No Matter What (134 page)

She sat back down on the cream sofa where JJ had been sitting, smiling as she accepted a cup of tea from one of the young runners.
 
She put it down on the table beside her and sat back, closing her eyes for just a second.
 
She could do this.
 
She could do it.
 
She was ready.
 
After everything that had happened she was ready, and all she could do now was sit back and wait.

***

Michael stood up and grabbed his jacket, slipping it on as he looked in the mirror.
 
He’d grown a bit of a beard, just a small one, but instead of it ageing him it actually made him look younger.
 
He was fifty-six years old now but he didn’t look it.
 
Oh, he was no spring chicken, he was under no illusion about that, but he didn’t look his age, not by a long shot.
 
He was still handsome in a quirky, different kind of way,
 
no JJ Foster but
India
had loved him, once.
 
She’d loved him so much and he’d thrown that back in her face and that never ceased to make him hurt with an acute, physical pain that he
wanted
to feel because it made him remember what he’d done.
 
And what he had to do to make it better.
 
What he was about to do very soon.
 
It was just a matter of waiting now.

He picked up his case and slipped his reading glasses into the pocket of his jacket as the door opened.

“Mr Walsh?
 
Would you like to come this way?”

“Yes.
 
Of course.”

“Just follow me and we’ll take you outside.”

He closed the door behind him and followed the young runner.
 
There was a crowd of people gathered in the corridor, and he had no idea why but when they caught a glimpse of him they started crowding around him, throwing questions at him – most of which he couldn’t make out – but he was distracted by something else going on by another door leading off the corridor.
 
Something which had quite obviously warranted this sudden attention because a crowd was gathered around there, too, and he moved to try and get a better look, people moving aside to let him through.
 
Someone else was coming out of that room, and his heart felt as though it had suddenly stopped beating as he realised just who it was.
 
It was someone he recognised.
 
Someone he knew.
 
Someone he had to talk to.
 
He hadn’t thought it would happen so soon and he wasn’t prepared, he really wasn’t ready, but this was his chance.
 
It was happening and he couldn’t avoid it.
 
Further more, he knew he didn’t want to.

***

  
“Are you ready?”
 
The young, dark haired runner smiled at India and she smiled back at the girl dressed in skinny jeans and a Rolling Stones t-shirt and thought how she’d been about her age when it had all started to happen – “it” being the journey that was to take her on that rollercoaster of an adventure and bring her right to this point.
 
A journey she could never forget.
 
Even the bits she’d tried so hard to.
 
A journey she had a feeling wasn’t quite over yet.

  
She pushed herself up off the sofa, and, as she walked to the door she felt around in the back pocket of her jeans, pulling out the photograph he’d told her to keep with her.
 
She looked at it for a second, smiling as she quickly returned it to her pocket.
 
Maybe everything
had
been worth it after all, and as she followed the runner along the white corridor leading to the studio floor, she felt uplifted, confident that this was all going to be ok because he was going to be by her side, wasn’t he?
 

  
But then, almost as if they’d appeared from out of nowhere, a mass of people started to gather around her, throwing questions at her from all directions for a reason she couldn’t explain.
 
She was totally confused.
 
She had no idea what was happening, or why it was happening, and she swung around to see what was going on behind her.
 
But, in that split second, in the time it took for her to turn around, she wished with all her heart that she hadn’t looked at all.

CHAPTER 64

She felt as though someone had just punched her in the stomach.
 
All she could do was stare at him, even though every fibre of her being just wanted to run away.
 
But she couldn’t take her eyes of him.
 
It was like some kind of cruel joke, as though someone was almost forcing her to look at him when she’d managed to keep him out of her life for so long, and she was finding it very hard to understand.

It took everything she had to turn away and this was something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by everyone around them, because everyone knew their history and everyone was waiting to see what their next step would be.
 
This is what the commotion was all about.
 
They
were
the commotion.

“
India
...”

His voice cut through her like a knife.
 
It had been so long since she’d heard him talk to her.
 
So long since she’d heard him say her name.

She turned back around but she didn’t move.

“It ... it’s good to see you,” he said, unable to take his eyes off her.
 
She was still so beautiful, still the same
India
he’d fallen in love with.
 
The same
India
he still loved now.

She couldn’t say anything.
 
No words would come out.
 
It was like she’d gone into some kind of shock.

“
India
... how do you feel about your ex-husband being named as the director on your new movie?”

She swung round as that question was asked, aware that photographers had somehow gotten wind of this unexpected and unwanted reunion as cameras were now going off all around her and Michael as they desperately tried to get the first picture of them together again in almost six years.

“Director?
 
I didn’t ...?”
 
