Never Far Away (7 page)

 
  “Me too.”

 
  As they ate, they talked about their week.  Ella told him about the actress from a Hollywood movie coming into her store with Kalli for a fitting, which she described as ‘the most exciting moment of her life, ever.’  He told her about his work on his latest project of a house rebuild on the beach and about the progress he’d made on his boat over the course of the week.  He did not mention that he used working on his boat to keep himself from going insane with thoughts of her, and to keep him from driving to Portland every night to see her and finally make her his again.  She didn’t need to hear that.

 
  “So,” Ella began when they’d finished their meal.  “Tell me about us, Porter.”  Taken a little off guard, Porter cleared his throat and took a drink from his water bottle.

 
  “What do you mean?”

 
  “Well, you’ve alluded to the fact that we were, um, well, intimate, with each other,” she said and even though he wasn’t looking at her, he knew she was blushing.

 
  “That’s correct.”

 
  “Well, I mean, I guess I’m just wondering, what it was like.”

 
  “Can you be more specific?” He became uncomfortable, not really sure what kind of information she was looking for.

 
  “Ok, well, the first time was, obviously, really soon after we met, right?  Was it like, a one night stand?”

 
  “No.”  He responded immediately and unequivocally.

 
  “Were we a couple by then? Already?”

 
  “No,” he said less surely.

 
  “Throw me something here, Porter.  You are very handsome and terribly charming, but I am still trying to wrap my mind around how I came to sleep with you thirty-six hours after I met you.”  Porter took a pause to formulate the best response he could come up with.

 
  “I’m not going to downplay the highly unusual circumstances that brought you and me together.  You were a broken-hearted beauty who needed someone to help you that night.  And I might have stepped into some sort of hero role, unintentionally.  I can’t miscount the beach and the effect being somewhere as romantic as the ocean can have on two people.  So, yes, we were both acting, perhaps, a little out of character, being influenced by the situation we found ourselves in.  But the fire with which we consumed each other was neither pretend, nor was it the product of our surrounding circumstances.  We wanted each other.  No, we needed each other that night.”

 
  Porter was looking at the water, so he couldn’t see the look on her face as he said those words, but he heard her sharp and ragged intake of breath.

 
  “Porter,” she whispered.  He looked over at her.  “How can you say those words to me?  How can you think those thoughts, and tell me these words, and be so far away.”

 
  “I’m right here, Ella.  I’m never far away.”  What happened next should have been in slow motion and nearly felt like it was.  Ella leaned towards him, turning slightly so that she was facing him, and with her hand wrapped around the back of his neck she pulled his face towards hers until their lips met.  Porter’s face contorted, almost as if he were in pain, and in some ways, he was.  Kissing Ella would undoubtedly cause him immense pleasure, but bring him more pain as well.  For now, unless she remembered him and how much they loved each other, he was kissing someone else.  All these thoughts were infiltrating his head: doubt, worry, fear, apprehension.  He felt her lips on his, but couldn’t give in to her.  It wasn’t fair to either one of them.  She felt his reluctance and pulled away, but only far enough to breathe words into his mouth.

 
  “How was my need for you then different from now, Porter?  What is the difference?  Do I need to be more broken than I am right now?  I feel pretty damned broken right now, Porter.  You are supposed to love me, but so far, I only feel slightly rejected and majorly pissed off.”

 
  “You think that when I kissed you before it was because you were broken?  I’m not looking to clean up after anyone, Babe,” he said with harshness.  “When I kiss you, I want to know it’s because you feel something for me.  Not because you THINK you’re supposed to be kissing me.”

 
  “What the hell do you think I’m trying to do here?!  You think I don’t want you?  You think this isn’t confusing as hell for me, either?  I’ve been trying to tell myself all along not to get involved with you just because I supposedly had before.  Well, fuck that, Porter.  What if every time I see you my heart beats faster?  What if every time you’re close to me I want you to be closer?  What if every time you hold my hand I imagine your hand on my body in a million different places?”

