My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece (18 page)

Sunya stood in front of a Christmas display, her fingers screwed up in tight fists. Snowflakes cut out of silver paper twinkled on the wall behind her. There were angels on the left and a Father Christmas on the right and his belly was bursting out of his red jacket and presents were bursting out of his black sack. In the middle of the display was a Mary cut out of blue cardboard and a Joseph cut out of brown cardboard and a baby Jesus cut out of cardboard that was too pink to look like skin. And it made me so sad to see Sunya next to all the Christmas things she didn’t believe in and couldn’t enjoy, and I thought about her poem and how she’d only written four lines ’cos there was nothing magical for her to look forward to in December. And even though Dad was still shouting and wind shook the windows and coffee drip drip dripped off the desk and formed a puddle on the floor, all I could hear were Sunya’s words.
I wish I was normal
. I wanted to walk over to her and take her fists in my hands and put the ring back on her finger and say
I’m pleased you’re not
.

A tear glittered in Sunya’s left eye. It swelled silver like a fat raindrop as Dad called her family
Evil
. I imagined shouting
Don’t listen to him
. I imagined saying
You are just different and it is beautiful
. And I imagined smashing Dad’s face in for making Sunya cry, and for one millisecond I thought I might actually do it. But I just stood there in the middle of the classroom with my heart pounding and my body shaking in the Spider-Man top that was too big for a boy like me.

The Headmaster walked into the room, his shiny shoes tapping on the floor. He said
Is there a problem
. Sunya’s mum didn’t speak and all I could see was the top of her hijab as she stared at the ground. I wanted her to look up so I could say
Sorry
with my eyes but she didn’t move. Dad said
No problem at all
and then grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door and nodded at the Headmaster as though the last five minutes hadn’t happened. I hoped that the bad stuff was over, but as we walked down the corridor, Dad’s fingernails dug into the palm of my hand and it hurt. I was in trouble.

We didn’t speak in the car. The tyres spun on the snow and white slush sprayed everywhere. As soon as we pulled into the drive, Dad whispered
Get inside
so I jumped out and slipped on the ice and burst through the front door and ran into the lounge. Jas and Leo were lying on the sofa, their faces all red and their black clothes crumpled. Jas said
I thought you had Parents’ Evening
and I said
Finished
and
Dad
and pointed outside. Jas pushed Leo off the sofa with a scream.

Dad marched down the hall.
Quick
I said, tugging Jas’s hand. Leo chewed on the ring through his lip. The footsteps stopped.
Hide
Jas hissed. The door handle turned. Leo dived behind the sofa as Dad walked into the lounge.

I am not that good at Hide And Seek. I don’t like small dark places. They make me think of being buried underground so I panic and end up behind a door or somewhere rubbish. But even I am better at hiding than Leo, who didn’t even make himself small enough to fit behind the sofa. His green spikes stuck over the top of the armrest and his black boots stuck out on the carpet.

When Dad saw him, his face went from purple to black and he yelled
Get up
. I don’t think Leo knew that Dad was talking to him ’cos he just stayed there for ages, holding his breath and closing his eyes as if he thought he hadn’t be seen. But then Dad walked over to the sofa and grabbed the back of Leo’s t-shirt and pulled hard. Leo scrambled to his feet as Dad shouted
Get out of my house
. Jas said
Don’t talk to him like that
and Dad said
I’ll talk to him however I damn well like under my roof
and he pointed at the ceiling with a shaky finger.

Leo ran off and Dad shouted
You are banned from my house and you are banned from seeing Jasmine
. He slammed the lounge door. An old picture of the family fell off the wall and smashed.
You can’t do that
Jas said, furious and fiery, waving her hands around in the air.
You can’t stop us from seeing each other
. Dad said
I think I just did
and then he turned to me.

Do you love Rose
he asked and I said
Yes
straightaway. Dad took a step forward.
Do you remember how she died
. His voice was low and quiet and dangerous. I swallowed but there was no spit in my mouth. I nodded my head. Dad closed his eyes and seemed to be trying to control something but it was too strong for him ’cos he started to shout and kick the sofa.
LIAR
.
YOU’RE A LIAR, JAMES
. I squashed myself against the wall. Dad threw a cushion and it hit the light shade, which swung and creaked.
I’m not a liar
I replied, falling to my knees as Dad charged across the carpet. The urn rattled on the mantelpiece.
How can you do it then
Dad yelled, his voice booming in my ears like an iPod turned up loud.
If you’re telling the truth, how can you be friends with that girl
.

Jas said
Leave him alone
and crawled to my side. She was crying and her arm shook as it wrapped around my shoulders.
Did you know about this
Dad roared, leaning over Jas and shouting in her face.
Did you know that Jamie’s girlfriend is a Muslim
. Jas looked at me but she wasn’t disappointed or angry, just curious, and she gave me a secret squeeze that said
I don’t care
.
An effing TERRORIST
Dad yelled, splattering his chin with spit. I wanted to tell Dad that he was wrong, ’cos all the terrorists I have seen on TV are men over twenty not girls under eleven, but Dad thumped the wall just above my head and I had to hide my face.

My eyes were pressed into my kneecaps but I could hear that Dad was crying. He sniffed and snot rushed from his nostrils to his throat so when he spoke it sounded thick and sticky.
You never cry about her
he said and I felt guilty then, like every single thing that had gone wrong in my family was my fault. I poked myself in the eye to make them water.

You can’t love her
Dad said, his voice suddenly quiet. I peeped through my fingers. Dad walked over to the mantelpiece and stared at the urn.
Not if you wrote all those lies, pretending she’s still alive when she’s been dead for five years
.
Not if you’re friends with a Muslim
. He took the urn off the mantelpiece and it trembled in his hands and his sweaty fingers left marks on the gold.
Look what they did to her, James
he said, holding up the urn.
Look what Muslims did to your sister
. He didn’t seem angry any more, just sadder than the saddest person I can think of, which right now is Spider-Man when Uncle Ben dies. Jas cried even harder and I wished my eyes could do it too.

