My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece (17 page)

After Dad drove off and left me in the rain, I couldn’t go to school
. Jas was staring at a mark on the table as she talked.
I called Leo and he skived off college and picked me up. We spent the day together and it was the happiest I’d ever been. School didn’t seem so important after that
. I shuffled a bit closer and shook my head.
School is important
I said.
Really important
.
Mum said good grades can get us anything that we want. Mum said education is
—

Jas looked away from the mark on the table and stared straight into my eyes.
Mum’s not here, Jamie
.

I was going to tell her again about Parents’ Evening, how Mum was probably packing a bag right at that moment, excited to see me. I wanted to say
Mum is coming. She’ll be standing outside my school, Ambleside Church of England Primary, tomorrow at 3.15pm. Without Nigel
. But I didn’t. I didn’t say a word and I felt the first flicker of something that scared me.

I’ll go back to school tomorrow
Jas said.
I’ll forge a note from Dad and it’ll be okay
. And I said
Do you promise
and she said
Cross my heart and hope to
– but then stopped. We both thought of our dead sister on the mantelpiece and then Jas stood up and washed the cups in the kitchen sink.
I’m sorry
she said again as the washing up liquid made bubbles that looked like snow and sea foam and the fizz of Fanta.
For lying and skiving and stuff
. I said
It’s okay
and this time I meant it.
It’s just hard
she said as she scrubbed the cups.
To think of anything else. To keep away from him. You’ll understand one day
. I didn’t say anything, but I thought I understood just fine.

I apologised to Sunya over three hundred times. Whenever Mrs Farmer stopped talking I said
Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
without even taking a breath. For some reason it didn’t work and she was all quiet and sad. At lunchtime we sat on our bench but Daniel shouted
Are you getting curry for Christmas, Curry Germs
and threw a snowball at her head. I wanted to say something but I didn’t and Sunya ran off and spent the rest of lunch in the girls’ toilets. I think Daniel knows it was Sunya who put the dicks in his stable ’cos he’s being nastier to her than ever before.

I couldn’t concentrate all day ’cos Mum was on her way. I couldn’t do maps or Victorians or writing neatly in paragraphs. I just stared at my books and wrote nothing. I kept my pen in my hand so Mrs Farmer wouldn’t shout at me and tell Mum I was a lazy boy. When school finished I felt tired, as if I’d been awake and waiting for 3.15pm for a million years.

My appointment was first. Mrs Farmer said
Go and meet your parents and I will be with you in five minutes
. I went outside and saw Dad’s car and I was relieved when he whirred down the window and said
Hi
in a voice that wasn’t too drunk. He said
What’s wrong
’cos my head kept twisting and my heart was banging and my knees were shaking and my mouth was dry. There were lots of cars in the carpark, but none of them contained Mum.

Dad said he needed the loo so we went inside. While he was in the boys’ toilets, I ran out of the door and sprinted up the drive to double check the sign. It definitely said
Ambleside Church of England Primary
so Mum couldn’t have driven past without seeing the school. My Spider-Man top was soaking ’cos of the snow and it stuck to my skin and looked stupid. The sleeves felt bigger than ever and goose bumps prickled against the red and blue material.

I waited and waited and waited. Snow fell heavily. Flakes stuck to my eyelashes. There was a gust of icy wind and I wrapped my arms around my chest. And then I heard a car.

A woman was driving. A woman with long hair, just like Mum’s. I ran towards her, waving my hand. I slipped and fell over and my kneecap hit the snow, which had orange spots where the caretaker had sprinkled grit. The car indicated into the drive.

Mum
I shouted. She had come. I felt so happy that I couldn’t even move, even though I was still on my hands and knees in the snow on the road.
Mum
. The woman drove forward slowly, leaning over the steering wheel, the windscreen wipers moving quickly as snow fell on the glass. I waved again and looked into the car. The woman stared back, her eyes scrunched under glasses as though she was confused.

Mum doesn’t wear glasses.

I looked again. Mum doesn’t have brown hair either. The woman, someone else’s mum, pointed to the pavement. She wanted me to move but I couldn’t stand up, and it wasn’t happiness but something much more scary that kept me on my knees. She beeped three times. I crawled to the side of the road.

Dad found me by a wall. He said
What the bloody hell are you doing
and grabbed me by the shoulder. He pulled me to my feet and I don’t know how we got there ’cos my mind was three hundred miles away in London, but all of a sudden I was sitting in front of Mrs Farmer and she was saying I got an A for my story about Jesus’ birth.

Mum had lied again. She said good grades can get me anything I want. But what I wanted was for her to be at Parents’ Evening and she wasn’t there.

