No Matter What (110 page)

JJ noticed her looking around and smiled.
 
“I’m not here that much, that’s why it’s so tidy.
 
By the time I get home all I want to do is watch a bit of TV or listen to some music and then go to sleep. You’ll notice the living room and bedroom are in a very different state to the rest of the house ...” He stopped, realising what he’d said, and looked at
India
.
 
“I don’t mean that you ... the bedroom, I don’t mean that you have to ... Jesus, I’m sorry.”

She couldn’t help laughing.
 
He was back to being that tongue-tied schoolboy and it was quite endearing.
 
It made him so much more real.
 

“It’s ok ... listen, do you have something to drink?
 
Beer or wine?”

He pushed a hand through his hair and looked at her, smiling an almost shy smile.
 
“Yeah.
 
Sure.
 
The kitchen’s this way.”

She followed him into a large and very modern room filled with stainless steel appliances, white units and lots of big windows that lined two sides of the walls,
 
looking out onto a small swimming pool and patio area surrounded by palm trees and masses of pink and purple bougainvillea.

There was an island in the middle of the room with a six-ring hob in the centre and a huge cooker hood over the top.
 
It was quite obvious not much cooking was done in this kitchen, though, judging by how spotless it was.
 
India
’s looked like it had catered for the five thousand most of the time.

A long breakfast bar was at one end of the room, with stools lined along it, and a huge LCD TV was fixed to the wall opposite that.
 
It was very much a man’s kitchen.
 
Nothing like
India
’s family-orientated room back at the beach house.

“I’ve got white wine, only opened yesterday so it should be ok.
 
And plenty of beer,” JJ said, opening the fridge.

“Beer would be great,”
India
smiled.

He took two bottles from the fridge and handed her one, kicking the door shut.

“Come on.
 
We’ll go into the living room, as long as you don’t mind the mess.”

“I’ve got a three year old, Joe.
 
I live in mess.”

They walked into a modest sized room with dark brown walls, beige carpet and two huge oversized chocolate coloured sofa’s that were covered with lots of cream and coffee scatter cushions.
 
An enormous TV dominated one end of the room, mounted on the wall above a large open fireplace.
 
It was a cosy room.
 
India
instantly felt comfortable in it.

JJ began running around, picking up CD’s and DVD’s from the floor and tidying up magazines and newspapers on the huge wooden coffee table.

“Joe, will you stop that?
 
Please?
 
Just leave them, I don’t care about mess. Let’s just sit down, ok?
 
Come on.”

He stopped what he was doing and put the magazines back down on the table, sitting down next to
India
on the sofa facing the fire.

“I guess I’m a bit nervous,” he said, sitting forward, clasping his hands together between his open knees.

“Of me?”
India
curled her legs up underneath her.

He looked at her and smiled that shy, boyish smile of his.
 
“Yeah.
 
A little.”

“Why?” she laughed.
 
“How am I making you nervous?”

He sat back, putting his hands behind his head.
 
“You’re such a big star,
India
, and I’m such a fan of yours ...” He looked at her, suddenly serious.
 
“I can’t believe I’m working with you.
 
And I can’t believe you’re here.”

She looked down at her hands, aware that she was fiddling with her clothes, which meant that she was a bit nervous herself.
 
Of what, though?
 
Of JJ?
 
She knew that wasn’t true.
 
She was nervous of something else altogether.
 
Even though she knew it was probably going to happen anyway.

“I’m just a girl from North East England who got lucky, Joe.
 
That’s all.”

He shook his head.
 
“No.
 
No, you’re much more than that.”

She smiled, looking down again because meeting his eyes made her nervous.
 
She didn’t know if it was right, and all of a sudden she didn’t know what to say.
 
It was almost like being back in school, she felt so shy.
 
This was supposed to have just been friends getting to know each other, that’s all it was supposed to have been yet it was fast turning into something else altogether.
 
But she’d known that the minute they’d left the diner.
 
They both had.

Looking back up at him she knew she had to make a decision.
 
She had to do something but it was late and she was tired, and her thinking was all over the place. She felt slightly confused.

“I should probably go home, Joe.”

But she didn’t move.
 
She stayed exactly where she was.

He looked at her, and those deep, dark eyes of his had her mesmerised.
 
“I don’t want you to go,” he said quietly.
 
“I want you to stay.
 
I don’t think you should drive back to
Malibu
now.
 
It’s too late.”

It was late alright.
 
It was almost three 0’clock in the morning and they both had to be back on set in just over five hours time so she knew that going back to
Malibu
was pointless.
 
She knew that.

“
Stay
,
India
.
 
Please.”
  

She looked right at him, right into those dark and captivating eyes and she could feel herself being dragged under by the second.
 
She was falling fast and she needed a bit more time to get her head around what was happening here.
 
Just a few more seconds.

She stood up, walking over to her bag, rummaging inside it for her ‘phone before realising she was almost thirty-nine years old.
 
