Operation Soulmate (32 page)

Lorna tossed the law-of-attraction book to the back of her in-tray in dismay. What were these people
on
? Why couldn’t anyone just accept that some people were simply born lucky and the rest just got on with making the best of things, trying to
get
lucky, or hoping that their luck might somehow, magically change all by itself someday!? She knew that whoever wrote all these books would probably say she was trapped in a victim consciousness, or that she was a nay-sayer or something of that ilk, but she just didn’t have the energy to care today. She was having one of those doubty days when the only thing she knew for sure was that if the day’s stats weren’t on Tony Bryant’s desk by 4.30pm, there’d be no attracting anything but bad news. It all just seemed like such hard work.  In fact, after a long night listening to Rosalind‘s conspiracy theories, suddenly everything felt like hard work...

Rosalind was Lorna’s best friend. They’d known each other since they were at school and had somehow stayed friends ever since, despite the drastically different turns their lives had taken and their dramatically different perspectives on life. Rosalind’s glass was definitely, perpetually half-empty, whereas, Lorna’s despite all material indications to the contrary, was (usually) defiantly and resolutely half-full. Rosalind’s latest theory was that the whole
law of attraction
thing was ‘a government scam’, which had been insidiously filtered into the consciousness of the masses in order to encourage everyone to sit around all day, apathetically dreaming up aspirational places in the sun, while all the time the rug was being pulled unceremoniously from under their feet, and the wool very firmly over their eyes.

Rosalind had spent what had seemed like decades studying sociology and political science, and it seemed to Lorna that the more she learned the less fun she became. Rosalind was definitely what could happen if a person thought about things too much....in the
wrong
way...perhaps while staring into the bottom of that half-empty glass. Lorna often wondered how they had ever managed to stay friends. There where times when Rosalind just seemed like a big, wet emergency fire blanket, swiftly putting out the gaily-dancing fires of everything that was dreamy, optimistic and fun about life, with a heavy dousing of social realism. What was wrong with wanting a nice home, nice things and nice
people
in your life; bright, sparkly, positive ones without PHDs in misery! Lorna sighed deeply. After months of reading everything she could get her hands on about cosmic ordering, she'd been quickly brought back down to earth with a well-placed sequence of yes-buts, in just one painful sitting with Rosalind. Rosalind was definitely what the books would call a nay-sayer.

But, then again, where
were
all those things she’d been visualising? Eight months of picturing the perfect home, the perfect marriage partner, the perfect job, had done absolutely nothing to change her life, and it was all getting to be just a bit exasperating! Why did everyone else seem to be flying off on plum assignments all over the known world, getting married to gorgeous men, and building dream homes? Homes that
felt
like homes and not the abandoned shell of a flat she retreated to night after night. The girls had been at uni for half a term now, and she still missed them more than ever. Why did no one ever talk about how that could feel?! Why hadn't she been warned! Why did no one tell her that when your children left home it would feel as if someone had taken a giant spoon and scooped out all the best parts of your life, leaving you with all the bits no one really wanted. Bills that didn't even seem worth paying anymore, a fridge you just couldn't even be bothered to fill, and a half empty building, full of empty rooms and kids' things. The cold cooked cabbage bits of life. Why had no one told her to prepare for this properly by having a life!

And where
was
that amazing social life that had always seemed to be beckoning when she was stuck at home as a single parent, waiting for that moment of eventual, domestic release? Just as she had learnt how to truly marvel at the two amazing people she'd somehow managed to bring up quite nicely, they had suddenly disappeared without a trace?!! It just didn’t make any sense. Throughout the years when she'd been struggling to make a good job of it, and keep a roof over their heads, and somehow remain resolutely optimistic, her job had been her only connection with the outside world - apart from Rosalind’s friendship (which had somehow made going to work seem almost like fun) - but now that it was all she had left, she could see it for the hollow sham it really was.

She'd often said she should have had more children. The best job ever! Although of course it was vastly underrated and underappreciated, even though everyone secretly knew it was probably the most important job of all. She often congratulated herself that it was the one job she could honestly say she had showed up for consistently, regardless of its ups and downs, and that she had done it well and to the best of her ability. She often suspected, though, that she’d had very little to do with the way the girls had turned out. Right from the beginning, they had already been their own incredible, creative, strong-willed little people, just waiting to happen. Her gift was, perhaps, the fact that she had mostly just allowed them to be themselves, and in the end, who they actually turned out to be was a much better version of things than anything she could possibly have dreamed up.

Marcus Bright was looking extra gorgeous this morning. Lorna surreptitiously watched him moving around the room, no... gliding was what he was
actually
doing, gliding and oozing charisma, but not in an oily sort of way. Just grace, class, elegance, style and professional confidence, all rolled up into that perfect, compact, well-honed and gorgeously unassuming package. That man just had a way about him, a natural ease. Lorna had no idea how her crush on Marcus had so quickly escalated into near obsession, but she was certain of one thing...she
had
to either get him to notice her fairly soon, or get him out of her system! These work-related things just never seemed to turn out well.

It had all started, probably like most work crushes, simply as a way to pass the time and ease the daily boredom. There hadn’t really been much more in it than that ..at first. But then, one night, she had somehow mentally taken him home with her, completely by accident, and he had been with her ever since. He had even begun to work himself quite nicely into her morning routine. So just as the alarm would go off at 6.30, so too would a voice in her head, telling her that there
was
something to look forward to in the acres of workaday that stretched out before her.... Marcus Bright. In time, he became a symbol of all that was truly worth waking up for in the morning, and all that would get her through yet another tedious day analysing the opinions and thoughts of the general population.

