More Letters From a Nut (20 page)

Dear License Bureau:

Soon I will open “Nostrils By The Bay - Premier Belgian Cuisine.” I will cater to the upscale diners and have dancing, valet parking, and a sketch artist that will draw people while they eat.

Please advise on how I get a license. I will erect a 50 foot Nostrils sign where people walk in through openings. It will be the largest free standing Nostrils sign in Montana. Only Florida has one bigger.

I look forward to hearing from you with my permit information soon. And please stop by and try our new Lions Club Sandwich. The B.L.T. Bacon, lion, and tomato. Complimentary, of course.

Thank you.

Ted L. Nancy

ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH COURTHOUSE-RM 308 PO BOX 35035 BOXINGS, MT 59107
406)256-2770     FAX (406) 256-2767

November 24, 1997

Re: Food Service License

       
Nostrils By The Bay

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your inquiry regarding food service establishment licenses and review information required in Billings. I have enclosed the rules for food service establishments in Montana. A set of plans and specifications will be required for review by this office before the start of construction. The review fee is $35.00. If an on-site evaluation of an existing structure is required this office will be available to conduct an evaluation at your convenience.

A food purveyor license of $60.00 from the Department of Public Health and Human Services is required. This office issues the license before opening the establishment. There is also a City of Billings business license of $105.00 when operating within the city limits of Billings.

The City of Billings Building Department (406-657-8270) should be contacted if construction is required. Brian Anderson is the plan reviewer.

If this office can assist you with further information please contact us at 256-2770.

Sincerely yours,

Gary Bradshaw, R.S.

cc:    Reading File

        File

Dear Sears:

I am the creator of the “FURWACKER” electric BEAST SHAVER. Mine is the only beast shaver that works on all mammals and some large birds. (No cranes, please!).

Being in the business, I’m sure you’re aware of my difficulties. My “FurWacker” Beast Shaver is now available for licensing, and from my past dealings with Sears, (I bought a tire and some socks), I feel obligated to offer you the first opportunity to license the rights. (Plus you’re on Wacker Drive - is this fate?)

Many people care for unusual creatures. Did you know some states sell prairie ferrets as pets? Without Mother Nature, and I’m emphatic about this, even a hamster must be shaved. Also, I’m proud to say: During development NO guinea pigs were used as guinea pigs.

The “FurWacker” is almost silent, featuring a purr sound causing MOST creatures to be still. (Except cranes).

So, Sears, please tell me how I may get this into your stores so that soon it is the Kenmore FurWacker Beast Shaver?

Thank you. I look forward to your reply. Hey, whatever happened to Roebuck? You never hear about him anymore.

Respectfully,

Ted L. Nancy

March 7, 1997

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your submittal regarding your product (Furwacker). We deeply appreciate that you have considered Sears to market or utilize your product.

As you are probably aware, each year we receive thousands of unsolicited proposals from individuals, companies and other outside sources desiring to do business with Sears. Unfortunately, like your product, they don’t always meet our current marketing needs.

Thank you again for the interest you have shown.

Very truly yours,

Phil Samuelson

Director Nat’l Customer Relations

PS:lp