Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery (3 page)

“
Uh, yeah, sorry. Ingrid and I have some, um, some shop stuff to deal with. You know how it goes, a vintage-bookstore-slash-herbery is in high demand these days.
”

He
’
d been irritated. She could see it on his face, but because she
’
d said she wanted more than dinner from him, didn
’
t mean that a girl wasn
’
t entitled to change her mind. That had been her murderer brain trying to distract itself anyway. Sam was hot, but she really wasn
’
t ready to get serious with him. Especially now that she
’
d likely spend the rest of her adult life behind bars. Her life was about to become
Orange is the New Black,
and Emily did not like girls in that way.

So she sent Sam on his way and made a strong cup of coffee
—
now it was time for doing. As soon as she could see the light begin to appear in the eastern sky, she jumped in the Camaro that she and Ingrid shared. Emily
’
s Uncle Jonas had left it to her after Owen
’
s murder. If she didn
’
t know better, she
’
d think this damn car was haunted. She
’
d gotten it from a dead person anyway. It just made sense that it would be possessed or something. The doors would just lock themselves sometimes, and at other times the accelerator would stick at 47. Not 48 or 49. 47. And then there was how Ingrid had an incredibly large number of wardrobe malfunctions in the car.

What was that? Hopefully it wouldn
’
t act up today, though. Emily had almost-filed murder charges to beat. There was no time for ghosty sports cars, no matter how awesome.

She stomped through the woods in jeans, hiking boots and a flannel shirt. It was late October and there was a chill in the air that promised winter was around the corner. When she rounded through the last thicket of trees and saw that her hurried grave-making skills had been disrupted and there was no longer a body in the grave, her stomach fell and her anxiety climbed.

Great. Now someone knows there was a dead body. It was only a matter of time before someone figured out the stranger had been blown apart by magic. She needed Hazel.

Emily pulled out her phone and called her. No answer. Then she texted her.
“
Auntie,
”
she typed,
“
uh, Ingrid and I need to come by later today and have our auras cleansed. Again. There is a situation.
”

If Hazel, head of the Sage Island Coven and sister to Emily
’
s dead mother, was serious about anything at all, it was magic. And auras. Normally a calm, genteel woman, when someone had a messy aura, Hazel made it her personal mission to cleanse it. Or run them out of town. Either way.

And in this case, Emily wasn
’
t so sure that Hazel wouldn
’
t send Emily and Ingrid both right back out of town. St. Maarten's was lovely this time of year, Emily daydreamed. We could buy a little cottage near the winery we visited
…

“
Snap out of it, Emily,
”
she scolded herself. We aren't leaving. Probably. Emily would run down a massive number of people to escape jail and drag Ingrid along behind. But plan A was to avoid jail. It had been an accident. They were witches. There were options.

Frowning at her phone and the lack of a return text from Hazel, Emily decided it was time for some of Ingrid
’
s witch-brewed coffee that tasted like magic and coziness all at once.

They would plan and they would figure something out. Even if it was just fleeing the country with all their money. She suspected that Ingrid would have a tough time leaving Gabe but doubted seriously that Gabe would want Ingrid to become someone
’
s plaything in prison. Emily just couldn
’
t picture Ingrid locked up.

A memory from last night flashed through her brain.
“
No. No, no, no. No. No! The wine bottle. Gods!
”

Emily dug through the scarred earth for the bottle of wine they
’
d been carrying with them last night. It was nowhere to be found. She raced back to her car and dug through the backseat and then the trunk of the ghost Camaro.
“
Come on, Ghosty. Don
’
t let me down. Be here, be here,
”
Emily pled with the car to have the wine bottle she searched for. But it wasn
’
t there.

“
Well, we are definitely going to jail now. Ingrid is gonna be pissed.
”

•••

“
Sorry I left last night,
”
Gabe said. He
’
d come into the apartment using his key. Ingrid tried not to throw up at the sight of him. What was she going to do? They needed help, but she didn
’
t think she could tell him the truth.

“Hi honey,” she would say, calling him honey for the first time, “Me and Em were pretty drunk last night, trying to get to one of those naked witch fests, and we decided to do the magic ourselves. We blew stuff up, including a random, lurking man, and then—in our best judgement—which was admittedly terrible, we buried the body. Ooops. Save me?”

Right.

“
Was there a late night island jaywalker?
”
She tried to be funny, but even to her, the words sounded wooden.

“
Actually,
”
he sounded tired, she realized, and felt a flash of concern,
“
I got a call from Hazel. She sensed a murder. That sounds so certifiable. The local coven leader called me in the middle of the night, and I went and got her, and then we found a body.
”

Emily walked in just as he said,
“
we found a body.
”

The friends
’
gazes met in silent panic.

