode toward the car. The passenger window opened much slower than I wanted it to. Tanner leaned down and peered in.

“How much for a ride to campus?” The curve of his lips tugged at my heart and everything south of it.

“Just get in, would you?”

The crazy-hot grin widened as he opened the door, shoved his bags into the backseat, and swung into the car. I wanted to put the car in park and wrap my arms around him, and I almost did, until headlights from a car behind us filled my car. Nerves won out. Tossing a quick look over my shoulder, I pulled away from the curb, then out of the lot.

Every time I glanced Tanner’s way, he was staring at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I didn’t expect you to pick me up.”

“I didn’t want to wait to see you.” The words were so true, I ached as they came out.

“Oh, yeah?”

Heat crept over my cheeks. I nodded.

Tanner reached over and rubbed my leg. Even that small gesture was enough to make me groan.

“I missed you too,” he said.

He shifted his hand closer to my crotch and nudged my bulge. I swerved a little, and Tanner laughed. Strong fingers traced the outline of my erection through my jeans. “Shit, you’re gonna make me crash the car.”

“I’ll take my chances.” He shifted in his seat, leaning closer to me.

I shot a look at him, and the heat in his eyes was enough to set me on fire.
Fuck
. I’d missed him even more than I realized.

Tanner opened the button on my jeans and pulled down the zipper. My cock strained against my boxers, begging to be touched.

A car whizzed by in the other lane. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Craning his head to look out the windows, Tanner unhooked his seat belt. “There aren’t any other cars around. Besides, you’re getting off at the next exit. Ha. See what I did there?”

I almost laughed, but his fingers slid inside my fly, and the sound that came out of me was barely human. “Fuck.”

“Maybe later,” he said, stroking my cock as he extracted it from the folds of fabric. “Right now let’s say we concentrate on turning the Batemobile into the Blowmobile.”

“Tanner, I don’t….”

Whatever I was going to say in protest disappeared in a puff of happy nothingness the second his tongue touched my cock.

“What was that?” he asked, licking his way from balls to crown, then back again.

“Nuh… I….”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Just drive, okay? Try not to get us killed.”

His mouth slid down my length in one smooth motion that felt so fucking good I almost came right then and there. I gripped the steering wheel like my life depended on it. It kind of did. My leg shook, and it took every ounce of concentration for me to keep my eyes open. My knuckles burned and cramped. Ten and two, ten and two. Eyes on the road.

I signaled and took the exit ramp onto the darkened side road that led to campus. There weren’t any cars around, which was good, but unlike the main road, this was curved and winding. The scent of Tanner’s shampoo wafted up to me as his head bobbed in my lap.

“God, you taste good,” he said, stroking and running his tongue over me again.

Before I could answer, he took me deep into his mouth again. A growl left me as he sucked, moving up and down with short, quick thrusts. Surrounded by all that heat, I could barely breathe. I strained to keep my eyes on the road. Needing to touch him, I let one hand slip from the steering wheel. His silky hair felt surprisingly cool as I wove my fingers through it. His tongue twisted and turned until I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer.

“Oh, God.” I panted, and Tanner gripped my hip hard, steadying both of us as he increased his pace. “Fuck.”

Come shot out of me so hard and fast my eyes rolled up into my head. Panic fought with pleasure, and I quickly refocused on the road as the orgasm pumped out of me.
Holy shit
. My heart pounded so fast, I could feel it in my fingertips.

Tanner continued to suck and lick until he emptied the last drop out of me, then sat up with that lopsided grin in place again. “No wonder you missed me.”

I snorted. “Only one of the reasons.”

“Oh yeah? What were some of the others?”

“Well, there’s….” A deer jumped into the road, right in front of the car. I swerved, narrowly missing it, and Tanner slammed into the passenger door. “Jesus. Are you okay?”

Tanner shifted in his seat, shaking his right hand. “Jammed my shoulder.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Shoulda put my seat belt back on.”

I turned to look at him, hoping his shoulder wasn’t too bad. The second deer appeared out of nowhere. By the time I saw it, it was too late. I swerved again, slamming on the brakes, but we hit.

The moment of impact felt more like a brick wall than a living, breathing animal. I heard the
thud
before I felt it. The car fishtailed, and the rear wheels went off the road, spinning on gravel. Then I saw the other car. I jerked the steering wheel away from the headlights and felt my car go up and over the low rock wall. Braking didn’t keep us from tumbling down the embankment, and tipping, flipping, rolling, until my foot was off the pedals and I didn’t know which end was up.

Another
thud
brought the car to a halt on its side. Branches covered the windshield. It took me a second to catch my breath, and in that instant I tried to make sense of what had happened. I saw headlights in the distance—shimmery beams of light running through the dense night air above me.

I heard voices yelling. “You okay? I’m calling for help.”

My chest ached, and I realized the seat belt was holding me in place. Then I saw Tanner.

He hadn’t said a word. Hadn’t moved. He was pressed against the passenger-side door, his body slumped in a weird position.
Oh God. No seat belt. Fuck.

Scrambling to undo the buckle on my own seat belt, I realized my pants were still open. “Jesus. Tanner? Tanner, say something.”

The latch on the belt was jammed, and it wouldn’t let go. Growing more frantic by the second, I finally wrenched it open. The metal clanged as it hit the steering wheel, and I reached for Tanner. He was so still, it scared the shit out of me.
Be okay, please be okay
.

I grabbed his shoulder and tugged. “Tanner!”