My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece (16 page)

Mrs Farmer walked into the classroom in a black suit that was too small. Her tummy hung over the top of the trousers and it looked pale and squidgy like pastry dough. She said
Good morning my dears
and it sounded different, too soft and too friendly. She said
Let’s wake up our minds
and we had to stand up and do these strange things with our arms that make the different parts of our brains work really hard. I was just wondering if Mrs Farmer had gone mental when a man with a clipboard walked into the classroom. Mrs Farmer said
This is Mr Price and he is from Ofsted
.

On the board Mrs Farmer wrote something called a Learning Objective and went on and on about our target for the morning. I could tell she was trying to impress Mr Price from the way she kept glancing at him, but he didn’t smile. He had long fingers and a long chin and a long nose with a pair of glasses right at the very end. We were doing Jesus again and we had to work in pairs and make the nativity scene out of clay. One person had to make the people and the crib and the other person had to do the stable and the animals.

Sunya made the cows and the sheep and a really fat animal that might have been a pig except for the fact it had a horn. Mrs Farmer walked past and did a double take and whispered
What on earth is that
and Sunya said
A rhino
. Mrs Farmer glanced over her shoulder to check Mr Price wasn’t looking and then she bashed the clay animal with her fist. The rhino splattered onto the desk and Sunya’s eyes flashed dangerously.
The birth of The Lord Jesus Christ did not take place in a zoo
Mrs Farmer hissed and Sunya said
How do you know
. The Ofsted Inspector walked over to our table and asked
And what are you making
. Sunya opened her mouth but Mrs Farmer yelled
Sheep
before Sunya had a chance to reply.
You are making sheep, aren’t you dear
. Sunya didn’t say anything but she rolled a bit of clay into a pointy sausage that looked exactly like a horn.

Mrs Farmer left and walked around the pairs saying
How are you getting on
and it felt weird ’cos she normally just sits at her desk and drinks coffee. Mr Price talked to Daniel and Ryan who were making a perfect stable with perfect animals and a perfect baby Jesus. Daniel was going on and on about Mrs Farmer being a good teacher, and Mrs Farmer was pretending that she couldn’t hear, but she had two pleased pink circles on her cheekbones. Daniel looked over at the display as if he knew his post-it would soon be on cloud two. Sunya rolled the clay fiercely, making five more horns.

Near the end of the lesson, Mrs Farmer took off her jacket. Two sweat patches dripped under her arms. She said
Excellent work my dears. Please put your stables on the front table and I will bake them in the oven at playtime
. Mr Price said
I would like to come back and see the models when they are finished
and Mrs Farmer blinked but said
That would be lovely
. The Inspector walked out of the room and Mrs Farmer flopped onto her chair and said
Tidy up this mess
, her voice back to normal.

Sunya took our stable to the front and leaned over to look at the other children’s work. She was there for ages leaving me to do all the tidying up and I would have been annoyed if I wasn’t trying so hard to be nice. When the classroom was clean, we were allowed outside, but Sunya disappeared into the girls’ toilets and didn’t come out again until the fat dinner lady blew the whistle.

While Jesus cooked in the oven, we did English. Mrs Farmer’s eyes kept zooming to the door as if she expected the Inspector to come in at any moment. We wrote poems called My Magical Christmas and we had to include all the wonderful things we were looking forward to. I couldn’t think of a single thing. Christmas is always sad in my family. Last year, Dad hung a stocking next to the urn and yelled at Mum when she didn’t fill it with presents. And this year will be worse than ever ’cos Mum’s not here to cook Christmas dinner, which is the best thing about the whole holiday, even if it does mean eating sprouts.

Mrs Farmer said
Hurry up, James
so I just started scribbling. I imagined the best Christmas ever and wrote about that instead. I described the warm turkey smells and the ringing church bells. I wrote about the matching grins of the happy pretty twins. I couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with Santa except Fanta, which isn’t my favourite drink like I said in verse two. But, as the whole poem is a great big lie, I don’t think it matters.

