Operation Soulmate (17 page)

      “Yes, it was lovely ...thank you. Listen, Indira, I’m just on my way home. I’ll call you during the week. There’s something I think I have to discuss with you.” Toby could have kicked himself. Why couldn’t he just stop taking her calls, like any other guy would do? Surely, ‘
there’s something I think I have to discuss with you’,
was just the thinking man’s way of saying
‘We need to talk.’
And surely everyone knew what '
We need to talk.’
means.
But then again, what could there possibly be to discuss with a woman he’d only known for a few weeks? He’d known her for precisely as long as he’d known Geraldine, and Geraldine wasn’t making any inappropriate, out-of-hours phone calls, laden with suspicion and obligation. Geraldine was so beautifully self-contained and confident, just the way he liked his women. Indira was too up-front and invasive and cookie-baking for his liking. He’d been on three dates with her, and she was already behaving like a wife.

      He threw his phone into the glove compartment in mock disgust, but was secretly just a tiny bit flattered. However, he’d just been on another wonderful date with Gerry, and he surely deserved to be allowed to savour it for a little bit longer before trying to figure out how to break up with a self-appointed significant other! In fact, why
didn’t
Geraldine ever call him? He knew she was interested in him...sort of. She always seemed so happy to hear from him whenever he called. She obviously just didn’t feel inclined to make any sort of effort. So what was that about? Maybe Indira's approach was the more normal of the two. He just didn't know. He just didn't know enough about dating or enough about women to really know..

     Ben was crashed out in front of an old
Twilight Zone
episode when Geraldine tiptoed into the living room. She laughed when she heard the familiar, theme weird music. Ben was so hard-core sometimes. What on earth was he doing watching Twilight Zone episodes at way past midnight on a Saturday night? Surely he hadn’t been stood up again?

     “Ben,” she whispered, trying to gently jog him out of his slumber. “Ben, wake up.” But he was out cold. Not surprising considering his crazy schedule in recent weeks. Ben seemed to be mumbling something in his sleep. It sounded like her name! Geraldine turned down the volume on the TV and moved in closer to listen to what he was saying.  “Gerry, Gerry, Gerry, leave me alone,
please.
Stop trying to have your wicked way with me, again.” Ben suddenly opened his eyes and fell about laughing.

     “Ugh!!! Ben!!” Geraldine grabbed the nearest cushion and brought it down swiftly onto his chest.

    “That is
so
, not funny”.

    “Oh come on. It was hilarious!!”

  “Ben, now that you’re finally actually spending some time at home, don’t you think you might use that time more wisely?”

    “Yep. I absolutely agree. In fact, there’s something I’d really like some help with if you’ve got a few minutes.”

     “Okay... shoot. What is it?”

He sat up and slowly loosened his bow-tie and a top button. “Well,” he said, staring into her eyes, “I’m still not getting this whole...kissing thing... D’you know what I mean???!” Geraldine glared at him through narrowed eyes for a second or two then sighed and shook her head in mock dismay, before heading off to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Ben really was completely incorrigible. But at least he was definitely back to his old self again.

    “So what sort of night did you have?” She asked, when she returned with two cups of hot chocolate.

   “Nice,” He said, blandly.

   Geraldine sighed. The old enigmatic Ben was back. “Well, did you get some dating practice?”.

   “Maybe. So how was your date with Toby?”

    “Great!! Amazing! We’re off to Brighton next weekend...just for the day...” she said, unsure why she’d added that last bit, but it felt right.

     “Cool,” said Ben, “Oh yeah, and don't forget, I’m off to New York next weekend!”

     “Oh, yeah, sure,” Geraldine had completely forgotten. “When do you leave?”

     “Leaving next Friday night, back on Monday afternoon.”

     “Wow, okay, sounds exciting.” Ben’s work always sounded so exciting!!!

    “Meh... It’s just the same old, Miss X Master Y stuff. Be nice to see New York though.”

      They sat watching The Twilight Zone until Geraldine fell asleep at around two in the morning. Ben watched her sleeping for a while, curled up on the couch like a contented kitten. He remembered what Danny had said about her being like a goddess but carefully resisted the temptation to kiss her as she slept. Eventually, he got up and sighed deeply, before switching off the TV and waking her up gently.

When Geraldine stepped into the flat on Friday evening, it felt empty and lonely. Ben had left at 5am to catch an early flight and as soon as he’d left, she’d felt the emptiness. It was so weird how her feelings towards him had subtly changed since that fateful night. She’d never felt that way about any of his other trips. She’d always relished the thought of all the delicious time she’d have the flat all to herself. Still, at least there was her date with Toby to look forward to. It was going to be so lovely, just walking hand in hand, along the seafront, listening to more tales from his youth, laughing at his clever, education-system jokes...

