Never Too Late (32 page)

Iain calmly raised one eyebrow. “That’s where you’re wrong, as you so often are.” He looked from one to the other of them. “My barrister phoned this afternoon.”

Maggie felt her own anger grow. Heart pounding and the blood roaring in her ears, she managed to say, “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“You were somewhat distracted when I woke.”

“That phone call was straight after lunch - I heard you. I have a right to know, dammit!”

“You went outside, leaving me in here. I thought it could wait until we were together again. The facts wouldn’t change in the interim.”

He took a leisurely sip of brandy before continuing. “He’s had confirmation from the police that the other driver saw what happened, as did the driver of the car behind me. Both witnesses confirm that Natasha opened the passenger door while I was driving. Obviously I tried to stop her and in doing so swerved, then compensated by swerving too far the other way, causing the crash. Her culpability, together with the fact that my blood samples from the time of the accident can’t be found at the hospital, so they can’t prove I was over the limit, means it won’t be a Crown court case. I’ll most likely face a fine and lose my licence for a couple of years for careless driving. As I still have -  health problems - it’s possible I won’t even need to attend the hearing.”

James shook his head in disbelief. “You bastard! You’re getting away with it, like you do all the other shit you deal out.”

“James! That’s enough! I won’t have shouting in my kitchen!” Maggie realised she was shouting, too, and sat down, breathing deeply. “You’re distraught,” she said more calmly. “You look after your wife, and I’ll deal with my husband.”

“You don’t deserve the title husband any more though, do you Dad?” James demanded of his father, his face contorted with fury. “I made a vow to love, honour and cherish my wife, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life doing just that.” James slammed his fists on the table and leant in towards his father. “What happened to your vow, Dad?”

Iain sat immobile, his expression mocking his son’s lack of control. His refusal to answer pushed James over the edge. He grabbed his father’s shirt, one fist raised.

Maggie jumped to her feet, pointing to the hall. “Go to your room at once James McTavish! There’s been enough upset in this home for one day!”

His mouth worked wordlessly, then he released his father, turned and stormed up the stairs. They heard the bedroom door slam.

“Well!” said Maggie, plumping back down in her chair as her legs gave way. “I’ve not said that to him since he was about twelve.”

“I must go to him,” Keela said, standing up to follow him. “I’m so sorry, Maggie, Iain… I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s OK, Keela, it’s been rather a traumatic day for everyone. You go on up.”

Maggie picked up the brandy balloon and swirled the rich dark liquid she had hardly touched.

“He’s right to ask,” Iain said softly. “Why are we still here together? You stopped wanting me as a husband a long time ago.”

“What? I’ve always loved you and wanted you with me. I’ve yearned for more of your time and attention, for us to be more like we were when we married, but you always kept me at arms’ length. I didn’t know until the accident why that was.”

“That’s rich!” Iain snorted derisively. “You were the one who never had time for me! Once you had the children, all your time was for them. Then, when you knew you couldn’t have any more, you didn’t even want to make love any more. What was I supposed to do?”

She slammed her hands flat on the table, angrier than she had ever felt in her life before. “Don’t you dare try and blame me for you taking mistresses! Other men would help their wives when the child care and running the home made them tired, but you were hardly ever home. I did it all. And now I find out some of the time you were away from home was because you found relaxation and comfort in other women’s beds! There were hundreds of times I needed your help here, your love and support HERE, but you were too busy loving other women!”

“But you didn’t want my love! You rejected me time and again!”

“I was desperate for your love!” Maggie jumped up and started pacing the room agitatedly. She leaned back against the sink, knuckles clenched white as she supported herself there. Deefor stood beside her stiffly, growling and showing his teeth.

Iain couldn’t read the expression in her eyes as she looked at him long and hard. After what seemed an eternity, she spoke again.

“Yes, when my infertility was first diagnosed, for quite a while all I wanted was to be held, to be comforted and to feel your strength, but you couldn’t do that without wanting, expecting, even demanding more, and I was so damned tired!” The tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks. “Have you ever thought of anyone but yourself and your own needs, Iain?”

