Pink Butterfly (26 page)

“Tell the other nurses you’re doing something that needs to be sterile and they can’t come in for a while.”

“What if they ask me what I’m doing?”

“Good question. Make something up,” Jeff replied.

“Are you sure you want to have sex? I mean, I ripped that catheter out pretty hard.”

“I’m on a lot of pain medications, I can’t feel it anymore.”

“Can you get it up then? I mean if you can’t feel pain, what makes you think you can feel anything else?”

“Touché’,” Jeff replied in disappointment. He was facing the hottest nurse he ever could imagine, had the chance to fuck the shit out of her and wouldn’t be able to feel it. If he could even get an erection in the first place.

“Plus, you look pretty hideous with all those burns. Not exactly a turn on.”

“Yeah, and my hip is fucked, how can I hump you with a fucked up hip?”

“Well, maybe a rain check then?” Laurie asked.

“Will you still have that body?” Jeff asked.

“No, I can’t possess her too long, I’m sure she has a family.”

“Well, if I get better, could you find another hot chick and then fuck me?”

“Is all you want me for is sex?”

“Right now it is,” Jeff replied.

“You’re honesty is so touching,” Laurie replied.

“Can I at least see what you’re packing?” Jeff asked gesturing for Laurie to undress.

“You worked in a nude strip bar for almost two years and you still want to see a naked woman?”

“I could work as a soap dispenser in a woman’s gym shower eight hours a day and still want to see naked woman after work. Testosterone is a powerful hormone. It makes men very horny.”

“Fine,” Laurie replied and slipped off her scrubs, bra and panties. “How do I look?” she asked.

Jeff stared at her like he was a starving man at a hot dog stand. He almost began to drool a little. “You look incredible. Maybe we should give it a try just in case.”

Laurie looked down at Jeff’s limp penis and frowned. “It’s not working, you always got hard real fast.”

Disappointed, Jeff slammed his head back against his pillow and grit his teeth.

“For a man that narrowly escaped a club implosion, and a fight in a medical helicopter during a thunderstorm, you sure seem very unhappy about something as stupid as getting laid.”

“Getting laid is what life is all about,” Jeff snapped back staring at the wall.

“You don’t have much of a life then do you?”

“You better give that woman her body back, before the other staff walks in here and finds her naked by my bedside. No use in getting her fired.”

“That’s the most empathetic thing I’ve heard you say. It’s about time you started thinking about others instead of yourself.”

Jeff looked down at his limp penis and laid his head back on the pillow again. “Yeah, I should be pope.”

Laurie gathered her clothes and put them back on making sure she looked professional. “I’ll be going now,” she said. “See you some other time?” she asked.

Jeff looked over to the hot body he wanted to fuck so bad and replied, “Sure, some other time.” A second later, Jeff noticed the look on the face of the nurse change. She seemed confused and didn’t seem to know where she was. Feeling her boobs were out of sorts, she adjusted her bra and noticed Jeff watching her.

“Who are you?” she asked in a nasty gruff tone.

“Jeff Delgado, what’s your name?” he asked.

“Dawn Banaszynski RN B.S.N.,” she replied. “How did I get in here?” she asked.

“I was asleep, didn’t see you come in.”

Dawn looked at the floor and saw the Foley catheter lying on the floor still attached to the drain bag. “What happened to your catheter?” she asked.

“Fell out?” Jeff asked playing stupid.

“In twenty years, I’ve only seen that happen once. The nurse that put it in didn’t fill the balloon.”

“Maybe the nurse that put mine in forgot to fill the balloon as well.”

“I put in your catheter, I know I filled the balloon. I always fill the balloon.”

“Not a big deal, toss it in the trash and put in another one. Shit happens.”

Frustrated Dawn put on some unsterile gloves and picked the mess up off the floor and tossed it in the trash can. Jeff looked at her like she was one of the girls from the strip club and savored the memory of her hot naked body. Oddly, in her new bitch mode, she didn’t seem so hot anymore.

“Do you know when I’ll be getting out of here?” Jeff asked.

“You should be transferred from the ICU by tomorrow to a regular bed. You’re vitals are good and you’re not in much immediate danger anymore.”