As expected, the date with Toby was absolutely gorgeous. Geraldine loved being by the sea. It cleansed and renewed her energy, and she never grew tired of just staring out at it. Even as they approached Brighton, she could smell the sea air and sense its immensely restorative powers. She inhaled deeply as she watched Toby’s strong arms, steering into 2
nd
Avenue. She’d often dreamed of living by the sea, and for a second or two she allowed herself the indulgence of imagining that she and (okay, not twin flame but nice anyway) Toby lived in Brighton with their two amazing light-worker children. They could be happy; she was sure of it. Toby was certainly open to spiritual practises and processes, ideologically at least. Then again, even though he was very open-minded and eclectic in his outlook and certainly hadn’t been shocked when she’d told him about her work, she still couldn’t quite imagine herself using phrases like
twin flame
and
lightworker
in front of him. He just seemed too...practical for that.

     At the end of another wonderful date, they were, once again, standing at her front door in one of those awkward clinches. Geraldine honestly didn’t know how much longer she could continue to drift around in this pool of sexual and intuitive ambiguity.

     Toby couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her... or was it
him
? Was he just expecting too much too soon? How did it all work these day? Surely mature people didn’t behave this way anymore. It just seemed so unnecessarily Victorian. It was obvious that the nature of their relationship was romantic and intimate. Okay, he could completely understand that a woman like Geraldine might want to put off any kind of
extreme
intimacy until she was really sure about a guy, but he just wasn’t getting
that vibe
from her, at all. It was confusing. There was something so...prim and stand-offish about her, and it was actually starting to irritate him slightly.

     As they stood at the door, he knew there was still no way he was going to force the issue...but a part of him was just bursting to ask her what the heck she was thinking about the whole issue! It was surely time to move things onto a more concrete footing... surely. They’d go out at the weekend, and then it was almost as if she would disappear from the face of the Earth for a week. Then when they
did
meet again, they’d have to start all over again from scratch with getting to feel comfortable together. There were no long phone conversations, not even a suggestive text to give him hope that things might be escalating, or even moving in the right direction!

      There was something refreshingly, reassuring and direct about Indira’s approach, even though, at times, she could be incredibly pushy and inappropriate. Sometimes it was good to make one's intentions clear.

      “Well, good night then Toby. Thank you for a wonderful day,” said Geraldine sounding completely removed from her feelings and, actually, secretly imagining how lovely and cosy her slippers were going to feel after a day spent clomping around in heeled boots.  

     “Gerry,” said Toby, seizing his moment, “I was thinking of maybe going out to see a film or something, some time during the week, maybe Wednesday night. Would you fancy doing that? Or something
like
that?”
     “Yes, that would be lovely. I’d love that.” She said, thinking how quickly this was all beginning to feel like a real relationship. It felt nice, though, sort of reassuring, comfortable.... safe...

     “Okay, great,” said a far more relaxed Toby, “I’ll pick you up at 7.30 and we’ll just, take it from there...”

      “Okay, see you then.” There was another moment of awkward fumbling, during which Toby managed to get a fairly chaste kiss on the lips out of Geraldine, before turning away and heading for his car.

      Sitting behind the wheel a minute or two after she’d gone inside, he sat and shook his head, pensively. It was all ...a bit... weird.

Geraldine was looking forward to seeing Ben again and could hardly contain her excitement at work on Monday. All day long she talked about nothing but Ben and their extraordinary friendship.

   “Oh just shag the guy and be done with it,” said Brogan in one of her more mischievous moments.

    “Very funny,” said Geraldine, refusing to rise to the bait. “I’m just looking forward to hearing about New York. I’ve never been; always wanted to go... Have you ever been Brog?” Brogan despaired, but listened patiently as Geraldine, once again, talked herself out of loving Ben, and, against her better judgement, stoically joined her in browsing good-naturedly through the pictures he’d sent by email earlier that day: Photos of Ben with The Statue of Liberty in the background, photos of Ben walking down 5
th
Avenue, Ben gazing at the Hudson River, Ben at Strawberry Fields, standing outside Birdland, Ben in Woodstock, Ben on the Brooklyn Bridge, Ben buying a bagel from a New York deli, Ben in Time Square, and, finally, Ben waving and smiling as he entered the Museum of Modern Art.

     “Wow,” said Brogan, as she watched Geraldine finally logging off and closing her laptop. “Looks like Ben’s been having a whale of a time! Wonder who took all those lovely photos for him.....” She didn’t say much else.... just left it hanging there, and watched as Geraldine busied herself, tidying up crystals for a while. She smiled mischievously.

They were both as bad as each other.

      When Geraldine finally arrived home at 8pm there was still no sign of Ben. She vacuumed, scrubbed and dusted everything in sight, and anxiously watched the door for signs of his arrival. When he finally crashed in through the door at about 10, he looked incredible: relaxed, happy and completely rejuvenated by the trip.

      “Honey, I’m home!” He shouted down the hallway. Geraldine ran out to meet him and threw herself at him like a tornado as he dropped his bags to give her a huge hug. After listening to all the highlights of his trip, she wasted no time getting him up to speed with the recent developments with Toby, including her strange ambivalence towards him, and his sudden interest in midweek dating. Ben listened, grinning from ear-to-ear. He’d had such a great weekend, he was untouchable. It was so obvious that Toby’s charms were only losing their initial appeal because he’d now become too readily available. Poor Toby. He almost felt sorry for him now. He was obviously ready to take things to the next level with Geraldine, and Ben found himself almost fascinated to imagine how
that
little scenario was about to play out. He'd tried his best, but Geraldine was truly a lost cause, and it was going to take more than just a bit of clever coaching to get her to figure out why.

