Olivia (72 page)

“
And Livvy,” he intercedes.
 “Someday, you’ll be able to provide for yourself and my
daughter.  I look forward to that day, truly, but you’re not
there yet.”

“
Look around!” I argue.  “I
have everything I need right now, and I earned it all on my
own.”

“
Where are your brothers?” he asks
me.  

I stare at him, seething.  “I’m not responsible
for them at this point, Jack.  They’re receiving the care
their own mother can’t give them right now… but that has nothing to
do with me.”

“
Wouldn’t you like to see them more
often?  I mean, I was in your shoes when I made the decision
to go to NYU.  I knew my brothers needed me.  I stayed
close to home so I could still be a positive influence in their
lives.  I mean, you said yourself, you couldn’t leave
Manhattan because of them.  You chose Columbia for that very
reason.  And now they’re across the country, being raised by
an aunt and once again, no father figure to influence their
development… where does that leave you?”

“
Here!” I tell him.  “Here
with different priorities.”

“
And that’s good
enough?”

“
It’s all I can do now,
Jack.”

“
Not if I can help… can you just
set aside your pride for a minute and realize I’m doing this for
you?”

“
I don’t want you to!”

“
Then I’m doing it for Livvy.
 Can you accept that?”

I sit quietly, realizing I can’t really argue that
point.  “Until she’s eighteen, right?  Then what?”

“
Then she can help make these
decisions.”

“
Well, if I’m part of the family,
why can’t I help you make these decisions now?” I ask him
sarcastically.

“
Because Livvy will always come
first, Jon.  Always.  And if your mother is going to be a
part of her life, then I want her to have the chance to better
herself.  God forbid you have children one day and need to
leave them in her care.  I wouldn’t have it–”

“
Children are not even in the
distant future at this point, Jack.”

“
And your mom has proven this isn’t
going to be a quick and easy task, getting her better–”

“
But when Liv’s eighteen, you’ll
butt out?” I ask, seeing a sliver of hope.  Olivia will
legally be an adult in nine months.

“
If she wants me to, I’ll have no
choice.  But if you think she wouldn’t do this on her own, you
don’t know her.  You don’t know how I’ve raised her.  She
stood behind my decision to help.  She’d do it on her own a
year from now.  She’s not going to turn her back on your
mother either… and I think she’d be disappointed in you if you did.
 I know I would be.”

Jack pulls up to my uncle’s house, putting the car
in park and letting it idle.  “I’d hate to disappoint her,” I
finally tell him. 

“
So you agree this is the right
thing?  Letting us help your family?”

“
No,” I tell him.  “I won’t
accept your help, or hers.  And if that disappoints you– or
her– so be it.  This isn’t what I wanted from her.”

“
It’s something you have to accept,
though, Jon.”

“
No, I don’t,” I argue.  “If
you can’t stay out of my life, I can stay out of yours.”

“
What, you’d turn your back on
Livvy to keep your pride in check?”

“
To maintain my own dignity, yes.
 To live autonomously, yes.  I can’t live my life feeling
that I’m always owing you something.”

“
You wouldn’t–”

“
But I feel like I would, and
that’s what matters.”

“
Maybe I’ve misjudged you,” he says
quietly.  “If you plan to end this with Livvy, I ask that you
do it sooner rather than later.  Don’t drag this out.
 She deserves much better than that.”

“
Yes, that’s something we can agree
on.  She deserves much more than I can give her.”

“
That’s not what I said.”  I
open the door and step out of the car.  “I really think you’re
making a bad decision here, Jon,” Jack says, leaning over the
center console before I can shut the door.  “We all care about
you.”

“
Thanks,” I tell him, short,
slamming the door closed.

THE NEXT DAY

“
These amusement parks foster
future oceanographers and scientists!” one of my classmates yells
heatedly. “How will kids ever learn about whales and dolphins
without SeaWorld?” It’s definitely been the most lively debate
we’ve had in our ethics class this year.

