My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece (22 page)

Jas looked at me as if she didn’t know what to do, but I raised my thumb. It was better for her to go through than us both to go out. And I know she’s better than me so it wasn’t really a shock. I can sing okay but she’s the one with the voice of an angel. I hoped Dad was paying attention.

The man pointed to some steps at the side of the stage that led into the audience. I walked over to them and sat down as Jas took a deep breath. The lights on the stage disappeared, all except one. It dazzled Jas and made her blink. The man folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. The lady put her chin on her hand. Jas walked forward and the spotlight followed.
When you’re ready
the man said and Jas began. Quiet at first. Shaky. But after a couple of lines her shoulders relaxed and her mouth widened and the sound was beautiful. It flew into the air like that kite at St. Bees.

Jas sang with every bit of her body. She sang with her eyes and her hands and her heart and when she hit the top note the audience was on their feet and the judges were clapping and everyone was cheering but no one as loudly as me. I forgot where I was. I forgot I was on stage in front of hundreds of people and maybe Mum and maybe Dad and loads of TV cameras. I forgot everything but my sister and the words of her song. They made sense for the first time and gave me a brave feeling like that lion in the sky was somewhere in my chest.

The song finished. Jas took a little bow as the whole theatre roared. The judges pointed at me and then at the middle of the stage. I stood up and I felt like a different boy and I hoped Mum would notice how my shoulders pushed back and how my chest puffed out as if it was a big bagpipe that a Scottish man had blown pride into.

Well, it was a rubbish song
the man started. The audience booed but this time they were on our side.
A really horrible choice
. I grinned and Jas grinned. We didn’t care what the judges thought. Not any more.
The dance was appalling
the man went on.
And young Spider-Man here, well, you might be a superhero but you certainly can’t sing
. Jas put her hand on my shoulder.
But you, young lady. Let’s just say
– he paused dramatically and looked Jas right in the eye –
that was the best audition I have seen today
. The audience clapped.
We’ll see you in the next round
. The audience cheered.
Without your brother, of course
. The audience laughed.
Next
the man shouted and it was time to leave. I started walking off the stage.

You won’t
Jas said and I stopped and spun round and the judges raised their eyebrows.
We won’t what
the man said. Jas’s voice was loud and clear as she replied
You won’t see me in the next round
. The audience gasped. The man looked shocked.
Don’t be ridiculous
he said.
This is a chance of a lifetime. This competition could change your life
. Jas grabbed my hand and squeezed.
What if we don’t want it to change
she said and then she looked, not at the judges, but out into the audience. She raised her voice and I knew who she was talking to.
I won’t audition without Jamie. I won’t abandon my brother. Families should stick together
.

We walked off the stage to the sound of cheers that went on for ages. The girl with the clipboard shook her head but all the other acts gathered round. They said
That was brilliant
and
Congratulations
and, even though it was mostly for Jas, I reckon a little bit was for me and it felt good. I offered my hand to our fans and shook every single one like Leo or Wayne Rooney and my t-shirt seemed to fit and I felt grown up. Maybe it was different to be in double figures after all. Then we sat down and waited for the show to finish and we didn’t speak ’cos our happiness was too big for words.

Let’s find Leo
Jas said an hour later when the final act, a man who sang opera while standing on his head, had finished. We walked out of the waiting room. It was dark outside and snow was still falling. We walked into the main entrance and there were these big sparkly lights all posh on the ceiling that looked like huge dangly earrings. The carpet was red and the banisters were gold and the theatre smelled of sweets and success. I was searching for Sunya and searching for Dad and searching searching searching for Mum, a smile the size of a new moon on my face.

We pushed our way through the crowd and everyone was looking and nodding and smiling ’cos they recognised us from the stage. One man put his hand into the air to do a high five but I missed. And an old lady croaked
You made me cry
and I said
Shut up
but Jas said
Thanks
so it must have been a compliment, even though it sounded mean. Jas was looking for spiky green and I was looking for sparkly brown and our necks were long and our eyes were darting and our feet were striding and our heads were twisting and then we

STOPPED. We saw them at exactly the same moment. Twenty metres away. Two faces, staring in opposite directions. Silent. Like strangers. Not Leo. Not Sunya. Mum and Dad.

Mum!

I shouted it as loud as I could but she didn’t hear.

Mum!!

Too many people swarmed around the theatre entrance. I was pushed to the side by a man in clown make-up.
You were wonderful
squealed his wife, kissing his bright red nose. Standing on tiptoes, I tried to see Mum over the top of their heads.

Black boots.

Blue jeans.

Green coat.

And hands.

Pink, living, real hands that clutched a black bag, fiddling with the silver zip. Hands that had cooked dinner and rubbed headaches and had shoved jumpers over my head on cold days. Hands that had tucked me in bed. Hands that had taught me to draw.

Bloody hell
Jas said.
She actually came
. We stood still and stared, the theatre buzzing around us.

Mum was tanned. Her eyes were surrounded by all these wrinkles I hadn’t seen before. And she’d cut off her hair. There were a few grey bits near her temples and some blonde streaks on top. She looked different. But she was here. I brushed down my t-shirt and straightened the collar and sorted out the sleeves, never taking my eyes off Mum in case she disappeared.

Suddenly she spotted us. Jas swore. I waved and Mum went red and lifted her arm but didn’t move her hand. It fell to her side. She said something to Dad, who ignored her.
Here goes
Jas whispered, putting an arm around me. I could feel her ribs go up and down as we pushed through the crowd.

