Paladin (Graven Gods 1) (12 page)

She had to swallow before she could continue. “Richard, my own dear heart, I cannot express how proud I am of the young man you became, or how grateful I am to have had you in my life. No mother has ever had a son who brought her more joy. I know your father felt the same. My only regret is that I failed to keep you safe to become the man you were destined to be.”

Her voice deepened into Paladin’s. “Ulf, know this -- we will find a fit avatar to house you. And I take oath to you all: Valak will suffer as he deserves at my hands. I vow this as god of Justice, and I will not be denied.”

She paused, and the sword began to glow. It wasn’t the hot blue glow of human magic, but a deeper golden light. Something about it made the hair rise on the back of my neck as my mother began to chant. “Eris, goddess of birth and death, I ask you to take the spirits of Richard and Graham St. Clare and the god Ulf into the peace of your keeping, that the dark god Valak not feed upon their light. Keep them safe among the bright company of your beloved dead, as you so love us all.”

Sparks flowed down from the weapon, pouring down over the bodies to swirl around them, growing brighter and brighter. When the light poured back to the sword, Richard and my father were gone.

My legs gave, and I went down, catching myself on hands and knees as I sobbed at the hard, tearing pain. I was distantly aware of Calliope butting her furred face against mine.

But I was not comforted.

October 15, 2003

I faced my mother with a sword in my hand.

It had been two years since the deaths of Dad and Richard, and Valak hadn’t been seen since. Hungry for revenge, Mom had hunted him, but there’d been no sign of him for three states around. Apparently Dad had hurt him badly enough that he had yet to recover and show his wretched face again. We all hoped he was dead, but Mother didn’t think we were that lucky.

She’d promised that when I turned fifteen, she’d let me start hunting with her, if I proved myself sufficiently skilled.

Now, determined to show her what I could do, I advanced and swung my blade in a hard diagonal slash. Mother parried with an easy sweep, and the wooden weapons clacked together as she riposted, sword arcing around toward my unprotected belly.

I leaped back and spun, whipping my bokken in a decapitating stroke. Or at least, it would have been, but Mom darted in, simultaneously ducking and slapping her blade against my butt in a stinging swat. “Ooww! Mom!”

She glared at me in frustration. “How many times have I told you that showy moves are a good way to get your head handed to you?”

“I’ve seen you use that one in practice!” I wanted to bite the words back the minute they were out of my mouth.

That practice had been with Dad.

Sure enough, pain filled her dark eyes, turning them so hollow my own heart ached. I cursed myself. The pain of his death had never faded, despite the past two years.

“I have Paladin,” she said shortly. “You don’t. Now. Again.”

“And keep your guard up this time,” Calliope called. The cat lay half-draped over my mother’s sword, Eris. The glowing blue gems in the magical weapon’s hilt matched the sheen of her eyes. “You were open in tierce.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Resolving to distract Mom from her pain, I advanced toward her, stepping carefully, intent on giving her no opening to exploit.

That was a tall order, because my mother was a hell of a fencer, inhumanly fast and powerful, with all the agility and skill of a woman who’d been training since the age of three. Just as I had.

My father had told me once I looked like Mom. I hoped so, because my mother was beautiful. Her eyes were large and dark in her delicate, finely boned face, her mouth full beneath a narrow, strong nose. Her hair fell to halfway down her back in a cascade of dark curls, though she wore it in tight French braids on patrol. To me, she looked like one of the fairy princesses in the Disney movies I secretly adored.

Her body, though, was all warrior: tall, with a lithe, muscular power I knew she needed as Paladin’s avatar.

But before I could engage her, Calliope suddenly leaped to her feet. “Barb! I’m picking up twenty men surrounding the house! And one of them is…”

“Valak!” my mother growled. Bloodlust filled her dark eyes before it hit her how much danger I was in. “And… twenty men?” She paled.

I remembered kissing my father’s cooling face, and terror flooded me. “How did they get so close without us sensing them?”

“They must have been shielded.” The cat leaped to the floor, her black fur bushing, her tail lashing in fear. “What do we do?”