“
How will they learn that dolphins
hunt together and find food by echolocation?” I counter angrily.
“How will they learn that the true lifespan of an orca can be close
to a eighty years, and not thirty-five years, as brainwashed tour
guides will have you believe? How will they learn that orcas live
their lives in matrilineal pods?” I ask, finally taking a breath.
“The same way I did. Books. I’ve never been to a mammalian
exploitation show in my entire life, but I know that they’re
intelligent creatures, and are likely more evolved than we are, as
humans. I know this from books. I know this from documentaries. I
know this from the internet. I don’t have to swim with Flipper or
dine with Shamu to have respect for and knowledge of these
animals.”

“
And that’s all we have time for
today,” our professor interrupts. “Good discussion.”

“
Good job, Jon,” the girl next to
me says as she gathers her books. “I didn’t know I’d encounter
people with that level of ignorance at Columbia,” she says, nodding
to my debate opponent.

“
Hopefully he’ll go back to his
dorm and look up some things,” I tell her. “Have a good
afternoon.”

“
I’m Zooey.” She steps in front of
me, blocking my passage from the row.

“
Nice to meet you.”

“
You wanna grab some coffee?” she
asks.

“
Maybe another day,” I respond. “I
have some place to be.” I check my watch, wondering if Livvy’s made
it to the loft yet.

“
I’ll hold you to it,” she says,
chipper. I nod politely, stepping past her. Before I exit the room,
I look back at her. With her natural looks, worn canvas bag and
khaki pants, she looks like the type of girl I belong with. She
waves as I smile.

I love Livvy. I’ve been completely enamored with her
for years. She’s always been the prize, not won, but earned as I’ve
achieved the lofty goals I’ve set for myself. I don’t want to lose
her. I don’t want to leave her. I just need some time to figure out
my own limits. Her concern and her parents’ concern cause them to
be overly generous. I know they mean well, but it’s insulting. It
insinuates that my family can’t take care of our own problems.

We can’t.

I don’t believe that. And maybe it’s not a matter of
taking care of our problems. Maybe it’s just
me
letting go of the problematic things – and
people – that are weighing me down.

Isn’t that the same as running away from adversity?
That’s not what I’m about.

On the bus to the loft, I contemplate texting Livvy
to let her know I’m coming. I read her last message to me, her
frustration with me evident. I’d rather just get this over with
quickly, cleanly. It’s awful to do it before her meeting, but it’s
the only sure way to get her alone. It won’t be a complete surprise
to her, I don’t think. She seems to know something’s coming. And
it’s not like I’m breaking up… just asking for a break. Some time
to think. Some time for her father to back off and let me and my
family work things out on our own.

Once at the building on 5th Avenue, I wait until a
group enters the lobby, and fall in line, keeping my eyes averted.
Just as I think I’ve made it to the elevator unnoticed, the doorman
taps me on the shoulder. I miss my opportunity to squeeze through
the lift doors.

“
Mr. Scott, is it?”

“
I, um…“

“
You can’t just walk into the
building unescorted. You need to be with a tenant.”

“
I’m just going up to see
her.”

“
But you can’t. Mr. Holland has
instructed me–”

“
I don’t care, Francisco. She’s
expecting me. She’s here, right?”

“
I’m not sure she
is
expecting you. She’s upstairs with her agent, and
said she’d be right back down.”

“
Abram’s with her?”

“
Yes. You’re welcome to wait down
here.” The elevators open and a few people exit. I seize the
opportunity to get in, but Francisco makes it inside, too. I hit
the 12 button as the doorman fumbles with his keys. He speaks into
a microphone clipped to his collar. “Code Orange in elevator
one.”

“
Listen, I’m not planning on a
lengthy visit. I just need to talk to her.”

“
She would have told me you were
coming if she was expecting you.”