 
  Porter’s breath quickly rushed in and out, their eyes still trained right on one another’s.

 
  “If this happens, Ella, it happens one hundred percent.  I will not settle for anything less than every single part of you.  No more hiding from anyone and no more going entire weeks without being together.  I want you and I will have you.  That’s what kissing me means right now.”  His words floated through the air and landed right on Ella’s lips.  He waited an eternity for her to respond.  When she finally moved, it was to pull him back in.  She paused right before their lips met again, and with closed eyes whispered, “I’m yours if you’re mine.”

 
  “You’re mine,” he growled and crashed his mouth into hers.

 
  The electricity and thunderous exchange between Porter and Ella was in complete contrast to the serene and peaceful surrounding they were currently in.  The fire raging between them threatened to burn the forest down.

 
  His hands found the familiar groove that fits his hands perfectly, behind her ears, as he framed her face, pulling her in closer.  He brought her over to him, and she climbed atop him, straddling his legs, her own hands finding his face as well.

 
 Their kiss was frantic at first, almost angry.  Both of their need and desire coming through and burning on their mouths.  He tugged on her bottom lip, and she dug her nails into his shoulders.  Tongues stabbing, drilling into each other.  Each of them fought the other, trying to prove with their mouth that they, in fact, had the most feeling invested in this kiss.

 
  Porter pulled away first, not wanting to kiss her in anger anymore.  This wasn’t the first kiss he had wanted with her, but he was thankful for the contact regardless.

 
  “Why are you so mad?”  He asked, trying to catch his breath.

 
  “I’m angry that I missed out on what we were.  I can feel how much you loved me and I am mad that I can’t remember the most epic love of my life.”

 
  “Now who’s far away?”  A slight smile played across his lips.

 
  “What do you mean?”

 
  “Well,” he said as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear and flicked his nose against hers.  “Here we are again.  What we had before, although it was, up until now, the best ten days of my life, was exactly that.  Ten days.  I can give you ten more days.  I can give you ten years.  I want to give you a lifetime, Ella.  Don’t let something we can’t control affect what’s between us.”

 
  “Why are you mad?” She asked after a long pause.

 
  “I’m mad because you won’t let me kiss you the way I want to.”

 
  “How do you want to kiss me, Porter?”

 
  “Like this.”  He quickly maneuvered her so that she was laying on the blanket covered rock.  He laid her down softly, covered her body with his, and wrapped his hands around her wrists, pinning them above her head.  He ran his nose from the crook of her neck, all the way up to her earlobe, breathing her in.

 
  “Vanilla,” he whispered.  She quietly moaned at the vibration his voice made on her neck.  He took her earlobe in his mouth, tugging and pulling on it with his teeth.  When he finally made his way to her lips, his kiss was feather soft and left love dusted all over her mouth.  He started the kiss simply and slowly, lightly rubbing his mouth over hers, not a kiss really, but a marking.  This was his mouth now.  It became an actual kiss when he used his tongue to tease the seam of her lips and when she opened for him it was with complete surrender.  He felt her giving in to him, letting him take her wherever he was going, trusting him to tell her the story of their love with his lips.

 
  Suddenly his tongue filled her mouth, and the urgency with which her tongue slid against his made him move his hands from her wrists and slide down her arms and come to her face again.  They breathed rapidly, their heartbeats thundering through their veins, keeping rhythm to their lips dancing.

 
  Porter waited weeks to feel Ella’s skin beneath his hands, to be able to put his lips to hers, and in this moment, he couldn’t be happier.  As her legs fell open, it allowed his body to get even closer to hers and he fit snuggly in between her knees, just like he remembered. 

 
  His hands came down from her face and while one hand twined its fingers with hers, the other was trailing down her shirt, between her breasts.

 
  She arched her back and pressed herself into his hands, asking to be touched.  He moved his lips from hers down to her neck.

