Perfectly Broken (11 page)

I spent the entire day Sunday feeling a blend of nervousness and excitement about seeing Jordan again. Also, there was a great deal of irritation at myself for feeling so nervous and excited. It was a vicious cycle.

I stood in front of the mirror hanging on my closet door, frowning at my reflection as I tried not to see all the problems with my clothes. This wasn't me; all this worrying about what someone would think of my outfit. It was frustrating.

I grabbed my phone from my dresser and considered canceling on Jordan for the fifth time. I ran my fingers over the screen, opening up my texts and seeing the most recent one from him.

Looking forward to tonight. X

I started typing a message to tell him I wasn't feeling well when I heard a tap on my door. Kas poked her head in and paused, both eyebrows raised as she assessed me. "I was just coming to see how it was going."

"It's not. I'm not. This isn't me." I gestured to myself with the hand still holding my phone. "I'm not this girl."

Kas tilted her head, scrutinizing my shirt for a moment before heading to my closet. She rummaged as she spoke. "Then make it you, Lili. Don't make excuses. This is good. It's not like this will be a long term thing. I mean, you said the guy is leaving in a few days, right?"

I sat on the foot of my bed, watching her flip through my clothes. "He leaves Saturday. He'll be stationed in Hawaii. It doesn't matter, though. I don't date, Kas. You know that." She pulled out several pieces and tossed them behind me.

"This. With your black tights and your red heels," she said with a nod, obviously proud of her selection.

I glanced behind me at the outfit. My favorite black and red patterned tank with a black mesh off the shoulder shirt. She teamed it with the pleated black skirt I used for work, which was longer than a lot of my others.

I reached behind me and released the zipper of the short pink and black dress I was wearing, tossing it toward the pile of discards next to the bed. Then I pulled on the outfit Kas had laid out, examining it carefully. "This might actually work."

I grabbed the tights she recommended from my top drawer and sat down beside her again to pull them on under my skirt. Once I was dressed and in my heels, I dug through my jewelry, pulling out a pair of black angel wing earrings with a matching necklace. I turned to the mirror again as I put the jewelry on, surprised at how well it came together.

"See. Maybe it is you after all," Kas said as she leaned her head over my shoulder, meeting my eyes in the mirror. I took a deep breath, meaning to thank her but the door to my room burst open and Conner ran inside.

"Conner, knock first." I heard Zane's voice coming down the hall.

"Sorry," Conner said as he climbed onto my bed. He immediately started jumping and I turned, laughing.

Zane tapped his knuckles against my doorframe uselessly and gave Conner a disapproving look. "You know better than to go into someone's room without knocking." He turned to me, his mouth open to say something but he froze. His eyes traced my body from my face to my shoes and back again without a word. I felt locked in place by gaze, unable to look away. It was an intimate type of stare and I could feel his eyes almost as if it were his fingers on my skin. My face warmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

Kas cleared her throat and Zane's mouth snapped shut, his eyes releasing me as he looked over at her and then at Conner. Anywhere but me. "Oh. Umm… I was going to take Conner to get some food and he wanted to see if you were hungry."

"Lili has a date tonight," Kas teased. I turned, narrowing my eyes at her in a wordless plea for her to stop talking.

Zane nodded, his eyes still on Conner. "Right. Of course. What about you, Kas? I know Tish is at the shop working on his stuff for the convention. You want to join us?"

Kas shrugged, swatting me playfully on the backside. "Think you can manage without a meltdown now?" She watched me curiously, gauging my expression.

I glanced away from the door, unsure of what she saw on my face. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks." I cleared my throat and headed out of the room, squeezing past Zane without meeting his eyes. I stopped in the bathroom, leaving the door cracked as I worked on finishing my makeup. I could hear Kas and Zane's voices coming from down the hall but I couldn't make out their words.

After a few minutes, a soft knock sounded on the bathroom door and it pushed open as Conner poked his head in. "You look pretty, LeeLee," he said with a huge smile. I couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you, Boog." I leaned down to give him a hug as Zane stepped into the doorway.