Iain struggled awkwardly to his feet and walked towards Maggie until Deefor barred his way.

“Tell me – do you still love me?”

“Tell me,” she countered, “Can you for once in your life admit you were wrong and apologise?”

“Can you? I’m not the only one to blame here.”

“Iain, I may have been rather distracted with so many calls on my time, and if you felt neglected then I apologise for that. I did the best I could. I admit I didn’t continue how I started, waiting on you hand and foot, every waking moment devoted to your comfort, but our children needed to be able to rely on at least one parent to always be there for them, to always be ready to listen and to help. You’re evading the issue, though. I was faithful to you. You broke faith with me. Right now I’m really struggling, handling all the feelings of hurt and betrayal.”

“Do you love me?” he asked again.

She looked deep into his eyes and couldn’t deny it. “Yes, I do still love you.”

“Then we can still make this marriage work. Just give me the chance to prove to you how much I love you, how much I’ve always loved you Margaret. I’ll try harder to understand what you’re feeling, I promise.”

“No! I’m Maggie, not Margaret. Margaret is the woman you tried to turn me into. You fell in love with Maggie. You fell in love with ME and I won’t try and be Margaret any more. If you don’t think I’m good enough for you as I am, then maybe we ought to call a halt to it all right now.”

Much to her surprise she saw respect for her in his eyes. For the first time in their long marriage he actually felt respect for her!

“My darling Maggie,” he said smiling. “I think I’ll have to woo this new woman in my life. You’ve changed a lot in the last few months and I like what I’m seeing. At last you’re expressing your opinions. Perhaps there is hope of building a new and better relationship.”

“Well you can start with that apology I’m still waiting for, and we’ll see where we go from there.”

*

Once he’d calmed down, James told Keela about Amelia’s suggestion for treatment. The private residential clinic she ran was in Virginia Water. James hadn’t hesitated a second when the cost was mentioned. He thought it a much better option than waiting for NHS care, and much more likely to achieve rapid results. He didn’t want Keela suffering and worrying a moment longer than necessary.

“She thinks you should start tomorrow, Keela,” he told her. “It sounds a really nice place, and it’s only for a week.”

“What will happen there?” Keela wanted to know.

“Amelia will see you every day, and there are others there who do group sessions. There are videos and what have you to help you understand what’s happened in your past and how we can stop it affecting our future. She’s had some really positive results from making it such an intense period of therapy. She’s positive it will help you. Please agree, my love, I want you to get better so badly.”

What James didn’t tell her was that Amelia had diagnosed personality dissociative disorder, and, if necessary, if she showed further inclinations towards self-harming or harming him, they could section her. That had shocked James and he’d pointed out it was the first time she had considered suicide. Amelia had pointed out that it was the first time Keela had been made to face the past. The genie was well and truly out of the bottle now and could not be put back in again – it could only be banished. He’d promised to get Keela’s agreement, not least because he would know she was safe while she was being treated.

Amelia had asked for whatever details James knew about Keela’s past, and was very interested to learn she had been raised by her aunt in Liverpool, even though her parents were still living in Ireland. She asked for permission to contact the aunt and her mother, to ferret out whatever she could that might help understand Keela and her problems. James realised that she had probably phoned them by now as she wanted to be fully prepared for the next day. He’d done all he could now. For the next week, his and Keela’s future lay in the hands of other people. All he could do was hug Keela and mentally pour his strength and love and support into her.

When they both returned downstairs, Maggie was preparing potatoes to go with the beef.

“Ah, Keela,” she said with a smile. “Would you be a dear and get us some kale or bok choy from the garden, whichever looks best.”

“Sure, my pleasure.” Keela picked up a trug which lived by the back door. Deefor followed her into the garden.

James smiled. “I think he’s appointed himself her temporary guardian.”

“You could be right.”

He hesitated, feeling embarrassed about his earlier outburst. “Mum, I, er, I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place to butt in like that.” He went over to the sink and gave her a big hug.

