Not Looking for Love: Episode 7 (A New Adult Contemporary Romance Novel) (3 page)

"Gail, wake up." Scott's shaking me awake and I open my eyes a crack, see that it's still dark out and close them again.

"Come on, I have to go," he whispers. I wrap my arms around him tighter, burrow my face into his chest. I had the nicest dream. I can't remember what it was about but the feeling of love and belonging it brought still lingers. And for the first time in months, reality is much better.

"Stay a bit longer," I murmur and he wraps his arms around my back holding me closer. His scent is filling me now, waking my desire, and I know it won't take much to convince him to stay, he's hard as a rock beneath me. But for the moment, I'm very happy right where I am. If I were a cat, I'd purr. But his heartbeat is fast, blasting right through the soft curtain of love and the ever after separating us from the rest of the world. We didn't talk much last night, and I think we're going to now.

"If you're preparing to tell me I should just go back home and stay away from you again, you might as well save your breath," I say, as calmly and collectedly as I can. My heartbeat is starting to match his own in speed.

"Well…" he starts.

"Save it. Not gonna happen."

He laughs a little, and it's a happy sound, but just barely. I'm acutely aware of his tense body, the cool sheet covering us both.
 

"Then what are we gonna do?" he asks, and it's a huge question, even though it sounds very simple.

I kiss the skin right over his heart then lie back down. "I'll get a bodyguard, I guess."

I feel so stupid saying it. I have never, in my whole life, imagined saying those words.

"Five would be better," he says, and he sounds so serious, I'm not even sure if he's joking or not. "And I was thinking you could rent an apartment under someone else's name. Or I could do that for Amber. Maybe that would work."

"Who's Amber?" I ask, rising so I can look into his eyes. I can barely make out the color, but they're so soft I could fall right in.

"She's my steady escort."

Heat floods my cheeks, which makes him laugh again. He has a steady hooker girlfriend? I suddenly don't understand anything anymore.

"Relax, Gail. She's just for cover," he says and grins. "We don't actually have sex."

"I'll relax when we're living under the same roof again, and I can keep an eye on you at all times," I shoot back, which only makes him grin harder.

"Is that a threat?"

"No, it's a promise," I say and lie back down. There's so much else wrong, I can't start worrying about this Amber on top of everything else. I know he's telling me the truth about her, feel it in my heart. But I can't just let him off the hook that easily. "I'm not going into another apartment lease. I paid a fortune to get out of the last one."

He jerks a little under me. "You couldn't get out of it?"

"I ended up having to leave the deposit," I say. "But it's sorted now."

"I'll pay you back," he says, and his breathing is all erratic now. I don't want him like this. I just want him happy and in love with me. It's all I want for myself too.
 

I extricate myself from his arms and sit up, leaning against the headboard, wincing as the cold leather touches my bare back. "Even if I do rent an apartment, it can only be for a couple of weeks, Scott. It's not a solution."

"You can't just live in this hotel," he says, and sits up too, the sheet falling off him, revealing everything. And just like that, our current problem couldn't be farther from my mind.

He follows my gaze and sighs. "We can't just do this indefinitely. Mike'll catch on. He's not dumb."

The mention of Mike drives an icy cold stake right through the burning center of my desire. Or maybe that's from Scott's angry tone.
 

"Why are you yelling at me for?" I ask before I think. Because now he'll just tell me we should break up again, and we'll be right back where we started.

But he just runs his hand over his face, staring blankly at a spot somewhere between us. He looks so lost it's all I can do not to start crying.

"I'm just so angry at myself," he says.

"I know," I mutter, and take his hand, bringing it to my lips. I love his hands. They're the perfect size, the perfect girth and I could literally just hold them for days.
 

He drapes his free arm over my shoulders and pulls me closer. I rest my head against him, still holding his hand.

"Why couldn't you just be the spoilt ditzy rich girl I had you pegged for at the start?" he asks, but I hear what he's thinking and not saying so loudly, I can't even get mad.

"And why couldn't you be just the dumb gardener I thought you were?" I ask.
 

He hugs me tighter, buries his face into my hair. "I love you so much, Gail. I really wish we could solve this and make it work."

There's a cold defeat riding his words, and it stings so much it takes my breath.

"I love you more, Scott," I say. "And that's why I know it will work. I'm not known to take no for an answer, as you are aware of."

I'm trying for lightness, since what else but our love really matters?

"What do you suggest then?" And this time he really is asking me.
 

"Well, I don't know, have you tried giving Mike what he wants?" I suggest.
 

"I've been asking him to take his threat back, if that's what you mean?" he says, lifting his head and loosening his grip on me slightly. "But even if he did, I wouldn't believe him."

"What about the rest of your family, your brothers or your dad, can't they talk to him?"