She was confused as she turned back around to look at Michael.
 
“Is this true?
 
Are you ... you’re the director?”

“
India
, please, can we ...?”

“We need to go, Ms Walsh.”
 
The runner smiled at her, gently taking her arm. “We need to get you miked up for the interview.”

India
took one last look at Michael.
 
He looked different, with the beard.
 
He looked like a different man but she knew, deep down, she knew he was still the man that had hurt her.
 
He was still the man she’d thought she’d never get over.
 
He was still that man.

Suddenly her whole world felt as though it had been turned on its head.
 
She had no idea what to do, all she knew was that she had to get through tonight and she wanted to get through it without this affecting her, without Michael getting to her all over again, not when she’d managed to put him away in the back of her mind.
 
Not when she’d managed to move on.
 
It had taken her too long to achieve that to let him ruin it all.

But she also knew it was now inevitable that this news would have already reached the studio floor, which meant this interview was now going to be twice as difficult as it had been before.
 
And she needed to tell Kenny, she needed to tell him herself what had happened before he heard it from somebody else.
 
He was the only one who knew the truth, the only one, and she couldn’t predict what he would do if he knew Michael was around.

JJ was hanging around on the sidelines of the studio floor when she arrived.
 
He was watching them set up for the interview, his hands shoved deep in his pockets as he paced the floor and she walked over to him, hoping she didn’t look as shaken as she felt.

“You not sitting down yet?” she asked, trying hard to get her head around what had just happened, but there were so many things going on in there that she couldn’t really think straight.
 
But she had to start.
 
She had work to do.

He looked at her.
 
“Are you ok?”
 
She seemed a little distant, upset even.

She put her arms around his waist and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, kissing the top of her head.

“Where’s Kenny?” she asked.

“He’s over there.”
 
JJ tilted her chin up so she was looking at him.
 
“
India
... what’s happened?
 
Because something obviously has.”

“It’s Michael,” she whispered.

He narrowed his eyes.
 
“Michael?”

She looked at him, right into the beautiful eyes of her new husband as every memory of her ex-husband came flooding back, plunging her into a confusion she didn’t want and didn’t need.

“He was here.
 
I’ve just seen him, Joe.
 
He was here.”

“Who was here?” Kenny asked, coming over to them.

India
looked at him.
 
He
knew what Michael had done to her, why she’d never wanted to see him again.
 
Joe didn’t.
 
So Kenny had to hear this from her.
 
He had to.

“Michael.”

“Michael?”
 
For a brief second, one brief, fleeting second that hopefully JJ didn’t see, a look passed over Kenny’s face that concerned
India
, but he said nothing that gave anything away, much to her relief.
 
She really didn’t need anything to kick-off now and Kenny could sometimes act without thinking.
 
She had this interview to get through, and that was going to be tough enough now, given these new circumstances.
 
What happened after that, though, she didn’t even want to think about.

“Did you speak to him?” Kenny asked, watching her as she stayed wrapped in JJ’s arms, her hands down the back pockets of his jeans.

“Not really, no.
 
I haven’t seen him in almost six years, Kenny, it was a shock.” She broke away from JJ and turned to look at Kenny.
 
“But there’s something else you need to know.
 
The director for the movie it’s ... it’s Michael.”

She’d turned away from JJ to throw Kenny a warning look, which he got immediately.

“And how do
you
feel about that?” JJ asked
India
, saving Kenny from saying anything.

She looked at her husband and shrugged.
 
“To be honest, Joe, I just feel numb. I don’t know.”

“
India
...” Kenny started, but she threw him another look.

“I don’t know how I feel about any of this at the minute, ok?
 
I’ve not had time to get my head around it.
 
I’ve got to get through this evening and I refuse to let him get to me.
 
Those days are gone; I’m stronger than that now.”

“Where was he going?” Kenny asked.

JJ looked at him through narrowed eyes.
 
“Why would that bother
you
?”

India
threw Kenny yet another look, which he received loud and clear.
 

“I just wondered if he was still here.”

“It looked like he was on his way out,”
India
said, taking JJ’s hand.
 
“I’m not sure.
 
Look, I don’t care, ok?
 
Maybe this was always going to happen at some point and I’ve just been naïve to think it wouldn’t.
 
The timing’s just a bit crap, that’s all.
 
But I’m ok.”
 
She looked at a worried JJ, smiling.
 

“I’m fine, baby, really.
 
I can deal with this.”

“Ms Walsh?
 
Sorry, but we really need to get you miked up now.”
 
The floor manager smiled at her and she nodded, squeezing JJ’s hand.

He kissed her slowly.
 
“I love you.”

She smiled at him.
 
“Yeah.
 
I kinda love you too.”