“We take care of Summer,” Mother snapped. “I can’t win against such odds -- they’ll take her unless we get her out of here.” Tossing the wooden bokken aside, she strode to pick up Eris. Mom drew the enchanted weapon with a cold slither of steel, and its blade began to glow with the goddess’s power. “I’m going to work the transference spell, Paladin. You have to take Summer, get her to safety, or he’ll enslave her.”

Mother’s voice deepened, going resonant and almost masculine with that tone I associated with Paladin. “Barbara, no! There’s too many of them. Without me…”

Her voice went high, my mother’s again. “… I’d still lose. Which is why you’re taking her to safety. I’m activating the transference spell now. Get ready to go.”

“She’s too young, Barbara,” Calliope warned, blue eyes wide, ears flat against her head. “Her brain isn’t mature enough to host a god without burning out.”

I stiffened. “Wait -- what?” They were making me Paladin’s avatar
now
? But I wasn’t supposed to inherit him until I was twenty-five at the youngest, and even then, only if something happened to my mother. “What about Mom?”

“I have Eris,” she replied stoutly. “And there’s a spell that will protect you and block your powers to make it harder for Valak to sense you. Cal, you’ll need to contact my sister. She’ll come pick up both of you.”

“But Mary left the Demi community for that human husband of hers!”

“She’ll still take my child in. Look, there’s no more time to argue.” Mom’s eyes narrowed as the sword’s blade began to blaze even brighter, the blue intensifying into blinding white. “Valak’s going to pay in blood for killing Richard and Graham.”

“Barbara…” Paladin objected, his deeper voice metallic with unaccustomed fear.

“Mama, no!” I cried in anguish. “Don’t send me away! I can help you! We can beat them!”

“No, Summer,” Mother said, her expression cold with her hunger for revenge. “You’re Paladin’s Heir. He is your responsibility, and if you die, he’ll be lost. And mankind can’t afford to lose him.”

“But what about what I lost?” Tears began to run down my face. “I lost Daddy and Richard! I don’t want to lose you too!”

“Better me than all of us.” Though her arms still circled me, I could feel her pulling away, as if she was leaving me even as I clutched at her. “I have to guard the rear while you and Paladin escape.” When I only gripped her more tightly, her voice softened. “He’ll take care of you, Summer.” Her hands combed back my curls until I could meet her fierce, dark gaze. “I must do this, my love. That vicious bastard will pay for everything he’s done. I swear to all the Elder Gods, I’m going to wipe out Valak and all his temple.”

Her eyelids dropped, and I saw her lips move. “Goodbye, Paladin.” When she opened her eyes again, they blazed blue with magic. “Hush now,” she told me. “Be the warrior you were raised to be.”

I bit my lip hard at the cool demand in her voice, instinctively drawing my shoulders back. Her fingers gripped my jaw, skin burning hot. Her brilliant glowing eyes locked with mine.

And
HE
rushed in. Memories exploded in my brain -- Paladin’s memories, each of them a cold, sharp impact against my brain like pellets of ice pounding my skin.

Men howling, faces striped in intricate patterns of blue, armed with clubs and crude axes
.

Blurring faces twisted in rage and fear or need, wearing a confusing montage of clothing -- skins, leather, chainmail, plate armor, their weapons long bronze knives, great swords, rapiers, flintlock pistols, dueling pistols, revolvers, automatics, rifles
.

The clash of bodies, howls of rage and terror, blood spraying, flares of pain and triumph and fear
. The blunt force impact of all that history hit my child’s mind like a firehose blast. I heard myself scream, high and shrill.
Not ready, I’m not ready
…

Paladin’s voice spoke in my mind for the first time, deeper than when he used my mother’s, male, resonant. “
I’ll protect you, Summer. I swore it to her, and I shall not fail her. Not this time. Not like with your father
…”

My mother swept me up in her arms. “You’ve got to go. Valak’s coming. I’ll buy you time to get away. Shield her, Paladin.”

“Mama, no!” I yelled through the mental hurricane that was my god. “I don’t want to leave you!”

“You’ve got to, baby. I love you!” Mom pressed a quick kiss my forehead. A tear glistened on her cheek as she turned and gestured at the window. Her spell disintegrated glass and wood alike. “Protect my daughter, Paladin!”

Then she picked me up and threw me out the open frame -- three stories up.

As I fell, the last thing I saw was Calliope diving after me, her blue eyes wide with fear.

Paladin took control, and I knew nothing else.