      He smiled to himself. He'd come a long way and it felt good to feel so detached. The weekend in New York had been exactly what he’d needed, in so many ways.

      Geraldine had decided to give herself two writing days that week, just so she’d have some time at home with Ben, and more time to prepare for her date with Toby on Wednesday.      Tuesday was a gorgeous catch-up day, with Ben mostly working from home and wandering in and out of various conversations about new York in between. By the time Wednesday evening came around, she'd almost forgotten about her date with Toby, as a result, and the entire preparation process had been more fraught than she would have liked it to be. She was just about to apply a second coat of mascara when the doorbell, suddenly, rang. Surely it couldn’t be Toby arriving so early. She was nowhere near ready yet.

      “I’ll get it,” said Ben, emerging from his office. “It’s just Danny. He’s coming over to watch the match.” Geraldine sighed with relief.

     “Hey G, w’sup, sis?” said Danny, bouncing into the living room effusively. Geraldine loved Danny, he was always so ...positive. Every time he entered a room, it was almost as if he woke it up with his presence, his energy. Even his voice could grab the energy of a room, and just lift it right up into a
don’t-sweat-the-small-stuff
frequency.

     “Hey, D, how’s it going?” She said, fiddling nervously with her mascara wand.       “Woah, you’re looking
fine
, though G. Who’s rocking your world right now girl?” He said looking her up and down appreciatively. “Found Mr. Right yet?” He added, winking at Ben.

     Ben glared at him from the other side of the room and shook his head quickly.

   “Anyway, nice to see you, G. I’ll let you carry on getting ready for your....date, is it?”        Geraldine blushed slightly. There was something
really
uncomfortable about this whole conversation. Ben was looking slightly annoyed, Danny’s behaviour was
very
peculiar and she was suddenly feeling extremely nervous at the thought of Toby wandering innocently into the weird emotional temperature of the room.

     “Okay... nice to see you Dan.” She said hurrying off to her room to make sure she’d be ready to leave the
second
Toby rang the bell. Unfortunately, that second came ten minutes earlier than expected, just as she was buckling up the ankle straps on her shoes. It was just at that moment that they suddenly decided to become extra fiddly. She almost tripped over the silly things in her rush to get out to the living room, only to find a rather uneasy-looking Toby, already seated next to Danny, holding a bottle of Budweiser and looking
very
alienated.

      “So how long have you two been...... er...” He said, looking from Danny to Ben and back to Danny again, before realising he didn't really know how to finish the sentence. Toby prided himself on belonging to a new generation of evolved, progressive, forward-looking black men who believed in inclusion and equality for
all
people, but he was suddenly feeling slightly out of his depth.

      Ben looked slightly uncomfortable. He had no idea,
at all
, what Toby was asking them. Why did he insist on leaving sentences half-finished, in this ridiculous way? He wanted to connect with him, make things a bit less awkward for him, but he just wasn't helping himself out by being so bizarrely and unnecessarily cryptic! What, exactly,
did
“how long have you two been.....” actually mean? How long had they been
sitting there in the living room?
How long had they been
waiting for the match to start?
How long had they been
drinking beer?
For someone who was supposedly so highly educated, Toby was demonstrating an alarming reluctance to complete a thought in a way that would help to educate or enlighten anyone else in the room! And yet Toby himself seemed to think they should both know exactly what he was talking about and quickly join in with the fun... It was like a very bad, not at all
fun
, guessing game.

       But Geraldine knew what Toby meant. She knew exactly what he was hinting at, and could feel a deep sense of foreboding and impending social calamity. She was suddenly frozen with panic, as time stood mercifully still. Her mind worked overtime as she sat, clenched and horrified, perched on the arm of the sofa, next to Toby, listening to the sound of the proverbial ‘stuff’ getting closer to the fan by the minute. Was there going to be
any
way to
save
this!!!? Was there going to be an eleventh hour reprieve?
Why
was Toby so damn polite, and what the heck was he doing with that beer when he was supposed to be driving?

     “Toby, I really think we should get going, honey.” She said, interrupting wildly amid confused glances.

     “It’s okay sweetie, we’ve got
bags
of time.” said Toby, stroking her arm affectionately. He wanted to make an effort to get to know some of Geraldine’s friends, especially the guy she lived with! It seemed only right that he should put himself out a bit. Geraldine seemed to think so much of him, and he really did seem like a nice guy. Him and his new....friend...
both
seemed like nice guys.

     “How long have we beeeeen....?” coaxed Ben, staring intently at him, searching for clues in his expression,
willing
him to just be a little bit more explicit.

     “You know,” he said, encouragingly. He wasn’t sure what word to use anymore. He didn’t want to upset anyone. He’d been in enough meetings over the years with a wide enough cross-section of people to know that some things were best left unsaid until you were sure you know how to say them. “How long have you and Danny been...” he offered again, smiling generously, making equally perplexing hand-gestures and staring unblinkingly at a
completely,
baffled Ben.