“
I should be,
”
Gabe continued,
“
put into a hospital and medicated after saying something like that. But the only person who was surprised was Kevin. My new deputy thought I was insane until we found the body. Now he
’
s eying Hazel like she
’
s the devil.
”

“
That won
’
t go well,
”
Emily said, sitting at the table. She
’
d brought donuts, and Ingrid shoved one into her mouth to keep herself from saying anything. Then she got up to make everyone coffee with her magic touch.

Gabe got his first, and he sighed as he sipped it.

“
I can
’
t believe we
’
ve had a murder on the island. Another one,
”
he shook his head, looking exhausted. Ingrid wanted to wrap her arms around him and lead him to bed, but she had been on the edge of puking and panic for hours now. She could barely breathe.

“
How do you know it wasn
’
t an accident,
”
Emily asked, idly taking the coffee that Ingrid handed over. Ingrid shot Emily a look to tell her to stop probing immediately, but Emily shook her head slightly.

“
The gunshot wounds were a pretty good indication,
”
Gabe said.
“
I can
’
t give you the details.
”

“
Did you say gunshot wounds,
”
they asked in unison. Ingrid was very precisely not looking at Emily or Gabe. She swirled her coffee in the cup idly, without any sign of the interior storm she was experiencing. It was almost as bad as when she
’
d realized that she
’
d killed the guy. But wait! She hadn
’
t! She hadn
’
t killed anyone. Sure, she might have mutilated a body a little bit, but that was totally different.

And it was an accident.

She wanted to dance. Needed to run around the apartment shouting. The relief was overwhelming. Sure, they shouldn
’
t have buried a body. That was bad. Very bad, even. But she hadn
’
t killed anyone.

Gabe looked at them with a raised eyebrow, then shook his head.
“
I
’
m going to work. Lots of paperwork. This was supposed to be a small, simple town with no crime
…”
He kept mumbling even as Ingrid kissed him on the cheek, and he walked out the door.

“
Bye Sheriff,
”
Emily called after him.

He didn
’
t answer and the door shut behind him. Ingrid leaped into the air.
“
Wahoo for death by gunshot.
”

Emily stayed calm, quiet.
“
There was nothing to worry about. I told you. I haven
’
t even thought about it since you got in the elevator last night.
”

“
Whatever, Emily. If I know you, you
’
ve been up all night trying to figure out how to keep your best friend and sugar-mama from going to jail. Also, I don
’
t even have to guess. I can tell by the dark circles under your eyes.
”
She shook her head with fake-disapproval.
“
Beauty Magic 101: Keep yourself looking amazing. Honestly, my darling, non-murdering dove, it
’
s like you never listen to me at all.
”

Ingrid thought she might vomit from the lack of reason to be stressed. They didn
’
t kill the lurker. Life was good. Maybe time for a pedicure. And to break her own rule of no wine before noon.

But Emily wasn
’
t talking. Something must be bugging her. It was then that Ingrid, finally relieved enough to notice her surroundings, noticed that Emily was fully dressed.

“
Um, given that I was nearly a hardened criminal only moments ago, I don
’
t want to seem all judgey, but you look like Outdoor Spice. What the what, Emmy my dove?
”

“
Outdoor Spice? I don
’
t think that is a thing. Baby, Posh
…
what are the others named?
”

Ingrid only glared at her with her arms folded tightly across her chest.
“
What gives, Em?
”

“
Well, first of all, you were not almost a hardened criminal. Give me a break. You are like the farthest thing from a criminal. However, I did research murder tattoos. I couldn
’
t sleep so I totally designed an awesome one for you in Photoshop. It
’
s all colorful and awesome
—”

Ingrid cleared her throat, and Emily pretended to be apologetic, not that Ingrid would believe it, but Emily continued.
“
But then, when I stopped screwing around
—
after Fireman Sam left
—
I decided to go back to the scene. You know our little spot in the woods where horrific things keep happening to us? Anyway, I saw the body had been dug up. I wanted to figure out who it was we killed so we could decide whether to feel bad, but then he was gone. I didn
’
t know until right now that your Mayberry sheriff had found it.
”

“
Em, dove. You shouldn
’
t have gone out there by yourself. I mean, I
’
m swearing off the woods. And I wouldn
’
t go out there again. Not even to search for your body. But anyway, it doesn
’
t matter because we didn
’
t do it! Didn
’
t you hear my awesome lickable sheriff just tell us we were in the clear. Well, that
’
s not exactly what he said, but you get the idea. We didn
’
t shoot him. So, hurray.
”

Emily
’
s eyes were glazed over though, a sure sign she was in deep concentration.

Ingrid recognized that look.
“
Oh man. Hit me with what you
’
re holding back.
”

“
Well, you
’
re right. We didn
’
t kill him
—
do we even know it
’
s a him at this point? I have just been assuming it was a guy. Anyway, yeah, we didn
’
t shoot him unless you can magically, accidentally duplicate a gunshot. BUT
—
and it
’
s a big one
—
guess what else wasn
’
t out there when I went to look for the body?
”