Apparently 47% of workers had had an involvement in an office romance. 11% of women had dated bosses or another superior and 54% of Americans drink coffee every day. There it was; the desires of a generation, summed up in a serious of numbers. What did it all
mean?!
Apparently, 72% of women have experienced sexist bullying in the workplace. That was one for Rosalind, for sure. She’d love that; something nice and unhappy for her to get her misanthropic little teeth into.

Lorna shook her head vigorously, and tried to pay more attention to what she was supposed to be doing when she noticed that Marcus was watching her suspiciously from across the room. He was so..commanding, so unruffled by everything that went on around him. She could see the tell-tale signs of stress though. She knew he was wondering whether he’d done the right thing, taking that promotion, whether it had all been worth it. Yes there were perks, and yes, the pay was better, but if she knew the company at all - which she probably did, better than anyone - they would certainly be getting their money’s worth. And in the end, was he really happy? Sometimes she actually felt sorry for him.

Lorna and Marcus had both joined the company at around the same time, but of course, despite her vigilant attention to detail and her passion for deadlines, when the promotion had been offered, she had stepped down graciously, not wanting to accept the kind of responsibility that would undoubtedly mean majorly de-prioritising her role as a mother. Things were difficult enough already, and she quickly decided that there was just no room in her life for any more responsibility. It was far better to get another little extra job whenever she needed one, than to get all tied up in the management headaches and internecine wrangling that had people developing ulcers and missing their children's birthdays. A job like that was perfect for someone like Marcus though. He didn't have anyone to think about but himself.

Despite the obvious weight of his new responsibilities, Marcus was turning out to be everything the company had hoped he would be. He was still charming and sweet, popular with management
and
workers, and undoubtedly a good man to liaise with potential clients, even the ones from overseas. He effortlessly spoke French and Swahili... and, of course, English (with a French accent) and he seemed to be at his best under pressure. He was sometimes slightly brusque, in that paperback-hero sort of way, but everyone forgave him for it, perhaps because he looked and sounded like Thierry Henri. Lorna sighed as she observed the way even his shirt-sleeves seemed to cling to his arms affectionately, revealing just a hint of what they so flatteringly covered. He was so good with everyone, so amiable, so inwardly secure, so gorgeously warm and so genuinely nice! Marcus smiled genially at one of the telephone interviewers and Lorna saw her blushing uncontrollably as she fumbled with her headset.

Over at the next nest of tables, Lucy Ryan, one of their top interviewers curled her hair repeatedly around her fingers as she, too, flirted with him, shamelessly, playfully and with all the confidence of pre-heartbreak youth. Lorna simply allowed herself to fall into a trance as she watched him answer each enquiry, entreaty and overture with a cordial professionalism which left no one in any doubt whatsoever as to the nature of his true intentions (those of simply getting everyone to do the best job possible, in relative comfort) while somehow remaining an object of complete fixation and wonder. Lorna smiled wistfully. He was a
joy
to behold. Good people skills, that’s probably what the higher-ups said about him in meetings, good boundaries, a sensible work/life balance, excellent team-building skills, a healthy and refreshing attitude to the job and outstanding at achieving management objectives. She couldn’t help wondering whether there were private meetings among female members of the senior management team where it was simply and openly admitted that he was just, plain hot!!

“Lorna, have you heard
anything
I’ve just said?” Lorna suddenly realised that Marcus had been standing right in front of her for who
knew
how long, and she had been simply staring at him longingly. She broke from her reverie and stared blankly at him, blinking vacantly.

“Er...” She could feel her heart palpitating wildly.

“We need to have the stats on
Cremescape Coffee
before the ones on
Women at Work
; the Cremescape client is here for a quick appraisal. They want to go over the questionnaire again...to see if they need to make any changes.”

“Yum, I mean, um…um, um, um…. oh, yes, sure... Ugh! Changes... ugh! Changes.. great...” she quickly added, rolling her eyes and huffing sarcastically for good measure. "Gotta love those changes." Lorna could feel her whole head and torso throbbing with warmth, excitement, and anxiety. This was just too much proximity for comfort! It was deeply confusing. Marcus smiled and nodded stoically. He like Lorna a lot, but it was a constant source of amazement to him how someone so permanently pensive and preoccupied ever managed to be so rabidly efficient.

Lorna tried hard not to look at her hands. She was sure they were shaking slightly. How annoying. She couldn't help thinking that Marcus seemed slightly anxious as she shuffled around in her in-tray for a printout of the previous week’s sample surveys. More changes. That was all she needed,
just
when she’d gotten the hang of this particular campaign to a degree where she was able to relax back into her favourite work pastime of observing Mark’s movements around the office. Why did they always want to go changing things in this ridiculous way?!A copy of the law-of-attraction book suddenly saw its opportunity for escape and leapt out of her tray, along with the pristine pile of questions, numbers and verbatim responses.

Marcus smiled again and tried hard not to stare at the book. There was just no time! He had to admit, though, that he found Lorna fascinating, despite his unfathomable work schedule and the complete absence of any thinking time whatsoever, and he was more than a bit curious about her voracious reading and her fascination with all things mystical and philosophical. He smiled sympathetically as she handed him the meticulously ordered sheets.

“Great, thanks,” He said, grinning gamely. “Don’t forget to say your affirmations, there’s a trip to the Caribbean coming up soon.”

“Oh, ha ha, very funny.”