 
  “Ella, I’ve waited so long to hold you like this,” he mumbled into her neck.  His hand played with the hem of her shirt and as his fingers slid just under the fabric, teasing the part of her stomach above her shorts; he heard her whimper.  “You sound just as eager as me.”  He moved his lips along her neck, trying to taste every part of her exposed skin.

 
  “I haven’t been touched like this in so long, Porter.  Please don’t stop.”

 
  For just an instant Porter halted, knowing that Ella was talking about Kyle.  Of course she didn’t remember when they’d had their hands all over each other eight weeks ago.  It only took a moment for the thought to pass, as he resumed trailing his tongue along her collarbone.

 
  “Tell me what you want me to do,” he growled.  “Tell me how you want me to touch you.”

 
Ella

   Ella pulled back to look at Porter.  She had never had someone be so bold and upfront with her while kissing.  He wanted her to tell him where to touch her?  What in the world for?  Every other time she’d been with a man, especially Kyle, they pretty much already had a road map that had very few pit stops before they reached their final destination.  But, here Porter was, turning her on in such a way that she had never imagined, and he was asking her what she wanted?  She thought she might as well give it a try.

 
  “I want you to touch my breasts, Porter.”

 
  He grinned at her and slid his hand slowly up her stomach, watching her as he did.  She knew he was waiting for a reaction, and because she was stubborn, she held out as long as she could.  She didn’t flinch when his fingers grazed the edge of her bra and she tried not to make a noise as his rough hand slid over the cotton of her sports bra.  When he pulled the cup down exposing her breast she tried to stifle the gasp that left her, but she lost the battle when his thumb gently rubbed over her nipple.  A long and loud moan escaped from her mouth.  Then her eyes betrayed her by rolling into the back of her head and closing, trying to absorb all the sensations this one hand was giving her.

 
  “Is this what you wanted?”  He asked her with a smug smirk.

 
  “Yes,” was her immediate and involuntary answer. 

 
  “I’ve been waiting to see you beneath me like this, to feel you in my hands.  You feel damn good, Ella.”

 
  “Now, I want you to kiss me again.”  He smiled at her.

 
  “Anytime, Baby.”  His lips came down on hers gently, and the combination of his swirling tongue and his fingers rubbing and pulling on her breast was explosive.  She wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him in closer, feeling him between her legs and wanting as much friction as she could manage.

 
  As if he could read her mind he thrust gently against her, the fabric of his shorts doing nothing to hide his arousal, which had her moaning again at the pressure.

 
  Ella took her hands out of Porter’s hair and ran them up along his forearms and biceps.  As her hands ran along the muscles that wrapped around his shoulders and bulged in the sexiest way, she whimpered again.  Porter pulled away and laughed.

 
  “What’s so funny?” She asked, out of breath.

 
  “You and your fascination with my arms.”  She looked at him with a puzzled expression.

 
  “We’ve talked about your arms?”

 
  “Yes.  Extensively.”

 
  She smiled, mainly because this might have been the first thing he revealed about their time together that she could completely understand him knowing.  Obviously if they were intimate, there was no way she could be with him and not comment on his arms.  They were her weakness.  She still blushed a little.

 
  “I like arms,” she said shyly.

 
  “Yes, and I like that you like my arms.”  He bent down and placed a chaste, swift kiss on her lips, quickly righted her sports bra, and lifted off her.

 
  “Where are you going?”  She demanded.

 
  “Well, I’m going to take you to see the falls?  Why?”

 
  “What if I wasn’t done here?”

 
  He smirked again and she could tell she was feeding his ego.

 
  “Babe, there is nothing I would like more than to continue this…exploration…but I will not have our second first time be on a big rock by a creek.”  Ella looked around and the expanse of trees and shrubbery.

 
  “Are you afraid the birds will watch?”