* * *

I returned to the present sitting at my laptop, crying. My body jerked and shuddered as the grief stormed through me even more violently than the memories.

They were dead. My mother, my father, Richard. All dead.

Valak had murdered them. I felt like he’d broken open my chest and ripped out my beating heart. Squeezed it until it popped like a grape. Logically I knew it had all been twelve years ago, but it felt like yesterday.

God, how it hurts
.

The man I’d seen in the gym yesterday, the one who’d threatened me.
Valak.
That shit-eating motherfucker had killed my entire family.

And I’d been left with nothing. Not even the memories of those I loved.

A weight landed on my lap, and a velvet paw touched my face in a calming stroke. “Oh, child, don’t cry like that. You’re breaking my heart.”

I jolted. Calliope stood on her hind legs on my thighs, one soft paw resting on my cheek. I knew that purring growl the same way I’d known my mother’s light female contralto. And that was an apt comparison, because Cal had been my mother more than Mom had been.

I stared at her through my tears. “Why did you leave me?” It was a cry of betrayal, aimed as much at my mother as at her. “I needed you!”

Her vivid blue eyes narrowed as her ears flicked back a fraction -- an expression, I knew, of puzzlement. “Darling, I didn’t leave you. I was here the whole time. Don’t you remember?”

“But you stopped talking to me! I needed you, and you abandoned me! You pretended to be a cat!”

She sat back on her haunches in my lap. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am a cat.”

I glared at her, even though she wasn’t really the one I was angry at. “No, you’re not a cat -- you’re a
goddess
. Who just happens to inhabit the body of a cat.”

But even if I said the words, some part of me rebelled. This was impossible. This was the twenty-first century, the time of science, not superstition. And if there was a God, his name was God, or Jesus, or Allah or Shiva.

Yet I also knew better. The world was full of gods, or at least beings millennia of humans had created by believing with such intensity they’d conjured them from the raw material of the universe: magic. The elemental force science had yet to discover.

The conflict between what I knew and what I
knew
made my skull ache.

Calliope tilted her furry head as she studied me. Then she sighed and jumped on the desk, where she sat, coiling her tail around her haunches. I recognized the pose she always adopted when she was trying to decide what to say. “I couldn’t have talked to you if I wanted to -- and the Elder Gods know I did. It wasn’t easy to watch you struggle to adjust.”

“Then
why
?”

“Because you couldn’t listen. Not wouldn’t.
Couldn’t
. The spell wouldn’t let you believe me. You’d have thought you were insane. If you’d gone to the wrong person about it, you might’ve ended up in a rubber room somewhere. I’d never have seen you again.”

“My mother did this to me, didn’t she?” I surged to my feet, unable to sit still any longer in my anger, confusion and pain.

“Yes,” the cat admitted reluctantly. “It was Paladin’s spell, but she cast it.”

“Why?” I demanded again, and began to pace, unable to sit still in my anxious confusion. “Why did she make me forget everything -- forget her, Daddy -- even Richard, for God sake! I loved them! They were my family. I had a right to remember them.”

“Because you were too young,” Paladin said. He’d simply appeared beside the desk as if he’d beamed in like Captain Kirk.

I jumped, staring at him wildly. From the corner of one eye, I saw Calliope crouch, startled, her tail lashing, unable to see what I was staring at. Paladin stood with his brawny arms crossed, looking as solid as any flesh and blood man. Not at all like a figment of my imagination.

“You’re real,” I said stupidly.

“That depends on your definition of
real
.” He smiled slightly, a crooked quirk of his mouth.

And he looked exactly the way I’d always imagined. A head taller than me, powerfully muscled in black jeans and a black T-shirt that stretched over broad shoulders. Black hair a little too long, arctic wolf eyes, thick dark brows. Broad cheekbones and a sensual mouth. Richard Paladin.

Except there was no Richard Paladin. Never had been. That much had been imagination. Paladin, god of justice, shared my body as he had my mother’s before me, and my grandfather’s before that, and my great grandfather’s before that, on and on back through my family line.

No matter how solid he appeared, he wasn’t really there. He was making me see him, hear him, as if he existed beyond my skull. Another trick, just as when he’d pretended to be my imaginary friend, a character in my books, the voice of my subconscious.