Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery (5 page)

Emily took over, pulling the thermos full of serumed-coffee out and pouring some of the magical liquid into the thermos cap. She passed it across the desk to the woman.
“
What my friend is trying to say is that we are actually thinking of opening a coffee shop and are giving free samples to local businesses to see if you like it. Would you be willing to taste it? It really tastes like magic. We were thinking of calling the coffee shop
‘
Magic Beans.
’
What do you think? Catchy, right?
”

Ingrid
’
s jaw dropped open, practically to the floor. Emily knew she was veering from the plan. Completely. But she was also running out of patience. Something had to be done.

Emily watched as the receptionist first started to shake her head, but then she got a whiff of the warm coffee and hesitated. Emily watched as Ingrid used magic to send the scent wafting right up the woman
’
s nose.

“
Well, okay. I do love a good cup of coffee and it does smell like magic.
”

“
Oh it
’
s chock full of magic,
”
Ingrid said, batting her lashes.

Kimmie
’
s sister accepted the thermos cup and took a tentative sip. Then she groaned a little as the delicious liquid gold tantalized her palette. She chugged down the whole cup
’
s worth in a large gulp.
“
That was the best coffee I've ever had. What is in it?
”

Ingrid shrugged,
“
Oh, a little of this. A little of that. I
’
m glad you like it. So, tell me, my St. Peter dove, what reason would we need to give you for us to let us in to see the body that was brought in from the woods last night?
”

The receptionist
’
s face twisted in confusion, but then relaxed and answered.
“
Actually, the only way I can let you in is if you have authorization from the Sage Island sheriff.
”

Ingrid smiled.
“
Oh, well, that
’
s wonderful because that is exactly why we are here. The sheriff has asked us to ID the body.
”

Emily groaned. No way Sheriff Hotpants would give permission for them to be in the middle of this.

“
Oh, well, why didn't you say so.
”
Just like that, the woman pushed the button that let them past the receptionist desk. She said,
“
Through these double doors. Dr. Jenkins is in his office at the end of the hall. He
’
ll show you where to go. Shut the door behind you, we don
’
t want anyone to escape.
”

She laughed at her own joke and Ingrid joined in, somewhat hysterically. But Emily wanted to throw the receptionist off the roof. She
’
d barely gotten Ingrid this far. The last thing Em needed was Ingrid thinking about the dead rising. She
’
d start wondering, start imagining, set something on fire, and they
’
d all get caught.

The hall was a typical hospital hall with fluorescent lights and cheap linoleum, but they were in the basement of the building with no windows and
—
Emily had to acknowledge
—
no escape for the risen dead.

They tiptoed down the hall, careful not to alert the morgue doctor, and peeked into the meat locker type room to make sure it was empty. Luck was on their side for once as they snuck through the doors, easing them closed. They fumbled around until they found the one occupied drawer.

There was a name on the end of the drawer.

John Doe.

“
So it was a him. Interesting,
”
Ingrid said.

“
At least they don
’
t know who this is either. We
’
re ahead of them.
”

“
Guess they don
’
t, but I
’
m pretty sure that Gabe not knowing who it is doesn
’
t make us ahead of him. Since he has all the evidence and stuff against us.
”

Emily eyed Ingrid sideways.
“
Uh, we are going to have look at him. Maybe there is enough to identify him.
”

“
Oh, I knew you were going to say that. Why? Why do we even have to know who he is? Who cares? I don
’
t have to care just because Gabe is going to either dump me or kill me or both!
”

Emily pulled open the drawer that was John Doe
’
s new residence and grimaced when she saw the tarp covered chunks of body underneath. This obviously wasn
’
t a whole body. They knew that, of course, because of the hand Ingrid had come across after the explosion but seeing the visual reality of it made Emily want to vomit. Again.

Emily lifted the sheet very carefully and stopped when saw a hand.
“
Look, a college ring. This guy was totally educated. See, we know stuff already. Totally worth driving over here. Also, they should totally have removed this ring and stored it with the evidence. Obviously, the corner doesn’t watch enough Law and Order.
”

“
Ugh. Put it away, Emily. Fine, you win. I
’
ll confess. No more coroner.
”

Emily felt very irreverent all of sudden and picked up the arm, waving it at Ingrid. In her favorite high-pitched chipmunk voice she said,
“
I need a body. I
’
m lost. Please help me.
”

Ingrid was pale, but Emily watched her gaze lock on the hand Emily was holding.
“
No way. No way. No way.
”

“
What? I
’
m sorry, okay. Just trying to lighten the mood. Murder really drags me down, you know?
”

“
No, look,
”
Ingrid said and pointed at the thumb of the hand.
“
Look at that. The missing jagged tip of thumb. Oh my goodness. I
’
ve seen this before.
”

Emily leaned close.
“
Shut up,
”
she whispered.