 
  “No,” he said as he grasped her hands and hauled her up so she was pulled against his body.  “I’m simply biding my time.  When we are finally together again, it’s going to be an all-night affair.   Not a quickie in the forest,” he said, flicking his nose against her again.  She couldn’t find reason to argue with his logic, so she just grabbed his hair and pulled him in for another simmering kiss, if only to make him regret ending their tryst in the forest too soon.  She pulled away right when she felt him lose his control a little.  Smiling, she said, “Let’s go check out those falls!”  She heard him groan and then yelped when he smacked her ass.

 
  They picked up the remains of their picnic and started back towards the falls.  Porter held her hand again, which only made her smile widely as they carefully stepped over rocks and fallen tree branches.

 
  Suddenly her vision blurred slightly and she stumbled, luckily falling right into Porter, who caught her.

 
  “Whoa, you ok?” He brought her face up to his and looked her in the eye.

 
  “Yes, I think so,” she said as she blinked a few times to try and clear the cobwebs that seemed to be in her vision.  “I just need a minute.”

 
  “Ok, here, sit on this log,” he moved her slowly so she was positioned above the log.  “Sit,” he ordered.  She obeyed.  She closed her eyes and dropped her chin down to her chest, breathing steadily as she tried to relax.  When she opened her eyes, everything was clear again.

 
  “That’s better.  That was really weird,” she said looking up at Porter who had concern etched across his face with worry lines creasing his forehead.

 
  “Are you sure you’re ok?”

 
  “I feel fine; my vision was just blurry for a moment.  I’m ok now.”  She stood up and took his hand again.  “Come on, let’s go look out from the view point.”  She tugged on his hand and he reluctantly followed her.

 
  “Ok, but if you start to feel badly, we’re leaving.”

 
  “Ok, deal.” 

 
  His plan had worked and by the time they made it to the lookout the crowd had thinned to just a few tourists, making the viewpoint much more enjoyable.  Ella stepped up to the railing and gasped at the view.

 
  They were hundreds of feet up the bluff and the viewpoint was, quite literally, hanging off the edge of a cliff, giving Ella the illusion of being dangled over the edge.  Looking out farther, she could see from both sides of her trees lining her vision until they gapped and then opened up into the gorge of the Columbia River.

 
  Ella has always known she lived in a beautiful place, but views like this cemented in her mind that Oregon rivaled other famous cities for its gorgeous landscapes.  She felt lucky that she could drive for thirty minutes and see this breathtaking view anytime she wanted.  The view was only enhanced when she felt strong and warm arms cage her in as Porter came from behind and placed his hands on the railing next to hers.

 
  “Thanks for bringing me here, Porter.  This is beautiful.”

 
  “Mmmmm,” was all he said as he nuzzled his nose into her neck, sending shivers all over her body.  She leaned back into him, letting him take her weight, enjoying the feeling of being so close to him.

 
  “How many women have you taken up here?”  She smiled as she asked, not really expecting a serious answer.  He lived more than two hours from here and she knew it wouldn’t be a popular date destination for him.

 
  “I’ve only ever been here by myself, and only a few times.  Before you came along I never really dated anyone.  Not more than one or two dates anyway.”   She turned her head to look at him.

 
  “Why not?  You seem like a hot commodity.” She smiled at him, but he didn’t seem entertained.  He shrugged his shoulders.

 
  “I don’t know,” he said, finally meeting her eyes.  “I guess I was waiting for you.”  She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to maintain a regular breathing pattern, even though her heart was racing and electricity was coursing through her.

 
  “So, then, the wait is over?”  She asked shyly.  He reached a hand up and ran the back of his fingers over her cheek.

 
  “Babe, it was over for me the day you walked into my life.  There will never be anyone but you.”  She turned in his arms and her hands found their way to the back of his neck as she pulled herself up to kiss him.  She loved how his silky brown hair slid between her fingers as she ran her hands through the strands at the nape of his neck.  His hands gripped her hips and dug into her skin and she was a little surprised that his roughness only heightened her need for him.

