My Sister's an Alien (5 page)

S l o w l y Zeke got back onto his bike and s l o w l y he reached for the pedals and ever so s l o w l y he began to ride, back to the space centre.

‘I'm terribly sorry,' said the toothless purple-haired woman. ‘I'm sure you'd make the perfect astronaut, but you're just a moment too late. If you'd been here even a minute ago things might have been quite different but, as it happens, today's space probe is now full and leaving any second.'

‘Bup!' said Zeke with his cheeks full of cotton wool. ‘Bup, bup, bup, bup!' But the toothless purple-haired woman had already left, to eat mashed peanut butter and melted ice cream (mixed with a pinch of salt and scrambled snails) while she watched the latest space rocket take-off.

So Zeke stumbled along in his fat Superboy suit, beard and moustache,
desperately looking for a way to get past the locked wire fences and onto the launch pad.

‘Who's there?' said a voice from out on the tarmac.

‘Pleath blet me in plast thith gade,' repeated Zeke.

‘Listen, old fellow,' said the voice. ‘Swallow whatever you've got in your mouth, then come here and tell me what you said.'

And so Zeke removed all the pillows and stuffing and his beard and moustache. Then he slipped under the big wire fence to walk towards the voice. And when he got right up to the voice, he found himself talking to the space rocket flight attendant who was dressed in a very nice, casual outfit with matching tie and little peaked cap. The attendant was just about to fasten all doors and check that all seatbelts were fastened when
Zeke said, ‘Wait! I need a lift into space.'

‘Sorry, Superboy,' said the attendant. ‘We just gave the last seat to a shooting star who's a little bit sick with the flu. So you'll have to catch the next probe which leaves in about … oh,' and with that the attendant looked at his watch. ‘In about eleven years. Now get off the launching pad if you don't mind and go and stand somewhere safe.'

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Are you thinking poor Zeke, he's missed his chance?

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Well, not on your life!

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Because what do you see if you look very closely?

ZEROBLASTOFF!

Look, right there on the pointy bit. Do you see a little person dressed as Superboy sort of making a face like he's sitting on something sharp? Well, guess who that is? It's Zeke, blasting through space with his mouth so wide open that he's just swallowed three flies and a pigeon.

Up, up, up he went, through the clouds, through the blue skies and beyond. Up to the rainbow, through the red, orange, yellow, green, blue,
indigo, violet, and up into space, dark space where a zillion stars were twinkling brightly saying, ‘Zekie, come and play with me.'

After seven hours, or maybe five minutes, Zeke's bottom really began to hurt. So he tried to get more comfortable by doing a shift and a
wiggle but he slipped completely off the tip and began to slide down the space probe. ‘Uh Oh,' said Zeke.

He tried to wrap his arms around the space probe, but he just kept slip sliding down. Down he slipped, down, down, and his eyes wide open with fear. He tried to grab hold of a wing as he slid, he tried to grab on with his legs. But down he slid with the engine flames getting closer. He was hot and scared and his hands were all slippery and he was gaining speed … when all of a sudden he came to a halt as his Superboy suit got caught on the corner of the window and Zeke took a peek inside.

‘Hello!' he called to the silver-suited astronauts as he tap tapped on the glass. ‘Hello!' he bellowed. ‘Could you help me, please?' But nobody heard him because they were all eating spacecorn, which is like popcorn only a gillion times louder. That's right
nobody paid him any attention at all until all of a sudden the space probe took a sharp turn to the left and Zeke was hurled at the window and his face squished up hard on the glass. The astronauts heard a tremendous thump, looked up to see Zeke's flat face, and then all fainted into their spacecorn buckets.

‘Oh fabulous,' said Zeke, dangling from the window. ‘Help me, you great fat burp heads!' And then he quietly began to cry, feeling very sorry for himself until he was rudely interrupted by a gentle rrrrrrrrrrrrripping sound. ‘My pants!' shrieked Zeke. ‘My Superboy suit is tearing!' And sure enough it was.

‘This is all Eppie's fault,' mumbled Zeke bitterly as finally his suit tore completely off and once again he was caught in his undies. (Yep! The Barbie ones his mum gave him for Christmas last year, nineteen pairs for the price of one.) ‘Help!' he screamed into the dark universe, as he was hurtled through the atmosphere.

‘Help, help,' he called as he raced through the galaxy at a billion trillion zillion dillion hillion kilometres an hour. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

‘Don't cry my little fellow,' said the kind deep voice of The Man in the Moon as he caught Zeke in his great big hand. ‘Here put this cheese suit on and cover up those Barbie Doll undies.'

‘I can't wear a suit made out of cheese,' replied Zeke.

‘Oh, all right then,' said The Man in the Moon. ‘If you want everyone to see your …'

‘Okay, okay, ‘interrupted Zeke as he grabbed the suit made of cheese and The Man in the Moon.

While The Man in the Moon whispered in his ear, ‘My mum gave me twelve pairs of Barbie Doll undies for my birthday, and boy do I know they're embarrassing.'

Once he was dressed in the cheese suit, which I must say wasn't all that warm because it was full of holes, Zeke told The Man in the Moon all about strawberry-sized Eppie, the possums, the owl, the Internet, the kaboom, the astronomers, and even his mother's loud snoring.

‘So that's what that dreadful noise is,' said The Man in the Moon.

And sure enough, when Zeke
stopped sobbing, even though he was sitting on the moon, he could still hear his mother's dreadful snorts.

‘So you see, my sister Eppie was last seen up in space and I absolutely
have to find her before my mum wakes up and blames me and yells and screams and carries on until my ears burst and my head explodes and I'm stuffed and put in a museum. And besides,' continued Zeke very softly, ‘I want my yoyo back.'

‘Oh I understand,' said The Man in the Moon, or Moonie as he liked to be called. ‘I used to have a yoyo myself but I dropped it one day and it fell to Earth … and created the Grand Canyon I believe. But enough of that. Tell me, son, where was little Eppie last seen?'

‘Well some astronomers saw her on Planet Sock. Do you know where that is?'

‘Haven't got a clue,' said Moonie. ‘But I've got a Planet Directory. Let's hop on my new space motorbike, take it for a spin and find this sister of yours.' And that's exactly what they set off to do.

They jumped onto Moonie's lovely cheese space motorbike and went racing off the surface of the moon, far away and into space, stopping off at the Milky Way to get a couple of milkshakes.

‘Yeehaa!' they both squealed and they giggled so hard that they nearly fell off twice.

‘Hold on tight,' said The Man in The Moon. ‘And keep your eye out for dangerous unidentified flying objects.'