“Your boyfriend must be a very lucky man having such a smart pretty girl like you,” Jeff said.

“I’m a lesbian, my girlfriend is very lucky.” she replied with a chuckle.

“Oh, before you go, can you tell me what happened to Melvin, the guy I was brought in with?”

“Sorry, hospital rules say I can’t give out any patient information.”

“Can you at least tell me if he’s in the hospital?”

“No, I’m sorry, it’s against the rules.”

“Ok, thanks anyway,” Jeff replied and smiled at his lesbian nurse. His erection was dead to the world now for sure.

Later that evening Jeff finished his hospital food and settled in for some reality television. It was a nice break from the turmoil of his life and a distraction. Then the news came on and a picture of Melvin shot across the screen. “Urgent news,” the newscaster stated in a phony yet aggressive tone. “An unidentified patient has escaped from the University Hospital after killing a surgeon and wounding three nurses. The man is in his mid to late thirties, brown hair, blue eyes and a chest that opens and decapitates heads.”

Jeff sipped on his tea and watched his step dad in a video clip from the hospital running down the hall in a hospital gown and socks. The video was blurry but Jeff could tell right away who it was by the way Melvin ran. The newscaster stated that anyone who sees this man should call the police and should not approach. Jeff concurred.

Feeling no desire or need to help, Jeff waited for the newscast to end so he could watch his show. Then the police stepped in his room.

“Jeff Delgado?” the first officer asked. She was a short frumpy woman with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

“Yes,” Jeff replied.

“We have some questions for you, are you in any condition to talk now?”

“My show’s about to start,” Jeff replied.

“This is important,” she stated in an authoritative condescending tone.

“Go ahead,” Jeff replied shaking his head in frustration.

“The man who came in the helicopter with you, do you know this man?”

“The one who’s running around on the streets?” Jeff laughed.

“This is no laughing manner, one doctor has been killed and three nurses seriously injured.”

“Yeah, that sucks,” Jeff said. “He’s my step dad.”

“What’s his name?” the officer asked with pen and pad in hand.

“Melvin Skankmeyer.”

“What can you tell us about Mr. Skankmeyer?”

“Well, he came back from hell during a botched exorcism and has been wreaking havoc ever since.”

“Hmmm,” the officer replied. “Do you know anything about his background?”

“Well, he was executed for killing a woman and her boyfriend he was stalking. That was about ten years ago.”

“When you say “executed” what do you mean?” the officer asked.

“The chair,” Jeff replied.

“This sounds a tad farfetched don’t you think? Maybe we should come back when your medications have worn off a bit.”

“That’s fine with me, I’d like to get back to my show, I think this is where they kick this guy off the show for stealing; not sure, I haven’t seen the last two weeks.”

The officer looked up at the television screen and watched for a second. “No, this is a compilation show of the first half of the season with a few extra behind the scenes shots tossed in. They won’t toss anyone out till next week.”

“Well, in that case I’ll get a chance to catch up on what I missed. You know, there’s a girl on this show with the nicest set of tits I’ve ever seen. She’s always walking around in a bikini top and I get a boner every time I watch.”

The officer looked down at her own chest and back up to Jeff. “Not nice to judge women by their breasts,” she said. The female officer behind her bobbed her head in agreement.

“I judge them by their ass as well, I don’t discriminate on tits alone.”

“It’s not nice to judge women on their body parts at all I meant,” the officer replied sternly pissed.

Jeff looked at the officer’s chest and stared for a moment, then looked to the officer behind and gave her a good once over. “What are you bitching about? You got a nice rack,” Jeff said, “and you too,” he commented to the woman in the rear.

“I’ve had enough of this conversation,” the officer stated. “Is there anything about your step father that could help us catch him?”

“I’d stay away from his chest, I saw him tear off a woman’s head, chew it up and spit it back out. It was disgusting.”

“That’s what he did to the doctor.”

“Do you think that’s weird? That a guy could open his chest and use it like a mouth?”

“I find that very disturbing,” the officer replied.

