Monkey (36 page)

Monkey smiled to himself. ‘That really makes me feel quite important,’ he said to himself. ‘Fancy having spirits announcing one’s arrival beforehand!’

He turned his heel on them and beating his drum strode on towards the city gate.

‘Did you find your kinsman?’ the two Taoists asked.

“They are all my kinsmen,’ said Monkey.

‘What, the whole five hundred ?’ they asked.

‘Two hundred on my father’s side, two hundred on my mother’s; and the rest are my bond-brothers,’ said Monkey. ‘If you will release the whole lot of them, I’ll go back with you.’

‘You must be mad,’ they said. ‘These Buddhists were given to us by the king to be our slaves. We might, to oblige you, release one or two of them. But we should have to manage it by first sending in a report that they were ill, and then another, that they had died. We can’t suddenly release the whole gang. These things are looked into. Why, the king himself might take it into his head to come and see how the work is going.’

‘So you won’t let them go?’ cried Monkey. ‘Very well then!’ And taking his cudgel from behind his ear he rushed at them and gave each such a blow upon the head that their brains gushed out and they fell dead where they had stood.

‘Oh, what have you done!’ cried the Buddhists, leaving their carts and rushing up to Monkey in utter consternation. ‘You have killed the king’s favourites!’

‘How so ?’ said Monkey.

‘These Taoists,’ they said, ‘are always at the king’s side, and in the presence of all the Court he humbles himself before them. The two whom you have slain were sent to supervise our work. It will at once be said that it was we who killed them. You must come with us to the city immediately and confess your crime.’

‘Enough of all this noise,’ said Monkey. ‘I am not the mendicant that I appear. It is I who am your saviour.’

‘You, a murderer!’ they cried, ‘who have added immeasurably to our burdens by your deed of violence? You our saviour!’

‘I am the Great Sage of whom you spoke,’ said Monkey, ‘and have come to rescue you.’

‘It is not true,’ they said. ‘We should recognize him.’

‘You have never seen him,’ said Monkey. ‘How could you recognize him?’

‘An old man,’ they said ‘often came to us in our dreams, telling us that he was the Spirit of the Planet Venus. He gave us such a complete description of the Great Sage, that we could not fail to recognize him. “Flat forehead, bright steely eyes, a round head, hairy cheeks, and no chin.”‘

‘The old scamp!’ said Monkey, secretly flattered that spirits should have prepared the way for him. ‘You are perfectly right,’ he said suddenly, ‘I am not the Monkey Sage, I am only one of his disciples. There goes Monkey!’ The Buddhists turned in the direction to which he pointed, and while their backs were turned Monkey resumed his true form. Turning round, they at once recognized him, and flinging themselves upon their knees, ‘Father,’ they cried, ‘forgive us that we did not know you in your disguise. We beg of you to come with us at once to the city, put down the impostors and give the right its due.’

‘Follow me!’ cried Monkey; and they pressed about him on either side.

They came first to the cliff, where Monkey, using his magic power, hauled the carts to the top and tilted them over the edge, so that they crashed at the bottom into a thousand pieces. ‘Now go your ways!’ he said to the Buddhists, ‘and let not one of you show that he has any connexion with me. Tomorrow I will go to the king and compass the Taoists’ undoing.’

‘Father,’ they said, ‘we dare not stir from here, or the magistrates will lay hands on us again and we shall have been ransomed only to fall into fresh trouble.’

‘I will give you a magic that will keep you safe,’ said Monkey.

Dear Monkey! He plucked out a handful of his hairs, chewed them into small pieces, and gave a piece to each Buddhist, saying ‘Put it under the nail of your thumb and clench your fist. Then you can go where you will, and no
one will dare touch you. You have only to press your thumb into the palm of your hand and cry “Great Sage!” I will come at once to help you.’

‘But father,’ they said, ‘suppose we were a long way off and you could not hear us, what then ?’

‘That is all right,’ said Monkey. ‘If I were ten thousand leagues away, it would make no difference; you would still come to no harm.’

Some of the bolder among them experimented, murmuring ‘Great Sage!’ while they pressed their thumbs. At once a thunder-god armed with an iron cudgel hovered before the face of each, ready to protect him against a whole army of attackers. ‘Father, a marvellous manifestation!’ they cried.

‘When the danger is past,’ said Monkey, ‘you have only to cry “Quiet!” and the apparition will vanish.’ And sure enough when they cried ‘Quiet!” the thunder-gods changed back into hairs and retui ed to their place under the thumb-nail.

The Buddhists now began to disperse. ‘Don’t go too far away,’ cried Monkey. ‘Look out for news of me in the city, and as soon as a summons to Buddhists is sent out, come and give me back my hairs.’