Dad looked impressed and said
Can I see it
. He pretended to read a bit and then said
Well done
, but I felt nothing. Numb. And not ’cos of the snow. Mrs Farmer had a little heater under the desk and it had warmed my feet right up. Mrs Farmer said something, and Dad said something, and Mrs Farmer said something else then looked at me as if she expected an answer. So I said
Yes
, and I didn’t even care that I hadn’t heard the question. Mrs Farmer smiled so I must have said the right thing and then she asked
What secondary school will he be going to next year
and Dad said
Grasmere
and Mrs Farmer said
Is that where the twins go
. Dad said
Excuse me
and all of a sudden I was paying attention.

Is that where the twins go
Mrs Farmer asked again and Dad rubbed a hand over his chin and the whiskers made a scratchy noise.
Twins
he said, as if he didn’t understand, and Mrs Farmer looked confused and said
Rose and – oh what’s the other one called
and Dad didn’t speak and I didn’t speak and the wind howled outside.

Jas goes to Grasmere
Dad said at last. I wanted to kick Mrs Farmer on the shin to stop her from speaking but that type of thing only works in books.
And how about Rose
she asked.

Dad said
Rose has gone to a better place
and Mrs Farmer asked
A private school
and Dad swallowed but didn’t reply. Mrs Farmer went red and said
Well, anyway
and she grabbed my pile of work and started flicking through it.
James has written some beautiful pieces about your family
. She pulled out my English book and I wanted to shout
NOOOOO
, but Mrs Farmer had already passed it to Dad. He read My Wonderful Summer Holiday, Our Brilliant Family and My Magical Christmas and the book shook in his hand. Mrs Farmer waited for Dad to say
Well done
. She stared at me as I stared at Dad and Dad stared at the lies I’d written about Rose.

There was a noise outside the door. The next parents had arrived. Mrs Farmer cleared her throat and said
To sum up, James is bright and sometimes works well, though he does tend to daydream. Socially, I’d like to see him mix a little more with the other children, but he seems particularly close to a girl called Sunya
. There was a knock on the door.
A girl called Sonya
Dad repeated and Mrs Farmer said
Come in
.
Not Sonya, Mr Matthews. Sunya
.

The handle clicked. The door opened.
Oh, here’s Sunya now
Mrs Farmer announced cheerfully. I spun around in my chair, the Spider-Man t-shirt stuck to the sweat on my back.
Hello, Jamie
Sunya’s mum said in her funny accent.
Nice to see you again
.

T
WO WHITE HIJABS
glowed in the light of the classroom. Two dark faces looked shocked as Dad leapt to his feet.
How do you know my son
he yelled, banging his hand on Mrs Farmer’s desk. A pile of books fell over and knocked a cup of coffee onto some important-looking papers. Mrs Farmer made a noise like a frightened dog and looked at me as though it was my fault. Sunya’s mum went
Erm
and I shook my head the tiniest amount so she said
I don’t know him
. I closed my eyes and opened them slowly and I hoped Sunya’s mum knew that it meant
Thank you
.

I whispered
Let’s go
but Dad shouted
Nice to see you again. AGAIN. That’s what you said
. He walked over to Sunya’s mum. She took a step backwards and grabbed Sunya’s shoulder. Mrs Farmer stood up, her hand flying to her chest.
Mr Matthews, calm yourself
she squeaked. Dad shouted over her.
Where have you seen him before
. Sunya’s mum took another step back, dragging Sunya with her.
When did you meet my son
. Sunya shook off her mum’s hand and said
At the school football match
and her voice was calm and her face was innocent and the lie was the best I had ever seen.
Shut up
Dad yelled and Sunya’s mum suddenly exploded.
How dare you
she said, her eyebrows disappearing underneath the white hijab.
How dare you talk to my daughter like that
. Dad laughed but it sounded evil, like when a baddie rubs his hands together and his eyes go all red and the sound that comes out of his mouth is
HAHAHAHAHA
.
I can say what I want in my own country
Dad replied. I wanted to shout
It’s Sunya’s country too
but Dad looked mad. Mrs Farmer squeaked
I’m getting the Headmaster
and she smashed the door against the wall as she ran out of the classroom.

Muslims killed my daughter
Dad said, pointing at his chest. I ran over to Dad and tried to grab his arm but he pushed me away.
They killed my daughter
he said again, jabbing his ribs on every syllable.
That’s ridiculous
Sunya’s mum replied, but her voice was shaky and I knew that she was scared. I thought about the curly straw in the chocolate milkshake and I hated Dad for frightening her.
Real Muslims would never, ever harm anything
.
Just because someone calls themselves a
– she started but Dad shouted
SHUT UP
. He was trembling now and his face was purple. Sweat dripped off his temples and ran down his cheeks. He yelled something about
Terrorists
and something else about
All the same
and Sunya’s mum turned her head as if she had been slapped.