Perfect Alignment (21 page)

When the time had come to pay her speeding ticket, she’d not minded one little bit. In fact, she’d baked him a small cake, which he thought was ridiculous, she could tell, but he’d humored her and let her celebrate.

She’d asked him to take her back to the river once, and they’d made quiet love on the bank, wrapping up to watch the stars for quite some time. As much as she enjoyed their scenes together, the low-intensity moment had been very welcome. Except it had her stupid brain, and truth be told, her stupid heart, second-guessing their relationship. Which she was not supposed to be doing. She was supposed to be researching air fares and flight schedules for going home for winter break, not setting herself up for failure by intensifying a relationship that had no future.

She checked her watch. Her shift at the coffee shop would end in half an hour and she was supposed to head directly to Drew’s. She had some homework to do but she would handle it at his house while waiting for him to get off shift because they were expecting a big storm and he’d suggested she make the drive before it got too bad. And he’d given her a key to his house.

The customers kept her hopping so the half hour flew by easily. She called her goodbyes to her coworkers and grabbed her bag. The clouds were dark and menacing when she walked out, making her glad that he’d made the offer. She was trying not to think too hard about the little glow of happiness that had infused her when he handed over the key. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It didn’t mean that their relationship was, or even should be, changing. It was a matter of practicality.

The miles flew by quickly as she tried not to think about the status of their relationship. It was exactly what she and Drew had agreed to. Exactly what she needed, really. They were having a fantastic time together, but there was no stress or worry about the future. Perfect, for both of them.

Still, walking up to his door and letting herself in felt…significant. She took her overnight bag up to the bedroom, then went back downstairs and set her books and laptop up on the dining room table. She buried herself in the work for over an hour before the gnawing in her stomach clued her in to the fact that her early lunch of a sandwich was but a distant memory.

The refrigerator wasn’t even close to empty, but nothing seemed remotely interesting. She grabbed a piece of bread and munched on it absently while she finished up her work. There was more she could do but she wasn’t really in the mood anymore and she’d done what was necessary. She sent her dad the information on the flights she thought would work best for Christmas, then put the trip out of her mind. She had a little over eight weeks to go before then. She’d focus her stress on finals instead of the fact that she’d be away from Drew for two weeks, and that she wouldn’t get to see him at Christmas.

Restless, she wandered to the living room, looked out the window at the long dirt driveway. Had it only been two months since she’d first driven down its length? On the one hand that seemed crazy. But on the other, she felt so comfortable with Drew, it was practically a cliché. As she watched, the first few raindrops began to fall. Being a California girl, it didn’t really matter how many rainstorms she’d gone through out here, she still loved it. Especially when she was warm and cozy inside with a big picture window to watch from.

She smiled at the sight, then felt the smile stretch even wider when she spotted the car coming down the lane. Since he didn’t have the early morning shift, he was in his SUV, not the cruiser. Too bad, because she always loved seeing him in it, remembering. With her plans to go play in Boston that day, and Drew being so careful with his reputation, it really was a miracle that things had progressed as they had.

One she was determined to enjoy to its fullest.

Drew opened his door and got out, his gaze pinning her in place. She pivoted as he walked up and through the door. The casual saunter was all natural and she knew he’d just be confused if she told him how turned on she could get just by his walking toward her. But it was the truth. Without saying a word, he rested his hands on her hips and his lips on her mouth. Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, he opened his mouth and hers for a kiss.

Her body melted into his, her arms going naturally around his body, her feet sliding into place between his. She couldn’t say how long they stayed like that, enjoying the kiss and the press of their bodies together, but when her stomach rumbled, she felt his lips smile against hers, and he eased her back.

“Hungry, I take it?” he asked.

“Apparently,” she laughed.

He took her hand and led her to the kitchen.

“I guess I could have made something, had it ready for when you got home.”

“Not if that meant you’d still have work you needed to get done after dinner,” he teased. “I can make some sandwiches,” he offered.