Meanwhile Tripitaka, waiting at the roadside, was wondering what had become of Monkey. At last he ordered Pigsy to lead the horse and was just setting out towards the west, when they met a number of Buddhist priests scattering in every direction. Presently, near the city gates, they met Monkey himself, still accompanied by a few priests who had stayed behind.

‘Monkey,’ cried Tripitaka, ‘I sent you to discover the cause of that strange noise. Why were you so long about it ?’

Monkey brought the priests to Tripitaka and made them do reverence to him. Then he told what had happened.

‘And what am
I
to do ?’ asked Tripitaka.

‘Our temple,’ the priests said, ‘has not been destroyed. That is because it contains an image of the king’s ancestor, having been built by his order. We invite you to come and rest there, till the Great Sage has done his work.’

The sun was setting as they crossed the drawbridge and went through the triple gates. Seeing that Tripitaka was
accompanied by Buddhist priests, the people in the street all drew away from him. When they reached the temple, Tripitaka took out his cassock and bowed before the golden body of Buddha. An old priest who looked after the building was called out and on seeing Monkey he cried, ‘So you have come here, Father I’

‘Whom do you take me for ?’ said Monkey.

‘I know that you are the Great Sage Equal of Heaven,’ he said. ‘Again and again I have dreamed of you. The Spirit of the Planet Venus came to me in my sleep and described you to me, telling me you would soon come and save our lives. It is as well you have come now; for if you had waited another day we should have been ghosts, not living men I’

‘Get up, get up!’ said Monkey. ‘Tomorrow all will be set right.’

They then had supper and went to bed. But the second watch came and still Monkey could not sleep, so full was his head of tomorrow’s plans. Somewhere near by he heard the sound of conches, and dressing quietly he leapt into the air and looked down. To the south he saw a flare of lanterns and torches. Lowering his cloud he looked more closely and saw that the Taoists in their great temple were celebrating a service of supplication to the Pole star. In front of the gate was an inscription made of letters embroidered in yellow silk: ‘Wind and rain in due season; for our lord, ten thousand years of happy reign!’ Conspicuous were three venerable Taoists in full sacramental robes, whom Monkey took to be the Tiger Strength, Deer Strength and Ram Strength Immortals. Before them was ranged a crowd of some eight hundred worshippers, beating drums and gongs, offering incense and confessing their sins.

‘I would go down and mingle with the crowd,’ said Monkey to himself. ‘But “a single strand does not make a thread nor can one hand clap”. I will go and get Pigsy and Sandy to come and share the fun.’ He found the two sleeping huddled together.

‘Why aren’t you asleep?’ Sandy asked when Monkey woke him.

‘Get up and come with me,’ said Monkey. ‘We’re all going to have a treat.’

‘Who wants a treat in the middle of the night,’ said Sandy, ‘when one’s mouth is dry and one’s eyes won’t stay open?’

‘The Taoists are celebrating a Mass in their great temple,’ said Monkey, ‘and the whole place is littered with offerings. There are dumplings that must weigh a quart, and cakes weighing fifty pounds, and all kinds of dainties and fruits. Come and enjoy yourself.’

Pigsy, hearing in his sleep something about things to eat, at once woke with a start.’ Brother, you’re not going to leave me out of it ?’ he cried.

‘If you like the idea of something to eat,’ said Monkey, ‘don’t make a fuss and wake up the Master, but both of you come quietly with me.’

They dressed quickly and followed Monkey. As soon as they came into the light of the torches, Pigsy wanted to rush in and get to work. ‘There’s no hurry,’ said Monkey. ‘Wait till the congregation disperses; then we’ll go in and set to.’

‘But they’re praying for all they’re worth,’ said Pigsy. ‘They have evidently no idea of dispersing.’

‘I’ll see to that,’ said Monkey; and reciting a spell he drew a magic diagram on the ground. Then standing upon it he blew with all his might. At once a great wind rose, which blew down all the flower-vases and lamp-stands and smashed the ex-votos hanging on the walls. The whole place was suddenly in darkness. The Taoists were frightened out of their wits. ‘I must ask the congregation to disperse,’ said the Tiger Strength Immortal. ‘The wind will no doubt subside, and tomorrow morning we will recite a few more scriptures, so that the prescribed number may be reached.’

As soon as the place was empty, the three of them slipped in, and that fool Pigsy began to stuff himself with victuals. Monkey gave him a sharp rap over the knuckles. Pigsy drew back his hand and retreated, saying, ‘Wait a bit. I’ve hardly had time to get my tongue round the things, and he begins hitting me!’

‘Mind your manners,’ said Monkey. ‘Let’s sit down and enjoy ourselves decently.’

