More Letters From a Nut (26 page)

17 September 1996

Dear Mr. Nancy,

Thank you for contacting the City of Stockton concerning PETE BEST DAY.

Unfortunately their is no recognization of the former Beatle going on in the Stockton area to our knowledge.

I have also checked with the San Francisco Convention & Visitor’s Bureau and they have not heard of any recognization, either.

If we can be of further assistance to you, please contact us.

Sincerely,

Loralee McGaughey,

Office Manager

46 WEST FREMONT STREET, STOCKTON, CALIFORNIA 95202
209-943-1987    •    1-800-350-1987    •    FAX 209-943-6235

Dear Ringo,

I’m in serious need of a pep talk from you. I’d like you to give me a solid talking to. I am desperately in need of an individual gusto talk from a qualified celebrity like yourself that can get me out of the dol
drums.

Having you talk to me would really get me going. I don’t know what it is; why am I glum? I do know that I need a good talking to. A vigor talk. And if possible, I would like there to be a twelve minute question and answer period.

I’ll pay whatever. It’ll just be me and you, no one else will be there for our pep talk. If you can’t talk to me, please send me a picture. I will look at it. That will cheer me up somewhat. But not as much as the talk.

In the past I’ve had Pam Dawber (I think) pep me up and that felt good. I felt refreshed. It works for corporations but I don’t want to spend time with a bunch of insurance salesmen. You will be given a ride from the airport in a Mercury Topaz. (Or better). You will also have a clean hotel room with a change of fresh sheets.

Thanks, Ringo. You are #1. You are my favorite Beatle. Lets talk skiffle talk.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Jerseymaid Milk:

My dog looks just like Ringo Starr. He has the same face. His hair under his chin look like Ringo’s beard. I feed him your nonfat milk. Whenever I show him the carton with the cow’s face on it he barks and jumps up and down until I give him some. Everyone in town calls him the “Fifth Beatle.”

Everyone that comes over says my dog looks like Ringo Starr. The Fed Ex guy was here yesterday and he remarked, “That dog sure looks like Ringo Starr.” Then he turned a pasty white and belched in the bushes. I had to help him in the house. He ate a pound of grapes till he got his color back.

Can you please let me know if it is okay to feed my dog that looks like Ringo Starr your nonfat milk on a regular basis? This is very important as I feed it to him every day. His stool is orange, but solid. Asparagus and broccoli does that to me. Not Jerseymaid!

Thank you Jerseymaid people, makers of possibly the best nonfat milk for dogs out there. I admire businesses like yours that make products like this for dogs and humans. (If it is so).

Also, do you know anybody with a Catherine Bach look alike dog that also drinks Jerseymaid milk? Let me know.

Very respectfully,

Ted L. Nancy
& Starkey

March 27, 1997

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your delightful letter regarding Starkey, “The Amazing Beatle Look Alike Dog” who enjoys his Jerseymaid non fat milk. We take great pride in our products and appreciate receiving feedback from our canine and human customers.

I am forwarding a copy of your letter to our Jerseymaid Dairy for their enjoyment. While we believe this is an excellent choice for Starkey to make on a daily basis, we recommend that you have him check with his vet to be sure.

Thank you for shopping with us and buying Jerseymaid products.

Sincerely,

Dotti Baker

Consumer Affairs Representative

cc:    W. Kovac
        A. Scotty

The Vons Companies, Inc. • P O Box 513338, Los Angeles, CA 90051-1338
618 Michillinda Avenue, Arcadia, CA 91007-6300 Telephone: (818) 821-7000