“Ugh. I want real food. Actually, I think I want Italian. Yeah, a big plate of pasta. Let’s go to Mama’s, the drive will be totally worth it.”

She actually felt his body go still beside her. And realized her mistake. They didn’t do “going out”. They did staying in. Staying private. They did sex and play, not dating. Instead of feeling bad about her mistake, she felt irritated at his reaction.

“Look, Drew. You expect me to trust you in the bedroom, even when we’re not actually in the bedroom. Can’t you trust me not to start calling you Sir in public, or begging you to fuck me on the table?”

His eyes went frosty and he closed the fridge.

“Emma.”

If he’d said it any other way, she might have laughed at herself and tried to have a reasonable conversation. Instead, he said it in his Dom voice. In his chiding, “you’re being a brat, begging for attention” voice.

Anger erupted through her faster than she thought possible. “No, Drew. You don’t get to pull that shit on me when we’re like this. My walking through your door does not automatically mean we’re in a scene and you can treat me like a sub. I know that’s the only thing I’m here for, but there are still boundaries.”

“That’s not fair, and you know it.”

“Really? Do I? Fine. You’re right. We had an agreement and I’m being unfair. I’ll go get dinner and when I come back, if I’m in the mood to fuck, I’ll let you know. Otherwise, I’ll head home and we can set up another play date.”

She turned to walk away, but she didn’t get far. Drew’s hand on her arm wasn’t painful, but it was insistent. “Jesus, Emma, you didn’t even give me a chance to answer you.”

“Oh please, your expression was answer enough, I promise you.”

“You’re not being—”

“Fair. Yeah, you said. I’m hungry, I’m sure I’ll be much more reasonable after I eat.

“Dammit, we talked about this.”

“I know, Drew. I know you don’t want to date. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to eat. Like I said, I’ll go out to dinner and come back. You can have a sandwich, like you said.”

Her anger had already burned through, replaced by a vague nausea that she didn’t want to examine too closely. “Look, I know you have an issue with going out in public with a play partner. I get it. But if you don’t trust me well enough at this point to know that I can have dinner in public without embarrassing you, then I think we have a problem.”

“I don’t think you’ll embarrass me.” He shoved his fingers through his hair, gave a little tug. “But you have to admit, going out on dates will change things. Change this. Change what we both said we wanted.”

She started to deny it, then clamped her mouth shut. He was right. Yes, they could go out and get a meal, like buddies. She could tell herself that was all it needed to be, but she’d be lying. She didn’t just want a good meal, she wanted to spend time with Drew, sitting and talking. In public. She hadn’t admitted it to herself, but she’d already started to see them as a pair. A couple.

Her legs felt weak as she moved to the table, pulled out a chair and plopped down. “You’re right. I’m being unfair. I guess… I don’t… Hell. I don’t know.”

He pulled out the chair next to her and sat, bracketing her legs with his, taking her hands in his. “I do trust you. I don’t think you’re going to out me in public and get me fired. But I do know that you’re leaving the state in, what, seven months? Something like that? And I know that I don’t want a long-term relationship.”

“I think maybe we need to find a middle ground. I don’t want to feel like your whore who’s only good enough—”

She didn’t get the rest of the sentence out before he dragged her off her chair and into his lap.

“Baby,” he crooned carefully. “Tell me that’s not really how you feel.” He cupped her chin, met her gaze.

A lump had somehow lodged in her throat and she had to work to speak. “No, Drew, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I don’t feel like that.” A tear escaped and his eyes followed the path it trailed down her cheek. “I guess I just need more. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, though. Honestly, I didn’t realize what I was feeling.”

He returned his gaze to hers and she felt as if he were seeing through her, seeing inside to every thought and feeling she was having. She hoped he understood the mass of confusion better than she did. He leaned in and kissed her forehead and the tight bundle of fear that had sprouted deep in her belly loosened.

“We’ll find some middle ground. I don’t want you to think I’ve been actively avoiding going out in public with you. I’ve just been having way too much fun with you in private to want to waste any time out and about.”