Everything went silent and I knew that it was over but I didn’t know if it was okay to start speaking again. So I sat with my back to the wall and my palm stung and my head ached and I watched the hands of the clock tick round in a circle. After three minutes and thirty one seconds, Dad put the urn back on the mantelpiece and wiped his eyes and walked out of the lounge. I heard a glass tinkle and the clunk-fizz of a can being opened. Jas pulled me to my feet and said
Let’s go to your room
.

We sat on the windowsill and stared at the stars. The twins were up there and so was the lion. The silver in the sky shone on all the snow, turning the grass into diamonds.
My horoscope said today was going to be awful
Jas said.
I didn’t think it’d be this bad though
. Her breath made steamy circles on the glass. In the condensation she wrote a big J and then her name, and used the same J to write my name. All the letters dripped together and it looked cool. She said
You okay
and I said
Yeah
.

I miss Mum
Jas said suddenly and it was strange ’cos I’d just been thinking the same thing.
I wish she was still here
. I stared at the floor.
She wasn’t at Parents’ Evening
I said in a small voice. Jas leaned back against the window.
I didn’t think she would be
. I rubbed the carpet with my toes.
But maybe she got stuck on the motorway
I said.
If there was a traffic jam, she’d have given up and gone home. You know what she’s like. Maybe that’s what happened
. Jas fiddled with a strand of pink hair.
Maybe
she said, but we didn’t look at each other. That flicker came back, like one of those trick birthday candles you just can’t blow out. I didn’t recognise the feeling but, whatever it was, it scared me.

We were silent for a while. Roger tiptoed across the garden, his orange feet leaving twinkling holes in the snow. He stared into the frozen pond. I wondered if my fish was alive somewhere underneath all the ice. Jas sighed.
I hope Leo’s okay
. I picked a thread off the cushion and said
I hope Sunya is too
. Then I smiled, even though it wasn’t funny.
Dad must really hate us
.

Yeah
Jas said, crumpling her forehead.
And Mum
. I’d only meant it as a joke, and was about to say so when Jas rested her chin on her knees, all thoughtful and serious.
When I was little
,
I had five teddies
.
Edward, Roland, Bertha, John and Burt
. I didn’t understand why she was telling me about her toys.
My bear was called Barney
I said slowly. Jas drew five lines in the condensation on the glass. The black polish was chipped where she’d been biting her nails.
I loved them all
.
Especially Burt, who had no eyes
.
But one day I lost him. I left him on a bus in Scotland when we went to visit Granny and I never saw him again
. Roger disappeared under a bush, hunting. I banged on the window to make him stop.
I was so upset
Jas went on.
Cried for hours
.
But I was relieved to get back to my other bears in London
. She rubbed one of the lines off the glass and stared at the other four.
I loved them more than ever, ’cos there was one less
.

It was a pointless story so I didn’t know what to say. I kept quiet and waited.
Maybe that’s how they’ll feel too
she said.
One day. When all the hurt goes away
. I didn’t know if she was talking about the bears or Mum and Dad, but she looked young, not like my big sister at all, and I wanted her to feel nice so I just said
They will
. Jas squeezed her knees to her chest.
You really think so
she said and I nodded in a wise way. She smiled shakily and spoke all in a rush.
Then they’ll love us for us without thinking about Rose and Mum’ll come home and it’ll all be okay
.

We can make her come home
I said suddenly, jumping off the windowsill.
We can make her come home and everything will be okay
. I handed her the crumpled envelope hidden underneath my pillow. She opened it up and this time when she read the words
Come to Manchester to change your life
, she didn’t say
What a load of crap
or anything like that. She listened to my plan. I got to the bit where we walk into the theatre after singing our song and Mum and Dad are holding hands ’cos they’re so proud, and this time she didn’t say
That would never happen
. She whispered
I’d love it if they made up
and closed her eyes, imagining their first hug.

Let’s do it then
I said, feeling excited.
The audition’s in three weeks. That’s loads of time to get a talent
. Jas’s eyelids had black powder all over them. They suddenly crumpled, as if she was in pain.
I can’t cope with Dad any more. All the
– she hesitated and took a deep breath –
drinking
. It was the first time either of us had said that word and actually meant alcohol and sick and disappointment rather than hot Ribena or something. I was glad Jas had her eyes closed ’cos I didn’t know what to do with my face or my hands or the enormous truth that our dad was a drunk.

I’m only fifteen
she said loudly, opening her eyes suddenly and looking fierce.
You really want to enter that crap contest
she asked. I nodded my head and, after a pause, my sister said
Okay
.

T
HE LAST WEEK
of term was rubbish. Sunya wasn’t talking to me and I got sick of the snowballs Daniel threw at my face and the ice he put down my Spider-Man top and the fact that everyone got Christmas cards except me. There was this letterbox in the library and you pushed your cards inside and at the end of the day they got delivered to people in the class. The Headmaster would do it with a Santa hat on and he’d come into our room and say
Ho ho ho
. Then he’d read out the names on the cards in his hand and there were always loads for Ryan and loads for Daniel and quite a few for Sunya. This confused me at first ’cos Sunya’s been standing on her own in the playground so I was surprised she was that popular. But then I saw that all her cards were drawn in felt tips on A4 paper and were signed in her handwriting by superheroes. She sent herself one from Batman and one from Shrek and one from The Green Goblin, who everyone knows is Spider-Man’s biggest enemy. She put that one by her pencil case so I could see it.