“
Why are you so worried about me?
There’s a 25-year-old man up there with a minor. Would
Mr. Holland
really approve of that?”

“
It’s fine. He’s her
agent.”

Before I can dispute his innocuous claim and inform
him that even a man with a professional relationship can still take
advantage of a young girl, the elevator door opens, and I run
toward her unit, knocking loudly as soon as I get there.

“
Mr. Scott, you cannot go in
there!” Francisco yells.

“
Livvy, open up!” I knock once more
before trying the handle. The door opens quickly. Both Olivia and
Abram look surprised. He looks disheveled.

“
Sir, you cannot be here,”
Francisco says, sounding like a broken record. I see evidence of my
girlfriend’s bright red lipstick on her agent’s mouth, and my
stomach churns as I tune out the doorman, my mind busy processing
the scene in front of me.
Were they
kissing?

“
What’s going on, Liv?” I glance
from her to her agent, and back to her, walking in
slowly.

“
It’s okay, Francisco,” Olivia
says, but her expression says otherwise. She looks frightened. I
open my arms to receive her, giving her support she’s in obvious
need of by the grip her arms have around my torso. Still unsure of
what’s going on, I don’t know how to react. I barely touch her. If
she was kissing him, I’ll break up right this second. I struggle to
breathe, feeling betrayed.

Francisco stutters some more warnings about Jack
before Livvy cuts him off. “No, I know. We’re just leaving.”

“
Is everything okay?” another voice
asks from the door. I don’t turn to him, or listen to any ensuing
conversation, my curiosity still piqued by the shifty eyes of my
girlfriend’s agent. Something doesn’t feel right.

“
Olivia, what happened here?” I
feel my lips, not wanting to say the words out loud.

“
He kissed me,” she says softly. I
hold her arms still, gritting my teeth.

“
Did you want him to?” I can’t
break away from the accusatory stare.
I hate that
man.
I think I see Livvy shake her head. “Did you kiss him
back?”

“
No!” she says quickly. Enraged, I
cross the room and hit Abram without even thinking. I hadn’t
planned the violent outburst, but I couldn’t stop it, either. I hit
him harder than I thought I could. He barely catches himself with
his forearm before smashing against the floor. He struggles to his
feet, looking even more surprised than he did when we first walked
into the room.

Shocked at my own power, I stay still, allowing the
security guard to slip handcuffs on my wrists.
I
hope he can see the hate I have for him.

“
Those aren’t necessary,” Olivia
says. I want to tell her they
are
, because
I might try to hit him again. I’d hit him harder. I’d knock him out
cold. I’d do whatever I had to do to keep him away from my
girlfriend.

I can’t leave her.

“
Have a seat, sir,” the officer
tells me. I cooperate fully, sitting on the hardwood with my back
against the wall. Livvy moves in front of me, getting into my line
of sight and taking that creep out of it. She calms me with her
sweet smile.

“
Are you okay?” I look over her
made-up face. She’s wearing much more eyeshadow than she usually
does. I remember she was going to meet with a client. I won’t let
her go anywhere with him. I touch one of her curls, my hands still
restrained, entranced by her beauty.

“
I’m fine,” she answers. “Why are
you here?”

“
You said you were stopping by
here. I thought you’d be alone,” I admit. “I thought it was an
invitation,” I explain earnestly. “What happened?” I ask her
softly.

“
I don’t really know,” she says. “I
don’t know how it happened. He just told me I was attractive and
kissed me.” She glances down at what she’s wearing. In the chaos, I
hadn’t noticed the sexy black dress, and boots. “Maybe I brought it
on myself, with this dress or–”

“
Olivia, did you want him to kiss
you?” I ask her again. Sure, she looks sexy as hell, but decent
gentlemen have restraint. Even most indecent ones wouldn’t make a
move on a teenager.

“
Of course not, Jon.”

“
Then don’t think for a second you
invited his attention.” I shake my head for emphasis.