“It’s almost like he’s some sort of alien.” Jeff chewed his lip and thought about that for a moment. “An alien?” he asked rhetorically. “Now that I think about it, he always was an odd fuck, ever since I was a kid. Never knew what mom saw in him.”

“Is you’re mother still alive?” the officer asked.

“No, they found her head chewed up in the woods when I was sixteen. Never solved,” Jeff replied.

“Think maybe your step dad did it?”

“I don’t know, back then he used to wear long socks and gym shorts all the time, but I don’t think he was capable of murder.”

“Did you ever see him with his shirt off?”

“Oh yeah, we had a piece of shit plastic pool in our backyard and we used to swim there a lot. We weren’t allowed to go to the public pool. He said there were too many diseases and female fungal issues with the water.”

“You know they use chlorine to sanitize the pool right?”

“I was a kid, I didn’t know shit. All I knew was I had a pool in the backyard that no one pissed or shit in. At least not from our family. My mom had the fungus problems, but she wasn’t allowed in the pool.”

“How do you know she had fungus problems?” the officer asked.

“Melvin told me, he said she tasted like shit down there. Said she had mayonnaise dripping out of her crotch most of the time.”

“You’re step dad told you that?”

“He was a sick son of a bitch, but he kept a job and paid the bills.”

“Back to my question, when he had his shirt off, did you ever notice anything odd about his chest?”

“Yeah, he had a third nipple,” Jeff replied. “I think he was one of those twins that absorbed the other. He may have had a tail as well but I never saw him naked. Just noticed this odd bulge above his butt crack.”

“I don’t want to prompt you, but did he have a separation line running down his chest? Like from an open heart surgery?”

“He had lots of scars on his chest, said he had his appendix taken out, a hernia repaired and a bullet taken out from when he was shot by a friend on a hunting trip.”

“Did you believe him?”

“Fuck no, he never hunted a day in his life. I think he got knifed in a drug deal gone wrong. Too embarrassed to tell the family the truth.”

“What makes you think it was drug related?”

“He hid his stash in my room,” Jeff replied.

“How did he meet your mother?”

“In the park behind the bushes I think, for forty bucks.”

“Your mother was a prostitute?”

“No, she paid him. My momma is pretty gross looking.”

“Ok, so you never saw him open his chest?”

“Who does that? I think I’d remember.”

“Before he met your mother, do you know what he did or where he was from?”

“Yeah, he was in the Navy.”

“Ok, after you’re mother’s death, did you and he continue to have contact?”

“No, I lived with my grandma, he wasn’t interested in being a single parent. He was all about his cars, drugs and sex.”

“Ok, I think I have enough, if there’s anything else you can think of give me a call,” the officer said.

“Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do. Got to heal from these burns.”

“By the way, you look sort of familiar, have you had any run-ins with the law recently?” the officer asked.

“I have political immunity, granted asylum from the Republic of Labiastan. My record is of no concern to you. Have a nice day.”

“Labiastan? Where is that?” the officer asked.

“I don’t remember, but the embassy was pretty hot. It burned down; sucks.”

“Is there a record of your political immunity anywhere other than at the embassy that burned down?” the officer asked.

Freaking out, Jeff sipped on his tea and tried to ignore the officer.

“What exactly did you do that they granted you immunity for?” she asked.

“Show’s on, better get going, Melvin’s gonna chew somebody’s head off if you don’t catch him.”

“I’ll be checking your record Mr. Delgado, in the meantime, enjoy your tea.”

With that said, the two officers stepped out of the room and left Jeff to watch his reality television show. But there was a problem, without papers Jeff was basically screwed. As soon as the officers checked his record, they’d be back to arrest him for the murder of his ex-wife Laurie Delgado and her husband.

Nine minutes later two very official looking men stepped into Jeff’s room with briefcases and shiny shoes. They looked like lawyers. Jeff was not shocked since his life had become a cartoon and never really knew what was going to happen next. “Who are you two?” Jeff asked shifting his weight on the hard hospital mattress.

“We represent the Secretary of state from Labiastan. We have come to take you back home now that the embassy has been destroyed.”

“Awesome, now I don’t have to go to jail for murder, how did you know where I was?” Jeff asked.

“We watch the news,” the taller more important looking official stated.