He watched us for a moment and I avoided his eyes, turning back to the mirror as Conner darted out the door. "He's wrong, you know." I met Zane's eyes in the mirror, pausing with my eye shadow brush halfway to my face. "You look beautiful." He looked away, clearing his throat as he reached for the door handle. "Have a good evening."

He pulled the door shut behind him, leaving before I could find my voice.

I let Jordan open the door as he led me out of the casino and toward the cab line after dinner. It was a little over the top for me, having dinner at such a fancy restaurant, but
,
honestly, the conversation flowed easily between us.

"So, can I take you out for a drink?" Jordan asked, holding open the door of the cab. I smiled, nodding once as I climbed in and scooted across the seat to make room for him. "Shadows," he said to the driver as he slid beside me, stretching his arm to wrap around my shoulders. I stiffened momentarily before forcing myself to relax.

"Why Shadows?" I asked curiously, letting myself lean into his body.

He looked over at me before reaching across with his other hand, tracing his fingers lightly over mine where they rested in my lap. "It seemed appropriate. It's where we first met, after all."

I laughed. "Even though I barely remember it."

He chuckled, leaning his face close to my ear as he spoke. "I could never forget it."

I cleared my throat, letting him take my fingers between his as he held my hand, both of us quiet for the remainder of the ride.

As soon as he paid the driver, he led me into the bar and to a table near the back corner of the room. The same table I vaguely remembered him sitting at the night of Zane's birthday when I came here to escape.

As the drinks started coming, I noticed the same thing that always made me feel comfortable at Shadows. The crowd. It was, as always, full of people I knew or at the very least, the type of people I felt suited me best.

I spotted Amber prowling near the tiny dance floor and I considered asking Jordan to take me somewhere else. Amber and I had a history that included a few shared experiences where she was told, flat out
,
they would rather have a repeat with me than her any day. To say she held a grudge would be admitting that I gave a shit what she thought and I didn't.

But
,
Jordan wasn't the normal type of guy I'd be with at Shadows and if I wasn't careful, Amber would be the girl that could run him off. I didn't want him to leave. Did I?

"Should we expect any of your buddies tonight?" I asked Jordan, attempting to distract myself from that line of thinking.

Jordan shook his head, tipping back his drink before answering. "Nope. They were going to some girly show."
 

"Is that so? And you didn't want to join them?" I laughed. Going to the topless shows was such a typical guy thing to do.

"Not at all. Honestly, that's part of the reason I didn't want to come to Vegas on our leave."

His answer sparked my curiosity. "Then why come with them? Why not go home and see your family or something?"

Jordan's eyes locked on mine for a moment, a darker shade of blue than I remembered them being. He spoke evenly. "My dad was murdered when I was in high school and my mom killed herself the day I graduated."

I swallowed against the bile rising in my throat, my mind racing to find words. I knew I should say something
,
but what was I supposed to say? This was none of my business and I never should've asked about his family. I wouldn't answer any of his questions about my past earlier.

"I was an only child so I don't really have any family left to see. With exception to my crazy Aunt Bitsy who lives in Illinois, but there's no way I wanted to spend ten days with her." Jordan laughed, easing some of the tension between us as we moved to safer topics.

It was almost an hour later when Jordan whispered in my ear that he wanted to take me back to his hotel room. I was immediately on edge again at the thought. I wanted Jordan but hotel rooms, beds in general, weren't my first choice. It was too intimate. I preferred things a little more fun
.
I waved the waitress over to order another round, hoping to get Jordan drunk enough to see things my way.

I teased him while we waited, making a comment about beds being boring. When the drinks arrived, Jordan lifted his bottle in a toast. "Fine. To taking risks. Because 'freedom lies in being bold’.”

I tilted my head to the side, lifting an eyebrow at him as I lowered my glass without drinking. "Quoting Frost in a toast? Now you're boring and pretentious. God, I hope you're at least good in the sack." I smirked in challenge.