 
  Suddenly, like lightening had cracked in her skull, blinding pain shot through her head right behind her eyes.  She pulled away from Porter, covering her eyes with her hands, drawing in deep breaths through her teeth.

 
  “What is going on, Ella?”  He asked, gripping her by her shoulders.  The pain in her head eased a bit to a throbbing ache.

 
  “I don’t know.  I just got a terrible headache.  Like, there’s a rock concert going on inside my brain headache.”

 
  “Ok, well first your eyesight’s blurry, now you’re getting headaches; I think it’s time to go.”

 
  “I’m sorry, Porter.  I don’t want to ruin the afternoon.”  She really didn’t; she loved spending time with him, and she didn’t want to scare him, but her head was killing her.  Even the sunlight was causing her pain.

 
  “Don’t worry about me, Ella.  Let’s get you back to my truck.”

 
  “Ok.”  They walked slowly down the trail.  So slowly, in fact, it took about three times longer to get down than it had going up.  He kept asking her if she was ok or if she wanted to rest.  She put on a brave face and soldiered on, but in reality she felt like she was living through someone drilling into her head with power equipment.  It was unbearable. 

 
  The pounding in her head was getting worse.  Two or three times as they were walking, she became dizzy and the blurred vision came back.  She didn’t want to let on to Porter how freaked out she was by the whole thing, so she continued down the path trying to seem like nothing was wrong and they eventually made it to his truck.

 
  On the drive back to her apartment, Ella kept her eyes closed and her head against the passenger window.  It might have looked like she was sleeping, but she was actually using every part of her body to keep herself from crying, or being sick, or both.

 
  Porter kept his hand on her thigh, every few minutes asking her if she was sure she didn’t want to go to the hospital.

 
  “No, Porter, please just take me home.”  That’s all she could get out of her mouth before the nausea took over and she clamped it closed again.

 
  She vaguely registered when they pulled up to her apartment, and he helped her in, using her keys to unlock the door.  She went straight for her bedroom and slowly crawled into her bed.

 
  “What can I do for you?” He asked, sounding worried and helpless.

 
  “Excedrin, in the bathroom.  Water,” was all she could manage.  He brought her what she asked for and after she swallowed the pills, he set her glass down on her bedside table. 

 
  “I’m going to be in the living room, Ella.  Let me know if you need anything.”

 
  “No,” Ella groaned.  “Please, lay with me.”  She felt the mattress dip, and his warm body came up behind hers, spooning her, covering her from head to toe with his body.  She couldn’t form full and complete sentences, but she could feel a tiny bit of relief as she relaxed into him.  She let his warmth carry her off to sleep.

   “Ella, Baby, can you wake up for me?”

 
  “Mmmmm,” Ella moaned, still feeling sharp pains radiating through her brain.

 
  “Baby, I am sorry, I have to go.  My mom is having a problem at her restaurant.  Megan is here.  I called her to come take care of you.  I will call you tomorrow ok?”

 
  “Mmmmm,” was all she could manage.  She heard Porter head towards the door where Megan was standing.

 
  “Just keep an eye on her.  It came out of nowhere and she could hardly even talk.  She took some Excedrin a couple hours ago.  I’m hoping she just sleeps it off.  Please call me if she gets worse.”

 
  “Porter, she’ll be fine.  She’s not the first person to have a headache.”

 
  “Well, you didn’t see her.  I’m just worried about her.”

 
  “I know and I love you for it.  But honestly, I’ve got it.  Go rescue your mom.  Meet your hero quota for the day.”

 
  Ella felt Porter’s lips on her temple.

 
  “I love you,” he said to her in the quietest of whispers, almost as if he didn’t want her to hear it, but she definitely had.  And if her brain hadn’t been trying to escape out of her tear ducts she might have had something to say about it, but she just let the words wash over her and fell back asleep.