“Don’t worry, we were all a bit tense and wound up. You actually did me a favour anyway.”

“How’s that?”

Maggie grinned impishly. “I’ve been wanting to tackle your father about it for ages and didn’t quite know when or how I should do it. At what point in his recovery could I start a conversation like that? And he never gave me any in-shot. You may have been rather, shall we say ‘forceful’ about it? But it worked. We’re out of limbo. Now we’re free to talk openly about it, and try to make some decisions, to move on.”

James helped himself to a small carrot and crunched on it, leaning back against the counter. “So, have you forgiven him then?”

“I’m trying to. It’s not going to be an easy ride,” Maggie admitted, as she dropped the last potato in the saucepan.

She turned to her son and leant her head against his broad chest, her arms stealing around his waist. She felt his love supporting her.

“We have too much history to just throw it all away, especially as we still love each other.” She paused thoughtfully. “At least, I hope he still loves me. I could throw him out now, but that’s not what I want. I’ve got to at least give him the chance to show me he loves me still. I’ve got to give me the chance to prove our marriage wasn’t a farce, that we did and do have a relationship worth salvaging.

“Trust is easily lost and takes a long time to earn, but I can’t live with resentment eating away at my soul. I can’t live my life watching over my shoulder all the time, waiting for him to make a wrong move. For me it has to be all or nothing. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, to give him my trust, without any reservations.”

“It’s more than he deserves.”

She flicked a drop of water at his face. “You should know better than to think things are black and white, James. Your father felt neglected by me when I was so busy with you two. Eventually he didn’t think I even loved him any more. He’s a passionate man, so it was inevitable he would choose the path he did. I’m not saying he was right to make the choice he did, but I can at least understand why he made it.

Let it be a lesson to you – cherish each other and if there’s a problem then for goodness’ sake don’t let it fester. Get it out in the open, discuss it, argue about it, do whatever it takes, but do not bottle it all up hoping it will resolve itself.”

Keela returned with the kale and Maggie set her to peeling the carrots. She shooed James out of the kitchen. “Go and talk to your father. I don’t want any bad feelings around the dinner table tonight, so go build a few bridges.”

The evening was far from perfect, with Keela and James worried about what the next day would bring, James and Iain verbally circling each like two dogs trying to suss out their standings in the pack, and Maggie finding herself increasingly feeling as nervous as the first time she had slept with Iain. Would any of them get much sleep tonight, she wondered?

Iain was exhausted after a day of totally changed routine. The journey back home had tired him more than he expected, then so much drama with his family was just too much and he retired soon after dinner. They heard him making his slow, awkward way up the long staircase, pausing on the first landing to gather strength for the final flight.

Maggie served coffee, then retrieved Iain’s discharge documents from her handbag. She checked what exercises he should be doing in the three days before his next appointment for more therapy.

“What’s the prognosis?” James asked. “Will he recover fully?”

Maggie indicated the long appointment schedules. “Physically, yes, with time he’ll regain full use of his left side. It’s a bit like recovering from a minor stroke. His right knee just needs careful exercise to regain full strength and mobility. Mentally, apparently the exercises and therapy will help reroute the neural pathways around the area that was damaged, but it’s an inexact science. Everyone is different and the exact site and extent of injury makes a huge difference. Some people have no lasting effects, and we must hope your father is one of them.”

“And how is he right now?”

Keela chipped in, “He seems almost back to normal already – that has to be a good sign surely?”

Maggie nodded. “We’re certainly very hopeful, but he’s still struggling with concentration and memory.”

They cleared the table together. While they worked, James told his mother about Adam and Schez.

“He’s bringing her to meet Angela and Oliver this weekend. I’ve never seen him in this state before – absolutely besotted. We all met in Little Venice for drinks yesterday lunchtime and I got the distinct impression Adam hadn’t let Schez out of his sight since the fund raiser. And for some reason Chloe’s got a right strop on about it.”