‘I like that,’ said Pigsy. ‘If we’re to sit down and behave ourselves decently when we are stealing a meal, what pray should we do if we were invited ?’

‘What are those Bodhisattvas up there?’ asked Monkey.

‘If you don’t recognize the Taoist Trinity,’ said Pigsy, ‘what deities would you recognize, I wonder?’

‘What are they called ?’ asked Monkey.

‘The one in the middle,’ said Pigsy, ‘is the Great Primordial, the one on the left is the Lord of the Sacred Treasure, and the one on the right is Lao Tzu.’

‘Let’s take their places,’ said Monkey. “Then we can eat decently and comfortably.’ The smell of the offerings made Pigsy in a great hurry to begin eating, and scrambling up on to the altar he knocked down the figure of Lao Tzu with a thrust of his snout, saying, ‘You’ve sat there long enough, old fellow. Now it’s Pig’s turn.’ Monkey meanwhile took the seat of the Great Primordial, and Sandy that of the Lord of the Sacred Treasure, pushing the images out of the way. As soon as he was seated, Pigsy snatched at a big dumpling and began to gobble it down.

‘Not so fast!’ cried Monkey.

‘Surely, brother,’ said Pigsy, ‘now that we’ve taken our places, it’s time to begin.’

‘We mustn’t give ourselves away just for the sake of a small thing like a bite of food. If we leave these images lying there on the floor, some Taoist monk may come along at any minute to clean the place up, and trip over them. Then he’ll know at once that there is something wrong. We had better put them away somewhere.’

‘I don’t know my way about here,’ said Pigsy. ‘There may be a door somewhere, but I shouldn’t find it in the dark. Where am I to put these images ?’

‘I noticed a small door on the right as we came in,’ said Monkey. ‘Judging from the smell that came from it, I should think it must be a place of metabolic transmigration. You had better take them there.’

That fool Pigsy was uncommonly strong. He hoisted the three images on to his back and carried them off. When he reached the door, he kicked it open, and sure enough it was
a privy. “That chap Monkey finds some wonderful expressions,’ he said laughing. ‘He contrives to find a grand Taoist title even for a closet!’ Before depositing them, he addressed the images as follows: ‘Blessed Ones, having come a long way, we were hungry and decided to help ourselves to some of your offerings. Finding nowhere comfortable to sit, we have ventured to borrow your altar. You have sat there for a very long time, and now for a change you are going to be put in the privy. You have always had more than your share of good things, and it won’t do you any harm to put up with a little stink and muck.’ So saying, he pitched them in. There was a splash, and, not retreating quickly enough, he found that his coat was in a filthy state.

‘Have you disposed of them successfully?’ asked Monkey.

‘I’ve disposed of them all right,’ said Pigsy, ‘but I have splashed myself and my coat is all filthy. If you notice a queer smell you’ll know what it is.’

‘That’s all right for the moment. Come and enjoy yourself,’ said Monkey. ‘But you’ll have to clean yourself up a bit before you go out into the street.’

That fool Pigsy then took Lao Tzu’s seat and began to help himself to the offerings. Dumplings, pasties, rice-balls, cakes… one after another he gobbled them down. Monkey never cared much for cooked food, and only ate a few fruits, just to keep the others in countenance. The offerings vanished swiftly as a cloud swept away by a hurricane, and when there was nothing left to eat, instead of starting on their way, they fell to talking and joking, while they digested their food. Who would have thought of it ? There was a little Taoist who suddenly woke up and remembered that he had left his handbell in the temple. ‘If I lose it,’ he said to himself, ‘I shall get into trouble with the Master tomorrow.’ So he said to his bedfellow, ‘You go on sleeping. I must go and look for my bell.’ He did not put on his lower garments, but just threw his coat over his shoulders and rushed to the temple. After fumbling about for some time, he succeeded in finding it, and was just turning to go when he heard a sound of breathing. Very much alarmed, he ran towards the door, and in his hurry slipped on a lychee seed and fell with a bang, smashing
his bell into a thousand pieces. Pigsy could not stop himself from breaking into loud guiFaws of laughter, which frightened the little Taoist out of his wits. Stumbling at every step he dragged himself back to the sleeping-quarters and, banging on his Master’s door, he cried, ‘Something terrible has happened!’ The Three Immortals were not asleep, and coming to the door they asked what was the matter. ‘I forgot my bell,’ he said, trembling from head to foot, ‘and when I went to the temple to look for it, I suddenly heard someone laughing. I nearly died of fright.’ The Immortals called for lights, and startled Taoists came scrambling out of all the cells, carrying lanterns and torches. They all went off to the temple to see what evil spirit had taken possession there.