Time went too slow and too fast, all at the same time, and then we were standing in front of Mum and the air crackled like Rice Krispies ’cos hundreds of feelings popped and snapped in the space between us. I waited for her to give me a hug, or to kiss the top of my head, or to notice my Spider-Man top, but she just smiled then stared at the floor.

Hi
I said.
Hi
Mum replied.
Hi
muttered Jas. I leaned forward and opened my arms. Mum didn’t move. I’d gone too far to pull out of the hug. I had to go for it. I moved towards Mum and wrapped my arms around hers, shocked to find I almost came up to her shoulder when I used to be the same height as her chest.
She’s shrunk
I thought, which was stupid, but that was how it felt. We had contact for less than two seconds. I wanted the hug to be perfect, but it was cold and hard and made me think of jigsaw pieces that don’t fit together, no matter how hard you push.

Your song was great
Mum said when she pulled away. Her words sounded empty, as if they were written with a very thin pencil on a big piece of paper and there was too much space inside all the letters.
You’re so talented
. I said
Thanks
as Mum said
What a voice
. She’d been talking to Jas, not me, and I blushed.

Silence.

I wanted to tell Mum about my goal and the tricks at Halloween and the black chicken in Dad’s roast dinner. I wanted to tell her about Mrs Farmer and the dicks in Daniel’s stable and how I’d met a friend who was the best girl on the planet, apart from my sister. If Mum had asked me, or even looked in my direction, it would have come blurting out. But she just stared at the floor.

Let’s get out of here
Dad said at last. As we walked out of the theatre, he did something he’s not done before. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

The pavement was icy and the snowflakes looked orange as they fluttered past the streetlights. Someone beeped their horn and Leo sped past, green hair behind a black steering wheel, zooming down the road.
Who’s that
Mum asked, and Jas shrugged. It was too hard to explain. Mum had missed too much. But she’d catch up. I’d help her. We had all the time in the world.

Dad got the car keys out of his pocket. He rattled them in his hand.
Ready
he asked Jas. She nodded.
Jamie
he said, and I grinned. This was the bit I’d been looking forward to.

I was just wondering if Mum would ring Nigel and tell him it was over and call him a bastard, when she said
I guess I’ll see you all soon
. I thought she meant
Back at the cottage
’cos she had to drive so I said
I’ll come with you
. Jas’s shoulders shot up to her ears as if she’d just seen a dog run into the road and she couldn’t do a thing to stop it getting hurt. Dad went pale and closed his eyes. Mum rubbed her nose. I didn’t understand why everyone was acting strange.
I’ll show you the way
I said and she asked
Back to London
and then I understood.

Only joking
I said and I forced myself to laugh but every
ha
burned my throat. Mum got some gloves out of her bag and put them on her pink hands.
Well, bye then
she said.
It was lovely to see you. You’re all doing so well
. Dad snorted. Mum winced. A bus drove through slush and drenched Jas’s bare legs.

Here
Mum said, pulling a tissue out of her bag. She gave it to Jas, who looked at it blankly.
Dry your legs
Mum said, her voice suddenly back to normal. Impatient. A bit snappy. It was the best noise in the world. Jas did as she was told.
You look beautiful
Mum said as Jas rubbed her shins. I pushed out my chest so the red and blue material was right under Mum’s nose. She didn’t even glance at it.
So like your sister
.

Let’s go
Dad said quickly.
The snow’s sticking
. Mum nodded.
See you soon
she lied, touching Jas’s shoulder and patting my head.
And well done
.

Mum walked off, black boots splashing, green coat swishing. I didn’t recognise her clothes. They were new. I wondered when she’d bought them. On my birthday. Or the afternoon of the football match. Or maybe Parents’ Evening.

And then all of a sudden I was chasing after her, dodging past dancers and singers and hundreds of happy faces, all red in the cold.
MUM
I yelled at the top of my voice.
MUM
. She turned around.
What is it, sweetheart
she asked and I wanted to shout
DON’T CALL ME THAT
but I had more important things to say.

We were standing outside an Italian restaurant and I could smell pizza and I should have been hungry but my tummy hurt too much for food. I could hear people laughing and waiters talking and glasses clinking like they do when you say
Cheers
. The restaurant glowed with candles and I wished I was in there, away from the cold grey street.

What is it
Mum said again. I didn’t want to ask the question. I was scared of the answer. But I thought of Jas and the words of the chorus and I forced myself to be brave.
Are you working tomorrow
I panted. Mum looked confused. She pulled her coat around her.
Why
she said, as if she was worried that I was going to ask her to stay longer.
Just want to know
I breathed. She shook her head.
No. I stopped teaching months ago
.

Everything started to spin. I thought of a globe on a metal holder, a hand whirling it round and round.
So you don’t work for Mr Walker
I asked, giving her a chance to change her answer, hating the way my heart pounded in my chest with the very last bit of hope. Mum shook her head again.
No
she said.
I don’t have a job. I’ve been away. Travelling. Nigel had to do some research for his book in Egypt and I went with him. I only got back on New Year’s Eve
. Well, that explained the tan.

Mum opened her bag one more time. She took out four envelopes, two with my writing on the front, two with Jas’s.
I didn’t get them in time
she said quietly, as if she was apologising, as if she wanted me to say it was okay to miss Parents’ Evening, and fine to miss Christmas.
I would’ve come
she said. I don’t know if she was telling the truth.