Operation Soulmate (30 page)

     Metatron watched her closely, to see whether she might be learning anything from the seemingly random selection of events, which filled the multiple frames of her private-viewing. But she said nothing and continued to look on, startled, but apparently, no clearer.   

     “According to the book, Geraldine, you cheated a little in order to
discover
that Ben was your Divine counterpart. If it hadn’t been for your sessions with the past-life therapist, you would
never
have seen the truth about your connection, and therefore might never have unravelled your
true
feelings for Ben, given the limitations of your current personality. You would
never
have transcended these limitations, in this lifetime, without some ...assistance. Therefore, you ‘found’ him, not by way of natural attraction and evolution but, in a sense, through unfairly accelerated means. Not content to wait upon the higher plan, you took matters into your
own
hands. I’m sorry Geraldine; Ben will have to go back, and you will, both, return to Earth at some future time - my calculations say in approximately...2089 - in order to set the record straight and do this thing properly...Do you understand?”

      For a second or two, Geraldine was filled with deep remorse and foreboding. She’d failed again. She’d been tricked; seduced and foiled by the temptation of a fast fix. But it
hadn’t
been fast and neither had it been easy and it
certainly
hadn’t been fun. She was hardly Timothy Leary! She’d worked
hard
in those sessions, to gain her current understanding. And considering where she’d been just a few months ago, she’d virtually achieved miracles!

      Geraldine had almost been convinced that she was, once again, to blame for yet
another
tragic ending in the on-going epic of Geraldine and Ben. But then... something
else
stirred deep within her and she suddenly felt some
other
emotion, rising up from the depths of her being. “NO! No I
don’t
understand...I DON'T agree with you!! What I did, the tools I made use of, surely that’s just progress!! Being able to have
that
kind of access to higher consciousness, that’s
evolution,
isn’t it? Isn’t that what we’re all working towards anyway, complete recall and actualisation!! Surely, the fact that we now
have
all of these wonderful ways of reconnecting with our true essence, and are willing to take the time and trouble to make use of them...surely that’s
true
progress. So, what? The technological advances we make are the only ones permissible down here, is
that
what you’re saying? That’s the only
permissible
progress? I used my free-will choice to become more fully aware of the complete truth of who I am; is that wrong!!!???”

     “I’m sorry Geraldine. I’m just trying to explain to you, the way things are....Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.” He said, smiling, genially.

     On one level, Geraldine couldn’t, actually, believe she was arguing with Metatron! But, at the same time, she felt compelled to continue. It all just seemed so ....unjust. And it certainly wasn’t funny!!!!

     “No,
I’m
sorry,” she said, stiffening slightly and rising to the challenge. “but I didn’t see any of you guys appearing in time to stop the development of the atom bomb, or Frankenstein foods.... or, or, or... or Hiroshima and Nagasaki... or to prevent an endless series of insane wars, diseases and injustices... all born out of an, almost,
medieval
understanding of ...
progress
!! Why didn’t you come to collect Hitler...or the masterminds behind the slave-trade, huh!! Where were you
then!!!???
”

      “Yes, I
do
see your point. I
do
understand where you’re coming from.” He said, nodding wisely.

      “Well...why
not!!????
Why are
those
things okay, but not this?!!!”
      “Geraldine, come on now. You’ve studied enough to know that Angels cannot interfere with free will. Even God doesn’t interfere with your free will. Earth is the free-will planet. You all
chose
to
forget
everything when you came to Earth, for the joy of it, for the ride... remember.... the beautiful game.. And whoever you became as a result of that forgetfulness... well, we had no say in the matter. Those were the rules... We can’t, simply, change them now to suit you, much as we love you. Much as I feel your pain and would
love
to see you smile again...there’s nothing I can do...”      

     “But aren’t you interfering with my free will
now
? Don’t
I
have the free will choice, now... to
remember
? You know yourself that there was a time when Angels walked on Earth, among men and women and
willingly
shared the secrets of Heaven. Why can’t we return to
that
way of life? Are we not, now, allowed even a
glimpse
of it? And if not, then why are we even here???!!! What's the point of everything???!”

     “It’s not a question of allowing, sweet child. If I remember correctly, you
chose
to ‘evolve’
away
from that way of life. God didn’t choose this
for
you. Both you
and
God wanted to see what would
happen
if you were completely left to make your own choices. And in the end
this
, this endless riddle, is what you
all
chose, collectively, with every one of those smaller choices you made along the way. You
chose
forgetfulness. And you also chose, therefore, every act of dishonouring - of yourselves, each other, and all that you truly are - that naturally followed as a consequence.
You
chose every war, famine, pain, pestilence and injustice that was delivered obediently unto you, out of your many, many careless choices, or your neglectful lack of choice and action.
You
are responsible for all of it, across every lifetime. And every small act of continuing ignorance and negligence simply confirms that it all belongs entirely to you. You chose to turn away from loving-kindness, understanding and faith, and to fall deeper into forgetfulness. This is the very nature of the dream you have created here. This is the experience of
life on Earth,
for better or worse.”     