"I told them all to fuck off four months ago," he says, letting me go completely, and pulling the sheet up over us both. "If they'd seen Mike for what he is earlier, none of this would be happening now. And I've been saying he's a psycho for years."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. They'd all still be a family if I hadn't forced myself into Scott's life. But that's so far in the past now, and I see no other way forward except by his side, so I don't even dwell on it. He'll patch things up with them, and I'll help him.

"I'm no psychologist, but I do see that Mike has a problem with you and you alone," I say. "Maybe that's why no one else sees it."

"So?" he asks, but by the set of his eyes, I know I'm not telling him anything he doesn't already know.

"So, like I said. Figure out what he wants and give it to him." I’m not even sure I understand myself properly. "Maybe then he'll leave you be."

"But I am doing what he wants!" he yells. "I broke up with you, and I'm stealing cars for that Serbian psycho, just like Mike wanted me to."

My breath catches in my throat. "All well and good, but I know how you talk to him, I've heard you. You always let him know how much you hate him in everything you say."

"I do, and for good reason," he snaps and it's the same Scott who picked a fight at Thanksgiving dinner, wouldn't let it go until Mike stormed out.
 

"Maybe that's what needs to change," I venture, and very nearly recoil from the black fury shooting from his eyes. But I know no more than a spark is actually directed at me.

"After what he did to you? What he's doing to us?" he asks, panting a little. "It wasn't possible before, and it's sure as fuck not possible now."

"I know, Scott, I know," I say, as calmly as I can over the heartbeat hammering in my throat. "But maybe it would work. Maybe he just wants to have you as a brother for real. Maybe he was sincere in wanting your help while he was locked up."

"You're right," he says, and throws off the sheet, sitting on the edge of the bed. I'm positive he doesn't actually mean it, and he proves me right a second later. "You're no psychologist."

He looks back at me over his shoulder, and I know exactly how I must look, my eyes wide, my mouth open, my lips twitching, unable to find anything to say.

His eyes soften into the softest, calmest dawn. "I'm sorry, Gail. But I've been snapping at Mike for so long, he'll never buy it if I stop now. It'll just make him suspicious."

"Is there another way?" I ask, finally finding my voice again.
 

"There might be," he says and stands. But it's a no, a hard definite no.

"Don't go yet," I plead, getting up too so that our faces are almost touching.

"I'll be back tonight," he says, picking up his clothes off the floor. Then he straightens up, gazing at me. "Look, I want to stay, I really do. But it's day out, and I should be where I'm supposed to be."

"This is where you're supposed to be," I say. And I know he agrees with me, because I've never felt this beautiful, this perfect in all my life.
 

"I'll come with you then," I suggest, smiling. "I can just hide in your closet or something."

"It's not funny, Gail," he says, but he's still looking at me like the only thing he wants is to hold me, kiss me, make love to me.

I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer, because that's how it works between us. I make the first move. He makes it last.

He's embracing me now, the pants he's still holding brushing the back of my thighs.

"Why do you have to be so rational and down to earth all of a sudden?" he asks, and I feel not a pang of anger.

"Because that's who I am. Steady, smart Gail who very rarely does anything she's not supposed to," I offer. "And you're caring and compassionate, and you know right from wrong even when you stray. You also always know exactly what to do and say, I know that too."

He smiles at me, the tension around his eyes finally gone. "I used to think so, now I'm not so sure. Everything I touch just breaks lately."

"You fixed me," I say, and it might sound clunky, but it's the absolute truth. "You did that, and I know we'll work this out too."

A shadow so dark and cold passes over his eyes, I actually shiver. "And if I don't, you could die."

It's a cold, brutal truth, the kind he never wants to avoid, and I know that, but it still cuts worse than any knife.

I kiss him, long and hard, willing all else to disappear in the touch of his lips, the taste of him and our love, which I will share for as long as I can.
 

The kiss lasts and last, becomes other things, soft caresses, harder grabs, licks and nips, until his weight is pinning me down, his cock thrusting into me so deeply, I know we're actually one person. All the tension, the sadness, doubt and anger are burned away in the pool of heat rising deep in my core, until it's like we're not even in this room anymore, that we're on some other plane of existence, where all is precisely as it should be.
 

The sun rising outside is blinding me, but it's nothing compared to the red hot heat of our love, which is coursing in my blood now, hitting me in every jagged breath he takes, every moan and grunt, every hard thrust.
 

I let myself go, float out of this world into the one where we're always together, and always will be. Let the heat build until I can't contain it. Shuddering, whimpering, screaming, I let it all go. Because I have seen all that can be, and I know we will get there. My orgasm is blinding when it finally comes, takes away all my awareness, until I am just the heat, with no mind, no thoughts, no body to ground me.