My Sister's an Alien (8 page)

The pressure of the speed stretched and pulled them: their faces, their arms, their legs, their bodies, their ears, their noses, their fingers and toes. Stretch, stretch, pull, pull—on it went all the way back to Earth. Until Zeke and Eppie were finally dropped off at their front door, both as thin as a piece of skinny spaghetti and as tall as a telegraph pole.

‘Oh look at
you
,' Eppie laughed, as the light of the sun began to shine and they could finally see each other clearly.

‘Well look at
you
,' said Zeke poking his long tongue out. ‘And anyway, at least my yoyo's still safe on your head and that's really all that matters.'

‘Is not all that matters.'

‘Is so.'

‘Is not.'

‘Is so.'

‘Is not.'

And then they paused because they were both out of breath. And when they stopped fighting they could hear … nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Complete and utter silence.

(shhhhh)

‘Oh no!' Zeke and Eppie gasped together. ‘Mum's stopped snoring. She must be waking up.' Aaaaaaaaagh panic panic panic panic.

‘All we have to do,' said Zeke at last, when he'd finally calmed himself down, ‘is get back to normal size and then Mum will never know the difference. So, first things first, let's go into our house.'

Which they did, by the easiest,
quietest way they could, which was sliding underneath the front door.

But when Zeke and Eppie stood up they didn't fit under the ceiling, so they crouched as low as possible, bending over backwards, rolled into balls, and full of fear they tip-toed up the stairs. And they saw their mum was still sort of asleep, only just
starting to stir and mumbling and rumbling something about starting a music group with her friends and calling it the Spice Mums.

‘Quick, into the bathroom!' said Eppie to Zeke. ‘And we'll work out what to do.'

‘Well I've already got a plan, you stupid bossy boots,' said Zeke as they closed the bathroom door. ‘I think if we run on the spot till we get really hot, we'll go like warm soft plasticine and we can mould ourselves back into shape.'

‘Good idea, for once,' said Eppie. ‘So come on, let's get started.'

‘No, first', said Zeke. ‘Just to make sure this trouble never happens again, I think we should remove the yoyo from your hair. So let's put shampoo all over your head, to make the hair slippery so the yoyo will slide off … absolutely easy peezy.'

‘Good idea number two,' said Eppie
throwing her arms into the air with excitement and knocking Mum's perfumes off the cabinet so the bottles went smashing to the ground.

Snort, came the noise from Mum's bedroom. Oh no, she was waking up!

‘Quick put the plug in the bath and stick your hair exactly under the tap,' said Zeke as he poured shampoo all over Eppie's head.

They could hear Mum's doorway opening wide and any minute they'd hear her footsteps coming down the hall.

‘Rub your hair Eppie, to make it all slippery.'

But still the yoyo wouldn't come out. So desperately, Zeke added more shampoo and more and more and more, and before you know it the bath started to fill, and then began to overflow.

 

‘I've got it!'
said Zeke as
the room filled with bubbles. ‘I've removed the yoyo from your hair. So turn the tap off and let the plug out immediately.'

But Eppie couldn't see where the plug was because of all the bubbles and the bathroom started to fill with water and enormous fabulous froth.

‘What on
earth
is that coming under the bathroom door?' said Mum as she came stumbling down the hallway.

‘Mum's coming!' yelled Zeke.

‘Mum's coming!' yelled Eppie.

And they splashed around among the bubbles, grabbing at this and that and finally Eppie found the plug, pulled at it hard and the water went racing with enormous force, tumbling thankfully down the drain. But unfortunately so did long, skinny Eppie.

‘Who's in there?' said Mum as she knocked on the bathroom door. ‘Whoever you are, you're in the most
humungous trouble and I'm coming in to get you.'

And, with that, spaghetti Zeke dived down the plughole after Eppie.
And Mum, who still hadn't found her glasses, walked straight into the laundry cupboard and got really angry with a broom.

When Eppie falls into a pot hole and gets squashed to the size of a strawberry, her brother Zeke decides to have some fun with his yoyo.

What follows is a hilarious high tale of escape, theft, bullies, brats, dobbers, goody-goodies, garbage trucks, magic lamps, scabs, snot, bribery, bravery, a blind mum, a fat nurse, a skinny teacher and a boy on a bicycle covered in vomit — and that's only the beginning!

This is the tale of 15-year-old Fleur Trotter. It starts with a bad haircut and the sort of unattractive boy who makes mould look exciting and ends with the usual love, death, flood, fire, fortune telling and bust development.

‘Without doubt the most honest and hilarious account of adolescent agony since
The Bible'

— Fleur Trotter

‘Lies'

— Fleur's mother

‘If Fleur gets this published she'll be up for adoption'

— Fleur's father

‘Fleur sucks. Who cares
what
she does!'
Miss Priss and Bum Face (Fleur's sisters)

Picture Book

This is the story of two girls. They look just like each other and even have the same name.

But they cannot talk and play together until, with the help of one small puppy and a bit of magic dust, they become the best of friends.

There's so much more at
randomhouse.com.au