For once Sunya was struggling and she only wrote four lines. I whispered
What’s wrong
and she said
I don’t celebrate Christmas
. I didn’t know what to say to that. I can’t imagine winter without Christmas except in that film Narnia where the White Witch stops Father Christmas delivering presents to the talking beavers. Sunya said
I wish I was normal
as Mr Price walked in.

The clay was ready so Mrs Farmer got it out of the oven. She said
Careful they are hot
as we all gathered round. Mr Price’s nose poked over the top of the clipboard. Our stable looked good. Mary was bigger than Joseph, and Jesus’ arms and right leg had fallen off so he looked like a tadpole, but apart from that it was perfect. None of the animals had horns and I was just wondering where Sunya had put the pointy sausages when Mr Price gasped. I followed his eyes and saw Daniel’s stable. Inside, all the animals had something stuck to the middle of their foreheads. And not just the animals – Mary, Joseph, even baby Jesus had a sausage shape stuck between their eyebrows. I looked at Sunya. Her face was innocent but her eyes burned like coal. The pointy sausages looked nothing like horns. They looked like small willies. I put my hand over my mouth to stop myself laughing. I didn’t dare look at Daniel in case he blamed me, but I thought
Who’s the dickhead now
.

Mr Price left the room, his cheeks purple and the pen shaking in his long fingers as he wrote something bad on the clipboard. Daniel didn’t get into trouble. Mrs Farmer had no proof it was him. It didn’t matter though. We’d got revenge. The whole class had to stay in at lunchtime ’cos no one would own up to
Debasing the son of God
, whatever that means. Everyone was cross ’cos white flakes had started to fall from the sky and the other classes were in the playground having snowball fights. But I didn’t mind ’cos this way I got to spend lunchtime with Sunya rather than waiting for her to come out of the girls’ toilets.

Before Jas stopped eating, she used to love bangers and mash. She cut up all the sausages and hid them in the mashed potato. After school, that’s what I thought of. Partly ’cos I was starving and partly ’cos the world looked like a huge plate of Jas’s bangers and mash, everything hidden under lumpy white snow.

Sunya didn’t wait when Mrs Farmer told the class to get out of her sight. She ran out of school and walked as fast as she could down the road. I slipped trying to catch up with her. When I shouted her name, she stopped and turned round. Her face was dark beneath the snowflakes and she looked so pretty I forgot what I was about to say.
What do you want, Jamie
. She didn’t sound cross, just tired and fed up. Maybe even bored, and that was worse than anything. I went all cold and it had nothing to do with the snow. I wanted to say something really funny to make her eyes sparkle, but my mind had gone blank and I just stared and stared as the snow swirled all around us. After a long pause, I said
How many people have you saved today, Girl M
and she rolled her eyes. I said
I’ve saved one thousand and four but it was a quiet day
and she folded her arms and sighed impatiently. Her hijab was dotted with snowflakes and it flapped in the wind. She looked annoyed so I said
Thank you
and she said
For what
. I took a step closer.
For giving Jesus a dickhead, for getting Daniel back
and in my head I added
For everything
. Sunya shrugged.
I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me
. Then she turned around and walked off, her feet leaving deep prints in the snow.

I
’VE BEEN TELLING
Dad all week that he has to come into school at 3.15pm tomorrow. I hope he doesn’t drink. I don’t want him to embarrass me or Mum. She never replied to the letter but I know that she’ll come. I think she’ll come. I really hope so. I crossed my fingers for one hour and thirteen minutes yesterday, just to make sure. Jas said
Don’t get your hopes up
but I said
Mum won’t miss Parents’ Evening
. The story I wrote from Jesus’ point of view got an A so now my angel is on cloud seven. I can’t wait for Mum to read it.