“
We
…
I nearly murdered my already dead ex-boyfriend. This is Sheldon, Em.
”

“
Damnation,
”
Emily muttered.
“
Every time I think I
’
ve figure a way out of jail for us, we get some new revelation. You, my friend, girlfriend to the esteemed Sheriff Hotpants of this quaint island, are so incredibly screwed.
”

Chapter 3

Into the Fire

Thursday Afternoon

“
You do it.
”
Ingrid said. They were walking up to the apartment from the morgue and she wanted to curl into her bed, slam her head against the wall, and scream in sheer frustration. What was wrong with them? They were idiots. Even she could see that. They were utter idiots. Gabe
…
he was going to kill her and put her out of her misery. And then dump her.

Damn it, she wasn
’
t ready to be dumped.

“
No, you.
”

“
You.
”

“
You,
”
Emily said.

“
I had to bribe Hazel last time,
”
Ingrid replied, the whine in her voice dramatic.
“
Thank goodness we didn
’
t kill that jerk, Sheldon. I mean
…
explain that one away
…”

“
I don
’
t want to. I have to have lessons with her. This is your murder.
”

Ingrid gasped.
“
You were the one who used magic to bury the body!
”

“
You were the one who exploded things and made us think we
’
d killed him.
”

“
You were the one who promised we
’
d go to that stupid ritual in the first place.
”
Ingrid slammed into the apartment and went straight to the espresso machine.
“
This never would have happened if I
’
d been having my way with my sheriff.
”

“
I don
’
t need to hear about your sex life! I want one. I mean
…
I have one, but Fireman Sam makes my face hurt. Make a thermos full. Hazel loves your coffee.
”

“
Damn it, Emily you evil dove, I know. Call Papa Pandolfi
’
s and order pastries. Lots of them. Also Fireman Sam makes everyone
’
s face hurt. Dump him already. He
’
s awful.
”

Ingrid made the coffee, added a liberal
—
okay all
—
of the amaretto and then sealed the container. It was enough coffee to share with whoever was in the house. Holy doves, Ingrid thought, please let Autumn be elsewhere. She tried not to think about the low blow that Emily wasn
’
t delivering. The one where Gabe realizes what they did and then kills them.

Ingrid drove while Emily tapped her fingers against the thermos. Sure, she said she wasn
’
t going to drive. But she needed control over something.

“
I have to say it,
”
Emily said, looking over and meeting Ingrid
’
s gaze,
“
we should not do magic and drink.
”

Fuzzy dice from Emily
’
s dead uncle were hanging from the rear-view mirror and swayed in the breeze, the windows were rolled down, and the wet, perfect air flowed through the car. The smell made her feel better. But then she remembered what they
’
d done and how much trouble they were in. Ingrid snorted and added,
“
We should never, ever go into the woods again. There
’
s a reason my mom stopped harassing me about magic. It
’
s because I burn things. I just
…
burn them.
”

When Ingrid stopped the Camaro outside of Hazel
’
s house with its wide inviting porch and picture windows, she wanted to run away. But not in the Camaro. She didn
’
t like it. It had been giving her the creepy vibe. It was too old, she thought, considering just speeding away. She
’
d get rid of the Camaro and buy something new. Used cars were gross. Maybe it was just this one.

Except, Gabe
…
damn it. Why did she have to date the sheriff? She was dating him, she told herself. She was not in love. She was just in
like
with a healthy dose of lust. But even without that, there was the whole probability of DNA evidence at the crime scene. And how it was her ex. Whose finger she had once cut off with her magic. Who was also texting her for weeks. Sexy texts that she
’
d ignored rather than telling Gabe about. Who was her boyfriend.

Emily waited without harassing her. Her best dove probably knew she was talking herself into coming inside.

With a long deep breath, Ingrid opened the car door and then shuffled her way up the walk. This was not going to be good.

“
I want to go to the Canary Islands this time,
”
Ingrid whined as Hazel opened the door.

Hazel was lovely, in her early sixties with straight, sharply cut hair, bright blue eyes, and creamy skin. The vitality in her, despite her age, flashed as she looked the two of them over.

“
We got lost,
”
Ingrid started with a distinct whine to her voice.
“
We didn
’
t mean to.
”

Hazel sighed. The sheer frustration in her expression made them wince as she said,
“
It was you who buried that body. Your aura is screaming it.
”