Who did she need to tell that she was staying out all night?
 
She didn’t need to tell anyone.
 
She was just looking for distractions from an inevitable outcome.

He walked up behind her and gently took the ‘phone out of her hand, putting it down on the table, his fingers brushing against hers as he did so and she felt a spark between them as he touched her - that flip of her stomach, that feeling of something new about to happen that you couldn’t control.

“Who’s nervous now?” he asked quietly.

She turned round to look up at him.
 
His handsome face was so close to hers, making her heart beat so loud she was sure he could hear it.

She stayed looking up at him as his fingers lightly touched hers again, sending a shiver right through her, like a tiny electric shock.

“I can make up a room for you.
 
I’ve got three spare ones,” he said, not breaking his gaze, his fingers still holding onto hers.
 
“If that’s what you want.”

“What do
you
want?” she asked, frightened to look away because now this moment was here, she wasn’t sure she wanted it to end.

“I want
you
,” he whispered.

Oh, Jesus, she wanted him too.
 
No matter how fast this was happening or how much she knew she should step back a bit first and look at the situation, she wanted him too.

So she closed her eyes and let it happen.
 
She felt his mouth touch hers, gently at first, a touch so light it made her gasp out loud, her grip around his fingers tightening as their mouths touched again in a harder, longer kiss, his arm sliding around her waist, pulling her against him.
 
And that’s when she felt her stomach turn somersaults; her head had started spinning and although she knew this was happening way too fast, she couldn’t stop it.
 
For the first time in years she was feeling awake, alive; she’d found someone who was making her feel as though she could finally move on from Michael and that sense of freedom was overwhelming.
 
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
 
This young and incredible man had been sent to help her, to help her move on, she was sure of that now.
 
He’d been sent to give her back her life.
 
In what way that was meant to happen, exactly, she couldn’t possibly have any idea right now; she just knew that she wanted to be with him.
 
That was all she knew.

“So, do we need the spare room?” he asked, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

She shook her head.
 
“No.
 
I don’t think we do.”

“Are you sure?”

She wrapped her fingers around his.
 
“Yeah.
 
I’m sure.”

She felt almost breathless as he led her upstairs, a child-like excitement building up at the thought of being with him, this new and different man, someone who’d walked into her life and was set to change it almost overnight.
 
She hadn’t felt this way in so long she’d almost forgotten how excited it could make her feel – the anticipation of a brand new body, a whole new person.

But, as he closed the bedroom door behind them, the nerves took over again; she felt shy and it was stupid, at her age, but that’s what she felt.

“Are you ok?” he asked, picking up on her feelings immediately.

She looked at him.
 
Oh God!
 
There went the somersaults and the butterflies again.
 
Such wonderful feelings that signalled the start of something fresh and exciting and she should just let go and enjoy that, shouldn’t she?

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” she said, even though she wanted to, and she didn’t know why she’d said that.
 
Because she really, really wanted to do this.
 
But she’d made so many mistakes in the past.
 
She didn’t want him to be one of them.
 
“I’ve got so much baggage, Joe.
 
So many things you don’t need to be a part of.”

He came over to her, taking her hand and bringing it up to his mouth, kissing her fingers. “Let
me
be the judge of that, ok?”
 
He pulled her close, tilting her chin up to look at him, and smiled.
 
“Ok?”

She nodded, closing her eyes again as he kissed her slowly, his mouth moving in perfect rhythm with hers.
 
It was a beautiful, special kiss because it marked the beginning of a brand new chapter in her life.
 
A brand new man.

She pulled away slightly, smiling, touching his lips with her fingertips.

“Give me two minutes.
 
I’ll be right back.”

He slowly let her go and she went into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it, closing her eyes as she tried to catch her breath.
 
Could she do this?
 
Should
she do this?
 
Was it right to bring this man into her complicated and messed-up life?
 
Did he deserve that?
 
But then, didn’t she deserve a new start?
 
For the first time in so long she’d gone hours without giving Michael a second thought, and it had taken over three years for that to happen.
 
It had taken JJ to make it a possibility she’d never thought could ever be real.
 
He’d chased away ghosts and given her hope that there was life after her ex-husband.
 
Michael Walsh.
 
A man she was still trying so hard to forget.

She studied her face in the mirror.
 
Yes, she had lines round the eyes that hadn’t been there before and yes, she looked older.
 
But she was still an extremely beautiful woman, and JJ wanted her.
 

She slowly undressed, looking at her body as she did so.
 
It was still perfect, still toned and slim.
 
There was no reason for her to be scared of him seeing it, no reason for her to feel nervous.
 
But she did.
 
This was like the first time all over again and she couldn’t stop the nerves from hitting her.

Pulling her hair out of its ponytail and shaking it out over her shoulders, she wrapped herself in a huge white towel, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.
 
This was it.
 
This was step number one, a move forward into that brand new chapter.
 
And she was finally ready to take it.