When I got home from school earlier, the light on the answer machine was flashing. I thought it might be Mum leaving a message about tomorrow so I made myself wait to listen to it. Dad was asleep on the sofa with the urn on a cushion and the Father’s Day picture tucked underneath his double chin, fluttering every time he breathed out. I closed the door and I fed Roger and I brushed my teeth and splashed my face and combed my hair with my fingers. I hadn’t heard Mum’s voice for months and I wanted to look good. The Spider-Man top is all creased and mucky so I rubbed it down with a wet towel and sprayed it with my deodorant.

When I was ready, I dragged a chair to the phone and sat down, feeling nervous. I stretched out a finger. My hand flashed red in the light of the answer machine. It dangled above the Play button. I was desperate to hear Mum’s voice, but suddenly terrified too. She might have phoned to cancel. I started to count to thirty but my finger bashed the button before I even got to seventeen.

A woman’s voice.
Oh hello
it said, surprised to be talking to an answer machine. It didn’t sound like Mum but then again people put on a different voice for the phone. I crossed my fingers.

Mr and Mrs Matthews, I am Miss Lewis, Jasmine’s form tutor. Nothing to worry about but Jasmine hasn’t been in school since last Friday. I wanted to make sure that she’s at home with you. I’m assuming she hasn’t been very well and that’s why I’ve not seen her for a while. Could you please give me a call this afternoon to let me know where she’s been and how she’s doing. If Jasmine is off sick, I hope she gets better soon and that we see her in school in the next few days. Thanks very much
.

My first thought was
It’s not Mum it’s not Mum it’s not Mum
and I couldn’t really concentrate on what Miss Lewis was saying. So I pressed Repeat and listened again, my jaw dropping a bit more with each sentence. Jas wasn’t ill. She’d set off to school that morning in her uniform.

I sat there in silence, too shocked to move. Roger jumped onto my lap. His tail twisted through the air like one of those charmed snakes you see in dusty countries like Africa and on the film Aladdin. I didn’t know what to do. Skiving school is serious.

Where have you been
I asked when the handle turned and Jas walked into the hall. She looked at me like I was being stupid and said
School
. The lie slapped me in the face and my cheeks felt like the answer machine, flashing flashing flashing red. I said
Tell the truth
and she said
Don’t be so nosy
in this sarcastic way.
Miss Lewis left a message
I said and Jas’s eyes zoomed to the answer machine and her hand zoomed to her mouth. She said
Has Dad
– and I said
No
and she said
Will you
– and I said
Of course I won’t tell him
.

She nodded and made herself a cup of tea and asked if I wanted a hot Ribena, which is just about my favourite drink but impossible to rhyme with Christmas words. I said
Yes
but not
Please
. I was still cross with her for telling lies and having adventures that didn’t include me. She sat down at the kitchen table and said
I’m sorry
and I said
S’okay
, but it wasn’t really and it annoyed me that she looked relieved, like just one little word had made it all go away. And I thought of Sunya and for the first time I understood why she didn’t want to wear the Blu-Tack ring. She hadn’t forgiven me ’cos I’d only apologised once and it wasn’t enough.

I wanted to run out of the kitchen and all the way down the road and up the hill to Sunya’s house. I wanted to stand outside her window and shout
Sorry sorry sorry
until she looked down with sparkly eyes and said
It’s okay
and actually meant it. But I couldn’t, so I didn’t, and I just sat at the table and waited for Jas to start talking.

I’m in love
. I wasn’t expecting that. I coughed Ribena down my t-shirt. Jas patted me on the back. When I could breathe again, I said
With Leo
and she bit her nails and I said
Oh
. Jas fidgeted on her seat.
What Dad said
she began, her eyes filling with tears. I stood up to get her a tissue but couldn’t find one so I gave her a tea towel instead. She laughed when I handed it to her but it didn’t sound happy.
What Dad said in the car. All that stuff about Leo being a girl. Being gay. I’ll never forgive him
. I said
You have to forgive him
and she sniffed and asked
Why
. So I said
He’s our dad
and she said
So what
and then I was stuck.
He’s our dad
I repeated. I didn’t know what else to say. And Jas said
And we’re his kids
. I didn’t understand what that meant so I squeezed her hand. It felt all cold and bony.