He dropped his hands to her thighs, leaned back into the chair. “But, I have to be honest. Going to your friend’s family restaurant seems like a whole lot more, not just a little bit.”

She nodded. “You’re right. And I don’t want that. I’m not ready for that. I was totally overreacting.”

Drew watched her face, trying to figure her out. Was she being honest? With herself, as well as him? Was it just an overreaction, or was she setting them both up for heartache? It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Everything had been going so well that he just hadn’t considered the fact that the normal progression in that case was to move forward. To move into a real relationship, one with an expectation of a future.

There was no question that if he were even the slightest bit interested in such a future, Emma wouldn’t have had to push. He’d already have nailed her down with a commitment and ensured that she was just as interested in a future as he was. But he wasn’t. So he hadn’t anticipated.

Looking at her closely, trying to fathom all that was going on inside her gorgeous head, he decided he believed her. She hadn’t realized she’d been itching for more and had overreacted. The problem was, were they kidding themselves thinking that they weren’t heading for disaster?

They could keep saying they didn’t want anything complicated to develop all they wanted, that didn’t mean that they weren’t developing exactly that, just by being together. He was going to have to give it some thought, after his heart stopped racing. They’d fought, but it hadn’t turned ugly. No name calling, no screaming. Nothing like he’d had to listen to constantly, growing up. He pushed the thought away. His parents’ issues had no place here, nothing to do with his relationship with Emma.

He lifted her up. Right now, they both needed to eat. “Get your jacket. It might not be up to Mama’s standards, but we have a pretty decent Italian restaurant not too far from here.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her, one hand cupping her head, his nose buried in her hair.

“I’m sorry you were upset, baby.”

She squeezed him tight. “It’s okay. Not your fault. Thank you for listening and not overreacting. One of us in that state was enough.” She pulled back and offered him a wobbly smile.

Dropping a quick kiss on her nose, he let her loose to get her jacket. He found an umbrella in the coat closet and led her to the passenger side door of his truck, then ran around to his side. He tossed the umbrella in the backseat and slid in.

It was a quick drive despite the weather, and while they were quiet, it wasn’t uncomfortable. The parking lot was only half full, so he wasn’t worried about their lack of a reservation.

“Wait for me,” he ordered quietly, grabbing the umbrella. She did as he asked and he held the cover over her while she exited, then led her into the restaurant. It took only a few minutes to have them divested of their coats and seated in a warm booth.

He studied her while she read the menu. It hadn’t been as hard as she might imagine not to get pissed off earlier. Yeah, his first reaction had been anger. But he’d quickly seen her pain, which had been like a punch to his gut. The anger had slid away to concern, a need to know why she was hurting and how he could fix it.

He held back a sigh. They’d only known each other two months and in that time he’d been telling himself they were just having fun. But the truth was, he’d never had fun with anyone like this before, hadn’t realized how impossible it would be not to fall in deeper. How could he, when he’d never met anyone like her before? Her joy and enthusiasm, her sweetness with Toby, the way she responded to him, all of it was addictive, like a drug he hadn’t realized he needed to be wary of.

Her hand came into his line of sight, rested on his clenched fist. He looked over, saw she was watching him, concern and worry easily read on her face.

He turned his hand, linked his fingers with her.

“Sorry, baby. It’s nothing, I’m just realizing how much of an idiot I am.”

Regret flashed through her eyes but he stopped her before she could speak, then was interrupted by the waiter. They ordered and when the man left, he lifted her hand to his lips, pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“I’m not saying what we decided when we met was a mistake, because it made sense for us at the time. What I’m saying is, it was stupid of me not to realize pretty early on that it wasn’t going to fly for very long.”

“Well, if you’re an idiot, so am I. I swear, I haven’t been stewing about it or anything. As I said, it took me by surprise too.”

“I guess neither of us is used to this kind of thing, which is sort of the point.”

“You’re right. We’re just going to have to figure it out together as we go.”