"I've never had any complaints."

I stifled a laugh. "You've never had me."

I raised my glass again. "May your life be easy… except when you want it to be hard."

Jordan laughed and raised his bottle, tapping the neck of it against my glass.

By the time he finished his beer, I could tell I had him. His words were slurring and I just had to find the right approach. "I have an idea." He raised his eyes to mine and I smiled coyly, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "The hall at the back. Second door on the right. Give me two minutes, then follow." I slid out of the booth without giving Jordan a chance to protest, heading toward the small ladies room. Another bonus of a bar this size was small bathrooms. Just enough room for what I needed.

I slipped in and left the door unlocked as I checked my reflection in the mirror. I stuffed my purse behind the faucet and fixed my hair. I was wiping away a few mascara smudges when Jordan stepped in behind me. He made quick work of the lock before he crushed his lips against mine.

The kisses were sloppy and so were our hands as we tugged at each other's clothing. I grabbed the small edge of the sink behind me and started to lift myself onto it. Jordan realized my intention and steadied me with his hands on my hips. His teeth caught my lip and tugged, earning him a hiss, the pleasure bordering on pain.

"Sorry." The word was muffled as he didn't pull his lips from mine.

I didn't say anything, I just reached between us to the button of his pants. I could feel his length straining against the closures as I expertly pulled him free.
 

"I can see why you've had no complaints." I bit down on his lip as I gripped him. I wouldn't have pegged him for being one of the larger I'd handled but I was looking forward to seeing what he could do with it.

He groaned and thrust into my hand, letting his jeans fall to the floor. His hands had moved to my thighs, pushing my skirt out of the way as he hooked my tights with his fingers and tugged them down. I lifted myself onto my hands to help as he fumbled a bit trying to remove the tights and my panties at once.

When he succeeded, his fingers slid straight to my core, running over the smooth skin as he let out a breath. "Fuck
,
I've wanted to do this since the moment I saw you. You're so fucking sexy." He slipped two fingers inside me and my head dropped back against the mirror, my hips bucking against his hand. He stepped closer and my own hand found his length again, more than ready after waiting two days for this.
 

He seemed to remember something and leaned back, removing his fingers as he tried to lift his foot to pull his jeans up without breaking my contact with his flesh.

When I realized what he was after, I almost laughed at the attempt. "Lesson one, always keep them within reach." I pulled a condom from its usual hiding place in my bra. He moaned appreciatively, his lips pressing against mine as I made quick work of the foil packaging.
 

I leaned forward enough to carefully cover him with the latex. As soon as my hand freed him, he had himself positioned against me. I wrapped my legs around his hips as he thrust roughly into me, filling me quickly. I dropped my head back again and locked my ankles behind him as he buried his face against my neck, rocking against me again and again. He was more aggressive when he was drunk, seeming much more like the type of guy I normally went after. Even through the haze of alcohol and pleasure, I realized how much I liked this side of him. Both sides of him, actually.

Just as I was about to slide a hand between us to help myself along, I felt his hand move from my hip and slide forward. I arched my back, the tip of him rubbing me just how I needed as his thumb pressed against the bundle of nerves at my core.

I rolled my hips against him and he groaned my name loudly in appreciation, pressing his thumb harder against me
.
I felt myself nearing the edge of the cliff. His other hand kneaded my backside and I closed my eyes against the impending release. I felt his breath against my neck as he moved up, grazing my ear with his teeth. That was exactly what I needed to finish. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, never stopping the movement of my hips as he followed right behind me.

"Fuck," Jordan whispered against my neck as we both struggled for breath. He kissed me, softly this time
,
and helped me down from the sink. I grabbed my tights and stuffed them in my purse before slipping my panties back in place. I glanced at Jordan as he buttoned his jeans, his blue eyes appraising my every move.

"Good idea?" I couldn't help the playful smirk that came along with my question.

"Hell yes." He grinned and nodded, leaning in to kiss me as he took my hand and led me back out to the bar.