      Geraldine felt indignant now. She couldn’t imagine herself choosing any such
thing
...
ever
, at
any
point in humanity’s history. Why was it so
impossible
to make herself understood? She certainly didn’t
feel
a part of those choices! She’d never been able to understand why existence was the way it was: this shallow and tawdry dream, this self-centred half-life.

     “
Look
at our
lives
down here.” She said. “Most of us live like dumb animals, scraping through from day-to-day, bewildered, spiritually impoverished, disconnected and, ultimately, so desperately and bitterly alone. Making do with unsatisfying treats, and baubles of self-congratulation and, all the time, still
desperately
searching for some
meaning
to it all. No one I know is
truly
happy. All we have is each other ...and the vague possibility that we might,
one day
, find another soul, who walks this earth, who can
truly
understand us. We have no idea who we are, or what we might become. Surely the work I do, the work
Ben
and I might do
together
, will help to change that...to offer some
hope
. I
know
you believe in that, Metatron. You’ve been sending messengers of these truths to earth, since the beginning of time. Are you telling me now, that they were all
wrong
, that my whole life has been... a mistake, a futile, cosmic brainteaser??!! A joke??!!!!!  I have spent life-time after life-time fighting in wars, I didn’t believe in, for people I could barely stand to
look
at, much less, respect,
always
living someone else’s life, wandering sleepily, through someone else’s dream, feeling powerless and weak, never fighting back ...
Dying in loveless despair
.
Well now I
am
fighting back, perhaps for the first time, ever. Because I finally understand what’s
really,
worth
fighting for. A noble and just cause I’m, finally,
willing
to stand up for. Isn’t
love
worth fighting for!!!??? Surely there isn’t a rule,
anywhere,
in the entire universe, that can tell me it isn’t. So I demand my right, right now to fight for
this
love.

Metatron, sweet friend, please help me ...to fight for love.” 

     Metatron smiled, benignly. “Oh, Geraldine, sweet soul, if only it were that simple. Surely, you know, yourself, that you cannot cheat karma. The way you tried so heroically to, what were those choice phrases, now...“let yourself off the hook” and “tell the past to go...” what were the words you used? Geraldine looked, sheepishly, at the saline drip,

    “Screw itself...” she mumbled, glancing down, at the polished and disinfected floors.

     Metatron smiled, with appreciation. “A very admirable sentiment, for someone of your calibre, perhaps; someone who has struggled with issues of self-esteem and self-punishment for centuries. But you are not
all
built the same Geraldine. What if every gun-toting, red-necked reprobate could simply peer into the annals of time and find a course to self-forgiveness, for some of the most loathsome and depraved acts against the very soul of humanity, by letting themselves off the hook,  and simply telling the past to go and..."

     “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Geraldine had to interrupt; she really didn’t want to hear Metatron use those words; she was old fashioned that way.

      “Well ...tell me, what then, my love? What if they were,
all,
suddenly able to find a way to simply ...let themselves off the hook? The feelings of guilt and remorse you’ve carried like a burden, throughout the ages,
these
are the very things which have made you the person you are today and
not
the fact that you have, now, so wilfully, ‘let yourself off the hook’.

     Geraldine sighed, deeply. “But no dyed-in-the-wool, gun-toting, red-necked reprobate would ever
go
for past-life therapy...would they???!! And, surely, if they did, they’d see themselves as they were, and understand more about the
effects
of their cruelty. Surely if they knew they’d be coming back, time and time again, lifetime after lifetime, to sort out the
mess
they’d made, they’d
stop
being gun-toting red-necked reprobates and learn from all of it, how to be better people..... Again, progress!!!!”

      “Ah, but that’s where you’re, perhaps, a little misguided, Geraldine and, perhaps, also a little, inspired. To know yourself as love, this is all that the soul is ever seeking, and it
is
as inevitable as day follows night, that, in the journey towards this knowledge,
all
will, at some point, come to see themselves exactly as they are. There is no cheating love. Yet, you will all endlessly attract to yourselves, that which is
truly
living within the nature of your entire being, conscious and unconscious, across all junctures of time, space and parallel probability, in any given moment. This is not my law, or God’s law, it is inherent within in the nature of the most natural laws there are. It is not a prescribed system, imposed from above...It is not a vengeful punishment from an angry and uncivilised deity. It is simply the
way
of all things. Therefore in the very day that one of these destructive beings
truly,
comes to know itself as love, all acts of destruction
against
it, will simply pass away...in
that
final reckoning, and not before it. When you begin to question the deeds or misdeeds of the past, it is,
perhaps,
because you are
ready
to embrace more love and understanding. Yet if you come to this knowledge too soon or too quickly, you will miss the steps along the way, and invariably lose the learning that brings you to the truest truth of yourself. And when you come to
truly
know yourself as love, you cannot possibly do harm. No dye is immovable, and yet you cannot hope to remove the stains of the past with even an ocean of false premise.”